Thursday Night Meltdown 11th January 2006

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Thursday Night Meltdown 11th January 2006

Schedule of Matches:
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No.1 Contender for Entertainment Title
Adrian Flamingo vs Thunderkiss vs Leon Chase

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Nick Durden / Mick Ghail vs England Lad and San Juan

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Brimstone vs Jason Freeman

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BK London vs Daniel Ness

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Rattlesnake & Scott Andrews vs Wyldcard

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[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Another Thursday night has rolled around; for ACW’s fans, it’s just what they need to get them through the final day of the week. Music and pyro tells everyone crowded into the arena what they already know… it’s time to get down to business.

The camera performs its time-honoured pan, and then the alphatron comes to life as the first scene begins…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: If it ain’t broke… (Credit: Nick Durden / ??)

The shot cuts to the backstage corridor. Nick Durden has just entered, accompanied by Renix, and as they walk toward their locker room, the fresh-faced Mick Ghail hurries up and falls into step alongside. He’s already in his wrestling gear, and Nick can’t help but smile a little.

Nick: So… I’m assuming you recovered from the “welcome” the Rioters gave you last week. You doing OK?

Mick: Yeah, I was a bit sore for a day or two but not as bad as I thought I might be. Uhh…

He stops, and Nick and Renix both stop and turn to face him.

Mick: …Are you sure you’re happy to team with me again? I mean, Monday was the greatest, but I’m not completely stupid, I caught a lot of luck to grab that pin. Plus you two are already a great pairing, and not just in the ring…

He blushes, hoping that didn’t go over poorly; Renix just smiles, and she and Nick exchange a glance.

Renix: Don’t worry, Nick needs someone to bounce off of, and the two of you just seem to fit naturally together.

Nick: Yeah, I guess you can tag along a bit longer.

Nick gives Mick a slight punch, and Mick smiles back, reassured. Nick once again has a characteristic gleam in his eye.

Nick: Talking of tagging… have you ever done a segment to camera before?

Mick: No… but it’s on my to-do list.

Nick: Excellent. Come with me, I have something a bit special in mind to “honor” our opponents for this evening…

Nick leads the way down the corridor, with both Mick and Renix wondering what he has in store as the scene fades out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: “I’m Not the Lover-Man that You Want Me to Be” (Credit: Adrian Flamingo)

As Meltdown returns from the commercials, the camera opens on a shot of a gold, shiny surface with the words “Most Anticipated of 2007 Adrian Flamingo” engraved into it. After a moment or two of silence, a reflection of a devilish good-looking man appeared on the metallic surface. Complete with thick shades, feather ear-rings, and a million dollar smile, Adrian Flamingo teased his short, blonde locks while gazing at his reflection.

“Looking great, baby… looking beautiful!”

As the camera zoomed out to Adrian in his purple singlet, pink tassels, and assorted feathered boas, he turned his attention from his award to the camera. Adrian appeared to probably be in his locker room… and by probably… it was definitely. The walls were covered with vintage wrestling posters and flyers, advertising such classics as Ricky Steamboat vs. Buddy Rose, Bruno Sammartino vs. Killer Kowalski, and Bob Backlund vs. Billy Graham. In the background a small vanity set sat in the corner with even more feathered boas draped over it. Different variations of Adrian’s singlet hung proudly on the locker room doors and, to tie the whole room together, a small disco ball hung from the ceiling.

“You know, I always thought I looked great in gold, baby!”

Adrian cackled as he lowered his award and tucked it into his tights. Beside the rectangular bulge, was yet another rectangular bulge which could only be assumed to be his second award for “Best Gimmick”… which he was still highly offended by.

“I want to issue an apology to wrestling fans all across the globe for my absence as of late. See, baby, the party never ends at the Copa Cabana and, recently, I’ve had a lot to party about! First, I unmask that bum OLYMPIA and score the big win at the PayPer View… then I win not one but TWO awards at the Year End Awards Show. It’s hard enough to win an award or even attention around this place, but when you’re Adrian Flamingo, baby, you go that extra mile and you out-do EVERYONE! I’ve been in this company less than three months and I’m already one of the most-talked about names here?! That’s sweet, baby… that’s real sweet… but it could potentially be sour… real sour…”

For a brief moment, Adrian turns off that ever-flowing “cool guy” charisma and pulled off his shades as he gritted his teeth. He was always viewed as a fun-loving guy who was a bit of a goofball… but there was more to this Californian than good looks and a million dollar smile.

“I won the award for “Most Anticipated Star in ‘07”… that means Adrian Flamingo is one of the most watched men in ACW today! That means I’m an investment to this company… hell, I’m an investment in this business! People expect me to be huge by the end of the year… to be wearing some REAL gold by the end of the year. Wrestling promoters and general managers everywhere are looking at Adrian Flamingo with dollar signs in their eyes… and the boys in the back are looking at me with a hunger in their eye. See, I know how this thing works cause Adrian Flamingo was born with that hunger in his eye. I came out of the womb looking for MY way to the top… MY way to success… MY shining glory! I know that right now, Adrian Flamingo has a target on his back. I know that all of you bums in the back would kill to be the guy to steal Adrian Flamingo’s thunder… to be the one to one-up Big Poppa Flamingo… to be the guy to put me on the shelf! So… I knew what I had to do…”

Adrian rolled his shoulders and popped his neck, but didn’t break his gaze from that camera lens. As if there was some light switch, Adrian slid his shades back over the bridge of his nose and gave the camera one of his patented toothy grins.

