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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 14:56:00 GMT -5
ACW Proudly Presents: Super Happy Fun Vagina Day Extravaganza!Saturday 25th November 2006 Schedule of Matches: ------------------------------------------------- Brian Carnage vs. Byron Rockwood ------------------------------------------------- Triple Threat MatchAdrian Flamingo vs. Mr. Red vs. Thunderkiss ------------------------------------------------- Three-Way Tag Team MatchThe Rioteers vs. Englandlad & San Juan vs. Wyldcard ------------------------------------------------- Mystery StipulationLeon Chase vs. Nick Durden ------------------------------------------------- Brimstone vs. Jake Cheng ------------------------------------------------- ACW Entertainment Title: Round Robin Tournament – 1st RoundChristopher Bryant vs. MASAKI ------------------------------------------------- ACW Entertainment Title: Round Robin Tournament – 2nd roundJason Freeman vs. Christopher Bryant ------------------------------------------------- ACW Entertainment Title: Round Robin Tournament - Final RoundMASAKI vs. Jason Freeman ------------------------------------------------- ACW World Title MatchChance “Tiger VII” Emmerson vs. Yoko Satoshi -------------------------------------------------
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:01:48 GMT -5
Is it the end of November already? Doesn’t time fly…
ACW’s 30th PPV easily takes the award for the most original name so far, and it’s certainly created a buzz within the ACW fan base. Tonight is important on several levels; with a mix of established stars and several of the brightest new talents being brought forward to prominence, it’s time to see if the new generation of superstars have what it takes to step up to a higher level. And with tensions behind the scenes continuing, with Fallout, the mystery of Umeko Saito’s whereabouts still unresolved and certain other roster members getting themselves into deep trouble of other kinds, almost anything could happen tonight. And it probably will.
The first surprise comes immediately as the shot cuts to the arena. The place has been decked out like a circus big top, with purple and white striped canvas in great quantity turning the arena into a tent-like space. The ring apron and dressing has also been color-co-ordinated, so the whole effect is very atmospheric, and to add a final touch, as the camera moves around we can see that Philip has a natty new attire; he is dressed as a Ringmaster with a purple tail-coat instead of red to match the rest of the décor.
So roll up, roll up… the greatest show on earth is about to begin. Pass the popcorn…
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:02:59 GMT -5
Segment: Fear in the Hearts of Men. (Credit: Byron) We fade in to the first scene of the night to a surprising view; Biff is standing in front of Gingerdude in his office, backstage at the Pay-Per-View, and the two are staring each other down. They are not really angry, but they refuse to give the other an inch, and evidently whatever’s going on can only be settled face to face. As they stare each other down, the door swings open. Both men start as they see who it is. It is free agent, yet ACW mainstay Brian Carnage. He is in a bad way, however; he has a few half healed scratches on his face as well as his arms, and a black eye that is beginning to fade. His hair is tousled, and has a few flecks of dried blood congealed to it. Without saying a word, he flops down into a leather chair near the wall. Gingerdude and Biff, despite themselves walk over to him. Biff: He followed you home? Carnage: HOME? He followed me EVERYWHERE! You gave me last week off, which I thought would help. Guess wha-aat? ? IT DIDN'T! He didn’t let me sleep a wink. Things floating in my apartment, door shaking, my cats being juggled by nobody.... it happened in my car, in hotel rooms, at the DMV- Gingerdude: Which was scarier? Carnage: The DMV, but that’s not important. What is important is he won’t let me alone. Bif: Well, we asked you here for a reason. Carnage: …This doesn’t sound good. What is it? Biff: Well, he showed up in my office Monday Night. I saw this show the other week, where they had a pad of paper and a pencil, and the ghost wrote back. Well, we tried that. Carnage: What did he want? Gingerdude: I can answer that. Here’s the paper.... Gingerdude holds up a sheet of standard computer paper. Carnage looks up. and with his hand shaking, he reads it. The color drains out of his face as he does so. Biff: I asked what he wanted. Carnage: Me… Gingerdude: We already knew that, so he went on. Biff: Then I asked... for reasons still unknown to me, “Where.” Carnage: A Match tonight. Gingerdude: I sanctioned it. Carnage: I have never seen the word ‘Vagina’ and been so scared.... YOU SANCTIONED IT? Biff: I asked him to. if you can beat him... he might leave. Carnage: MIGHT! MIGHT... NOT WILL, BIFF! Gingerdude: SIT DOWN! You were once our Junior Champion. You don’t get a belt in our company by being yellow, Brian. Carnage: I know.... Biff: Poltergeists feed on fear. if you aren’t afraid, you WILL beat him. Gingerdude: It’s the first match. Are you up for it? Carnage: ….frankly, no. Carnage gets up, takes a deep breath and walks towards the door. He notices he is still holding the paper in his hand, and he looks at it. Biff: Where are you going? Carnage: The ring. I have a match, don’t I? Gingerdude: I thought you said you weren’t up for the match. Carnage: I’m not... but if I can’t face him now, it will only get worse. I’ll have to face my fears sooner or later. I opt for sooner. And with that, Carnage left the room. Biff turned to Gingerdude, and at the same time, both went for their wallets. Biff: Thirty says he does it. Gingerdude: Make it fifty, and I say he doesn’t. Fade.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:04:08 GMT -5
Segment: “How Do You Like Your Love?” (Credit: Adrian Flamingo)
Once again the screen was invaded by a baby pink haze and purple cursive hand-writing crept slowly diagonally. As the writing ceased, a bright pink flamingo popped up on the screen beside the writing which read out to be “Astonishing” Adrian Flamingo. The image then faded out in a spiral to a very disgruntled looking Adrian Flamingo standing in front of a large ACW logo. His wild blonde mane was held back by a silver headband and sunglasses hung off the pocket of his pink sequin jacket that covered his purple singlet. The million dollar smile had been replaced by a buck-fifty grimace. His once-blemish-less face had been marked by what looked like a knee-shaped bruise. “You know, last week, I made an open challenge and it was accepted by Kudo. Now, I knew right then and there that I was in for a fight… that the likelihood of me winning was about slim-and-none. Regardless, I strapped on my boot tassels, I teased my hair, I put on my smile, and I strutted right down that ring and took my lumps. Kudo… Kudo’s tough. No doubt about it. When you’re the longest reigning champion in ACW history, you have to be. There’s one thing I didn’t expect from, Kudo, though…”
Adrian’s grimace turned into an even more sour sneer as he put his pink-tinted shades back on. “I couldn’t believe that he had the sheer intestinal fortitude to cheat! I mean, c’mon, ACW fans! C’mon ACW officials! Were you even watching the match?! You could totally see that he was hitting me with closed fists the whole time! What?! You didn’t see his grubby, sushi-eatin’ fingers grabbing at my luscious gold locks?! You had to see that he had the tights when he pinned me! I swear, I’m amazed that the FCC hasn’t come in here and shut this whole promotion down for the amount of sheer, manly nudity that was displayed when Kudo took the back of my tights and pulled them down for leverage! What? Don’t believe me!? You think something as simple as a knee to the face would keep Big Poppa Flamingo down for the three!?”
