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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:41:11 GMT -5
Angelo slowly lifts his hand up and it’s shown that he has a Twinkie. The fat chick smiles and jumps around as the front row people fall over and Jake is afraid. Angelo pulls out a string and ties the Twinkie to it. He lifts the metal bars of the forklift and ties to the string to it. He then starts backing up and the fat chick starts to run and try to get it. Jake is screaming and Angelo tries to backup to get to the backstage area. They finally get to the back and Jake is still stuck. Angelo backs up more then stops it. He runs to somewhere and two crew members come and pull Jake out. The chick has finished her Twinkie and Jake runs. The fat chick follows. Jake: Angelo where are you? ?: Jake…..join the dark side. Jake: Who the hell is tha---oh, its you Giovanni. ?: Giovanni? For I am Dark InVader! Now Jake Skywalker, join the dark side!! Jake Skywalker: No, for I shall not join the dark side! Dark InVader: But we get to wear black! Chicks dig the black, except for the fat chick she can’t see the color black. Camera turns to the fat chick who has not made it to them yet. Jake Skywalker: NO, NEVER! Dark InVader: But Jake, you’re making a big mistake The camera goes behind Dark Invader to reveal a lightsaber. Jake Skywalker: No……..Never! Dark InVader: Suit yourself kid! Dark InVader flicks the switch turning the light of the plastic lightsaber on and he swings as Jake. Dark InVader: Not so mighty now are we? Muwhahahahahahah Muwhahahahahahaha *evil from chat room* *evil from chat room* Jake reaches down for his lightsaber, but its not there. He runs and Dark InVader follows. Jake keeps running and running, till he gets closed in at a wall. Dark InVader: Destiny is waiting Mr. Skywalker. Dark swings and Jake does a front flip over Dark. Dark runs after him and Jake is seen getting on a motorcycle. Dark InVadar jumps on the one right next to it. But wait, wheres the fat chick? Oh well. Jake has already gotten a jump start but Dark InVader is catching up quickly. Dark is right behind Jake now and he starts to swing. He gets a hit in on the back of the bike and it swerves all over until he gets control. Just then a man is heard yelling and a lightsaber is seen flying through the sky into Jakes hands. Dark swings for the lightsaber but he can’t reach that far. He speeds up and goes to the side of the motorcycle. Jake swings but Dark blocks it. They continue to have a great lightsaber fight but on motorcycles. Just then Dark looks forward and turns to Jake. He quickly shoves his lightsaber right into Jakes wheel making it jam and stop immediately. Jake goes flying forward off of the bike and as he’s going all he sees………….is THE FAT CHICK! Jake: Ahhhhhh! He lands face first right into her then falls off. Jake: Owww Angelo then breaks and turns the bike like Fonzy then pulls on a leather jacket then does the thumb thing. Angelo: EYYYYY! ?: Hey! Hey you! HEY! That’s my thing! That’s my thing man! Crash. ?: Hey you stole my thing! H-H-Hey! Angelo: Henry Wrinkler? Henry: No! I’m….I’m…da Fonz! Eyyy Angelo: You didn’t even do it right! Henry: Don’t you tell me how to do it I did it the best since I was the only to do it! Now I think I should fight you! The now drunken Henry Wrinkler who has gotten some wrinkles of himself and grey hair takes the last drink of his beer then smashes the glass. Henry: Let’s go!! Angelo: Aren’t you only supposed to break half of the bottle so that you could stab with the sharp ends? Henry: Do…Do…Don’t correct me! Henry starts walking towards Angelo punching the air. He gets close to Angelo and swings, WIFF! Takes another swing, hmm is there a breeze in here? Takes another swing and, well STRIKE THREE, YER OUT! Angelo just stands there the whole time until he hears yelling and ducks. It was Jake going for a high running knee who fully connects on the original Fonz. He goes down hard. Jake: Wait, who the he-…that cant be. Is it? Did I just knock out the Fonz?!?!? Angelo is just like Whoa! Okay! . So he slowly turns around and walks away. Angelo sees the forklift nearby for some reason and wonders. He then sees a ladder going to a upper platform. Angelo: Hmmm
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:41:30 GMT -5
Angelo picks up a old smelly fish and throws it at Jakes head which slowly slides down his face leaving slime.
Jake: EWW!!
Jake chases Angelo who is already climbing the ladder. Angelo is at the top of the platform but Jake can’t see it’s a platform and to him it looks like an upper storage thing. Angelo makes it looks likes it that too. Angelo ducks and Jake is almost at the top. Jake gets up there and sprints. Angelo dives to the left and Jake goes flying off.
Jake: OH NOOOO!
Boom.
Angelo looks down at Jake who’s moving a little and trying to get up. Angelo then looks at the other side and tells the forklift guy to bring the fat chick up. She gets on and he hauls her up. The platform makes a loud creaking noise like it’s about to break. Angelo tells her to look down that way. She moves over and looks down at Jake.
Fat Chick: JAKIE!!
Angelo who is behind her smiles and jumps up. He dropkicks her in the back and she gets sent forward. She’s flying off the thing and towards Jake. Everything goes to slow motion. The camera turns to The Fat chick who’s smiling.
I BELIVE I CAN FLY! I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY.
The camera then turns to Jake who’s mouth is moving all over trying to make sound, and then in the slow motion.
Jake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Everthing speeds up and the Fat Chicks lands on him hard.
Angelo: OOOO-uch
Jakes legs are twitching but he is knocked out. He’s totally out of it.
Ref: 1….2….3……4….5….6…7…..8…..9……10
Ref: Okay get here off!!
Two men run with boating oars and shove them under her. They then push and push then finally push her off.
Philip: Here is your winner by knockout and still International Champion……..ANGELO GIOVANNI!