“See, baby, when you’re a star… you need back-up… you need protection, baby! You need to have someone to watch your back when the going gets rough! Am I talking about a friend? A brother? No, baby, I’m talking about a bodyguard! See, I want someone who is going to watch my back not because we have some “mutual respect” or any of that “loyalty” nonsense… I need someone who is doing it because they’re getting paid pretty damn well to do so. So I packed my bags, threw ‘em in the backseat of my Trans Am, popped the Best of Eddie Money in my CD player, and I hit the road! I drove the loop from North Platte, Nebraska to Shreveport, Louisiana! I went to the hardest cities, walked through the most dangerous of ghettos, and came out unscathed! I went to the deep, dark woods of the Appalachian Mountains and walked through hick towns where the total number of teeth amongst the townspeople was three! Then, I figured… there’s no one in America that’s suitable to be a bodyguard for Big Poppa Flamingo! So I hopped a Red Eye and I explored the deep jungles of Samoa… I ventured into the cold, frozen lands of Russia, and then the unthinkable happened! I was sitting in a trendy little record store in London, England and while I was making some purchases… some “bloody” idiot behind the counter mixed up my purchase with someone behind me. Instead of seeing records by the Andrea True Connection, Looking Glass, and Kansas… I find the Beatles… what?! So I look behind me to demand the pencil-necked geek who had my bag give it to me, I found myself starring into a rather masculine sternum. At that point… I knew he was the man for the job… Ladies and Gentlemen, here he is… MISTER JONES!”

Adrian stood off to the side and clapped his hands waiting for the newest edition of the ACW locker-room to walk on camera. A second or two later, Adrian’s still clapping and looking like he’s impatient. His annoyed look was replaced by a shocked gasp, and then a forced smile as he faced the camera yet again.

“Okay, I think Jonesy is a little camera shy right now, but he just gave me the “#1” sign… I’m pretty sure the European way…”

Adrian threw the person off camera a particularly nasty look, but refocused his attention on the camera soon after.

“… but don’t worry ACW fans, you’ll be seein’ Mister Jones soon… REAL soon! Which brings me to my match tonight… Leon “the Chef” Chase… Thunderkiss… “Astonishing” Adrian Flamingo… Triple Threat for the Number One Contendership to the Entertainment Championship! It all sounds like the set-up to a real bad joke, honestly. Thunderkiss… you’ve been the most annoying gnat I’ve ever seen in my life! Everytime I turn around, you fly right into my eye… and sure it stings, but it pisses me off more than anything! I’ve kicked your butt in that ring twice now, and you still keep running your mouth and you keep coming back for more… but tonight… the third time will be the charm! Then you have… believe it or not… a cook. A cook?! A FUCKING COOK! I’m not in a wrestling match with the best athletes in the world tonight… no, I’m in the middle of a squirmish between Rizzo the Rat and the Swedish Chef! Me? Me? Baby, I’m Animal! I’m wild… I‘m pink… I can’t be contained… I’m a little crazy… and I’m on the prowl for the gold, baby! I saw what happened earlier… you guys get squished… you’re coming into this match with multiple injuries… Me? I’m as fresh as a fucking daisy and this is going to be easy-pickings! Thunderkiss… spare yourself the embarrassment of being whipped by me again and don’t show up! Leon Chase… I’ve got my own little recipe cooked up for ya. It’s called “Adrian Flamingo’s Famous Dream Crusher”… and it’s really easy to make! First, you boil a beatdown… then you sauté a Smackdown… then your marinate it in a Wet Dream… cook on high with a Ghostbuster… and, finally, you tie it all together with a ’78 Flamingo Special! Mmmm… I can smell it already, baby… and it smells a lot like victory! When two bums need a beatin’ by the Most Anticipated Superstar of 2007... Who ya gonna call, baby?! That’s right… ACW’s Favorite Son… “Astonishing” Adrian Flamingo!”

Adrian cackled one more time and strutted off camera as the scene faded to black.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Declaration of Victory (Credit: BK/Jake)

Following the moment of complete silence the beginning chords of "The Emperor's Soundtrack" by Lupe Fiasco sounds through the speakers and the crowd goes absolutely nuts for Top Draw. As the heavy bass shortly follows and the melodic flow of Lupe Fiasco proceeds, both Jake Cheng and BK London make their way through the curtain onto the top of the stage to a pop of a bigger magnitude. They play towards the crowd, hyping them up on opposite side of the stage before meeting back at the center and making their way down the ramp. They slap the hands of the crowd who are lucky enough to get seats by the ramp before stopping at the mouth of the stage.

There BK does his signature 'BK pose' while Jake does his 'Jake pose', and the pyros shoot up behind them back on the stage. The pair enters the ring and hops up on the opposite turnbuckles, playing more towards the crowd as the cameras flash all around the arena. They hop down from the turnbuckle and meet in the center of the ring. Phillip hands both members of Top Draw a mic, and they appear to have something to get off their chest.

