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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:20:54 GMT -5
Segment: When good mods go bad
The scene shifts to one of ACW’s production trucks; Ginger, Yoko and Latino are all gathered around a monitor, watching a piece of film of part of the backstage area taken on a security camera. Crew are going about their business, until abruptly the lights go out; screaming is heard, and then after about 30 seconds the lights return. What looks unmistakably like AK is standing in the middle of a scene of total destruction, brushing herself down; she looks right into the camera before walking away. Yoko shakes her head, struggling to comprehend what she’s just seen.
Yoko: But…. It makes no sense. There was no storyline involving AK hurting anyone running tonight. Why would she act so out of character?
Ginger: I don’t know… unless…. Darren, zoom that shot in as close as you can.
The technician complies, and produces a close – up of Alicia’s face.
Ginger: Latino, look. On the neck, there.
It's a number, small but readable: 47.
Latino: That’s impossible, holmes…. We destroyed them all! I watched it happen!...sort of.
Yoko: Watched what? What are you talking about?
Ginger and Latino look at one another.
Ginger: I guess we have to tell her. She’s a mod, now.
Latino: Yeah. Yoko, you ever hear the old ACW cloning rumor?
Yoko: Of course, it’s been circulating ever since the fed started, practically…..
She pauses, and looks at both of them.
Yoko: You’re not seriously telling me it’s true? That you tried to clone yourselves to reduce the amount of work you had to do?
Latino: Oh, we didn’t try to clone all of us, chica. Just AK…. She was working so hard, you see, we had to do something and this was before Wyvern came along. We tried a direct clone, but all the attempts were failures, all 46 of them. But then, we had the idea….
Yoko: What idea?
Ginger: We took our own DNA and mixed some of it in, not physical stuff you understand, but ability genes… it was all very complicated. Splicing to get a stronger hybrid that could survive the cloning process. And it worked…. In a way.
Latino: This time, the clone was both physically and mentally fit, or so we thought. We were all so pleased….. but there was just one, tiny problem with number 47.
Yoko: Which was?
Ginger: She was totally, utterly insane. Convinced of her own superiority… thought she could write the fed entirely without help. It took all four of us to subdue her, and we sent her back to the lab that carried out the cloning process for disposal… but it looks like she never went there. She had awesome writing ability, remember, she must have been able to twist things so that the delivery agents hid her somewhere, until she had regenerated enough to make a comeback.
Yoko looks at the screen again.
Yoko: So let me get this straight…. To borrow from a certain popular videogame, if AK is equivalent to, let’s say, Mew, what we have there is….Mewtwo.
Ginger: If you want to look at it like that, yes.
Yoko: Ok, what do we do about it?
Ginger: I’ve sent a runner to find the real AK and warn her what’s going on. We have to wait for AK-47 to make the next move… then we’ll make ours.
Yoko: And our move is….?
Ginger smiles.
Ginger: You’ll see. Come, we need to get prepared. With Rose busy at HWL, the four of us are on our own for this one.
Intrigued, Yoko follows Ginger and Latino out of the truck, and the scene fades out.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:22:35 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part VII (Credit: Hunter)
LATINO AND AK MOVE THROUGH AN UNDERGROUND…UH…SNOW PLACE. THEY MEET LITTLE WOLVES AND STUFF, AND THEN THEYARRIVE IN THE UNDERGROUND PASSAGE…
The doors open and Latino and AK walk out. They look forward and see a long passage. After about five feet into the passage, everything is dark. They step forward.
AK: Wait. There are mines here.
AK walks through the field of mines in a complicated, Pac-Man like manner. She stops at the other end.
AK: Come on Latino.
Latino shrugs, then goes to the right and hugs the wall, then moves to the other end.
Latino: Simple, chica.
AK steps forward.
Latino: Kitsune!
AK turns and sees what Latino feared: a laser beam from a gun. The laser slowly moves its why down to AK’s thigh. Without warning, it fires. AK plummets to the ground, trying to grab her gun. Suddenly, she is shot again, this time in the left leg. Another shot hits her arm. She lies in a pool of her own blood, immobile. Latino quickly fires off a gun clip into the darkness.
AK: …Latino…
Latino: CHICA!
AK: I…slowed you down…I am a rookie after all…
Latino: Mamacita, don’t worry. They want me.
AK: No shit! I’m getting shot over here because of you!
Latino: Er…
AK: Shoot me…I promised I wouldn’t slow you down…please…
Latino: Quiet. Save your strength…
AK: Forget about me Latino…save yourself…
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino: Now is NOT a good time-
Yoko: Will she be all right?
Latino: …
Yoko: Ugh…it must be Sniper Danielle Wolf…
Latino: Sí?
Yoko: She’s too far away for you to hit her normally. You’ll need a sniper rifle-
Latino: Chica, relax, I already got one.
Yoko: …well that saved us a lot of backtracking.
Latino: It’s outside the room, though.
Yoko: That’s all right. Quickly. Go get it.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino runs out of the underground passage and looks around. He finds a package marked “for sniper killing purposes.” He quickly rips it open and grabs it, then goes back into the underground passage. He is shocked to see that AK’s body is gone, though her blood remains. He stumbles forward…until a single sniper shot hits his arm.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino: I’VE BEEN SHOT CHICA!!!
Yoko: Quickly, use a ration.
Latino: Ration?
Yoko: It’s in your menu.
Latino: Menu?
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Latino looks through his pockets, then pulls out a large piece of paper that reads “menu.” He looks down and finds the word “taco” on the paper.
Latino: Taco, por favor!
Suddenly, a Mexican waiter appears from out of nowhere and hands him a taco. Latino smiles and quickly gobbles it down. He then quickly jumps behind a wall and points the rifle forward. He looks around, then sees the sniper.
Latino: …the hell?
The sniper is clearly a man, and this man is wearing a revealing outfit and has breast implants. Latino’s eye twitches, but he quickly recovers and fires a shot.
Sniper: AH!
The sniper falls and disappears from view. Latino makes sure the coast is clear, then puts the rifle away and walks forward. He reaches the end of the hall, and sees a large door. He walks toward the door and then stops. He hears a few weird noises, and then turns around too late to see three guards aiming their guns at him.
Guard: Freeze!
Latino raises his arms slowly.
?: It’s hard to miss when you’re this close…
Latino looks forward and sees the sniper, bleeding a little from his…her…its shoulder. The sniper is now very close, and Latino can clearly see that it is indeed a man in drag.
Latino: Chica…er…chico…who are you?
DD: In a world long ago, they called me Dan White, the Daredevil. But now, I am Sniper…DANIELLE…Wolf.
Latino: …
DD: Do not judge me.
Latino: So, a drag queen sniper, eh?
DD: Didn’t you know that two-thirds of the world’s greatest snipers were drag queens?
He…she…uh…DD reaches his…shit…her…DD reaches DD’s arm forward and scratches Latino’s cheek.