Angelo walks over and breaks some smelling salts infront of Jake’s nose. Jake gets up.
Angelo: Okay you know the part of the deal
Jake: Oh god no, did I lose?
Angelo: Yep.
Jake: NO! DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!
Angelo: It was part of the deal! Ten minutes later.
Jake: Stupid Angelo, making me go on a date with the Fat Chick.
Fat Chick: Oh hi Jakie!!
Jake shudders.
The fat chick sits down and reaches across the table and hugs Jake.
Jake: Noo! Don’t!
There is suddenly a sucking sound and Jake goes flying into the Fat Chicks fat.
Jake: Oh god!!! Get me out!
?: Hello
Jake: Who the hell are you?
?: James Caan.
Jake: AHHHHHHHHHH GET ME OUT!!!!!
Crew member: Code red, code red!
Three men run in with vacuums and start to try to suck Jake out.
Crew member: It’s taking the vacuums!!
They get more vacuums and are able to suck him out. Then a firemen runs over and puts a blanket around him.
Jake: So…….cold.
Angelo: I think we all know what this means!
Jake: Indeed
Jake gets up
Jake and Angelo: KABANE KABANE! Oh baby when she moves, she moves. I job to the guys just so they can pin me, OOOOOOOH RIDLEY! KABANE KABANE! I take drugs to get me high to get me high. But Rena still wont fuck me. OOH OOH baby KABANE!
And on that musical and totally odd note, the show cuts to a commercial.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:42:38 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part XI (Credit: Hunter)
LATINO MAKES HIS WAY THROUGH ANOTHER ROOM, AND FINALLY ARRIVES AT THE AREA STORING METAL GEAR…
Latino walks down the hallway, then rapidly stops. In front of him is what he has been searching for. Metal Gear. He looks up at the gargantuan shape of Metal Gear, then reaches its head. He looks at the head and raises an eyebrow.
Latino: …qué?
Metal Gear’s head is in the shape of a rabbit. Latino walks closer and reads one of the signs pasted on Metal Gear. It clearly reads, “Metal Gear Floppy.” Latino shrugs, and then starts walking up the stairs carefully. There isn’t a soul around, and this makes him rather nervous.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
BK: Latino, it’s me.
Latino: Ah, qué pasa, chico?
BK: They’ve finished making Metal Gear. It’s about to launch. Where are you?
Latino: I’m looking at Metal Gear. But, es raro…
BK: What?
Latino: There’s no one here. Es muy quiet.
BK: Well, that is weird. Anyway, as you know, you’ll have to try to deactivate Metal Gear. Look in your left pocket. There’s an override disk there.
Latino: Qué? Where’d this come from?
BK: I put in your pocket earlier.
Latino: Why didn’t you tell me about it?
BK: I don’t know. This way adds intrigue.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino sighs and continues up the stairs. Once he is on the second floor of the building, he is interrupted once again.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino: …qué?
BK: Latino…I found out about Floppy. They fire the nuclear warhead from the rail gun. It doesn’t run on fuel, so it’s technically not a missile, so it doesn’t break any treaties.
Latino: That’s smart.
BK: It’s also a stealth weapon. Man, Latino, you’ve gotta stop it!
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino continues up the stairs, then finally reaches the top floor. He looks across the hall and sees a large control room. He walks closer to it and stands in front of the door. In the room, he can hear Elias Ocelot and Liquid RDK talking.
Elias: We can launch any time, boss.
RDK: Well, brudah, no one’s given into our demands. We’ll have to shows these jabronis we mean business.
Elias: What are we firing at?
RDK: Lopnor, China. It’s a nuclear test site, so they’ll know that Liquidmania isn’t shitting with them.
Elias: Are all the loose ends tied up?
RDK: Yes. In our demands will be one billion dollars, Big Boss’ DNA, and a vaccine for FoxDie.
Latino: FoxDie?
RDK: No, forget about everything else. This is all for our fellow brudah…Big Boss.
Elias: You’re not saying…
RDK: This place…call it…“Outer Heaven.”
Evil jabroni laugh. Elias and RDK turn and make their way out of the room. Latino quickly stumbles up and climbs up above their room. They leave, and he hops back into the room.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
BK: Okay, Latino, now take that card key and put it in the computers. The first one requires the key to be normal. The second one you have to heat up, and the third one must be ice cold.
Latino: …sí?
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino inserts the card into the first computer.
Computer: Code 1 Confirmed.
He then lights a match and places it under the card. Suddenly, it erupts into flames.
Latino: SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!
He quickly blows the flame out and inserts the key.
Computer: Code 2 Confirmed.
Latino looks around the room, then finds a mini fridge. He opens the fridge and throws the key into the freezer portion. After a few minutes, he takes it out. He looks back into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of tequila, then guzzles it down. He wipes his mouth and finally inserts the final key.
Computer: Code 3 Confirmed. Read for launch…
Latino: QUÉ?!?
Latino quickly runs outside and sees RDK about to climb into the cockpit of Metal Gear Floppy.
Latino: LIQUID!!!
RDK: Ha. You’re such a jabroni. We actually made you all think you could override Metal Gear. Do you think we’d be that stupid? Brudah, we NEEDED that key. And you helped us activate Metal Gear!
Latino: QUÉ?!?
RDK (singing): OH I AM SO EVIL, I’VE BEEN THAT WAY SINCE BIRTH! AND IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I’M NOW GONNA DESTROY THE EARTH! OoOoOoOoOoOoOoH YEAH!
RDK hops into the cockpit. Latino quickly points his gun at him.
RDK: You’d point your gun at your own brudah?
Latino: No es possible. You can’t be my brother!