BK: You know, since the return of Top Draw Jake, I feel that...that we haven't been taken seriously. We strut around backstage, two of the most accomplished superstars backstage, and no one even fears us or sees us as formidable opponents...well maybe me, but not you so much.

A few scattered laughs appear in the crowd as Jake looks a bit angered.

BK: Slow down tiger, I know how much of a threat you are, I mean three days ago you did what people...what people frankly didn't expect you to do and that was pin Latino in the ring - one, two, three - outsmarting him in the very process. But you see, tonight in this ring I have an opponent who's ego may just be bigger than Latino's. Someone who I know very well, someone who tied me to a chair Monday and made me listen to probably the most cliche, boring promo of all time, Daniel Ness.

That name sends a surge of boos from the crowd as they are familiar with the Openweight Champion and all his tactics that has been used on Fallout.

BK: So rather than delivering a simple 'I hate you' promo that superstars have used for ages and ages. "I hate you, I'm going to make your ass mine, BLARRGHH!" you know, typically those promos. But I've got someone different to address tonight, and that's none other than Fallout GM, Biff Taylor.

Biff Taylor? What could he have to do with this situation?

BK: Biff Taylor, I respect you to the umpteenth degree, I think you're a fine businessman and great GM of Fallout...but I'm going to make you regret co-signing this Interpromotional Match between Daniel Ness and myself tonight. I'm going to make you regret sending in your champion, arguably your biggest draw, into a match with a man who has entered the ring with wrestlers and have them walk out a shell of a man. I have walked into the ring with the best this company has to offer, Latino, Alicia Kitsune, The Macho Man RDK, Yoko Satoshi, and the list goes on and on..and on very few occasions I have walked out with the 'L'. Biff, as much as I DON'T want to sabotage your show, from the crime committed on Warfare. From the acts by my former pupil, I'm going to have to teach him another lesson - and smash his skull in.

A huge roar of cheers from the crowd follows the concluding statements from BK, and it seems like the crowd can't wait for their match tonight. BK steps back and gives Jake the floor to address a few things on his mind aswell.

Jake: Well, BK, I came out here to....to......uhh....I don’t really know why. I mean, I beat Latino, woopie. I’ve done it before. Who actually doubted me? And before anyone of you have a chance to be smartasses, I’ll say no one doubted me. I’m the Trinity, 3 time Tag Team champion, three time Light-Heavyweight champion, and I’m the number one contender for that belt too. Speaking of which, my fourth title reign will start next Monday after I beat Kudo for the belt.

The crowd is silent.

Jake: Latino and AK, you better know what you’re getting into, because once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

The crowd is even more silent..

Jake: Yeah....BK let’s go.

The Emperor’s Soundtrack hits again and Top Draw leaves the ring. Altough Jake is having a tough night cutting a promo, I’m sure he’ll have no problem once he gets into the ring with Latino...again. Man, it might even become more boring than BK vs. Latino.

Doubt it

Fade.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: “Final Preparations” (Credit: Thunderkiss)

[The time: moments before Thunderkiss’ match up. The place: his locker room. The characters: his agent and himself. The lights are dimmed. The air is thick. The room is silent. Thunderkiss sits alone in the middle of the room with his head down. Out of the darkness comes the shadow of his agent, William Charles Wilcox. He comes from behind Thunderkiss and places a hand on his shoulder.]

William Charles Wilcox: Tonight you will become the NUMBER ONE contender for the Entertainment Title Kiss.

Thunderkiss: ………..

William Charles Wilcox: There are only two men who stand in your way. Both men have disrespected you. Both men don’t even deserve to grace the same ring as you. Tonight the only thing you have to do is rightfully take what is yours.

[Wilcox reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a syringe. Its filled with “Venom” that will soon enter Thunderkiss’ system causing him to unnaturally grow and evolve into a unbeatable machine. Wilcox sticks it into Thunderkiss’ arm and shoots it in ..]

William Charles Wilcox: There we go. The stuff of champions! Now go out there and do what needs to be done.

[Thunderkiss rises from his chair and looks strait ahead at the locker room door. He hears the fans chanting and the fireworks of the show popping. He maintains his silence as Wilcox opens the locker room door and he steps through out into hallway towards the arena lights.]

Fade.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Match 1: No.1 Contender for Entertainment Title
Adrian Flamingo vs Thunderkiss vs Leon Chase

Back in the arena, the crowd is eagerly awaiting the first match of the night, and there is a loud reaction when they see Philip pick up his mic and make his way into the ring. He’s probably made the short journey enough times by now to do it blindfold…

Philip: Ladies and Gentlemen, our first contest this evening is a triple threat match and it is to determine the no.1 contender for the ACW Entertainment title! Introducing first, from Los Angeles California…. he is the model of ultimate manhood, THUNDERKISS!

”Paradise City” hits, and the fans are all up on their feet at once; he may no longer be a fan favourite, but Thunderkiss still utterly commands everyone’s attention as he makes his entrance. He cuts a swathe through the boos, overwhelming them with his sheer presence as he comes to the ring, enters, and paces around, figuratively marking the territory as his own.