DD: There, I left my mark. I’ll never forget you until I kill you…or bed you…
Latino’s eyes widen.
DD: …whichever comes first.
Latino (whispering): Death, death, death…
One of the guards smashes Latino in the back of the head with the butt of his gun. Latino faints and is dragged away by the guards.
Fade Out
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:23:37 GMT -5
Segment: Must See TV (Credit: BK)
The cameras cut back to the dark production truck, lit up by the TV screens in the truck the cameras now see BK London walking around barking orders. He has a headset on and is thoroughly monitoring the screens. He is now dressed in his wrestling attire, just in case he has to kick ass and take names. BK walks back to his seat and sits down very comfortably while the other members of the truck are pleasured by paradise that is a wooden chair. BK begins to admire his Light-Heavyweight Championship and then something catches his eye.
BK: Wait Wait...What was that? Go back to that Camera 6.
The small television with number six on the bottom and he sees The Macho Man RDK cutting one of his intense promos towards Yoko Satoshi for their match. BK seems utterly frustrated.
BK: My god man...does this man ever stop? He'd cut a promo at a movie screen if they gave him the chance. Cut him out...
??: We have no one else to put on at the moment...
BK: Uh..
BK scrambles on to find a tape that will be three minutes long. He then looks up at the camera 8 screen and sees the Senator and Rena snuggling in the Senatorial Stable room. The two begin to get a little closer and BK begins to smile.
BK: Now this is must see television...cut to camera 8.
Now the Alphatron cuts to Rena and Senator begin to get closer and the Senator removes her top revealing her lingerie concealing her breasts. She begins to talk dirty to the Senator, just then she stops. She says something again and now can hear the echoing of her voice around the arena. She gets up and looks from her room into the dressing room across from her(Glamour Boy's room to be exact) where she sees herself standing at the door. She then sees Glamour Boy drooling in front of the screen and then her eyes widen. She scrambles around to find a towel to cover up her scantily clad attire and then she screams out.
Rena: BEEEEEKKAAAAYYY !!!
BK looks very troubled.
BK: Uh...cut to a commercial…quick!
The camera closes up on screen 8 where Rena is pissed and the camera fades out to a commercial.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:26:43 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part VIII (Credit: Hunter)
LATINO IS TORTURED BY ELIAS OCELOT. HE IS TOLD THAT AK IS STILL ALIVE, BUT BEING HELD CAPTIVE. AFTER A FEW TORTURE SESSIONS, BK OCELOT APPEARS AND HELPS BREAK LATINO OUT. LATINO GETS OUT, BACKTRACKS A LOT, AND FINALLY APPEARS IN FRONT OF THE DOOR HE WAS ORIGINALLY CAPTURED IN FRONT OF. HE GOES THROUGH THE DOOR, ABOUT TO MEET HIS NEMESIS…
Latino goes through the door and reaches the first communication tower. He quickly runs up to the roof and gets out. He looks outside and sees the other tower across from him. He runs to the other tower, but suddenly missiles appear out of nowhere and destroy the walkway.
Latino: Shit…
Latino turns around, and a helicopter appears. Inside is…
RDK: SNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Latino: Liquid RDK…
RDK: BRUDAH! I CAN FEEL THE JABRONI HEAT COMING FROM YOU! YOU’RE NOT GOING ANY FURTHER! YOU’RE ON THE LIST OF THOSE TO CROSS LIQUIDMANIA!!! YOU CANNOT PASS, BRUDAH!!! LIQUIDMANIA’S RUNNING WILD ON YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
Latino quickly pulls out a rope he luckily possessed and ties it to the tower. RDK fires the helicopter’s machine gun. Just before he gets hit with the bullets, Latino jumps down and rappels down the building. He lands on the walkway between the two towers, and then runs forward. In front of him stands a soldier.
Angelo: You can’t pass!
Latino takes out his gun and shoots Angelo in the balls, and then kicks him off the ledge. Angelo plummets into the chasm below him.
Angelo: THE ITALIAN STALLION WILL LIVE FOREVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!
Latino continues running to the other tower, evading fire by RDK. Latino jumps into the second tower and sighs. He’s escaped RDK for now. He presses the button for the elevator, but the elevator is broken. He quickly runs down the stairs, but finds that they too are destroyed. He runs back up to the elevator and hears a noise. He quickly turns the corner and points his gun at…
BK: AHHHHHHH! LATINO!!! IT’S ME!!!
Latino: BK? How’d you get up here?
BK: I took the elevator. It’s broken now, I think.
Latino: Could you try to fix the elevator, chico?
BK: Sure, it’ll be simple.
BK turns on his stealth camouflage and starts working. Latino runs up the stairs and reaches the roof. He walks outside and looks around, then hears the whirring of a helicopter’s blade.
Latino: He’s here…
RDK’s helicopter suddenly appears. RDK looks down at his nemesis and smiles.
RDK: Ah, the Snake has come out of his hole…are you ready now…brudah?
Latino: Why are you calling me your brother?
RDK: I’m you. I’m your shadow JABRONI!!!
Latino: QUÉ?!?
RDK: Ask the father you killed! I’ll send you to hell to meet him BRUDAH!!!
RDK fires a missile, but Latino quickly jumps on it and sends it flying into the nether realm. Latino takes out a missile launcher that he got from who knows where and fires it directly at the helicopter.
RDK: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
The helicopter falls and explodes in a giant ball of fire.
Latino: See you in hell…brudah.
He watches the helicopter fall, and then slowly descends the staircase down to his next challenge.
Fade Out
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:27:56 GMT -5
Match 6: RDK vs.?? – 2 out of three falls match
The action returns to the arena, where regardless of all the strange happenings around them the crowd is enjoying the show immensely. Only a couple of people spot Philip as he comes out of the back, but all eyes quickly turn to him; his smart suit is gone, and in its place is enough Adidas and Nike kit to clothe the entire U.S. track team, about 2 pounds of gold chain, and white trainers and a Burberry baseball cap. He saunters with a sort of slouching gait as he reaches ringside, a veritable king of Chavs.
Philip rearranges his masses of bling, and sashays into the ring, twirling his mic.
Philip: Alright, this is a singles punch –up, innit? Best of three, know what I’m saying? So, first, right, make some bleedin’ noise for the first competitor, from Detroit, Michigan, the bangin’ ACW Entertainment Champion…. Mr K.O. Kudo Yasuda!
”Poison” hits, and the fans cheer with gusto as Kudo comes out, looking just slightly puzzled by Philip’s introduction. He heads to the ring, slapping hands with a few fans, and enters, looking at Philip’s appearance with a mixture of pity and amazement. Philip, fortunately, doesn’t notice this.
Philip: Yeah, great, nice one. And his opponent, from some place in Canada none of us have ever been to, he’s safe as fuck and all that, he’s the Macho Man R-D-K!!