Adrian pointed a very discriminating finger at the camera and allowed his whiney, accusing voice to revert to it’s gravelly-self. “KUDO! I ain’t got no respect… NO RESPECT… for cheaters! This is a man’s sport, Kudo, and your sneaky little Oriental cheating ways ain’t got no business in that ring! See, I’ve been talking to a great man, lately. A man whose name has appeared in the big cities, on the big marques, and he’s competed with some of the greats of this sports. No, I’m not talking about your Jushin Lygers, Ultimo Dragons, Kenta Kobashis, or any of that other crap you folks like over there in Hiroshima or Hong Kong Phooey! I’m talking about your Randy Savages, your Roddy Pipers, your Dusty Rhodes, and your Rick Martels! So, let me just tell you something the way he would’ve…”
Adrian bent down off camera and some rustling was heard. A few seconds later, he popped back up with a pink and white striped towel on top his head and a fake, black, curly mustache securely taped to his upper lip. Adrian, while already someone who talked frequently with his hands, held his arms out with his palms turned slightly upwards. “KUDO! I’mma let you know… you was lucky, punk! See, I was about dis close to lockin’ da Camel Clutch an’ breakin’ your back! Break your back… BREAK YOUR BACK… make you humble! See, Kudo, you’re a cheat… you’re a sleeze… an’ Adrian Flamingo ain’t got no respect for no cheat! I catch you lookin’ at Adrian Flamingo da wrong way, I take you back to dat ring, beat you down, break your back, an’ make you humble like in ol’ country!”
Adrian shook his head really hard to fling the towel and mustache off across the room and off camera. His sunglasses also flew across the room by accident, but that really didn’t bother him at the moment. Much like a certain Heartbreak Kid, Adrian’s smile returned to his face. “You know what? I’m done with Kudo! I’m washing my hands of him with lavender scented soap and I’m moving on. So who are my opponents tonight… Thunderkiss? More like Thunderkiss-my-ass! I see you there with your fancy-doo-da facial hair and, while I can’t really grow any myself, it looks ridiculous! Accompanied with that pompadour/mullet thing you have on your head, I have a hard time believing there are women that actually want you! Believe the hype? Bra, the only thing I see you hyping is the use of the toilet whenever you step into the ring! I guarantee that the only reason you stay on the payroll here is due to the fact that concession stand profits triple whenever your lame-ass entrance music hits! Then there’s Mr. Red… who? I honestly can’t say that I’ve heard about you because you haven’t done much, bra. See, Adrian Flamingo has been in the company for a little over two weeks now and he’s already making a big splash! Sure, that sneaky little punk, Kudo, stole my moment from me, but I still made headlines for taking on a big name in my first match here. See, Red, Thunderkiss has a one-up on ya, it’s called charisma. Thunderkiss is wet behind the ears with it, but Big Poppa Flamingo is dripping with it! Maybe it’s best if you just sit in the corner during out match and allow me and TK to show ya how MEN do it!”
Adrian held up his hands like he was reading a marquee with a big smile on his face. “Mister Red… Thunderkiss… and, ACW’s Favorite Son, “Astonishing” Adrian Flamingo… PPV… eight-and-three-quarter stars… three-way! After one of you unlucky punks feel the 1978 Flamingo Special, Big Poppa Flamingo will be celebrating with a different kind of three-way, if ya hear me? Cause if there’s one thing that Adrian Flamingo loves more than having super-happy-fun is vaginas! When, not one, but TWO punks need a beatin’… who ya gonna call, baby? I LOVE IT!”
Adrian strutted off camera as the shot faded to black.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:09:07 GMT -5
Match 1: Brian Carnage vs. Byron Rockwood (Credit: Byron) The crowd gets their first proper look at Philip’s new getup as he enters the ring, and they like what they see. He doffs his top hat to the audience before beginning the introductions.Phillip: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the opening match, scheduled for one fall, and brought to you by Fallout. Introducing first…from Greenock, Scotland…weighing in this morning at 210 lbs… and standing at 6’1”….Brian Carnage! Open Your Eyes by Guano Apes begins to play as Carnage walks through the curtains, a little shaky. The fans give him an encouraging response as the former ACW Junior Champion looks around. This is technically a Fallout match, but it’s still an ACW PPV. In the past, this would have been booed, but fans have been privy to what has been going on with Carnage for the past few weeks on Fallout, and what he has been through is more than enough to win them over. Carnage may just have been scared as he walked through the curtains, but now, with the ACW fans giving him such a warm welcome, by the time he gets to the ring he is slapping hands and smiling broadly, his fear leaving him due to the ACW fans. He’s ready for anything... or so he hopes.Phillip: And his opponent, fr om.... The microphone goes dead, and it was a moment before Phil realizes it. He looks to the timekeeper for an explanation, and it is just then that the lights go out. A voice rings out from the darkness, a deep, cold, cruel voice that startles viewers and the live audience alike.
Voice: CARNAGE!
The camera has a view of the Alphatron, which flickers into life with a pair of almost glowing, inhumanly green eyes. They move as if it was a person on camera, and not just a still image.
Voice: Ah, Brian. As a true Warrior, you seem to not be fearful of your enemy… this is both a blessing and a curse. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME! Your fear has allowed me to transubstantiate into a living man. If you are not scared now, by the end of the night, you will know Fear’s true face. MINE. You will know Terror’s name... BYRON ROCKWOOD!
The eyes disappear, and Haunted by Poe starts up. As the first set of “buh-da-ba-ba”s hit, the lights fade in a little bit, as well as some black lights, giving the place a surreal tone. The light allows us a glimpse at a relatively well built man covered in intricate, small tattoos, completely covering his arms and upper chest on the stage. He does not move, he just stands there, and as soon as that first line of words stop, the light is gone. As the second line is heard, the light fades in once more. the man, Byron Rockwood is standing closer, a quarter of the way down the ramp, which is bathed in a strange black mist. As the line fades out, so does the light. This happens six more times, each time Byron coming closer and closer to the ring…
As the real lyrics kick in, the light fades all the way up, and Byron is perched, sitting on the turnbuckle with both feet tucked under him, staring straight into Brian Carnage’s eyes. Neither eyes, Carnage’s or Rockwood’s, show any fear.
Byron hopped into the ring and the bell rang. Carnage began to bounce on the balls of his feet. Byron just stared him down. Carnage rushed at him, looking for a forearm, but Rockwood moved out of the way and locked his hands around Carnage’s waist. Rockwood lifted Carnage off his feet, but Carnage brought himself back down and fired off a few elbows to the side of Rockwood’s head. Without having Byron let go, Carnage tilted forward and ran backward to the turnbuckle. Before the impact, Byron let go, and Carnage ended up in the corner. Rockwood rushed at Carnage, but ended up eating boot, as Carnage was able to get his foot up in time, as the crowd cheered loudly for the display of athleticism.
As Rockwood was kneeling on the ground, Carnage hopped up to the second rope and jumped off and landed an elbow drop onto Rockwood’s upper back, which was exposed. Carnage rolled to his feet as Rockwood stood up and paced, shaking of the pain. The Crowd cheered, which alerted Rockwood, who turned around in time to find Carnage rushing at him with a shoulder. In a split second, Rockwood leapt and connected with his knees to Carnage, using both his and Carnage’s own momentum to power the move. As Carnage fell on the canvas, Rockwood put on a simple one-handed choke. The audience was whipped into an angry frenzy. Carnage latched onto the ropes, as he had fallen close enough to them, and the ref began to count. Rockwood let go a split second before he was about to be disqualified. The cascade of boos was ignored completely by Rockwood, who sat down in the opposite corner as Carnage used the ropes nearest him to stand. As he regained his vertical base, Rockwood stood up and bounced off the ropes. Carnage swayed a bit and bent forward, which beckoned Rockwood in to attempt an axe kick, but Carnage was faking him out, and connected with a shuffle side kick. Rockwood’s head was rocked back, and he fell to the mat as the crowd broke into cheers.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:09:55 GMT -5
A “CAR-NAGE” chant had started as Rockwood rolled up to his feet. Rockwood was waiting for him in a three-point stance. They rushed at each other and locked up. Carnage got in a Headlock, but Rockwood slipped out and tried to bum rush him into the corner, and Carnage responded by nailing a reverse Russian Leg Sweep. The crowd went nuts, as they knew what was next. Before he had time to recover, Carnage rushed to the ropes and got to the turnbuckle. He let out a war cry as he faced the... THING that had been terrorizing him for the past month. He let out all his rage, and though Rockwood was farther away than mid-ring, Carnage connected with a Swanton Bomb that was a thing of beauty. The crowd started to chant “THAT WAS AWESOME!” as Carnage went for the pin.