RDK: Oh, but we are brudahs. We were both made from our father’s genes…Big Boss’ genes. You got all the good genes, and I got all the flawed ones!!! MY FATHER BETRAYED ME!!!
Latino: So, I was the favorite?
RDK: Huh. It appears so. Now I will get the remains of Big Boss and enact TOTAL LIQUIDMANIA REVENGE!!! DO NOT CROSS THE LIQUID MAN, RDK!!!
Latino: Por qué? Why are you doing all of this?
RDK: I want to kill you. I will prove I am the superior one. I will kill my father, and I will prove that I am NOT A JABRONI!!!
Latino: You want to be immortal. Why?
RDK: TO LIVE FOREVER BRUDAH!!!
RDK activates Metal Gear Floppy. They are all taken to an enormous empty room. Floppy begins to move and fire at Latino. Latino quickly rolls out of the way and stares up at the monstrosity before him.
RDK: Now…TIME TO DIE!!!
Fade Out
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:44:24 GMT -5
Match 8: Who's Your Daddy Match Fallen Souls vs. BK London – ACW Light Heavyweight Title Match
The last match on tonight’s bizarre card doesn’t sound like the most promising, but then with ACW one should never judge by appearances. Philip comes back to the ring, quietly glad to be reaching the end of his shift.
Philip: Tonight’s main event is the first ever “Who’s your Daddy?” match. There are no countouts, disqualifications, pinfalls or submissions; the only way to win is to ask the question “Who’s the Daddy?” and receive the answer “You’re the Daddy” in return from your opponent. This match is also for the ACW Light Heavyweight Title…. so, please welcome first, from Seoul, Korea, the Challenger – he is part of the Senatorial Stable, he is FSX – FallenSouls!
”Boldly Going Nowhere” blazes through the arena, and FSX gets a big cheer as he comes to the ring, surprising even him. He gets into the ring and waits patiently for his opponent, and after a few moments “Diamonds” has the crowd making even more noise.
Philip: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York….. the current ACW Light Heavyweight Champion, BK London!
BK walks out, and the crowd forgoes its normal booing to give him a stupendous welcome. A few marks can be clearly seen on BK following his battle with The Ravaged, and the fans show their appreciation for his efforts on their behalf; this makes BK look very pleased, but he conceals this quickly and slips back into his usual role. He holds up the Light Heavyweight belt and taunts FSX with it; FSX just looks at the belt and smiles, hunger burning brightly in his eyes.
Bell rings.
FSX and BK circle a little, before locking up; FSX gets the best of it and knees BK several times until he is forced to break the hold entirely. BK though quickly recovers and makes a sudden dash forward, knocking FSX over; FSX kips up only to be knocked over by BK again on the rebound. BK goes for the leg drop, but FSX rolls out of the way and lands a stinging kick to BK’s ribs as he gets up; the crowd cheers the enthusiastic display, and FSX pulls off a Soul Digger.
FSX: Who’s the Daddy, BK?
BK just glares, and in response delivers a sequence of punches, left – right – left, which make FSX stagger. BK gets behind him and hits his Waffle Face; FSX rolls over clutching his head, and BK puts his foot on his opponent’s throat and presses.
BK: Who’s the daddy now? Tell me!
FSX’s hand shoot up and grab BK around the calf; he forces BK’s foot up and gets back on his feet still holding on to his opponent’s limb, whereupon he delivers a dropkick with both feet, pulling BK toward him for maximum impact. BK’s head jars back, and FSX gets up and stalks around his foe, watching as BK fights his way back up to a standing position. Then, with a smirk, FSX grasps BK and runs to the edge of the ring, throwing him roughly to the outside. There’s a thump as BK lands, and FSX signals for the Frozen motion to the outside. He takes a run up, but as he leaps into the lionsault variation, BK pops up with a chair in hand, and wallops FSX as he falls. The audience cries out, and BK smiles with satisfaction as FSX struggles to get on to his hands and knees. BK grasps his head, and pulls it up.
BK: Who’s…the…Daddy?
FSX really isn’t with it at all, but he shakes his head. BK drops him and goes to pick up the chair again….but then sees something sticking out from under the ring. He goes to see if it’s of any interest, and is amazed at what he discovers.
The chest is made of a rich, vivid brown wood; it has intricate designs carved into all the side panels and the lid, of hundreds of creatures, real and imagined. A piece of paper has been tucked into the top, and BK pulls it out and reads it.
“AK’s BOX OF TRICKS. MAXIMUM STRENGTH, STRICTLY NON – KAYFABE. USE AT YOUR OWN CONSIDERABLE RISK.”
BK’s curiosity easily gets the better of him, and he opens the box eagerly. The camera can’t see into it, but BK can, and he rummages around, pulling out the first thing that comes to hand.
BK: Playing cards? Bah.
He tosses them aside, and then grins widely; he pulls out an ornate sword, of the kind that magicians use for their grander illusions. FSX, who is just getting his head straight, sees this and looks around for something to defend himself with, but there is nothing obvious to hand. BK smiles, and approaches slowly.
BK: Come on FSX, I don’t want to blade you if I don’t have to.
FSX realizes he has nowhere to back away to. There is only one thing within his reach, and he grabs it – the box of cards. He pulls one out and cocks his hand, ready to throw it. BK snorts, and raises the sword; FSX throws the card more out of desperation than anything else. It flies through the air with surprising speed, and then connects with the metal of the sword blade…. and cuts right through the weapon, narrowly missing BK’s ear. It embeds itself in the ring post, and BK’s jaw slackens for a moment…..
BK: Oh, crap!