”Macho Man” blares into the arena, and RDK jogs out into the spotlights, holding his arms up in recognition of the cheering throngs. Upon reaching the ring, he joins Kudo, a referee and Philip, and walks around until his music dies away.
Philip: Right. First round, yeah, is your basic pinfall or submission. Rumble!
Philip exits the ring, and the ref just shrugs and indicates that this is basically correct, signaling for the bell.
Bell Rings.
RDK and Kudo get straight into the action; they rush at each other, and Kudo comes off the best, ducking RDK’s clothesline and simultaneously extending a foot to trip him up. The crowd chants for RDK as he gets up and comes at Kudo again, only to be met with a backbody drop; Kudo goes for a pin, but gets less than a 2 count, and RDK jumps back to his feet and starts laying into his foe. Kudo reels from the forearm blows, and RDK continues with a snap suplex of great power; his own pin gets a bit closer to 2, but neither man is going to concede the first fall lightly. Some more blows are exchanged and then Kudo plants a dropkick, with superb accuracy; he dives forward and tries to set up his Camel clutch, but it’s a move RDK knows well and he rolls to one side to prevent its use. RDK is back on his feet before Kudo can find a method to restrain him, and is grabbed for a Samoan Drop that the crowd cheers enthusiastically. RDK pins again, and this time gets a solid 2 before Kudo kicks out.
The pair rise, and advance rapidly to meet one another again; Kudo focuses on RDK’s knees and lower legs, trying to induce pain and fatigue there, but in order to stay close enough to do it he has to constantly avoid the mighty punches being sent his way. One mistake costs him dearly, as he is temporarily stunned, and RDK locks in his own sleeper hold. Kudo doesn’t panic, but RDK isn’t going to give up this attempt easily, and it takes Kudo almost a minute to get out of it; when he finally does break free, his heavy breathing proves that his energy has been drained quite a lot. RDK realizes that he can’t let Kudo recover enough to use his most powerful moves, and he whips his foe into a corner, trapping him there and delivering a storm of punches to the body. This wears Kudo even more, but the Entertainment Champion always has a plan B, and he demonstrates this in the form of his poison mist. RDK covers his face as fast as he can, and avoids much of the attack, but Kudo is still free, and he jumps up to the ropes and goes for his spiral dropkick. RDK uses his ears, and when he stops hearing moving feet on the mat he guesses the attack is coming from above; he drops and rolls, and Kudo misses him, coming to land a couple of feet away on the canvas. RDK strikes with all his speed, and grabs Kudo with a quick handsignal to the fans; he drives home the Macho Slam, and gets Kudo into a pin in record time. By the time Kudo’s body has responded to his brain’s order to kick, it’s just that fraction too late; the 3 is given, and the fans cheer RDK’s success.
Philip: SAAAFE! The winner of the first round, the Macho Man!
RDK gets up, looking pleased at his victory; Kudo, understandably, is a little miffed. On the outside, Philip remembers that he has work still to do.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:29:20 GMT -5
Philip: OK lads, round two… we wanna see your sensitive sides. This is a phat posing contest, yeah? You each show us your best pose, and the audience cheers to show how much they like it. You lot understand?
The fans cheer to confirm that they do at least understand their role here, even if most of what Philip’s said so far has left them scratching their heads.
Philip: ‘Kay. RDK, you’re up first, mate. You have 15 seconds, starting….. Now!
Kudo stands aside as RDK steps into the centre of the ring; the Macho Man pauses in thought for a moment, and then strikes a classic strongman pose, with trademark raised eyebrow. The fans love it of course, and cheer loudly; then, RDK turns this into laughter as he imitates the Senator’s victory pose with v – signs in the air. To conclude the display, he runs to the nearest turnbuckle and poses on that, too, gesturing with his hands to hype the crowd even more. The ring bell sounds when his fifteen seconds are completed.
Philip: Wicked, yeah. Kudo, give it some….. your time starts Now!
The quick changeover startles Kudo for a moment, and he looks a little unsure of himself, but then he smiles and holds his arms out in a T shape, eyes closed. The crowd becomes quieter, watching closely as Kudo stands up on the very tip of his toes, raises his arms….. and then with supreme grace bends over backward, arching his back until he is performing a handstand. The crowd claps this, perhaps rather politely, but the clapping gains a genuine warmth as Kudo lifts one hand up and places in straight up next to his body. Then, Kudo lifts the palm of his other hand, so that he is balanced solely on his fingers and thumb; the crowd goes “ooooooh,”, and for his coupe de grace Kudo stretches his free arm and legs, bending them until he is forming an almost impossibly balanced work of art with his body. Inching his fingers around, Kudo slowly rotates to give everyone a 360 degree view, and as the seconds ebb away he allows himself to drop and roll, as if made of liquid, and comes back to a standing position to make a respectful bow to the crowd, hands together. The crowd is entirely won over, and their cheering fills the whole arena, justifiably relegating the Macho Man’s ovation into second place.
Philip: I don’t think we can argue with that…. Kudo, mate, that’s a win for you! Blaaazin’!
Kudo takes another bow to his fans, this one with a smile on his face. RDK doesn’t look too concerned – the final round is his specialty, and he knows it. The fans clearly aren’t upset by the prospect of a decider either, and when they see microphones being brought to the ring on stands, some of them realize what the third “fall” is going to be, and cheer even louder. Once everything’s prepared, Philip stops lounging against one of the turnbuckles and turns his burberry baseball cap around to indicate the gravity of the situation.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:29:56 GMT -5
Philip: Yeah, yeah, all right, shut it. The last contest of the three is ACW’s world famous karaoke sing – off, and it’s been decided that we need a judge of proper standing in the music world, rather than you tone – deaf lot of slappers. So put your hands together for pop’s self proclaimed Mr. Nasty, now approaching ringside – the one and fuckin’ only Simon Cowell!
The theme from “American Idol” plays, and to RDK and Kudo’s total shock Simon Cowell does indeed come stalking out from the back. He looks around at the ACW crowd with an expression that says “give me strength” before taking a seat next to Eddie Edison and Maxwell McNally.
Eddie Edison: As I live and breathe… Mr. Cowell, it’s an honor to meet you sir.
Simon Cowell: I’m sure it is. You in the ring, get a move on.
Philip scowls, but complies with the request.
Philip (under his breath): Wanker…… (Normal voice) Yeah, ok. It’s like this – rather than sing one whole song each, you both get to sing small extracts from four different ones. Kudo won the pose – off, so he gets to sing first. Assuming the potheads in the booth haven’t messed things up, your songs should be loaded and ready, so make with the music. And no minging shit, yeah?
There’s a supportive ripple from the crowd as Kudo steps up to the mic. He takes a breath as the opening chords of the song are heard, and then reveals a tuneful if slightly nervous singing tone:
Kudo: I went walking down the Boulevard Past the skateboards and the beggars I was out looking in the windows Just out walking, letting my mind roam If she hung around too much I might take her for granted But when I was away, she seemed an angel The only one who really cared about me The only one without an angle For so long I've been lonely Now I'm too weak to fight
I've been waiting for tonight I've been waiting for tonight….