1 . . . 2 . KICKOUT!
Rockwood was able to flip Carnage over, and applied a Crossface as the crowd was vocal in their disapproval, but also in their midst, a few cheers had begun to emerge. Rockwood cinched up the hold, but Carnage was spun directly under the ropes, which he grabbed hold of. Rockwood released the hold and stood up. Carnage lay prone directly under him, and Rockwood hopped up on the ropes, similar to Christopher Daniel’s B.M.E. At the top rope he did not Moonsault, but jumped high into the air like a diving board, and tried to land feet-first onto Carnage, but he rolled out of the way. As Rockwood looked to where Carnage had rolled, Carnage leapt and nailed a Drop-kick. Rushing to the ropes, he bounced off and nailed a nasty looking Baseball slide to the skull of his opponent. The crowd went wild as Carnage stood up and roared.
Rockwood stood up as Carnage hovered over him. Carnage was swinging his arms in the typical “COME ON!” gesture, and Rockwood obliged. Carnage went in with a few lefts and rights, but Rockwood headbutted him. Carnage, caught off guard stumbled a bit, and Rockwood backflipped and nailed the Un-Restful Soul. Carnage’s knees swayed, but did not give out. Rockwood, getting up and powered by something un-human, shoved Carnage in the ropes, and upon the rebound, nailed a textbook Frankensteiner as the crowd, despite the hate they had, cheered the move as well as booing the man who hit it. Carnage stumbled to his feet and out of nowhere, Rockwood hit in a rear, Cross-Armed Northern Lights Suplex. Carnage landed stomach first, but Rockwood was not done. He rolled over laterally and locked in a Camel Clutch. These two moves in succession were the deadly combination that he made his Finisher.... the House of Leaves.
Carnage struggled in the hold, but the rapid succession of the House of Leaves was too much, and dead center in the ring, he tapped out as the crowd erupted in a barrage of angry yells, jeers and boos. A few distinct phrases were heard that are unfit to place in this transcript.
The bell rang, and Poe’s Haunted started up. Black lights faded in, and Phillip’s microphone sounded in the arena.
Philip: Your Winner, Via Submission... Byron Rockwood.
The lights go out, but the music still plays. It is almost a full minute until the lights return, and when they do a table is set up mid-ring. A black cloth is draped over it and a human-shaped form lies underneath it, which has to be Brian Carnage.
Rockwood is nowhere to be seen…
The scene fades into the back, where one of about ten thousand promos hyping an upcoming match or storyline is sure to be placed.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:10:53 GMT -5
Segment: “Sports Entertainment > Wrestling” (Credit: Thunderkiss)
[As we return from a quick break, on the Alphatron comes an image of Thunderkiss! The crowd pops for him and he addresses the new signing of a very old acquaintance …]
Thunderkiss: Well, well .. well. So my old friend Jersey Jack decided to follow the path I cut into the wrestling world and join me here in ACW. Furthermore, Jersey Jim wants to fight me one on one in the match we never had in that “other” place. Well John, today is your lucky day. Not only will I give you your match, I’ll also make you famous while I’m doing it. I’ve challenged you first Joel, the ball’s in your court now! Now if you’ll excuse me!
[On the Alphatron the words “THUNDERKISS WRESTLING CLINIC” are displayed! “Thunderkiss ‘65” hits the sound system and to the delight of the crowd comes Thunderkiss! He walks out onto the rampway and sends a thunderous punch onto the stage, causing two flame trails to roll down the ramp and around the ring! Thunderkiss follows the fire down to the ring flaunting his stuff to the crowd as he usually does! He enters the ring and in the corner, many fans catch notice of a strange looking padded machine. This machine has an overhead display reading “ZERO” at the moment, and almost looks like weight machine. Before the fans can examine it further, Thunderkiss’ music comes to a stop and he addresses the crowd..]
Thunderkiss: Tonight, I am going to show you all how to get it done in the ring in the first ever LIVE Thunderkiss Wrestling Clinic. After the show, I promise that you, the casual wrestling fan will have enough experience to take on even the hardest opponent. To help me demonstrate, I brought in the one and only … NINJA X!
[The crowd all looks at each other and goes .. “WHO”!?! “Kung Fu Fighting” plays and out comes the masked enigma, NINJA X! Ninja X comes down the ramp way pulling out throwing stars from his side holsters and shooting them into the air. The crowd gives him no pop whatsoever, and he enters the ring with a wild spin kick that also has the crowd sitting on their hands …]
Crowd: *Cricket Noise*
Thunderkiss: Now come on now, it can’t be all that bad folks, this man is a virtual assassin! Right Ninja X?!
Ninja X: *Bowing & Whispering* I had better get my check for this when it’s over.
Thunderkiss: *Whispering* Don’t worry, you will.
[Thunderkiss spins back around to the crowd and yells out...]
Thunderkiss: NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I am now going to show you the POWER of the MOVES of THUNDERKISS! Over here to my right, is a energy kinetic energy synthesizer, or as I like to call it … THE ENERGY READER 5000! When either Ninja X or myself nail its padded areas with a wrestling move, it will show up above on the display the total energy output of each move!
[Suddenly, a guy yells out from the audience ..]
Fan: LIKE ROCKY FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thunderkiss: Yes, like Rocky Four. AHEM, anyway. Tonight, I will show you that GOOD ‘OL FASHION CONSERVATIVE WRESTLING is still relevant and the best way to win. To prove this, I will have Ninja X, a spot whore, do his Luchador or Cruiserweight or X-Man or whatever you want to call them... moves on the Energy Reader 5000. After he is done, I shall do one of my CLASSIC moves involving the same body part on the machine. As you will all see, my moves will be stronger and much more effective than his own, proving my point that simple IS effective!
Fan: This isn’t a wrestling clinic!
Thunderkiss: And unfortunately it wasn’t an abortion clinic in regards to your mom, so shut up, homeboy. NOW…. To begin, NINJA X and myself will hit the machine with all our might with all four appendages showing that we are of the same strength….
[Thunderkiss and Ninja X take a moment to strike the machine with both arms and both legs. The output reads the same…. 10,000 power points!]
Thunderkiss: There, there should be no worry about discrepancy now! As you can clearly see, we are equally matched in strength and in power! Now, Ninja X, I want you to hit the E.R. 5000 with the best kick you have, but before you do, I want to bring out my OWN man to call this action! Or shall I say MACHINE!
[Thunderkiss points to the back and out comes a big looking … ROBOT! Again the fans are in a total “W-T-F” moment! This robot comes to the ring and you can easily tell there is a man underneath the metal as it steps through the ropes! This “Robot” comes walking up to Thunderkiss…]
Thunderkiss: Ladies and Gentlemen, keeping along the lines of technology, this thing here is the latest and greatest announcing robot today – or as I like to call him …. ROHBOT!
ROHBOT: ……. HELLO, I AM ROHBOT, AND I LIKE TO CALL WRESTLING MATCHES ….
Thunderkiss: Yes you do. But what I want you to do right now ROHBOT, is call Ninja X’s move for dramatic effect… think you can do that?
ROHBOT: …… INDEED … I AM PROGRAMMED TO CALL OVER ONE MILLION WRESTLING HOLDS …
On the outside, Fast Eddie Edison looks very slightly worried about his future job security, and adjusts his collar.
Thunderkiss: Excellent, NINJA X .. STRIKE!
[Ninja X hits the ropes, hits them, and catapults back to the E.R. 5000! Hit leaps up and does a …]
ROHBOT: ……… IT’S A 360 SPINNING SHINING FLAMING DART ATTACK!!!!! OH EM GEE!