He drops the blade and dives around the side of the ring as more cards come his way, slicing the air and getting stuck on the barriers, the floor, whatever they hit first. FSX gives chase, and BK realizes that his only chance is to run all the way around and try to grab something else from the chest. FSX has almost exhausted his supply as BK gets back to where he started; he pulls out a length of magician’s handkerchiefs, and throws them at FSX. The effect is immediate; the cloth just keeps coming, and wraps itself around FSX, pinning his arms to his body. Only when FSX is properly bundled up do the handkerchiefs stop, and BK is all smiles once again. FSX is careful to conceal his one remaining card, with which he is slowly cutting himself free of the bonds, as BK moves to the chest and pulls out a silk top hat.
BK: Heh, I’ve seen tricks like these. Behold, the agent of your downfall!
He reaches into the hat and pulls out… a white rabbit. All the ladies and youngsters immediately cry “awwwwwwww!”, and BK frowns, putting it down on the floor.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:45:04 GMT -5
BK: Just warming up. Behold! Etc, etc.
He reaches in once more, and produces another rabbit. This time the audience laughs. BK keeps trying, producing more and more rabbits, until there are about 10 of them hopping around at ringside.
BK: Doesn’t this stupid hat do anything other than useless rabbits?
He reaches into the hat one more time.
??: Who are you calling useless?
BK stares for a second, and then screams and drops Mr. Floppy, who looks rather annoyed by the whole thing. At the same moment FSX gets free, and spears BK thankfully away from all the bunnies. BK drops the hat in the process, and even more rabbits start to emerge unbidden and unnoticed by the warring pair.
In the process of their fighting, BK and FSX don’t see that they’ve knocked the chest over. There’s a big puff of smoke, and the lights flash on and off; BK is nailing a London – Plex on to FSX when he sees that something large has appeared in the centre of the ring… or rather, two large things. They look like the cabinets used in the famous disappearing person trick, and as FSX notices them, he takes BK unawares with a DDT and rolls back into the ring. With an angry BK coming after him, FSX wrenches open one of the cupboard doors and jumps in, pulling it shut behind him. Almost at once, BK opens it again – but FSX is gone.
Confused, BK knocks on the back of the cabinet to see if it’s solid. As he’s doing this, the other cabinet door opens, and FSX jumps out. He sneaks up on BK, taps him on the shoulder, and then hits him when he turns around.
FSX: Who’s the daddy? I know you know the answer!
BK makes a grab for FSX, who dashes back into the second cabinet. Again, when BK chases him, FSX is gone, and even as BK has the second door open, FSX sticks his head out of the first.
FSX: Who’s the-
BK rushes at him and FSX slams the door. Almost instantaneously, he appears in the other cabinet again.
FSX: - Daddy?
BK yells with frustration; he goes after FSX again, and this time when the cabinet is empty, he jumps in and closes the door himself. It’s pitch black and quiet, and after a few seconds BK opens the door…
He steps out into a steamy room; it has a tiled floor. Only when Rena walks around the corner wearing a towel does he work out where he is.
Rena: BK!!! GET OUT OF HERE! THAT’S THE SECOND TIME TONIGHT, ASSHOLE!
BK tries to respond, but get struck from behind by FSX; the pair grapple their way back into the shower cubicle from which they’ve come and close the door. Everything goes dark again for a couple of seconds, and then they burst out into another room. BK slugs FSX across the face; FSX is about to respond, but then stops dead.
FSX: Oh, fuck.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:46:05 GMT -5
BK slowly turns his head. The pair of them are in a room lit by flickering candles, opulently decorated. On an ornate, high backed chair sits a muscled figure, his eyes like pools of pure malice. Around him are several guards in black with purple bandanas, and armed to the teeth.
BK: Uhh… wrong story, sorry. We’ll be leaving now.
Drakul barely even gets the word “kill” out before BK and FSX dash back into the closet they’ve emerged from; the closet seems to go on like a dark tunnel, and then suddenly the pair fall, seemingly forever, until –
BANG. They hit metal; FSX takes the chance to give BK a kick – and then practically topples off the moving vehicle on to the dusty Alabama road.
Heather: Oh god, it must be him again! Swerve, get him off!
BK and FSX cling on to the car with their bare hands as Joshua throws it around; the pair of them yell out, but it’s no use and they lose their grip, plummeting toward the black asphalt….
Their landing, however, couldn’t be more different; rose petals are thrown up as they land on an extensive bedspread, in a room filled with sunlight. A man and a woman are lying at the other end, wearing very little at all, and the fans recognize Thor by his rippling frame and fair hair. They recognize Ishizu by the fact that she’s not bothering to conceal her nine silver tails, which almost glitter in the light.
Ishizu: Oh, Thor…. you can hit me with your hammer any eon, my dear.
The sound of FSX and BK rustling the bedcovers as they try to retreat without being seen gives them away. Thor looks, well, thunderous when he sees the intruders; Ishizu merely looks amused.
Thor: What is the meaning of this? BE GONE FROM MY HALLS!
Ishizu: Oh, Thor darling, don’t be so rude to our guests. I can quite easily handle the three of you, if you catch my drift…..
FSX pauses for a second, struck like most men by the kami’s exceptional beauty. BK, however, keeps his head and pulls FSX away.
BK: Um, perhaps some other time, excuse us.
BK has spotted the white wardrobe in the corner of the room; he and FSX get into it, and close the door.
FSX: Were they…?
BK: Why wouldn’t they? Gods have needs like everyone else, I suppose. Listen, if we want to get back to the arena, I think we have to concentrate on it. Otherwise we’ll just end up lost in parallel storylines for ever.
FSX: Sounds reasonable. On the count of three….
The pair take a deep breath, and then push their way out of the confined space. There’s a cheer as they reappear, each from different cabinets; BK jumps straight out of the ring, wades through the sea of bunnies now flooding ringside, and rights the chest.
BK: Right, I’ve had enough. There’s got to be something in here that’s good for a grand finale….