The extract ends, and the crowd is duly impressed, cheering loudly for the rendition of the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song.
Philip: ‘Kay, that was some phat shit. Simon, thoughts?
Simon Cowell: I concur with the second of those descriptions. Poor.
The fans boo and hiss at the coiffured critic; Kudo seems a little downcast, but he’s well aware of Cowell’s reputation. In response, RDK steps forward and grabs his mic, and the next number kicks into life. RDK bends the stand to the side and leans toward the camera as he starts his performance.
RDK: Step inside, walk this way You and me babe, hey! Hey!
Love is like a bomb baby c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp like a video vamp Demolition woman can I be your man? Razzle 'n' dazzle 'n' flash a little light Television lover baby go all night Sometime anytime sugar me sweet Little miss innocent sugar me yeah yeah
C'mon take a bottle, shake it up Break the bubble, break it up!
Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon fire me up Pour some sugar on me Oh! I can't get enough
I'm hot, sticky, sweet From my head to my feet, yeah!......
The fans scream with delight at RDK’s rendition of "Pour Some Sugar On Me"; RDK paces around the ring, raising the roof even more. Sadly, the effect doesn’t seem to rub off on the judge.
Simon Cowell: Well, all I can say is that I wish I were as def as the leppard. Pitiful.
The crowd boos again, even if they are secretly hoping that the acid comments will just draw even more fire from the competitors. Kudo certainly looks to be heating up as he steps forward for his next song, and its rock vibe gets the place buzzing.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:31:12 GMT -5
Kudo: Back in black I hit the sack I've been too long I'm glad to be back
Yes, I'm let loose From the noose That's kept me hanging about I've been looking at the sky 'Cause it's gettin' me high Forget the hearse 'cause I never die I got nine lives Cat's eyes Abusin' every one of them and running wild
'Cause I'm back Yes, I'm back Well, I'm back Yes, I'm back Well, I'm back, back (Well) I'm back in black Yes, I'm back in black….
Kudo’s evidently warming to this performance lark; he smiles at the crowd’s applause, and then gives Simon a quizzical look. Cowell just shakes his head with a smirk.
Simon Cowell: An AC/DC song…..Electrifying? I don’t think so.
Kudo’s eyes glimmer with anger, but he restrains his emotions; RDK, who is also looking slightly pissed off, takes the mic and cues his next accompaniment.
RDK: Big wheels keep on turning Carry me home to see my KKKKKTZZZZ – FFTZZZRRCHHHRRZZ-
Everyone winces as the mic sound distorts; RDK looks at the mic and then shouts into it, quite angrily.
RDK: LONDON! IS THIS YOUR FAULT YOU SSSSSCCXXXXZZ – TTZZZRHHH BRUDAH?
The feedback continues; Philip offers RDK his mic instead and turns the other one off. If BK is to blame, he gets the idea and stops as the fresh mic works perfectly, and RDK is able to commence afresh.
RDK: Big wheels keep on turning Carry me home to see my kin Singing songs about the Southland I miss Alabamy once again
And I think its a sin, yes Well I heard mister Young sing about her Well, I heard ole Neil put her down Well, I hope Neil Young will remember A Southern man don't need him around anyhow
Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet Home Alabama Lord, I'm coming home to you…
RDK’s impression of Lynyrd Skynyrd is a hit with the crowd, and his soulful voice even makes Mr. Nasty shift in his seat. Simon Cowell ponders for a few seconds.
Simon Cowell: Hmmm…… It’s ok, I suppose, for uneducated hicks. The rest of us I think were just bored.
The audience is starting to get seriously wound up now; RDK keeps his inner feelings in check, and appeals to the fans to calm down. Kudo gives a stiff nod, as if battle has now been fully declared, grasps the microphone and lights the place up as the unmistakable sound of an Ozzy Osbourne number blasts into the arena.
Kudo: All aboard!
Crazy, but that's how it goes Millions of people living as foes Maybe it's not too late To learn how to love, and forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing Driving me insane I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train Let's go!
I've listened to preachers, I've listened to fools I've watched all the dropouts who make their own rules One person conditioned to rule and control The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming Who and what's to blame I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train….
The fans are almost as crazy as the song’s originator; Kudo stalks the ring, energy surging, and challenges Cowell with a glare and a smile.
Simon Cowell: Ugh, I ought to walk out of here just for having someone cover an Osbourne track, I hate that witch wife of his…. but I’ll admit, that was slightly less tedious than the previous offerings. Still well below tolerable, though.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:33:18 GMT -5
Security is having its work cut out keeping the fans under control; Kudo, however, seems to be toughening up to the criticism and lets RDK take the centre spotlight. The macho man waits for his next tune, and then lets rip with his most powerful performance yet.
RDK: I was born to run, I was born to dream, The craziest boy you ever seen, I gotta do it my way, Or no way at all.
And I was here to please, I’m even on knees Makin love to whoever I please, I gotta do it my way, Or no way at all.
And then you came around, Tried to tie me down, I was such a clown, You had to have it your way, Or no way at all.
Well I’ve had all I can take, I can’t take it no more, I’m gonna pack my bags and fly......baby, Or no way at all.
So why don’t you turn me lose, Turn me lose, Turn me lose, I gotta do it my way, Or no way at all.
Why don’t you turn me lose, Turn me lose, Turn me lose, I gotta do it my way, I wanna fly!
“Turn me loose” by Loverboy strikes a chord with the fans; RDK is sweating a little now from the effort he’s putting into the songs, and every single fan is on their feet, dancing and joining in. RDK smiles broadly, and almost casually glances in the judge’s direction, as if his opinion is of little consequence.
Simon Cowell: Energetic, certainly…. it’s a shame that volume doesn’t directly correspond with quality.
The fans yell and jeer; Philip gets up from his seat at ringside.
Philip: Ok, we get the picture. One song left for each competitor – Simon, mate, which of them’s in the lead at this point?
Simon Cowell: Philip, that’s like pointing at two retards and asking me which is the most stupid. I’d say the honors are even right now.
There’s even more booing; Kudo comes forward suddenly and snatches up his mic, and the crowd immediately swings 180 degrees and cheers massively. Kudo puts everything into his last song, and has the crowd rocking with delight:
Kudo: It’s early morning The sun comes out Last night was shaking And pretty loud My cat is purring And scratches my skin So what is wrong With another sin The bitch is hungry She needs to tell So give her inches And feed her well More days to come New places to go I’ve got to leave It’s time for a show
Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane
My body is burning It starts to shout Desire is coming It breaks out loud Lust is in cages Till storm breaks loose Just have to make it With someone I choose The night is calling I have to go The wolf is hungry He runs the show He’s licking his lips He’s ready to win On the hunt tonight For love at first sting
Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane Rocked you like a hurricane!!