[X hits the padding and lands on his feet! He looks up at the E.R. 5K display and it reads ..]
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>7,800 POWER POINTS!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Thunderkiss: Now do you see what he did there? Some kind of flaming dart whatever for 78 grand. Now watch what one of my SIMPLE clotheslines will do!
[Thunderkiss runs up to the ER 5K and nails it with a clothesline! The padding makes a impact sound and TK looks up at the monitor to see ..]
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>8,500 POWER POINTS!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Thunderkiss: Now see, what did I tell you?! Ninja X was flying all over the ring like a silly monkey and all that running and spinning took the impact off his move. All I did was one impact clothesline and it clearly out did his X-Man move. But let that not be the final proof! Lets do some more!
[5 Minutes pass. ROHBOT continues to call the action as each one of Thunderkiss’ moves outdo those of Ninja X. Simple headbutts and knee lifts are outshining the shining wizards and shooting star presses! The crowd looks on with amazement and the demonstration nears an end.]
Thunderkiss: Now who is irrelevant?! Huh? HUH?! What you saw here proves my ring philosophy. Get it done, and get it done quick. Why should I spin in the air like some guy out of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” when one punch to the teeth gets a bigger effect?! There is a mindset in this business, that some guys are better than others because they can pull of a 360 SHOOTING STAR PRESS BURNING HAMMER or whatever. The fact is, many of these “little” men AND women, do this because they are weaklings. They have to put their whole body behind their moves because they don’t have the strength, the SHEER POWER to get it done in the ring. And then these little people have the gall to say that I’m “irrelevant”. Well, here it is – an OPEN CHALLENGE for any of these little “X-Men” and Women of the ACW. You want to prove that I’m irrelevant? Here is an open contract, any of you are welcomed to SIGN it! And what do you think their chances of winning are ROHBOT?!
ROHBOT: … ABOUT THE SAME AS NINJA X’S!!!!!!!!!
Thunderkiss: Indeed!
[Ninja X takes a second to let what he just hear sink in… but by that time, it’s TOO LATE! Thunderkiss STRIKES him down from behind with a forearm shot to the back of his head! He lifts X into the air and puts him in a torture rack! Slowly, he lets the consciousness of X slip away and discards his body after he is out like a light. Some of the crowd begin to boo the actions of Thunderkiss for the first time since him signing with the ACW. This doesn’t bother T.K. in any such way, but instead, makes him feel more “alive”!]
Thunderkiss: Now THAT’S wrestling! THAT’S wrestling! All you little punks out there who sit their asses behind the TV and go on the internet and act like you know what a good match is, I am your wake up call. You wouldn’t know a good match if it came up and ****ed you right in your face! So you can take your neat little indy fed T-Shirts and all your bootleg DVD’s and shove them strait up your ass, because you don’t know have a F***ING CLUE what ENTERTAINMENT IS. You all think you’re cool... and alternative because you watch these little cruiserweights fly around the ring. Well the fact is, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT ROHBOTS!
[With those words, Thunderkiss punches ROHBOT in the head knocking him out cold! The “Robot” lays on the mat going into convulsions while the crowd is now almost all booing Thunderkiss. Thunderkiss’ music begins to play and he continues to stand in the ring with both arms in the air ..]
Thunderkiss: MADE BY GOD, KISSED BY THUNDER! YEAH! YEAH!
Maxwell McNally: Whoa Lord, I think that man has snapped ….
"Fast" Eddie Edison: And he is a DANNNNNNNNGEROUUUUUS MAN! Oh man! Oh man Oh man! Oh man! He just put ACW and part of the “wrestling community” on notice!
McNally rubs his ear from Eddie’s yelling, and eyes the robot again as the crew clear the ring in preparation for the next match.
Fade.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:13:30 GMT -5
Segment: Deception And A Willingness To Lie (Credit: Scott Andrews)
Without a match booked for tonight’s PPV extravaganza, Scott is able to relax in his stable’s quarters, as much as he can in his given situation. He leans against the back of the couch and stares off into nothingness, awaiting his girlfriends arrival.
The door swings open gently as Jessie enters firmly grasping two cups of coffee in her hands trying not to drop them as she tries to move the door with her elbows. She finally manages to get it closed with foot and she moves over towards Scott. He looks over at her and reaches out as he is given his coffee.
Scott: Thanks, love.
Jessie sits next to him and takes a sip before placing the cup on the oak coffee table.
Jessie: So where were you last week at the Warfare tapings? I was looking everywhere for you, and no-one knew where you went…
Scott silently conjures up an excuse.
Scott: I’m sorry, Jess’. Gingerdude had to speak with me about a Light Heavyweight Title defence at Winters Discontent.
Jessie: And that took you all night? I had to get a ride home with Rattlesnake and Wyvern, and even they didn’t know where you went…We’re all worried about you Scott. You seem to be fixated with something else whenever I try and talk to you…Scott?
His wandering eyes regain focus as he tilts his head towards Jessie.
Scott: I’m ok…really.
Jessie: You know you can tell me anything? I’m here for you, Scott.
Scott: I know, babe…I’m fine though, really. Just a little tired, that’s all…Y’know? From all the intense workouts I’ve been doing recently to further increase my already blindingly amazing skills, although it is almost impossible for me to surpass the skills I possess. And you can’t get better than perfection…except, Scott Andrews…ZING!
Jessie smiles as Scott shows signs of his usual self. Her thoughts of bad happenings are put on hold for now.
Jessie: That’s the kinda mode you need to be in, hun, because you’re about to be interviewed in about ten minutes. Let’s get a wriggle on, we don’t want to keep old Kevin waiting.
Scott: Says who? Kevin can wait for Scott Andrews. I’ll take my time thanks, Jess’.
Jessie sighs as Scott purposely puts his jacket blazer on slowly, in an almost comedic slow-motion movement. Jessie can’t help but let out a slight chuckle. Scott’s always been able to make her laugh, even if it was something as silly as this.
Jessie: C’mon, Scott.
He shuffles his blazer and flattens it out before doing up the buttons and heading out the door.
FADE OUT.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:14:10 GMT -5
Segment: Keeping a Promise? (Credit: Shawn)
For months, Chance “Tiger VII” Emmerson has searched endlessly for the woman that normally sits at the very center of his life: Umeko Saito. In her absence, it’s almost been as if a piece of himself is gone. Whether his deep feelings are brought on by genuine love or mindless subservient devotion is currently unknown—and ultimately unimportant—in the grand scheme of things.
The only thing that really matters is the changes that these dire circumstances has fostered in his psyche. He’s grown more confident in his own reasoning and, as such, has become a more focused and determined beast. Couple this with the fact that he’s been in an all-consuming rage since the day Umeko disappeared, and you have a Tiger who can easily be considered one of the most dangerous men alive.
His remaining eye…devoid of mercy…stares coldly into the camera.
Chance: Tonight…
Sakina Khalida looks on from the far side of the shot. She’s merely an afterthought on a lot of fans minds during this promo and she doesn’t really mind that fact. She’s currently just as enthralled by Chance’s intensity as anybody else. She feels a cold chill come up the length of her spine as she listens to his words.
Chance: Yoko Satoshi… I’m making you a promise…a very simple promise
Never a man for long, drawn out monologues… Chance chooses his words carefully and keeps them chillingly simple. His voice never rises far above a raspy whisper.
Chance: This will be your last match.
In a bit of a surprise, he smiles into the camera. It’s the terrifying smile of a man obsessed with revenge.
Chance: I know you’ve heard it said before by many different men… It’s been said so often that the threat’s lost its meaning…but there’s a very big difference between them and myself…
A pause to let everything sink in. Then brings his signature sledgehammer from its resting place on his shoulder down into both of his hands.