He digs deep, almost disappearing inside the chest, and pulls out a black velvet bag. Attached to it is a note reading “NOT TO BE USED. EVER. AT ALL.” BK tears this off, and pulls out the contents of the bag. The item in his hand is familiar, but he can’t quite place it; it’s made of a gold metal, and is some kind of musical instrument. It twists along its length, getting wider, until it ends in the gaping jaws of a fierce looking creature. FSX looks at it, and suddenly realizes what he’s looking at.
FSX: BK! NO! NOT THAT-
It’s too late. BK places the horn to his lips, and blows as hard as he can; its sound is incredibly loud and harsh, like the roar of some long dead leviathan.
Or perhaps a creature that never existed at all….
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:46:54 GMT -5
Nothing happens for quite a few seconds, so that even FSX starts to think that he’s over – reacted. But then there’s a very loud bang, coming from above; and as the incredulous crowd looks upward, the ceiling itself starts to buckle. Pieces of masonry start to fall, and wisely the crowd is already well on its way to the back of the arena when it gives way entirely.
For a second there is a view of the sky above, evening stars glimmering, and then a HUGE shape drops through the hole, and hovers in the space above the ring. At least 25 feet in length, smoke curls around its black lips and nostrils, and burning red eyes gaze down upon its summoner. BK looks back up at the midnight - colored dragon, first in awe, and then with a grin.
BK: You…. dragon…. grab him!
BK points at FSX; the dragon looks at him and then roars, and belches a fireball at the pair of them. It blasts a hole in the wall, and FSX slaps BK across the face.
FSX: You can’t just control something like that, BK! What are we going to do?
The dragon roars again, and swoops at the two men; BK feels its talons scrape his back as he dives for cover. He looks at the chest.
BK: There might be something in there, something to send it away….
FSX is already ahead of him.
FSX: Or something to fight it with. Truce, until we get this sorted out?
BK nods. He watches the dragon, and then jumps up waving his arms.
BK: Over here, you overgrown lizard!
FSX is quietly impressed as BK makes a run for it, drawing the creature away from the ring. He scrambles to the chest, pushing rabbits aside, and pulls a lot of things out, but none look like they’re capable of stopping a fire breathing killing machine. Fatigued, FSX looks at the hordes of bunnies.
FSX: Any bright ideas?
There’s movement close to the ring, and Mr. Floppy comes out from his hiding place.
Floppy: That’s an ancient kind of creature…. but you might find a modern equivalent outdoes it. Think about the myths you loved when you were young and imaginative.
FSX is uncertain what Mr. Floppy means, but he closes his eyes, reaches into the chest, and hopes against hope for an answer. When he takes his hand out, it takes him a few seconds to work out what he’s holding, and then it hits him, and he smiles. BK’s yelling is getting more frantic, and the crowd has moved entirely outside to watch through the broken wall; FSX holds up the instrument in his hand, and blows through it just as BK did with the arcane flute. This time, the tune is crystal clear, bright, and powerful, seven notes that all the young adults and older teenagers remember from Saturday morning tv….
BK has reached a dead end; trapped in a corner, he has nowhere left to run. The scaly nightmare lands, blocking his path, and shrouding him in shadow…. and then there’s a faint, rhythmic thump, thump, THUMP, getting louder and louder. Someone in the crowd outside shouts and points, and the fans are cheering even as they part, rushing out of the way of the metal beast approaching…
FSX gets up on to the turnbuckle of the ring facing the far wall, and shades his eyes from dust as it is brought down. The black dragon looks up, roars – and finds itself overshadowed by its own image, wrought in green and silver. The Dragonzord looks back, its computers waiting for instructions.
FSX: Dragonzord! Get rid of the big black monster in front of you! And I don’t mean BK, got it?
The dragonzord makes one of those comical poses only possible by someone imitating a robot’s movements inside a foam rubber and plastic suit, and punches the dragon, which flies back across the arena, missing FSX’s head by inches, and hits the opposite wall where it crumples to the ground. The entire place is wrecked, but this is the least of FSX’s worries as he sees BK starting to climb up the Dragonzord’s frame.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:47:24 GMT -5
FSX: The bastard! He’s trying to take direct control… all right, time to finish this match!
FSX rushes over to the mighty robot and starts to climb; the Zord goes on autopilot and steps out of the rubble of the semi – demolished arena, awaiting further instructions. The audience fans out and sits on the roofs of the cars in the lot, watching as BK and FSX approach the top of the Zord’s head…
The ACW helicopter is scrambled by the production team, and the audience at home gets a bird’s eye view of the action. BK makes it to the top and starts looking for the entrance hatch for the cockpit, but FSX has caught up to him and kicks him away. The fans roar and cheer, seemingly thrilled by this most barmy of battles; the pair slam and suplex one another all over the perilously slippery head, until at last BK forces FSX to the edge and tries to push him off. FSX grabs on to the ridge of the Zord’s head, and BK places his foot on FSX’s fingers.
BK: It’s over. Who’s the daddy, FSX?
FSX looks away; the words form a bad taste in his mouth.
FSX:…….You’re….
BK leans forward, eager to hear the rest.
FSX:….HISTORY! Dragonzord, bow!
The dragon bot lowers its head respectfully; BK, already leaning forward, has no way to steady himself, and the fans scream as he falls.
FSX: Catch him!
The zord holds out a stubby arm, and succeeds in catching BK, who nevertheless takes a hard landing. At FSX’s instruction, the Dragonzord closes its fingers, trapping BK in place. FSX shimmies down the body and walks along the arm until he’s standing above BK.
FSX:…Who’s the daddy, BK?
BK says nothing.
FSX: You can’t kick out of this one, London. One more time: Who’s…the…daddy?