The Scorpions hit sends the fans into orbit, and RDK claps as enthusiastically as any of them. Kudo throws down his mic, and waits for the verdict.
Simon Cowell: All right…. how can I put this?.... it was….
The fans are already booing and shouting.
Simon Cowell: ….really rather good.
The sound abruptly stops as people check that they heard right, and then start cheering even more loudly than before. Kudo’s face is covered with a smile of satisfaction and pleasure, and he turns to look at RDK. RDK looks at him, then at the fans, and then back at Kudo, and raises an eyebrow.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:33:53 GMT -5
RDK:…..OoOoOoOoOoOoOH YEAH BRUDAH! You want a fight? You just watch this!!
Without warning, all the lights in the arena die, with the exception of a single spotlight. A simple piano track is heard, one which is immediately recognizable to almost everyone in the room. RDK’s voice is soft, and almost mournful. RDK: Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, ooooooooh, yeah…
(The crowd pops at the modification)
Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters…..
The backing speeds up as the song cuts ahead to the next part. RDK takes the mic and slides out of the ring, and runs up the ramp to the stage.
RDK: I see a little silhouetto of a man..
The stage is illuminated, revealing a whole bunch of the Fallout crew; Froggy, Gary, Beau James and even the Capitalists are there, among many others.
Fallout gang: Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me!
Gary: Gallileo!
Beau: Gallileo!
Gary: Gallileo!
Beau: Gallileo!
Both Gallileo Figaro-
All: Magnifico!!!
RDK then starts to sing in a higher – pitched tone, imitating Kudo in a cheeky manner.
RDK: I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me -
Fallout: He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity…
RDK: Easy come, easy go - will you let me go?
The Fallout lot spontaneously split into two groups…
1st Fallout: Bismillah! No - we will not let you go!
2nd Fallout: Let him go!
1st Fallout: Bismillah! We will not let you go
2nd Fallout: Let him go!
1st Fallout: Bismillah! We will not let you go –
RDK: Let me go!
1st Fallout: Will not let you go –
RDK: Let me go!
1st Fallout: Never let you go –
RDK: Let me go!
All: Never let him go - ooo No, no, no, no, no, no, no! -
RDK: Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go!
All: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for ME……
The guitar solo kicks in, the lighting suddenly thinks it’s in a late 70’s club, and RDK prances around like Mercury reborn.
RDK: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh baby - can't do this to me baby Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here!
The solo winds up for the big, emotional finish, the lights dying down again.
All: Ooh yeah, ooh yeah…
Until finally, just RDK is left, kneeling dramatically on the entrance ramp.
Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters…. Nothing really matters….. to me….
His last words are almost a whisper…
RDK: Any way the wind blows...
The final gong synchronises with the loss of the last pale spotlight. There’s a second’s pause, and then the place goes completely nuts.
Philip: LAAAAAAARRRGE! HOW BANGING WAS THAT?!
RDK picks himself up, and returns to the ring. Both he and Kudo await Simon Cowell’s final assessment, and the crowd hushes.
Simon Cowell: Hmmm….. well, that was certainly one of the most unique performances I’ve seen in quite a while. I can’t decide if it’s genius, or unabated tripe.
A few of the audience boo. Simon ignores them.
Simon Cowell: I think, that since a winner has to be named, I’m going to have to go for….
A tense, slightly overlong pause.
Simon Cowell:……Randy Kanyon.
There’s another explosion of sound; RDK throws his arms in the air in sheer delight, and then immediately goes over to Kudo, where the pair of them share a mutual and friendly hug and handshake.
Philip: YEAH! You scallys know what that means…. the winner, by two “falls” to one, the Macho Man RDK! SAFE!!
As the cheering continues, RDK notices Mr. Cowell heading toward the back. He slides out of the ring and hurries to catch up with him.
RDK: Hey, Brudah! Mr. Cowell, one second…
Simon Cowell turns around. RDK has his hand extended; Simon pauses, and then takes it. RDK shakes – and then hits Cowell with a punch that would floor a horse. The fans almost bring the house down as RDK hits the Rockbottom, and then lifts the acerbic judge up just long enough for Kudo to live up to his K.O. nickname with a Yakuza knee strike for another enormous pop.
RDK: THAT’S FOR YOUR ATTITUDE, JABRONI! OoOoOoOoOoOoOH YEAH!
The fans give one of the biggest pops ever, and RDK and Kudo leave the demolished maestro for the EMTs to pick up, as they head to the back together and the show cuts to a commercial.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:35:06 GMT -5
Segment: A touching reunion, and a blast from the past (Credit: Gooeygarth / AK)
In the back, the real AK is watching the bonkers show unfold; she is watching the tv until Alicia’s focus is suddenly drawn to the doorway by a thump on the other side. Her eyes and ears pick up a slight crack opening from the doorway and creaks from the hinges. Some time around this point she arises from her seat to see what lies beyond on the other side.
AK: ..Hm?
She steps back and swings the door wise open where in front of her sits a very large barrel, which has a piece of paper attached to it, written that it was addressed to the arena to AK's name. She tries to shake it with her hands to find that the contents make the mass rather heavy and hard to move
AK: *sigh* A big heavy barrel that happens to be for me? I think I can draw a conclusion here. It's most likely Latino hitting the bottle, again. I swear the next time I see him is when he gets stuck in a huge intervention!
In blind anger she kicks the barrel with major WOMEN’S WRATH applied. In response she gets a scare as the barrel squirms its way back and forth with muffled thumps almost tipping it to its side. We can all guess that Latino is safe for now, as long as it doesn't turn out to be a French guy squishing grapes in there.
AK: Hello? Is anyone in there? Anyone human?
A folded pink note squeezes its way through a wide enough crack on the side. AK slips the note from the holders grasp and reads what is very sloppily written: PLEASE LIFT LID, RUNNING OUT OF AIR.
AK complies by applying pressure on one side of the lid and pulls up the other side. She tosses the lid aside and sticks her head over to peek inside
Gooey: *stands up* I CAN BRRREEAATTHHHHHHEEEEEEEE!!!
A startled AK screams as she falls backwards at the sight of a life size jack in the box complete with approximately a dozen capuchin monkeys in full pirate attire, screeching and scampering all over the place like a bunch of wild ani-oh right.
Gooey: Hooooly Ship, it feels so nice to get out and stretch after being in a tight spot. Wouldn't you agree?
AK takes a second to look at Gooey from head to toe, sporting his matching outfit of a white bandana partially buttoned white shirt and knee length jeans.
AK: Well I guess I can agree to a nice stretch here and there, but I'm not really sure I feel the same on the subject of...Pirate monkeys going rampant all over my locker room.
Gooey: I think 'Ape shit' fits better in this situation.
Dead silence.
AK: Um, moving on…..How did you get here from a barrel? And where from? and...Why?