Philip: The second contender… from Venice Beach, California, who’re you gonna call?……Adrian Flamiiiiingo!

The crowd’s reaction continues in similar vein as Flamingo flaunts his considerable “talents”, owning the stage before him as “Stayin’ Alive” booms from the speakers and then swinging his trademark boa around his neck before walking down the ramp. The cameras pick up a couple of fans who’ve obviously been inspired by “Flamingo Chic”, and they wave their own feathery accessories as Flamingo passes by. Upon reaching the ring, he enters and the tension is thick enough to scoop like ice-cream. There’s no love lost between Flamingo and Thunderkiss, and the match is about to stir the recipe and make it even hotter…

Philip: And the third and final competitor…. From New York City, the culinary alchemist himself…. “The Chef”, Leon Chase!

As “Jesus or a Gun” plays, the fans’ shouting becomes more positive and there’s a real lift when Leon lets himself be seen, striding through the entrance curtains. A chat of “CHEF!” fills the arena and circles around; Chase walks coolly to the ring, and places his kit bag in the timekeeper’s corner, trusty frying pan poking a little from the top. As he enters the ring, Flamingo just smirks, not overly concerned with what he sees; Thunderkiss, meanwhile, looks far more serious. He and Chase lock eyes for a second, fortunately the referee inadvertently gets in the way whilst doing his checks and the two look away, concentrating instead on the match that’s about ready to commence…

Bell Rings.

Chase and TK’s previous encounters provide enough of a distraction for Flamingo to make the first move; he targets Chase first and hits him with a swinging forearm, then turns to TK and underlines his power with a scoop slam. He makes a cocky pin for show, which barely gets a 1 before TK kicks out looking extremely annoyed. The dynamics of the third man at once come into play, as Chase moves in and kicks Flamingo in the ribs whilst he’s still crouched on the mat; Flamingo gasps, and Chase and TK momentarily put their differences aside as they both stomp at Flamingo, forcing him to roll over and out of the ring. The crowd taunts Flamingo, who ignores their catcalls and runs around to the opposite side of the ring; Chase and TK track him and hurry to the ropes to try and keep him back, but Flamingo ducks down holding the ropes and Chase and TK end up punching one another by mistake. Flamingo gives that million dollar smile of his, and sidles back into the ring as Chase and TK both struggle to get their sense of direction sorted out.

Flamingo appears to have things under control; he uses an eye poke on Chase that has the referee giving him a warning, and then DDTs TK, making another pin. The fans guess that Flamingo is looking to complete a set of 3 victories over Thunderkiss, but with the additional element of Chase in play things are not that simple and Chase drags Flamingo off before the count gets anywhere near two. As Chase pulls Flamingo up, Flamingo holds his hands up and points to TK. His words can’t be heard, but Flamingo seems to suggest that they team up against their common enemy, and though Chase is suspicious of his flamboyant competitor, he can see the logic in taking TK down. The two men close in, but TK sees them coming; he refuses to back away, and the crowd is treated to the exhilarating sight of Thunderkiss fighting two men at once, and managing to hold them both at bay for a clear minute before Chase is able to get behind TK and give him a boot to the back of the spine. TK grimaces and pitches forward; at once, Flamingo applies the C Average (cutthroat Camel clutch), and Chase watches as Flamingo taunts his foe, urging him to tap out. Some of the crowd also shouts “Tap!” and Flamingo loses sight of the bigger picture for a moment; he is so focused on making TK submit that he misses Chase moving in very close, and then-

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Chase rips Flamingo away from TK without warning, and performs the LC Hammer (Hercules Cutter) in double quick time to a massive cheer. This catches Flamingo totally off guard, and TK is still weak as Chase makes the cover, 1….2…..- Flamingo kicks out on the cusp of 3 to a loud groan, and language unbroadcastable in any timeslot is quickly bleeped out as Flamingo curses at Chase for his deception. Chase just smirks, and the crowd loves it; Flamingo, however, is determined to have his revenge and attacks, beating Chase back into a corner and delivering a stream of savage, frantic punches in the corner. As Chase is reeling, Flamingo takes a step back, and TK runs forward past him to perform a mighty big boot; Chase is in a bad way, and as the crowd continues to boo, Flamingo and TK execute a devastating double powerbomb, elevating Chase as high as they can before slamming him down. Chase looks to be well out of it; Flamingo and TK lock eyes, and prepare for what they consider the real battle…

The similarities between the two mens’ personalities have been noted by most of the fans, but when they are thrown together in the ring, this symmetry produces some of the most eye-popping wrestling as TK and Flamingo struggle for supremacy. Flamingo scores the first critical hit with the Ghostbuster, the entire crowd shouting “WHO YOU GONNA CALL?” along with him before he performs the slingshot brainbuster. The resulting pin, however, is only good for two, and after another 90 seconds of so of closely matched fighting, TK’s determination starts to become the stronger force. He blocks more of Flamingo’s shots, and when the moment presents itself he locks in the bearhug; Flamingo is powerful, but he’s expended more energy in this match and as the seconds tick by, TK gradually crushes the strength out of his opponent. He holds it until Flamingo is struggling to stand, and then releases and sweeps his opponent up above him for the Heaven’s Door (Military Press Slam). TK is almost shaking – he’s about to overcome one of his greatest rivals…

But he and almost everyone else have forgotten Chase. Still groggy and in pain from multiple blows, Chase is somehow getting up. He sees TK standing, smirking as if he owns the entire ring… and with an energy that comes from the heart rather than the head, Chase wildly charges, and spears TK before he can complete his crushing move.