BK is silent for a long, long time, but the ACW helicopter comes in close to pick up the fateful words.
BK:…….You’re the Daddy, FSX. Take the damn belt and have this thing put me down.
FSX beams, and gives the dragonzord a pat. The pair of them are lowered to the ground, and Philip comes staggering out of the half – destroyed arena, to make the announcement.
Philip: Bloody hell, what a fight! The winner, and NEW ACW Lightweight Champion…. FSX!
The crowd cheers as FSX accepts the belt from the referee. Even Dragonzord roars its approval, but the celebrations prove to be short lived…
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:47:52 GMT -5
As FSX is showing off his belt, there is a sudden roar from inside the arena, and a blast of fire comes screaming out, striking the dragonzord full in the chest. The explosions are spectacular, and everyone dives for cover as pieces rain down.
??: My, my, I do like a good fireworks display. You are already bowing to me? How perceptive of you.
The revived black dragon stalks out of the wrecked building; riding on its shoulders is the equally black – clad AK-47. She laughs as she surveys the panicking crowd, but then an explosive of some kind rocks the ground close by, and the dragon rears up.
Yoko: I’d expected something less clichéd.
Yoko, Ginger and Latino are all approaching from within the building, tooled up with rocket launchers, flamethrowers and other tasty bits of kit. AK-47 looks down her nose at them.
AK-47: You desire a battle? As you wish.
The air seems to shimmer, as if the matter of the universe is arranging itself in a different order to normal, and then the mods are surrounded by a throng of what looks like armed skeletons.
AK-47: THAT, I think you’ll find, is cliché. Kill them.
The horde attacks with silent screams; the mods manage to hold their own, but the line is constantly replenishing itself.
Latino: We can’t get through, esse! What are we going to-
??: CHHHAAAAAAARRRGE!
The top of Latino’s head is brushed by a huge, furry paw; Richard Parker soars over the heads of the whole group, carrying Gooey and AK with him. He growls fiercely as he lands; the dragon hisses.
AK-47: Did someone send us back to the 80’s? If you want me, great heroes, come and get me!
The dragon takes off, and heads for the roof. Richard Parker tenses to start the climb after them, but the AK drops off of his back.
Gooey: Where are you going?
AK: It’s no good me trying to fight myself, my clone knows all my strengths and weaknesses. Just stay alive long enough for her to get angry, and then turn her own abilities against her. Richard Parker, go!
Gooey doesn’t have time to ask for clarification on AK’s advice; Richard Parker is charging up the broken wall, from spur to spur, climbing ever upward. Below them, AK brings her own sword to bear on the skeletons, and starts to fight her way toward her collegues; Richard Parker arrives on the roof, and Gooey slides off of his back. Waiting for him, also dismounted, is the clone, with her arms folded. Gooey raises his sword.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:48:21 GMT -5
AK-47: DO you think that will hurt me? Come and try it.
Believing in the sword, Gooey charges his foe; he swings, but the sword clatters off of an invisible barrier. In the background, Richard Parker and the dragon are fighting too, and Gooey realizes that he doesn’t have much time.
Gooey: All right…. your turn. See if you can best me, fake.
The clone’s face flushes with anger. She raises her hand and sends out a shockwave, but Gooey holds his sword up, and it is deflected away. Becoming more and more agitated, AK – 47 batters at Gooey, mentally and physically, but Gooey simply protects himself; he does not try to fight, and the stalemate infuriates the clone even more. Gooey starts to get a twinkling of an idea…
Gooey: That’s it? Some improvement you are…. you’re a phony!
AK-47: I am NOT! How DARE you!?
Gooey: Faker, faker, faker…..
AK-47: AAAGHH! INSOLENT FLEA, I SHALL SHOW YOU HOW REAL I AM!
He holds her hand up in front of her face, and a square of light appears. On it are a list of names, and she points to Gooey’s.
AK-47: Behold! I am about to delete your account, permanently!
Gooey: My what?
AK-47: Your account. Your very existence here is about to cease… say goodbye!
The shining screen flickers, and Gooey suddenly realizes that the clone isn’t looking directly at him – she can’t see with the window in place. He pulls back his hand, and with all his strength, throws his sword straight at the list. There’s a crunching sound, and then silence; Slowly, Gooey moves around, until he can see past the floating window.
He’s placed the sword right through the clone’s neck; she looks at him, astounded.
AK-47: Impossible…
Gooey: Not for He Man.
In a stream of sparks, the clone dissolves, flowing away into the ether; her creations dissolve with her, and the dragon, deciding that it’s been mauled enough for one day, takes flight and disappears into the night sky. Richard Parker purrs, and collects Gooey to take him back to the ground. Everyone cheers.
AK: Great Job, He – Man. And Battle Cat, of course.
Gooey: Oh, shucks. And I was just expecting a cameo….
Ginger: Well, that’s that taken care of. What next?
Latino: I want to see if I survive Hunter’s epic, man!
AK: Me too. Someone roll the tape……
Everyone settles down, and the scene fades into the final part of Hunter’s story…..
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:48:57 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part XII (Credit: Hunter)
RDK quickly moves Floppy towards Latino. Latino fires bullets at it, but it is of no use. RDK raises Floppy’s leg then attempts to step down on Latino. Suddenly, the foot stops and begins to hover midair. Latino looks ahead of him and sees the Ninja. He is holding up the leg of Floppy.
Latino: Ninja? So you are-
Ninja: That’s not important right now. It’s a name from long ago, but it’s better than Deepthroat. Quickly, move out of the way. I will save you…
Latino quickly runs out of the way and watches as the Ninja pushes Floppy away. Floppy starts firing a machine gun at him.