Gooey: Uh. Well let's see. I decided to work on loading cargo onto ships for overseas. Then one time aboard we got totally, wasted. Like flaming shots crazy stuff like that going on. And it's probably not best to get loaded on a ship that's crossed far over for anything to be legal. We all gathered 'round told each other our past, I got to about here. And maybe got a little homesick or drunk, either way I threw up. Anyway, I think I maybe quit my job, and decided to bail out in a barrel miles away from land. But the important thing here is, that when you trap yourself in an isolated container with your drunken work mates around you, you ain't taking the trip alone. They decided that it would be pretty funny to load the barrel with monkeys that were supposed to reach a zoo somewhere, I can't pronounce the name. So, the last thing I remember hearing from them was, "More fun than a barrel of monkeys!" And that is about all.
AK: Interesting...How was the trip?
Gooey: Well ma’am, it wasn't exactly roomy. We played poker until the batteries died on the flash light, also it got really itchy for some reason.
AK looks mortified as she takes a step back while Garth scratches himself until a passing by monkey lands on his shoulder for some grooming.
AK: So, do you care to explain as to why it was addressed to me?
Gooey: What, can a guy not travel in a barrel to see an old friend that he hasn't seen for a while?
AK: Yes, he can.
Gooey: Darn straight. I mean it's been pretty lonely without this person around, to be this long with out seeing a friend this valuable is pretty painful. If I never saw this person again I would jus’ fall down and die!
AK:*flattered* Oh, well...
Gooey: *whistling* Here kitty kitty kitty! Where are yoooou?
At the sound of whistling Richard Parker bolts around the corner and pounces up into Garth's arms, who swings him hand in hand passionately in what suddenly appears to be a field of assorted coloured flowers and basking sunlight. Gooey and RP lie in the grass and flowers laughing and meowing while soaking in sunlight. AK in the back feels slightly insulted but realizes at the same time that Garth hasn't seen his beloved cat in quite a while.
AK: Ahem….
Snap back to reality in the locker room where the monkeys have dispersed to the outside to reek havoc among the innocent public.
AK: Am I interrupting you two?
Gooey: Uhhh...it was strictly civil, I mean nothing was going to happen, it's a nice cat and umm...Uhh, oh I'm retarded. *sigh*
AK: Well it's okay. I guess I can let you two share this day together, I mean, when's the next time you're gonna see him again?
Gooey: Y'hear that kitty? We are gonna have so much fun! Yes we are. We are too cream puff, you are my cream puff, yes you are yes you-...*ahem* I mean, the night is ours! We must SEIZE THE DAY!! GRAB IT BY THE THROAT AND SHAKE IT LIKE A NEW BORN BABY!
RP: Meow? (-_-')
Garth begins to reach into his pants which brings back the mortified look on AK's face, but which quickly returns to relief as it show Gooey pulling out from his trousers, a sword.
Gooey: BY THE POWER OF GRAY SKULL!!
As Garth Raises the sword high above his head with one hand and holding RP in the other, a tremendous bolt of light strikes the sword and engulfs the pair in an array of blinding light which forces AK to shield her eyes with her hand while trying to see through the cracks in her fingers. As the light grows softer two impressive figures stand among. The light sets and there stands Gooey, in complete He-Man out fit, and a enormous black and white cat in dazzling red armor. As for the barrel, it has turned into a bowl of golden fish snacks for later consumption.
AK looks genuinely astonished by this turn of events, something which doesn’t happen very often.
AK: That….. is the coolest thing EVER.
Gooey: Why thank you.
As she’s admiring Gooey’s buff new physique, a crew member races up, out of breath.
Crew Member: Ms Kitsune…. Urgent message from Ginger. Code 47D.
Alicia looks at him, and then nods.
Alicia: Oh, not this again. It was bad enough the first time…
Gooey: What’s wrong?
Alicia: My evil clone appears to have risen from the dead.
Gooey: Is she powerful?
Alicia: Very.
Gooey: Is she really evil?
Alicia: More evil than a Police Academy all day marathon.
Gooey grins as if all his Christmases have come at once.
Gooey: Then this sounds like a job for-
AK: Hold that thought for just one second, would you?
She nips back into the dressing room, and shuts the door. Lights flash from inside, and when the door opens again 5 seconds later, AK is wearing a dynamic white space – princess type dress that vaguely resembles Gooey’s attire.
AK: Call me She Ra. You ready to kick some arse?
Gooey: He Man is always ready!
Someone in the back cues the cheesy “Masters of the Universe” theme, and the three go running heroically off down the corridor, to seek out and vanquish their foes…
Fade out.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:36:44 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part IX (Credit: Hunter)
LATINO ARRIVES BACK AT THE ELEVATOR AND RIDES IT DOWN. BK CALLS HIM VIA CODEC AND TELLS HIM THAT THERE ARE FOUR INVISIBLE GUARDS NEXT TO HIM. LATINO DISPOSES OF THEM IN AN OBVIOUSLY FUNNY WAY, BUT I’M TOO LAZY TO EXPLAIN HOW AND I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO SUM THIS UP QUICKER. IT’S TOO LONG!!!
Latino looks around, and once he is sure the coast is clear, walks outside. He arrives in what appears to be a snowfield. He walks across the snowfield, but he’s suddenly shot at. He quickly hides behind a tree.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
BK: Latino! Are you okay?
Latino: Sí. It’s…her…er…him…it…?
BK: …Wolf?
Latino: Sí. I’m going to kill him…her…the thing…
BK: YOU CAN’T!!!
Latino: QUÉ?
BK: I…love her…
Latino: …it’s a man, BK.
BK: YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT!!!
Latino: Er…right. Well, he…she…Wolf is shooting at me. I reserve the right to fire back, chico.
DD: …please…be gentle…I like it gentle.
Latino: HOW’D YOU GET THIS FREQUENCY?!?
DD: I don’t know. But hearing you talk…I just…tremble from it.
Latino: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I don’t want no drag queen.
DD: I’M NOT A DRAG QUEEN!!!
Latino: Then what are you?
DD: A drag…KING…
Latino: …
DD: Now, TIME TO DIE!!!
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP!
Snake quickly takes out his sniper rifle and aims into the trees. He sees DD running behind a tree, then aims and fires. DD falls down.
DD: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ONE BULLET?!?
Latino runs forward and sees DD lying in a pool of his…her…er…its own blood.
DD: I’ve…waited…for this moment…
DD coughs up blood.
DD: I’ve always dreamed of a peaceful place like this…it’s a pity…I could’ve boned the infamous Latino Snake…
Latino: …
DD: I…love to shoot…I-
Latino: What’s with you people and your death speeches? Come on, I’ve gotta save the world.
DD: Please…please…end it…kill me…
Latino shrugs and takes out his gun. He points it at DD’s face, until…
BK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Never since Darth Vader has someone exhibited such emotion and loss in their voice. BK runs forward.
BK: You can’t kill her…she is my life…
Latino: IT’S A MAN, CHICO!
BK: …
DD: Goodbye…my love…
Latino fires.