All three men hit the mats, but Flamingo has the softest landing, striking the other two. He staggers up, and adrenaline gets him to the nearby corner. Cameras flash all over as he goes for the 1978 Flamingo Special, and the top rope leg drop nails the closest of the two men… Thunderkiss. The referee makes the count as an exhausted Flamingo covers, 1…2…3.

Philip: Here is your winner…. Astonishing Adrian Flamingo!

Flamingo’s fans are thrilled, and Flamingo looks like the cat which stole the cream as he stands up. Both his opponents are still down, so he casts them a single glance before exiting the ring and heading up the ramp, no doubt to start planning his assault on the Entertainment Title.

As he proceeds, he is met by a man that the fans have never seen before. Every muscle seems to strain with implied threat, even though the gentleman is seemingly at ease; he wears a dark suit which looks inexpensive but fits him well none the less. You could scarcely imagine a greater contrast between two people, yet Flamingo reacts with tolerance, if not exactly warmth.

Flamingo: I’m glad to see you’re here, even if I didn’t need you tonight. We have things to discuss, and I have a title to acquire…

The other man says nothing; he simply follows, eyes alert for the slightest thing out of place, another enigma for the constantly bamboozled ACW fans to ponder.

If the crowd thought the drama was over, however, they couldn’t be more wrong…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Post-match Segment: “Give me a Hand” Credit: Thunderkiss

[The dust has settled on this match but the ramifications linger strong. Thunderkiss stands in the ring, shocked, with a blank expression his face. Flamingo has long left. Chance is down, injured in the corner.]

Maxwell McNally: Once again Adrian Flamingo gets the better of Thunderkiss in this match and T.K. comes away with ANOTHER loss!

Eddie Edison: What’s this now, time number three now McNally?!

Maxwell McNally: I believe it is. Talk about having someone’s number!

[Thunderkiss has a blank look on his face as the crowd continues to chant “three” to represent the number of times Adrian has defeated Thunderkiss. Though they are loud, T.K. hears none of it. Instead, the voices that thunder within his ears are those of his inner demons …]

LISTEN TO THEM THUNDERKISS

Thunderkiss: …

THEY ARE CALLING YOU A LOSER

Thunderkiss: …….

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

Thunderkiss: ………….

THEY’RE RIGHT!

Thunderkiss: NO!

[Thunderkiss drops to his knees and covers his ears! Everyone watching is puzzled by this behavior and that includes our announce team.]

Eddie Edison: Whats wrong with him?!

Maxwell McNally: I’m … I’m not sure?

[Thunderkiss continues to scream out “no” until his demons quiet. Finally he hears nothing but silence, but his peace does not last. The silence is quickly replaced by the sound of the crowd laughing at him.]

Crowd: Hahahahahhahaha!

[Thunderkiss looks out at all those in attendance. The sound of their laughter sends his blood pressure sky high. The madness inside of him awakens.

His skin turns a shade of red.

His heart beats out of control.

The steroids take hold.

And then it happens …. ]

~!~SNAP~!~

[The facial expression changes.

The demeanor changes.

The soul behind the eye changes.

This is not the same man.]

Thunderkiss: You laugh? You pieces of shit laugh at me? Well, laugh at this.

[Thunderkiss’ eyes turn towards his right where he sees Leon Chase resting in the corner as he tries to recover from this grueling match. Thunderkiss leaps out of the ring and heads towards the announce table where Chase has laid his ring gear.]

Maxwell McNally: Where is he going?

Eddie Edison: It looks like he is going into Chase’s things …?

[Thunderkiss grabs a hold of one of Chef’s tools – the Meat Clever! He raises it into the air and watches the metal blade gleam in the shine of the arena lights. Smiling, he clutches the cleaver and heads back into the ring …]

Maxwell McNally: What is he doing?! He can’t seriously think about using that … can he?

Eddie Edison: I don’t know!

[Thunderkiss walks over to Chase and shoves a boot into his face causing him to spill out from the corner where he now lays flat on his bat! Chase is barely able to defend himself as he has spent all of his energy from this contest. Thunderkiss takes one boot and places it on Chases arm. Leon looks up with a look of pleading on his face …]

“The Chef” What are you doing?! You bastard!? You can’t be serious …. ?

Thunderkiss: YOU PEOPLE WANT TO LAUGH, WELL LAUGH AT THIS …. CHOP CHOP, BRUDAH!

“The Chef” Leon Chase: No!

[Thunderkiss brings the clever down right across the hand of Leon Chase; the immediate threat causes an adrenaline surge and Chase thrashes, preventing Thunderkiss from chopping straight through the flesh. Even so, the cleaver leaves a savage wound just above the wrist; Leon immediately pulls back clutching his wrist in pain while blood squirts in several directions.]