Chance: I’m a man of my word.
Fade.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:15:59 GMT -5
Match 2: Triple Threat MatchAdrian Flamingo vs. Mr. Red vs. Thunderkiss (Credit: Nick Durden) Back to the ring quickly, where the funkadelic beat of “Reds Fan” by Freekbass hits. Red and white lights flash around the entrance as Mr. Red appears, clad in his signature Reds jersey and clutching a Ken Griffey Jr. signed baseball bat. The crowd expresses their obstinate disapproval with vigorous chants of “Reds suck!”I’m a Reds fan That’s what I am I’m a Red’s fan That’s where I stand Reds fan You see it in my eyes I’ll be a Reds fan for the rest of my lifeMr. Red makes his way down the ramp, pointing his bat menacingly at the fans, who are now enthusiastically giving him the dreaded double thumbs down.Phillip Jones: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is Adrian Flamingo’s Triple Threat Invitational. Introducing first...weighing in at two hundred pounds...from Columbus, Ohio…MISTER…RED! Eddie Edison: And we welcome you back to Super Happy Fun Vagina Day Extravaganza, whew, try saying that five times fast. Anyway, this is your favorite color commentator with two first names, “Fast” Eddie Edison alongside “The Voice of ACW” himself, Maxwell McNally, and we’re honored that you’re joining us for this next match, a triple threat featuring Mr. Red, Thunderkiss, and Adrian Flamingo. The only place that I ever wanted to be Reds fan Down by the river of Cincinnati The gleam of the lights and the crack of the bat Reds fanRed then rolls into the ring under the bottom rope and gives a generic arms up taunt to a less than adoring crowd.The bellowing guitar intro to “Thunderkiss 65” roars from the PA as the lights dim and the silhouettes of two strippers can be see on the side trons. In the middle tron, Thunderkiss' video plays as the man himself makes his way through the entranceway. He stands atop of the rampway looking out into the crowd for a moment.Well sweet little sista's high in hell cheat'n on a halo Grind in a odyssey holocaust heart kick on tomorrow Breakdown Agony said "Ecstasy" in overdrive she come a riding on the worldWhen the lyrics hit, Thunderkiss suddenly lowers his body and sends his fist flying into the metal below. Upon this impact, pyro lights up both sides of the rampway creating a sea of fire to escort Thunderkiss into the ring.Jones: Introducing next...weighing in at two hundred and seventy-five pounds...from Los Angeles, California...THUUUUUUUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSS! McNally: If there’s one person in this match that will enjoy a distinct power advantage, it has to be this man. The key for him will be to ground his much more agile opponents as quickly as possible. Thunder kiss'n 1965 Yeah, wow! Five, yeah, wow! Demon-warp is coming alive in 1965 Five, five, yeah!Livin' fast and dying young like a endless poetry My motor-psycho nightmare freak out inside of me My soul salvation liberation on the drive The power of the blaster move me faster 1965 Yeah, wow! Five, yeah, wow! Demon-warp is coming alive in 1965 Five, five, yeah!Thunderkiss takes his time coming to the ring and upon entering, takes command of all four corners making a statement that THIS is his house.The mellow drum intro to “Stayin’ Alive” by the Fugees begins to ring harmoniously from the speakers.STAYING’ ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!Pink lights flood the arena.Looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky look here Look at shorty got back to the action for a dance Hold on, there’s a lady in the wolf pack And besides, there be cats dropping on her Buying her fake furs and taking her to the fever Wide is his campaign Even he spends She spends his Franklins at the mall with her friends Material girl living in a material world But it’s alright ‘cause it’s Saturday night This is funkmaster so pump the BGs And all you college students playing your Ouijas Check the spelling R-E-F-U-G-E E the CD from Sam Goody Tee heeFlamingo struts his way down the entrance ramp. Sporting the wildest looking entrance coats, feathered boas, headbands, and sunglasses you’ll probably ever see. He sees a fan holding up a “FLAMINGO SUCKS” sign and he rushes over to furiously tear it to shreds. He then tosses the shreds condescendingly back at the fan before continuing to make his way to the ring.Jones: And finally...from Venice Beach, California...weighing in at two hundred and five pounds...”ASTONISHING”...ADRIAN...FLAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOO! McNally: Adrian Flamingo certainly one of the more promising talents in ACW. Unfortunately for him, he decided to bite off a bit more than he could chew in challenging ACW legend Kudo Yasuda to a match in his debut. Let’s see how he does against opponents more of his level. You ain’t even close with the rhymes that you wrote Don’t be mad ‘cause you broke Let me clear my throat Time for a change Grab the mic and sway this way In mode I’m just a rhyma You just a small tyma Hoping that the game treat that ass a little kindaFlamingo proceeds up the ring steps and elegantly enters the ring. He spins around to taunt to the unappreciative crowd while wearing that same old million dollar grin on his face.DING, DING, DING!Red and Thunderkiss begin my teaming up on Flamingo. They pound him with punches to the head and back him up into the corner. They whip him into the opposing corner, and when he bounces off, they plant him with a double flapjack. McNally: The two tag team partners reason that if they turn this triple threat into a handicap match, both will have a better chance to win, and they’re exhibiting great teamwork right now. Red proceeds to stomp on Flamingo, but Thunderkiss grabs him by the back of the shirt and tosses him through the middle ropes and to the outside.Edison: Whoops! Not anymore. Flamingo takes advantage of this opening to clothesline Thunderkiss over the top rope and to the outside. Thunderkiss lands on his feet on the outside. Flamingo runs to the ropes on the opposite side and bounces off to hit a baseball slide on Thunderkiss, who then stumbles backward into Red squashing him against the barricade. Flamingo exits the ring under the bottom rope and proceeds to pound on Thunderkiss. Flamingo goes to whip Thunderkiss into the ring steps, but Thunderkiss counters and sends him crashing shoulder-first into the steel! Seeking revenge, Red attacks Thunderkiss from behind and tosses him back into the ring. Red then mounts the apron and hops onto the top rope to come soaring off with a springboard cannonball senton! Red with the cover.1....... .....2.. KICKOUTRed raises Thunderkiss to his feet and tries to whip him into the ropes, but Thunderkiss counters. When Red reaches the ropes, Flamingo is there to trip him up from the outside. Red face plants and when he gets back to his feet, Thunderkiss plants him with a side slam! Thunderkiss with the cover.1..... .....2....
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:17:18 GMT -5
Flamingo enters the ring again to break up the pinfall with a double axe handle. Flamingo plants a few more punches on Thunderkiss’ head before lifting him back to his feet. Flamingo then back Thunderkiss against the ropes and whips him to the ropes on the opposite side. When Thunderkiss bounces back, both Flamingo and Red greet him with simultaneous elbow strikes. Thunderkiss falls to the mat and Red hits a leg drop on him. Flamingo follows that up by running towards the ropes and bouncing off to land a senton splash on Thunderkiss.
Thunderkiss: The two speedier competitors are really taking it to the much bulkier Thunderkiss.
Edison: They’re swarming him like flies on shutchomouth!
Red capitalizes on the opening offered by Flamingo and strikes with a furious combo of knife-edge chops and punches to back Flamingo into the corner. Red then whips Flamingo into the opposing corner. Red follows Flamingo, but right before impact with the turnbuckle, Flamingo grabs hold of the top rope and leaps up so that his body is horizontal in the air. Red can’t stop himself in time and runs under Flamingo and into the turnbuckle. As Red bounces off, Flamingo catches him in a belly to back suplex. Thunderkiss then runs at Flamingo and tries to hit a clothesline, but Flamingo ducks under. Once Thunderkiss turns to face Flamingo, he’s immediately greeted with a bionic elbow. While Thunderkiss is still dazed, Flamingo hurls Thunderkiss over in a hip toss.