Ninja: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The ninja runs away and runs straight into a wall. This, however, protects him from getting hit by a bullet. He reaches for his sword and pulls it out, but it flies off and hits Floppy directly in the radome, its weakest area.
Latino: Wow…he weakened it.
The Ninja tries to grab the sword, though it’s stuck in the radome. He reaches forward and somehow fires off a few shots from his arm cannon, which also hit the radome. Floppy starts exploding, and in fear, the Ninja runs away and hides behind a storage crate. Latino joins him there.
Latino: Why are you doing this?
Ninja: Because long ago, you did something for me. I’m repaying the debt.
RDK: COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE, BRUDAHS!!!
Floppy suddenly appears above them.
RDK: I WILL DESTROY YOU JABRONIS!!! DO NOT FUCK WITH LIQUIDMANIA!!!
Ninja: Here’s a final present from me. I’ll stop it from moving.
The Ninja runs at Floppy and starts firing. He leaps into the air, but Floppy procures a large laser sword and chops off the Ninja’s arm. The Ninja quickly lands on a ledge above Latino.
Ninja: AHHHH! THAS NOT COOL!!!
Floppy moves forward and quickly slams its arm into the Ninja, crushing him between the arm and the wall.
RDK: Latino, are you going to just sit by and watch him DIE?
Latino: Sí, why not?
RDK: Er…
The Ninja raises its arm cannon and suddenly fires some shots at the radome. The radome is destroyed, and the cockpit opens. RDK stands up and smiles.
RDK: Impressive, my ninja brudah.
Ninja: Uh…Latino…quickly…fire your missile launcher…kill us both…end it…QUICKLY…
Latino take out the missile launcher and aims.
Latino: I…I…I can’t!
Ninja: Do it…forget about me!
Latino: No, seriously, I can’t. I pull the trigger but nothing happens.
Latino starts hitting the missile launcher again and again. Suddenly, Floppy drags Ninja off the ledge and watches him drop to the ground. He then steps on him. The Ninja is slowly getting crushed under the weight.
RDK (singing): HOW LONG CAN HE LIVE, JUST SAY YOUR LAST GOODBYE! I’M GETTING REALLY IMPATIENT, SO WATCH THE JABRONI DIE!
Ninja: Latino…we’re not tools of the government or anyone else…fighting was the only thing I was good at…at least I fought for what I believed in…Latino…CONTINUE THE REVOLUTION!!!
And with that, all of the weight of Floppy’s foot comes crashing down on the Ninja, killing him for good. Latino uses the distraction to his advantage, then quickly aims the missile launcher directly at the cockpit and successfully fires.
RDK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Floppy blows up in a hail of fire. The explosion throws Latino against the wall, knocking him unconscious.
Fade Out
Fade In.
Latino slowly opens his eyes and looks around. He sees that he lying on top of Metal Gear Floppy’s head, though it is inactive. RDK stands on top of the head as well. Latino looks down at himself and sees that he is shirtless.
Latino: HEY CHICO!!! GIVE ME MY SHIRT BACK!!!
RDK: Sleeping late as usual, eh brudah?
Latino: Damn…you’re still alive…
RDK: I can’t die as long as you’re alive.
Latino: Too bad.
RDK: Can you believe that there were six others? Six other children, brudah. But they were sacrificed to make us. We were killers before we were even born.
Latino: …
RDK: The genome soldiers…it’s so ironic that all of this time you’ve been killing your siblings…
Latino: Qué?
RDK: The genome soldiers were all made from Big Boss’ DNA. Now, look behind you.
Latino turns and sees AK’s unconscious body.
Latino: KITSUNE! Is she alive?
RDK: She was alive a few hours ago. I still think she is now.
Latino: What’s going to happen now?
RDK: Ask your precious colonel.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino: Colonel, what’s going on!
Yoko: Latino, the government knows that Metal Gear has been destroyed. They know there is no threat now. They’re sending a group of planes over there.
Latino: Por qué?
Yoko: To bomb the place. They want to get rid of all of the evidence that this ever happened.
Latino: QUÉ?
Yoko: I’m still technically in control of this mission. I can buy you some time. Hurry up, Latino. Get out of there by any means necessary! Hey…what?
Latino: Yoko?
?: No.
Latino: Who is this?
Houseman: I am the Secretary of Defense, Jim Houseman. I have taken over this operation. Colonel Campbell has been relieved of duty.
Latino: You can’t do that!
Houseman: It is the president’s direct order that we destroy that island immediately.
Latino: How can you cover up the bombing of Alaska?
Houseman: We’ll just say that the terrorist blew everything up accidentally.
Latino: You bastards.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
RDK walks over to Latino and unties him.
RDK: Now we will fight. For the girl’s life. For our lives. Are you-
Latino quickly punches RDK in the mouth, then kicks him off Floppy’s head.
RDK: SNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
Latino watches RDK plummet to the ground. He quickly hops over to where AK is lying.
Latino: Chica?
AK: Ow…my head.
Latino: Are you okay?
AK: Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s get out of here.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
BK: Latino, it’s me.
Latino: Chico, chica’s alive!
BK: …right. Now go west. There’s an escape route there.
Latino: What about you?
BK: I’m staying behind. I’ve got to hack into the database and make sure you guys can get out safely.
Latino: Gracias, BK.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino quickly grabs a random shirt that reads, “I’m with Stupid” pointing up and puts it on. He and AK quickly run west and find a jeep, then quickly hop in and drive away.
RDK: JABRONI BASTARD!!!
Latino turns and sees RDK chasing them in his own jeep, firing at them madly with a machine gun. AK steps on the gas harder and they blow through the doors to the outside and crash into the snow. They all get out and RDK points his gun at the two of them, but doesn’t fire.
RDK: Brudah…wha…wha…Fox…?