“The Chef” Leon Chase: AHHHHHHHHH! OHHH GOOOOOD! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Thunderkiss: Let’s see you cook now you SON OF A BITCH!

[Thunderkiss holds up the bloodied weapon. Fans in the audience are screaming and turning their heads away from the ring in horror! Chase, meanwhile, passes out due to the loss of blood from his injury.]

Eddie Edison: Oh my DEAR GOD! We need the police out here right now! This man is INSANE! COMPLETELY INSANE!

Thunderkiss: WHO WANTS SOME?!

[Thunderkiss waves the cleaver around; the slippery metal threatens to leave his grasp at any second. The fans in the area exit from their seats to get away from this out of control moment. Outside the ring, Thunderkiss’ own agent is in shock over what he just witnessed.]

William Charles Wilcox: Kiss?! What the HELL are you doing?! What the hell is a matter with you?!

Thunderkiss: WHO’S THE MAN NOW?! WHO’S THE MAN NOW A.C.W?! YOU MADE ME DO THIS! YOU FORCED ME TO DO THIS! DO YOU NOTICE ME NOW?! DO YOU NOTICE ME NOWWWWWWWWWWW?!

[Thunderkiss continues to scream out in delight over his action while the world watches on in horror.]

Eddie Edison: Get this lunatic out of the ring right now!

Maxwell McNally: And as fast as possible! This man has NO business being in A.C.W or in wrestling for that matter.

Thunderkiss: YOUR MACHOS COME AND GO, SO DO YOUR LATINOS AND YOUR B.K LONDONS. I AM THE ULTIMATE MALE. I WILL STAND THE TEST OF TIME! I WILL BE A LEGEND! I WILL HAVE YOUR RESPECT .. OR YOU WILL SHARE HIS FATE!

Eddie Edison: Will somebody please shut him the hell up! A.C.W locker room, we need you out here NOW!

Maxwell McNally: Leon Chase needs some help in there, dammit, he could end up losing that hand if something isn’t done! Somebody get him out of the ring right now!

[Thankfully for Chase, help does arrive in the form of local police who were assigned event duty tonight! There are five of them and they surround the ring with their weapons drawn!]

Policeman 1: HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK, NOW!

Policeman 2: DROP THE WEAPON!

Thunderkiss: For what?! Arrest them!!!

[Thunderkiss points to the locker room.]

Thunderkiss: Arrest them! They made me do this! Arrest them! Arr-ARGH!!!!!!!!!

[Thunderkiss gets tazered from behind and falls down to the canvas in convulsions! The police quickly slap the cuffs on him and drag him out of the ring in a frantic manner! While this transpires, the crowd is pelting Thunderkiss with debris and the E.M.T’s enter the ring and work on Leon Chase. Within moments, they strap him into a stretcher and cut off the bleeding from his arm. Thunderkiss’ agent begins to make his way to the back to join his client ]

Crowd (Chanting): T-K SUCKS! T-K SUCKS! T-K SUCKS! T-K SUCKS! T-K SUCKS! T-K SUCKS!

William Charles Wilcox: How are we going to spin our way out of this one?!

[Thunderkiss is now being carted to the local jail and Leon Chase is making his way to the hosiptial where surgeons will try to reconnect the severed arteries and nerve pathways…]

Maxwell McNally: Folks, as soon as we get an update on Leon Chase you will certainly be the first to know. I would like to be the first to apologize for what you have seen here tonight. (Pause) It appears that over the last two months, we have been apologizing for Thunderkiss’ actions week in and week out … and tonight I hope is the last time. What we saw here is a man that is completely out of control and INDEED needs to be in a cell instead of a locker room.

Eddie Edison: He’s CRAZY, McNally and it’s not the usual ACW brand of screwiness, we’re talking serious mental delusions. There is no other way to put it.

Maxwell McNally: Obviously! Somebody in A.C.W has some explaining to do as to WHY this man is on our payroll. I don’t care about his commercial value – the commercials – the movies – ALL of that. None of it has been worth the aggravation.

Eddie Edison: Well you can forget about the commercial value Maxwell. After tonight nobody is going to touch this guy with a 10 foot poll.

Maxwell McNally: Alright fans, we have received word that Chase has just arrived at the hospitial and will immediately undergo emergency surgery. Chef, our thoughts and prayers go out to you right now. Let’s take a commercial and try to clear our heads of this…

Sinners. We are all sinners. For most of us, the time to account for our sins comes at the end. For others of us, it comes a little early. For Thunderkiss it comes in a matter of weeks. There’s no easy way out. There’s no shortcut home. For Thunderkiss there is only – HELL’S KITCHEN!

WELCOME TO HELL’S KITCHEN

“THE CHEF” LEON CHASE VS. THUNDERKISS

LIVE ON PPV

Fade…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Saviour, or sinner? (Credit: Freeman)

After a short interlude for the gruesome remnants of the ET match to be cleared, “Ugly” by the Exies hits the speakers, and the fans know who’s coming in, and they’re not happy. They erupt into boos, as Jason Freeman walks out onto the ramp posing with his Entertainment Title belt, and just shrugging at the sounds of the boos. He cockily walks down the ramp, and takes a mic. He gets a chair and throws it into the ring, before following it in. He looks around at all the fans, before setting up the chair, and sitting down.