McNally: Flamingo, perhaps the most balanced of all three competitors, showing that two can play the power game.
Flamingo quickly pounces to lock in a camel clutch. Flamingo contorts his face dramatically to emphasize the amount of strength with which he is wrenching Thunderkiss’ neck backward. By this time, however, Red has recovered and hits Flamingo in the back of the head with a dropkick to break the hold. Red chases after Flamingo and hits a leaping armbreaker. Red then hoists Flamingo up onto his shoulder to set up for the British Fall DDT, but Flamingo wriggles out of his grasp and lands behind Red. Flamingo immediately shoves Red from behind directly into Thunderkiss, who grabs hold of Red and plants him with a powerslam! Flamingo pounces on Thunderkiss to lock in a cobra clutch. Flamingo violently twists Thunderkiss’ head left and right, causing his arms and legs to flail every which way. Thunderkiss, however, eventually is able to overpower Flamingo by running backwards and ramming Flamingo back-first into the corner. Flamingo’s grip loosens slightly, but not completely, so Thunderkiss steps forward a little bit, only to back up and slam Flamingo into the turnbuckle again. This impact is enough to make Flamingo let go. Thunderkiss, however, continues his assault with a few more hip strikes to Flamingo’s gut. Red comes flying at the two men with a leaping splash, but Thunderkiss moves out of the way and Flamingo catches the impact. Red turns around, and Thunderkiss is there to hoist him horizontally high up into the air.
McNally: Thunderkiss using his brute strength to humiliate Mr. Red there.
Edison: This must be more embarrassing than being a Reds fan in 1934.
McNally: You’ve been hitting Wikipedia pretty hard, haven’t you?
After holding Red up there for a while, Thunderkiss powers him back onto the mat with a gorilla press slam. Thunderkiss with the cover.
1......
......2....
Flamingo stomps on Thunderkiss to break up the count. Flamingo subdues Thunderkiss with a few more punches and tries to lift him up in a suplex, but the 275-pound frame of Thunderkiss proves to be too hefty. However, Red soon comes to help and the two manage to toss Thunderkiss over with a double suplex. Red and Flamingo get back to their feet at around the same time, but Red acts first with a poke to Flamingo’s eyes. Flamingo staggers backward, and Red catches him in a backbreaker. Red with the cover.
1......
....2....
KICKOUT
Red runs to the ropes and, after hopping onto the middle rope, flips backward to come flying off with a springboard moonsault. Flamingo, however, is privy to Red’s move and rolls out of the way. Red is equally intuitive and manages to land on his feet. Unfortunately, Thunderkiss is waiting behind him to land a bulldog! Meanwhile, Flamingo rolls to the apron and mounts the top rope. When Thunderkiss turns to face him, Flamingo tries to take him by surprise with a crossbody, but Thunderkiss catches him! Thunderkiss then plants Flamingo with a running powerslam. Thunderkiss with the cover.
1...........
......2........
KICKOUT!
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:17:57 GMT -5
Thunderkiss cannot believe how ridiculously close he was to pulling off the victory. His only response is to stare incredulously up at ref, who merely replies by holding up two fingers. Thunderkiss backs Flamingo up against the corner, but Red soon leaps onto his back and wraps his right arm around his neck to lock in a rear naked choke. Red later follows that up by wrapping his legs around Thunderkiss’ waist. Thunderkiss, however, cannot be brought down and just stands there with Red clinging onto him. Flamingo comes charging at both of them from the corner and hits Thunderkiss with a dropkick. Thunderkiss proceeds to teeter and lands on his back, crushing Red underneath him as well! Flamingo raises Thunderkiss to his feet and backs him into the corner. Flamingo then proceeds to unload with a flurry of wild punches.
McNally: Adrian Flamingo is seemingly unable to do anything in a non-ostentatious manner.
Edison: He’s so flashy he makes MC Hammer look Amish!
After taunting to the audience, frenzied with boos, Flamingo turns his attention back to Thunderkiss and tries to whip him to the opposite corner; however, Thunderkiss doesn’t let go of Flamingo’s hand and pulls Flamingo back toward him. Thunderkiss then wraps his right arm around Flamingo’s head and sets him up in reverse DDT position for the Titanium Implosion, but Red comes flying in from out of nowhere to smack Thunderkiss with a Cincinnati Swing! Thunderkiss’ unconscious body flops flaccidly down to the mat. When Flamingo gets back to his feet, Red comes at him with a clothesline, but Flamingo ducks. Before Red can turn back around, Flamingo grabs hold of Red’s head and drops down for a Cradle Robber! Flamingo quickly scrambles to mount the top rope and after feinting a 450 splash, soars off to crash down on top of Thunderkiss with a 1978 Flamingo Special! Flamingo with the cover.
1.......
.......2........
.........3!
DING, DING, DING!
Jones: Here is your winner...”ASTONISHING”...ADRIAN...FLAMIIIIIIIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOOOO!
Edison: Well, how ‘bout it, Maxwell, do you think you’re astonished yet?
McNally: You know me, Eddie, I don’t get excited so easily, but I will admit I’ll look forward to seeing more of what Adrian Flamingo has to offer.
”Stayin’ Alive” blares from the speakers as Flamingo raises his arms triumphantly, never losing that million-dollar smile as the show moves to the next scene.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:19:04 GMT -5
Segment: The name of the game (Credit: Gooey)
The scene opens from a shot of a corridor floor reflecting the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. The reflecting becomes distorted when a hocking loogey hits the floor. Followed by a sopping wet mop dripping, slapping the ground and making splooshing noises as it rotates around blending phlegm with the soapy water. The camera view slowly moves upwards linear to the broom handle until it is at eye level with Garth and the Janitor leaning against the nearest wall arms crossed apathetically.
Janitor: Disgustin'.
Gooey: What, you do it all the time. You even chew tobacco. Besides, no one here is a bare-footed hippie, even still I doubt they would care.
Janitor: Not the spit, the sounds you made through your nose. Try doing it so the cows can't hear you next time.
Gooey: Speaking of shutting up...
Janitor: Am I gon hafto peenalize you for every smart alek remark that comes out of yer mouth, boy?
Gooey: Starting now?
Janitor unfolds his arms and casually walks over to a garbage can and kicks it over, dumping all waste and spilling it everywhere.
Janitor: Now.
Garth leans on the mop and looks at the Janitor blankly while curling his lip. Janitor retorts with a sneer and reaches into his front pocket of his overalls for his cigarettes. He abruptly stops and pulls out a playing card. Puzzled and patronized, the Janitor coldly stares at Garth.
Janitor: Hwhat in sam hell is this?
Garth: It's a two of clubs, dur.
The Janitor spreads the spilled garbage with his foot.
Janitor: Why is it in my pocket?
Gooey: I must've slipped it into your pocket somehow. That or there’s a rabid David Blaine on the loose. Either way, you should be on extreme caution and regularly check your ass.
Janitor: Is there a special reason why this is in my pocket instead of my sticks? Hm...
Janitor lowers his head and raises his brow, open to an explanation. Garth places the mop into the bucket with a slurp and a splash and leans on it resting his head on his arms.
Gooey: Do you like card games? Have you ever played the game, 'Asshole'? It's a pretty fun game, let me explain a bit of it to you. Best played with three to five people, assuming we're using three here; in this game there are three positions: The Captain, the Middleman and the Asshole. Each is dealt an even amount of the entire deck, now the object is to get rid of all your cards first. You play a card, single, pair, three of a kind, etc. Then the next person has to play a card higher than the one the last person played, then the next person goes and such. If you can't play a card you have to pass, when everyone passes, the last person who played gets the pile. There's nothing special about getting the pile, other than you get to start the next pile. Once everyone has gotten rid of their cards the round is over, and you calculate points for order the players went out on. First person out starts as captain next round and gets 2 points for going out first. Second, middleman and 1 point. Last, asshole, no points.