Latino: Hang on…“my love”? Did he mean you or me?
BK shrugs and Latino shudders.
Latino: Regardless, I’m going to the underground base. I must stop Metal Gear.
BK walks off, crying for his lost love. Latino shrugs and walks off through a door, getting closer and closer to Metal Gear…and his obvious fate.
Fade Out
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:37:39 GMT -5
Segment: Hail Of Death (Credit: Rena)
With the show heading for its conclusion, Rena has just a little time left to dream up a short, different story. It makes her smile as she runs it though in her head…
Rena sat back in her chair in the empty warehouse. She exhaled her cigarette and looked at the man across from her.
Rena: I completed the job.
…: Good. I knew you would.
Rena: Now tell me why you wanted him dead?
…: That’s a secret you weren’t hired to know…
Rena: Fair enough.
…: So where is he now?
The man grinned as her moved his face into the dimmed lights. Rena moved closer to speak to Mercer Stanton, now out of the shadows.
Rena: If you ever get lonely or sad…Go to the third Maple tree in the Veteran’s park…and there lies your brother, Marcus.
Stanton: Great. And don’t worry…I’ll never be lonely or sad now that he’s gone.
Rena: Well now that I’ve done what you’ve asked…where’s my money?
Stanton pulled out a briefcase and opened it up. Stacked inside was a billion dollars in bills. Rena grinned and closed it, taking it with her as she stood. Rena: Good doing business with you…
Stanton: Likewise.
As Rena stepped into her car, another man appeared in the light. It was Kiev, Stanton’s second man.
Kiev: You think she did the deed?
Stanton: Let’s hope.
Rena stepped into her house a flicked on the lights.
Rena: It’s just me.
?: What happened?
Rena: He paid me.
?: Good.
Marcus came into the light and smiled. She really just couldn’t kill him with his stunning good looks and such charm. What would Stanton be thinking to want him dead.
Rena: So why did he want you dead?
Marcus: Because I refused to be in his posse.
Rena: I see…and he was afraid you’d tell about his dirty work?
Marcus: Pretty much, yes.
Rena sat on the couch as Marcus sat on the chair across from her.
Marcus: So what are you going to do?
Rena: Send us away somewhere where Mercer can’t find us. If he found out that-
The door flung open and it was Stanton and his girlfriend-of-the-week Sakina standing at the doorway.
Mercer: Now baby, I thought I said I wanted him dead. Not living…and with you.
Rena: You know I wouldn’t be able to kill him.
Mercer: Exactly. That’s why I’m here.
Marcus: Why the hell-
Sakina: Shut up. Or I’ll shoot your ass!
Mercer: Why can’t you just shoot him now?
Rena: Stanton, stop! He’s not going to say anything about you!
Mercer: Can’t take that chance!
Sakina shot at him and hit him in the head. Blood sprayed about and Marcus flopped on the white couch, now stained red. Rena grabbed her head and screamed.
Rena: YOU BITCH!
Rena grabbed her gun and shot Sakina in the chest, hurling her over in pain. Stanton clapped and laughed and her, kicking Sakina over like as if she was garbage. And to him, she was.
Mercer: Well done. I have my brother killed and another potential squealer dead. She was a cop, you know…and now that she has your bullets in her…you can take the heat.
Rena: WHAT!? Hell no! I’m getting out of her.
Mercer: I don’t think so…you’re staying right here. Unless..
Rena: Unless what?
Mercer: Unless you come with me…
Rena looked at the floor and growled.
Mercer: Think about it. With you by my side…there’s no stopping us…
Rena: We can rule the world? Too cliché, Stanton.
Mercer: You know you hate it when you call me Stanton. Call me-
Rena: Mercer. I don’t think I could just live with you like this. What if you decided-
Mercer: To kill you? I might…but if you’re loyal…I won’t have to.
Rena: Just…
He pressed on her and kissed her. She grabbed at him and then let go, pushing him.
Rena: NO! I’ll never…you dumb stupid sonofabitch!
Mercer: Now don’t talk like that baby…I’m gonna have to get all nasty!
He reached for his gun, but nothing was there.
Rena: Looking for this?
She revealed his gun, and aimed it at him.
Mercer: Give that back, please.
Rena: What if I don’t?
Mercer: You will.
Rena: hmmm…NO!
She shot him and smiled as he fell back onto the wall. She laughed to herself, and grabbed her cellphone. She pressed some buttons and grinned.
Rena: Kiev? Yes. They’re all dead. Great, baby…can’t wait. I’ll see you then. We need someone to come over and clean this up. You’re going to have to make it like Marcus killed Stanton and Sakina in my house…I don’t care, just do it! Good. Bye baby.
Rena moved out of the house and laughed at the job she just committed. She seriously looked at it as a job-no- a hobby.
Rena: Bye Stanton…I mean, Mercer. Long may you live in hell!
Fade out.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:39:09 GMT -5
Metal Gear ACW – Part X (Credit: Hunter)
Latino opens the door and finds himself in a room surrounded by molten lava. He starts to sweat, but presses on. Suddenly, he notices a guard peering over the ledge, looking down at the lava.
Jake: It’s so beautiful.
Latino runs up behind him and fires a swift shot to his back. Jake turns around and sees Latino.
Jake: Tell…everyone…my last words…
Latino: What is this, open mic night?
Latino shoots Jake again and Jake falls over the ledge into the molten lava. He screams in pain and reaches his arm out of the lava, in a scene reminiscent of the Terminator. Latino shrugs and moves on. He moves past the lava room and finds a cargo elevator. He slowly rides the elevator down. When he is almost at the top, he sees ravens flying around above him.
Latino: Hmmm…is this foreshadowing?
Suddenly, a book drops down on his head. He looks at the book and reads out the title.
Latino: “Vulcan: The Roman God of Fire.”
He raises an eyebrow, then throws the book away and waits for the elevator to arrive at the bottom. It arrives finally, and he stands in front of a large door. He slides the door open, and then walks into what appears to be a large warehouse. He looks around and sees many large crates. On top of one of the crates, he finds a large shape. The shape rises and reveals itself to be Vulcan Cernunnos, armed with a large cannon on his back.
Cernunnos: Welcome, Mexican man…
Suddenly, another shape rises from atop a crate. It is the Hitman of the Ravens, armed with…a large garbage can on his back. The ravens around the room start crowing.
Hitman: Listen. Do you hear them? They agree. It is the end for you.
Latino: Ah, sí, you were the two in the tank. Must’ve been crowded in there, eh?
Cernunnos: HAHAHA! You are funny, Latino. But you will not survive the onslaught of the TRUE deity.
Hitman: Indeed, I pwn.
Cernunnos: Not you, idiot! ME!
The two of them leaps down from their crates and stand in front of Latino.
Hitman: The ravens have decided…you are a true adversary.
A raven flies down and lands on Latino’s shoulder.
Hitman: The raven has put the mark of death on you.