Freeman: Well, it seems that some people aren’t too happy with my recent decisions.

The crowd boos. Freeman smirks.

Freeman: Yeah, I know, I know, I get it. Some people say Ive gone against all of my ideas. Ive destroyed everything I stood for. Ive basically just totally ruined everything I had going for me. Every good thing about me and all, I just threw it away…oh shut up…

Freeman instantly changes from his smirk, to a very intense, and angry face. The crowd seems a bit surprised at the total change that occurred in his manner so suddenly, going from looking cocky, to looking angry.

Freeman: SHUT UP! Because you fans don’t know a thing. I don’t care if you boo me, don’t you get that? DID I NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHEN I FIRST DEBUTED?!! I said that I don’t care whether people like me or hate me, the point is, Im me..and you can do whatever you want. People keep saying that I’ve changed? I HAVENT CHANGED! Don’t you get it? THIS ISNT A MOVIE!

Freeman instantly stands up and points at the fans turning around to face as many of them as he can

Freeman: THIS IS REAL LIFE! Do you get this? There is no such thing as a “bad guy” or a “good guy” in REAL LIFE. I haven’t changed…Im not some totally different person. Im the same exact person I was last week, and if some people can’t accept that then they’re dumber than I thought. The point is, there IS a grey area you know…you’re not just a villain or a hero.

Freeman’s anger doesn’t leave him, apparently taking out all of his frustrations with the fans and just venting them at once

Freeman: Yeah, you know that? I don’t regret what I did…and I WON’T regret what I did. You can’t boo me because I did it. And if I was to suddenly spin around and attack Rattlesnake right there you all would have cheered. You fans are too stupid, too…too….too…I don’t even know…you just can’t comprehend real decisions. You can’t understand ANYTHING. You’re all hypocrites. You come here solely for a show, and you don’t even stop to think about why they might have done what they did. I’ll say it again…it’s not just good and evil….there is a grey area, and let me tell you… everybody is in it.

The anger has left Freeman, but the intensity hasn’t…he still rips into the fans…yet he seems to have calmed down more, as before he was almost yelling, now he just says his words in a normal voice, yet his tone is DEFINITELY not a happy one.

Freeman: This belt…I hold right here? It’s a symbol. A symbol of the fact that I am succeeding. I am still a savior of this company…I still will be. And maybe you might even consider me a damn MARTYR! Yeah, that’s right, I sacrificed the fact that you fans like me…I’ve sacrificed your appreciation…I’ve sacrificed some of my principles, and you know what? Im DAMN happy, because I am in one of the…actually….THE most dominant stable in ACW history. And I joined them, because I know that they are some of the greatest wrestlers in this COMPANY. You’ve got former champions in there, and you know what? Im sure that ALL of them will become a champion again.

Freeman retakes his seat, and continues talking

Freeman: When I joined this stable, I know that, sure maybe, I speak against alliances and stuff. I don’t like that kind of things…but Im thinking…that you don’t become a savior of a company by working alone. Hey, look, I joined the stable because I know that I was on the wrong track…sure the whole Power 15 thing was great, and I still would like to be on top of that list, but I wasn’t…I wasn’t….DOING anything…I wasn’t GOING anywhere…

The fans continue booing and Freeman merely sighs

Freeman: Please, I ask of you one thing, and that is for you to let me speak. I am trying to explain myself, and I would like you to judge me as a person, and not just as somebody you watch on your TV. Someone you cheer because he beats up the bad guys.

The fans calm down, giving him at least the courtesy to talk and Freeman gives a grateful look to them, as he has seemed to have calmed himself totally now, and his words are not angry anymore.

Freeman: Okay, okay, now you may hate me…but really what did I do? I joined a stable and maybe I cheated against Jonny…sure, the thing is…I will do anything to keep this belt. This belt will not leave me. I have spoken against Entertainment in this company. Saying that being entertaining doesn’t mean anything. Now, I’m sure people can bring up stars here…what about Hulk Hogan…what about the Rock. They were entertaining.

Freeman shrugs and takes a brief pause.

Freeman: Yeah, they were, but you know what else they were? They were WRESTLERS! They could back it up in the ring, and people like…Thunderkiss…Adrian Flamingo. They can’t do that. They are nothing but sole entertainers. They talk a bunch and they can’t back it up. People like that don’t make it. Being entertaining helps, but the thing that matters most is your ability in the RING. I have both.

Freeman sighs and shakes his head sadly

Freeman: And yet people like Thunderkiss and Flamingo still exist. People like that…you CHEER. You CHEER them. WHY? What do you see in them? Pretty soon they’ll be gone and you’ll NEVER hear of them again. But you’ll be hearing of me for a long time. This is why the Power 15 is run wrong, and by the way, next week Ill show you how it SHOULD be done. Tonight, I face Brimstone? Look, who cares! It doesn't even matter whether I win or lose and you know what? I don't even really care. Look, let’s talk about Jonny Spade.