Latino: …Die.
RDK collapses, dead.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Yoko: Latino, it’s me.
Latino: Colonel?
Yoko: I managed to get in contact with the president. The secretary of defense has been arrested. All of this was him acting alone.
Latino: Really?
Yoko: There’s a snowmobile not too far from you guys. Go get it. Live wherever you want. You and Meryl “died” from a jeep crash into the ocean.
Latino: No we didn’t.
Yoko: …
Latino: OH! Sí…
AK and Latino start walking down the hill. They reach the snowmobile and stop. AK hands Latino a bandana.
AK: Here, take this.
Latino: Ah, bullshit. I wanted the stealth camouflage…
AK: …right.
They climb the snowmobile and ride off into the sunset as Yoko’s voice is heard in voiceover.
Yoko: You mustn’t allow yourself to be chained to fate…to be ruled by our genes. Humans can choose the type of life they want to live. The important thing is that you choose life…and then…live!
Fade to black. Suddenly, Elias Ocelot’s voice is heard. He is talking to someone on the phone.
Elias: Yes sir, the entire unit was wiped out. Those two are still alive. The vector? Yes sir, FoxDie should become activated soon, right on schedule. Yes, sir. I recovered all of Floppy’s dummy warhead data. No, sir. My cover is still intact, nobody knows who I really am. Yes. The inferior one was the winner after all. That’s right. Until the very end, Liquid thought he was the inferior one. Yes sir, I completely agree. It takes a well-balanced individual such as yourself to rule the world. No, sir. No one knows that you were the third one…Solidus. What should I do about the woman? Yes sir. I’ll keep her under surveillance. Yes, thank you. Goodbye, Mr. President.
THE END
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:50:27 GMT -5
Closing segment: A strange end to a strange evening (Credit: RDK)
We close in on the parking lot of the ACW, and we see Tracy Finn sitting on a bench, sulking. RDK and many superstars are passing by, getting ready to go home since Meltdown is over. RDK stops by where Finn is and sits down.
Randy: What's going on brudah?
Tracy: *Sniff* ....Nobody likes me.
RDK looks around and then looks back at Tracy
Randy: That's not true brudah! People like you! I...
Tracy: .....SEE! Ah forget it Macho man, I'm just going home...
Tracy gets up to leave but RDK holds him back, sitting him down. RDK pulls some papers out of his pocket, and looks at them...
Randy: Not so fast brudah...I got something to cheer you up....
RDK shoves the papers into Tracy's lap
Tracy: Forget it! I wanna go home!
Randy: ..... > : (
Tracy: ....
Tracy begins to look at the papers, still discouraged. He realises its the famous song from The West Side story, "I feel pretty"....RDK gives him some support...
Randy: Bum, Bum, BUMMMMMM!!!!!
Tracy flinches, RDK continues.
Randy: Bum...Bum....BUM!!!!!
Tracy shakes his head, Gingerdude walks by...
Gingerdude: What the hell is your problem? We gotta get this thing moving!
RDK cocks his eyebrow and looks up at the Chairman...
Randy: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, IM WORKING HERE!!!!
Ginger backs off slowly as RDK looks back to Tracy...
Randy: Bum...................BUM......BUMMMMM!!
Tracy, knowing RDK won't let him go unless he sings the song, reluctantly begins...
Tracy: "I feel pretty, oh so pretty"
TNT runs by and yells "Asshole" to Tracy before jogging into his neon...
Tracy: "...I feel pretty....and witty...and gayyy?"
Pause, RDK snickers....
Tracy: "....And I pity....any girl who isn't me today---.."
Randy: "Fra La La La La La La La La La!!!"
RDK smiles and the cocks another eyebrow...
Tracy: "....I feel charming, oh so charming...its alarming how charming I feel!"
Tracy: "....And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real!"
Randy: "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"
The two superstars pause once more as RDK smiles, Predator struts by and tells Tracy Finn to got to hell...Tracy, now motivated, reads again....
Tracy: "SEE THE PRETTY GIRL IN THE MIRROR THERE!"
Randy: "What mirror, where?"
Tracy: "Who could that attractive girl be?"
Randy: "Which one, where hum?"
Tracy:"Such a pretty girl-"
Randy: "-..HUM!"
Tracy: "--Such a pretty face!"
Randy: "HUM!"
Tracy: "Such a pretty smile!"
Randy: "HUM!"
Tracy/RDK: "SUCH A PRETTY THINGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!-"
Randy: "HUHHHHHUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"
Tracy: "Whoo....."
Tracy throws the paper down, but RDK points at the other one on his lap. Tracy sighs and the two go at it again....
Tracy: "I feel stunning...."
Randy: "You feel stunning!"
Tracy: "And entrancing!"
Randy: "And entrancing!"
Randy/Tracy: "And Im jumping and prancing for joy!!!!!! FOR I KNOW, IM A PRETTY, WONDERFUL BOYYYYYY!!!!!!"
The scene ends as RDK leaves Tracy, pats him on the shoulder, and shows that even the unluckiest man in the world can feel happy.....
Tracy leans back, and looks at the stars before quietly drifting off to sleep. Or is he really about to wake up?
Was all of this just a jobber’s dream?
Sometimes, there are no answers. Who cares, whatever the case it was it was fun.
Fade to black.
End of show.
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Post by Santiago Rivera on Aug 25, 2005 16:51:47 GMT -5
LOL!!!!!!!
GREAT SHOW!!!
Senators gonna have trouble with the moment of the show.
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Post by scrawn on Aug 25, 2005 16:51:54 GMT -5
BEST. SHOW. EVER.
But Kiji and Hunter, I'm getting revenge, beatches.
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Post by Fallen Souls on Aug 25, 2005 16:52:36 GMT -5
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