Cernunnos: Uh…uh…I can do that too…
He puts his arms together.
Cernunnos: I SUMMON YOU…VULCAN!!! PUT THE MARK OF DEATH ON HIM!!!
Nothing.
Hitman: Rejoice, Latino, this will be a glorious battle.
Latino: No, chicos, this is killing.
Cernunnos: SO BE IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hitman takes a clump of trash from his trashcan and throws it at Latino, who ducks. Cernunnos starts firing at Latino. Thinking quickly, Latino charges forward and past the two of them. Just as he had hoped, the Hitman’s trash of death hits Cernunnos square in the face, and Cernunnos’ bullets smash into Hitman’s torso. The two of them fall, defeated.
Latino: Why are these battles always so quick?
Cernunnos: Ugh…you…have done well…
Hitman: The ravens bore me…mother nature will take me…I will be watching you…
Ravens fly down and quickly eat away at Hitman, until the only thing left of him is his trashcan. Latino looks at Cernunnos.
Latino: Can you beat that?
Cernunnos: Er…the path you walk on has no end…each step you take is paved with the corpses of your enemies…their souls will haunt you forever…I was born from the loins of the Roman God of Fire himself…I will be watching you…take care…
Suddenly, an enormous flame appears from the earth and swallows Cernunnos whole. The flame disappears, and all that is left of him is his cannon.
Latino: What’s with them and their flashy exits?
He shakes his head and walks through the next door, only a step away from his fate.
Fade Out
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Aug 25, 2005 16:40:21 GMT -5
Match 7: The Fat Chick Deathmatch Jake Cheng vs. Angelo – ACW International Title Match (Credit: Angelo)
McNally: Here we go. Angelo Giovanni is taking on Jake Cheng in this match up here.
Edison: Uhh earlier Jake and Angelo announced this as a…..a….
McNally: Say it.
Edison: A Fat Chick Deathmatch!
McNally: Yes, and to my knowledge this is the fat chick that has bothered them several times in the chat room.
Edison: Now to Philip.
Philip: Ladies and bums, the following contest is the FAT CHICK DEATHMATCH! The rules are simple, the match goes until one can not respond to a ten count and if the ACW International Championship. First, he is the International Champion himself, ANGELO GIOVANNI!
The titantron bursts to life and shows a picture of Mario.
It’s a me, Mario!
The Mario music plays as Mario comes out with the International Title. He dances his way down to the ring and slides into the ring. Three goombas fall from the sky and into the ring and Mario runs towards then and stomps one then punches another then does a double backflip onto the other. He then jumps up and grabs a star!
Philip: And his opponent, from Deep in Chinatown, Jake Ching Chong Cheng!
“Look at me everybody, I’m a heel!” starts to play as the arena boos the man who is wearing stripper clothes. Camera turns to Mario who’s in the ring who just transforms into Angelo Giovanni. Ching chong makes his way down to the ring then goes under it. He comes back out with more clothes on and slides into the ring.
The bell rings
Ching Chong humps the air before backflipping out of the ring. He pulls a plastic sword out from underneath the ring and slides back in. Angelo teleports himself to the outside and grabs a sword. He then teleports back to the ring. They charge at each other begin to swordfight. They swing and fight until Ching stabs Angelo with it and its breaks. Angelo drops and plays dead before he kips up. There is a stare down before there is a loud boom and everything begins to shake. Ching and Angelo look at eachother but just forget about it. There is another boom as Philip makes his way up to the ring again with the mic.
Philip: Oh and I almost forgot……weighing in at 662 pounds……..THE FAT CHICK!
“I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE! YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN DENY!”
Angelo looks at Ching Chong and he runs out of the ring as Ching Chong immediately drops to a fetal position.
Jake: Not again….not again!
The Fat Chick walks in and is now on the stage. She jumps in joy and sthe whole arena shakes and some people in the front row near her fall over and ACW is hoping to not get a lawsuit. AS she jumps on the stage, it begins to bend downwards a little and she notices. She laughs a manly laugh and starts to run down to the ring. It’s like a 8 on the Richter Scale. [/i]
Angelo: Ching Chong! Ruuuun!
Ching gets up as quickly as possible and he sprints to the other side of the ring, he turns around and sees that the fat chick has still not made her way to the ring. She has stopped for a breather. Jake just stands there kinda waiting and she begins to walk again. She steps on the steel stairs and they flatten out like an accordion. She walks to the other side of the ring and gets on the stairs. Same thing happens. She gets confused and can’t get into the ring. Just then there’s a loud noise as everyone looks to the entrance way to see a forklift coming out which almost gets stuck in the little “pothole.” They drive over to the fat chick and she gets on. They lift her up and she’s now on the apron. After about two minutes she finally gets through the ropes and into the ring. There is a crunching noise and Angelo is heard yelling from under the ring. Jake looks trapped as she slowly makes her way towards him. Angelo is seen crawling out from under the ring and Jake yelps as she touches him. Angelo slides into the ring and throws a big slab of meat onto the mat. She turns around smelling it. She drops to the ground and eats it. Jake and Angelo then commence to fight. Jake kicks Angelo then spins and stunners Angelo. Angelo flies up into the air and begins to flip, once, twice, three times, four, times. Jake gets up and looks at Angelo like “WTF?” and then after three more flips Angelo falls to the ground. The ref counts.
Ref: 1…………2………….3…………..4…
Angelo rolls backwards and springs up. Angelo punches Jake then Jake punches back. There is a loud burp and they look at the fat chick who has eaten the meat. Jake, no longer distracted turns around and gets a huge haymaker by Angelo. Jake flies back and rams into the fat chick who flies backs also and they are sent over the top rope. They do a total flip in the air and Jake basically is cushioned with the fall as he quickly rolls off the fat chick. Angelo is at the ropes and springboards off the side rope to the outside where Jake is. Jake dives out of the way and lands on the fat chick. He screams and rolls off. He rolls over to the barricade and gags. Jake runs and jumps on the chicks stomach trying to see if he bounces but his feet just get stuck and he’s getting sucked in.
Jake: It’s like quicksand!!!!!!
Angelo runs towards him and hits a perfect running enziguri. Jake leans forward but gets sprung back up. Angelo looks at the ref and the ref kinda shrugs. Angelo runs, jumps and dropkicks Jakes back and he still doesn’t budge. He goes to the other side and shakes his head. He charges at full speed and nails a Boot of Italy right into Jakes already ugly face. He goes back but springs right up, he’s like one of those damn clowns that ya punch but it wont stay down and it keep coming back up. Just then Angelo has an idea. He runs to the backstage. Twenty seconds pass and Angelo comes out with the forklift. Angelo is smiling and then lifts the fat chick up. She doesn’t know what to do then the camera does a close up on Jake who is now facing the ground. Camera then closes in on Angelo.
Angelo: Greater then underscore greater than. Less than, underscore less than. And for you slow ones *looks at Jonny* its <_<……. >_>.
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