Janitor: So what, you callin' me an asshole?
Gooey: Maybe, not likely to your face though. Anyways. Before each round the captain has to choose his worst card and give it to the asshole, in exchange the asshole gives the captain his best card. The order of the cards go from three to ace. Three being the lowest and ace being the highest. Also if the person starts the pile with one card, you can only play one card. Pairs with pairs and so on.
Janitor: So the two..
Gooey: Wild card. Trumps over everything. If someone played four aces you can play one two and take the pile....Captain.
Garth releases the mop and lets it slant held down by the with of the water as he walks away from the scene.
Janitor: Where do y'think yer goin'?
Garth: I'll be back, I'm just going to go somewhere for a little while.
Before the Janitor can object a pack of cigarettes hits him smack on the forehead and lands into his hands. Dumbfounded, the Janitor scratches his head as the scene fades out.
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:19:58 GMT -5
Segment: “Bear Necessities” Pt 1 (Credit: Nick Durden)
The scene fades in with a tight shot of Nick Durden standing next to Dr. Josh Kincaid, a somewhat pudgy guy in his late twenties sporting a typical mountain man beard. He was Nick’s favorite teacher from high school
Kincaid: Hey, Nick, are you okay?
Nick: Sure. Save for the bruises I've collected, never better, why?
Kincaid: No, no, I meant your mental health. I mean, I enjoy talking to you and making these promos and everything, but you really have a knack for going overboard.
Nick: Oh, come on, Josh!
Kincaid: I don't doubt your genius, man, but seriously...
We immediately cut to outside to see a giant haunted mansion as the lightning strikes.
Kincaid: ...WAS THE HAUNTED CASTLE REALLY NECESSARY?!?!
We cut back inside, where Nick and Kincaid are in a large, dark room. The walls are lined with shelves, the shelves covered with vials.
Nick: It's a great visual!
Kincaid: It's creepy!
Nick: Oh, calm down.
Kincaid: Nick!
The begin walking over to the far wall.
Nick: The fact is, it’s been a while since I’ve met Leon Chase, and I need to psych myself up properly to face him again.
Kincaid: That was just yesterday!
Nick: Exactly! That means that, since we've both changed, I have to have a different perspective, a different strategy.
They reach the wall, which is adorned with two large levers.
Nick: Chase might be older, but that means he's wiser, but fret not, my Brilliant Bosom Buddy. I have a wonderful idea, an awful idea. I have a wonderfully awful idea!
As Nick rubs his hands together all evil genius-like, Kincaid looks at him with one of those "Are you insane?" looks.
Kincaid: Nick, are you insane?
Nick: Never mind that, Josh. Now, pull the lever.
Kincaid looks at the wall and the levers upon them, then looks back at Nick.
Kincaid: Why?
Nick: Dude, who's the professional wrestler here? Me or you?
Kincaid: You.
Nick: Right! And who here has a doctorate in human geography?
Kincaid: Me.
Nick: EXACTLY! Now...
Nick holds his arm up high triumphantly, index finger extended.
Nick: ...Pull the lever!
Kincaid, without looking at the wall, grabs the closer lever and pulls it down. Nick immediately falls through the trap door that just opened under his feet.
Nick: WRONG LEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
Thud.
Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang BOOM!!! Nick charges through the now-opened door, twisting and squeezing and wringing his shirt, which is soaked along with the rest of his dripping wet body.
Kincaid: Why do we even have that lever?
He walks up to Kincaid prominently.
Nick: Now, pull the OTHER lever.
Kincaid, actually looking this time, pulls the lever beside the lever he just pulled. The wall that the levers are on turns 90°. Nick and Kincaid go through to the next room, which contains a wrestling ring. The room is brightly lit by large lights that adorn the ceiling. There is another doorway in the right corner that leads presumably to some type of dressing room. At ringside is a table fitted with standard ring crew stuffs: microphone, ring bell, the like. Sitting there at the bell is a man in a tweed suit holding a platter of cheese slices. Nick and Kincaid climb the steel steps in the corner of the ring and enter it.
Nick: OK. Now, I've got the environment. Tell me, Josh, what is the one thing every wrestler should have?
Kincaid: A pharmacist who knows the word "performance-enhancer" in five different languages?
Nick: No.
Kincaid: A cute little teddy bear wearing a T-shirt with their logo adorned on it?
Nick: No!
Kincaid thinks.
Kincaid: Sex with Amy Dumas at least once in their career?
Nick: N—...well, yeah. But besides that!
Kincaid is stumped.
Nick: A sparring partner!
Nick snaps his fingers. Right there, in the ring, eight feet away from them, stands a gargantuan figure. A figure with lots of hair. One with a snout. One that's chained to the corner ring post by the neck. And one that's really, really cranky.
Kincaid (horrified): A BEAR?!
Kincaid jerks his head to face Nick.
Kincaid: YOU GOT A BEAR!
Kincaid, frightened, turns his head back to the bear.
Nick: Yep.
Kincaid: GET RID OF IT! GET RID OF IT!
Nick: Nope! Back in the day, wrestlers used to fight bears all the time.
Kincaid: Yes, but those times were different!
Nick: How?
Kincaid: First off, they didn't have PETA on their backs! Second of all, THAT'S A ****ING BEAR!
Nick: I figure if I can beat this bear in a match, Leon Chase will be easy pickings.
Kincaid: Leon Chase cannot wrestle a great, big Nick Durden-shaped pile OF BEAR ****!
Nick: Just get out of the ring and trust me on this one.
Kincaid: Nick, seriously, are you clinically insane?
Nick: JOSH!
Kincaid sighs. He goes through the ropes and goes down the steps to the ground floor.
Kincaid (mocking): "I know how to be a great wrestler—get mauled to death by a goddamned bear!"
Kincaid stands beside the table, where the man in the tweed suit is sitting. The man puts a few slices of cheese on his head.
Man: I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
Kincaid stares at the man, incredulous at the surrounding insanity. Nick warms up in the corner, stretching his legs before taking a few deep breaths.
Nick: OK, Berenstein, come see what REAL EVIL IS!
Nick snaps his fingers. The chain keeping the bear connected to the steel disappears and CLUBBERIN'! CLUBBERIN', DEY BE CLU—Huh? The bear is just standing there, looking around. Nick gazes back quizzically and takes a few steps toward the bear, who stays calm. Nick turns to face Kincaid.
Nick: Hey, what gives?
Nick turns back to face the bear.
Nick: You okay, big fella?
The bear looks at Nick and sniffs him.
Nick: Oh, just great! He likes me!
Not quite. The bear takes a quick swing and promptly smack Nick stupid, sending him to the canvas on his back. Kincaid grabs his mouth in shock.
Nick:[/i] Owwww.
Nick is a heaping pile of some type of undiscovered goo. The bear doesn't help Nick much by dead lifting him up four feet into the air and squeezing him for all he's worth, trapping his arms.
Nick: Um, Josh? A little help?
Kincaid: Oh, now you want my help.
Nick: Josh, this is not the time for the I-Told-You-Summoning-A-Bear-For-Your-Promo-Was-A-Bad-Idea speech! Could you PLEASE?! Just get the tranq gun!
Kincaid: You don't have a tranq gun!
Nick (his voice getting more strained): I was able to make a freaking castle appear out of thin ****ing air, Josh! Just snap your fingers and a tranq gun should appear!
Kincaid looks at his hands like, "How the hell do you work this thing?" He snaps his fingers and a big rifle appears in his hands. He points the gun at the bear and pulls the trigger. Luckily, the gun works. Unluckily, all that comes out is a stick with a little flag that says "GO 2 SLEEP".
Nick: JOSH!
Kincaid: Damnit!
Kincaid snaps his fingers again. The tranq gun disappears, and in its place stands a big RC Cola machine.
Kincaid: Nope.
One snap of the fingers later, and the soda machine disappears, replaced by a PlayStation3.
Kincaid: Hey, a PS3. Bitchin'!
Nick: MY SPINE!
Kincaid reluctantly snaps his fingers one more time, replacing the PS3 with...
Kincaid: ...MILLA JOVOVICH?!
Milla: What the hell?!
Kincaid smiles wide smile.
Kincaid: Hey. How you doing? I'm, uh...I'm Josh.
Milla: Good to meet you. Where the hell am I?
Kincaid: Um, the less you know on that, the better—trust me. How about I give you a tour?
Nick: JOSH!
Kincaid: Nick, we talked about this, remember? In the event that I ever had the chance of meeting Milla Jovovich, I can sacrifice your life for the greater good.
Nick: Yeah, but—
Kincaid: You're on your own, Tubby!
He turns to Milla. He offers her his arm, which she wraps her own arm around.
Kincaid: Come on. I'll let you pull these levers over here.
Kincaid and Milla leave sight and sound.
Nick: Josh! JOSH! Jo—I am serious!
The bear makes a content noise.
Nick: Oh, son of a *****.
Nick shifts and shakes his right arm so as to free it from the bear's grasp.
Man: Use the power of the cheese.
Nick shakes his arm free and snaps his fingers. The bear transforms into a little rubber ducky that falls to the mat with a "SQUEAKY!" Nick falls hard onto his ass.
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Nick: Mmm...
Nick seems to have thrashed the covers off in his sleep. He is wearing only his boxer shorts. As he slumbers, he has a sort of pained look on his face, his eyes continuously reverberating.
Nick: Mmm?
Nick's eyes blink repeatedly as he wakes up.
Nick: Huh? Ugh.
Nick moves the pillow corner that has risen up and blocked his view of the clock—3:45 AM.
Nick: Oh, **** all.
Nick sighs and undoes the covers, grabbing the glasses slip on the nightstand between the beds, taking out the glasses, putting them on, then tossing the small black pocket onto the bed as he stands.
Cut to the bathroom, where Nick pulls up his boxers and flushes the toilet. He goes over to the sink, turns the faucets, and wets his hands before using the bar of soap to fill his hand with suds. He's thorough as he rubs his hands hard, making sure to get every millimeter of his hands scrubbed hard with the soap before gently rinsing them. He grabs the nearby hand towel to dry them, then takes his glasses off and sets them onto the sink. He turns the hot water off then forms a cup with his hands and filling it with cold water. As he blasts the small oasis of water on his face, he opens his eyes and looks into the mirror closely. He reaches into some sort of black travel case and pulls out a tweezers. He carefully looks close into the mirror, raises the tweezers just to his hairline, grasps onto a hair, and yanks, pulling it out by the root. Nick releases the grey hair into the toilet and flushes.
Nick: ****.
Fade…
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Post by Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune on Nov 25, 2006 15:21:04 GMT -5
Segment: Everyone Is A Star (Credit: Yoko)
Yoko Satoshi’s locker room.
Tonight, Kevin Anderson has actually been invited by Yoko to finally ask some of the questions he’s been asking. He is looking around the room, inspecting some of the items. It’s been a while since he’s been in here, if he even has period. He reaches up and touches one of the looped chains hanging from the ceiling.
Kevin: What’s with the chains?
Yoko: Did you know everyone who’s spent extensive time in here has asked that? Can’t a girl have hanging chains without it being weird? Even RIDLEY thought it was weird.
Kevin: Well, it’s just weird. The lanterns make sense, that’s like a cultural thing. But hey, speaking of him, do you plan to use his weedwha-
Yoko: Tree trimmer. It’s a tree trimmer, and it always has been. A weed whacker has a string used for cutting weeds and grass. A tree trimmer has a spinning saw blade, for cutting tree limbs.
Kevin: -…Tree trimmer…tonight?
Yoko: No. I don’t like Chance, but I don’t really hate him. That’s saved for idiots. He’s a smart, if largely misguided, person. He’d be better off without Umeko.
Kevin: DID you kidnap her?
Yoko: We’ve been through this one.
Kevin: So she wouldn’t like be under your floorboards?
Yoko: Well, we have a concrete floor, so there aren’t any boards. And no. I don’t know who took her, and I don’t really care either. I just find it annoying that they’ve framed me and Chance is intent on hurting me for it.
Kevin: Do you expect him to stop after tonight, win or lose?
Yoko: I want to think he’ll realize I didn’t do it. But I guess he has no reason to, so I need to knock sense into him. I’ll face him as many times as I need to, too. Next PPV, PPV after…
Kevin: Would people buy repeated fights though?
Yoko: They bought Austin/Rock/HHH like fifteen times. They can put up with this.
Kevin: How many people do you think bought the PPV tonight?
Yoko: A lot of them. People want to talk big about the name, but in the end, we all know they caved in just to see what was in store.
Kevin: It doesn’t seem like anything different, though.
Yoko: Maybe at first glance. But look again. We have a lot of big stars boycotting the show, or purposely setting matches before or after. Based completely on the name. They’re judging a book by its cover. Super Happy Fun Vagina Day Extravaganza is just a name. The content is still 100% ACW action. I’m sorry they couldn’t see it.
Kevin: So…It has fewer stars?
Yoko: No. It has less established names. Don’t you see? This is the perfect time for ACW’s rookies to show the fans and the management exactly what they’re capable of. The spotlight is on the undercard tonight. EVERY match except my own involves our more recent arrivals.
Kevin: And people will pay to see the undercard? A lot of whispers are going around about comparing this show to WCW Fall Brawl 1998.
Yoko: There’s a difference between booking ten minutes before a PPV and giving people chances. The undercard is usually the best part of any show when done right. Not to put myself down, but tonight’s undercard is what I like most. Everything so far has been great. People may disagree, but I hope they’ll give it a shot. I’m confident this PPV will be successful, and if it is, I hope we’ll put more spotlight on the newer talent.
Kevin: Is that why you have a habit of giving world title shots to anyone who asks, deserving or not?
Yoko: Well…that and getting another win. But I think it’s a good way to break people in.
Kevin: Sarin’s first match was a title shot against you, if I recall.
Yoko: Exactly. It’s a nice welcome message that shows we appreciate that you’re doing business with us. If they win the belt in their first match, they deserve it, and if they lose, it teaches them they aren’t invincible and gives them something to aim for.
Kevin: Where is she tonight?
Yoko: Dancing with the stars. She couldn’t make it. She-
She winces in slight pain suddenly, startling Kevin. Yoko reaches up to her face. Her right nostril is trickling blood.
Yoko: I’m sorry, it’s just stress.
Kevin: You’ve been having nose bleeds on and off ever since Chance hit you with that knee to the face in July, are you sure it’s ok for you to be wrestling? Is something wrong?
Yoko is holding her sleeve to her nose.
Yoko: No, it’s just stress…excitement. That’s what the doctor said. Chance didn’t even break it. He ruptured some blood vessels that seem to keep rupturing again when my blood pressure goes up while they’re still weak and healing. So I have to stay relatively calm. Believe it or not, it helps in matches. Keeps you focused.
She checks her sleeve. Nose is still bleeding. She applies pressure again.
Yoko: I’m going to have to take care of this and make sure it’s fine for tonight.
Kevin: That’s fine, I’ve asked basically all of my questions. Are you going to be ok?
Yoko: Yeah, don’t worry. It’s been happening less and less. It was doing it every day around August, now it’s far less.
She walks into her bathroom and closes the door behind her. Kevin decides to leave.
End Segment.
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