Freeman now leaves his chair, and walks outside of the ring. He walks around it, as he continues talking, so that he can talk to the fans

Freeman: You guys booed me when I won. When Rattlesnake helped me. Look, I don’t dislike Jonny Spade. I respect him. He has to understand as do you that I did what I did for a reason. To keep my belt. That is the only reason. MASAKI? I would like to thank you for giving up this belt and leaving…because it’s the best decision you ever made. Now why don’t you go back to Japan, and leave this company. Your part is done and now it’s my turn.

Freeman reenters the ring and grabs his belt which he had left on top of the chair that he had previously been sitting in. He holds it up and looks into the camera, intense

Freeman: I will defend this belt. I will keep this belt. I will continue to rise in this company. I do not regret anything I’ve done. I did it all for a reason. I am a Senatorial Stable member. I am your Entertainment Champion. I am Jason Freeman. And I am saving this company, whether you fans like it or not.

Freeman lowers the belt and walks out of the ring slowly as his theme song plays again. The fans are a bit more silent now. They have listened to what Freeman has said, and while they are not exactly about to start cheering him, and they still aren’t happy, it seems there are less boos now then there were when he entered the ring before. He doesn’t seem to mind. He walks slowly up the ramp and backstage.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: The Art of Investigative Journalism (Credit: Nick Durden / ??)

As the crowd are awaiting the next match, the alphatron falls dark, and dramatic music begins which is soon overlaid by an equally dramatic (and familiar) voiceover.

NICK DURDEN
Tonight, on “True” ACW Story…

He was one of the world’s most beloved superheroes…But Englandlad was always a step away from a fall from grace both as a superhero, and a wrestler...

The screen comes to life….

JOHN STEWART
Do I think he’s a good wrestler? Yes. Do I think he’s a great superhero? You’re on crack.

MICHAEL GHAIL
This is a story of a man who tried hard, who reached for the stars, and kept falling on his ass...This is the “True” ACW Story of Englandlad.

GREEN ARROW
…I would spit on him if I ever saw him again…

The following words appear on the screen:

Englandlad

The dream of being one of the world’s biggest…

…His life’s ambition, was to be a star…

…Fame could not…

...Could never recover from the public scandal…

The music gets the last few overwrought chords out of its system, and the scene fades in to show Nick and Mick sitting at what passes for a desk, wearing suits and a couple of bad wigs and glasses, presumably to make them look more qualified for their new “roles”. Mick is wisely opting to play it completely straight as he commences his narrating duties.

GHAIL
In the beginning, Englandlad would make himself well-known for running a lucrative fish and chip stand in Hertfordshire. Eventually, he became business partners with renowned entrepreneur Carol Ferris. His brothers, Jim and Jack, found more success in life. Much to Englandlad’s chagrin.

(Jim, Englandlad’s brother)

JIM
Mom and Dad uh…They kind of denied Lad a lot. I guess that’s what made him such an attention seeker. Me and Jack kind of pitied him you know…He was always the pathetic one. Dad, before he died honestly thought Lad was…you know. He thought Lad was “what Mr. Roper thought Jack Tripper was.” If you get my meaning.

(Jack, Englandlad’s other brother)

JACK
I thought Lad was too, to be honest. I never saw him with a woman. I honestly thought Carol was just a girl he went shopping with.

JIM
That’s because you took every woman he ever wanted. You basically turned him into a shambling shell of a teenager when you took his big school disco date, had sex with her, took her to his school disco, had sex with her in a bathroom stall, and then when she came back home with him, had sex with her again, all within the space of a week.

JACK
Yeah, but well…Hey, she came onto me.

JIM:
Okay, so I was the only one in the family who seemed to care any molecule for Lad.

NICK
Jim would later sleep with Carol Ferris and Wonder Woman in a messy three-way tryst the night before Carol and Lad’s wedding. To this day Lad has no idea…oh. Wait. Well uh…

He examines the paper in front of him.

…Jeez you can’t make this stuff up.

Yo, Mick, were you ever this bad to your brother?

GHAIL
Pfft, I don’t think any sane human being was this bad to their brother. Moving on…

Lad would soon marry Carol, some way, some shape, some form of chance beating out Jason Belmore, who was engaged to Ms. Ferris beforehand.

Jason Belmore speaks on being a man more pathetic then Englandlad…

JASON BELMORE
…Please someone. Kill me. Be my mercy angel…

NICK
We found this guy in Chris Farley’s literal environment of a “van down by the river.” He was high off every substance known to man, and even then, the pain was unable to bear. We called the police, and even they would not arrest the guy, for sole reason that he was in his own personal hell. Ironically, we found many stacks of People Magazine around his room, with Tom Cruise circled in red marker. Take it for what you will cause honestly, this disgusts me…Mick.

GHAIL
Lad would soon find a fellow teammate of similar hue in the remarkable Oliver Queen, also known as The Green Arrow…

We see a caption of “Green Arrow: Beloved Superhero”

GREEN ARROW
Okay, so everyone always asks me why I teamed up with Englandlad. I thought he would give me a good balance. Now, Black Canary warned me…Oh god how she warned me. Nearly...begged me, swearing that Lad would drive me insane. I swore up an’ down to my beloved little birdie that I could handle it, and I could…But uh…Speedy, was not so lucky.

NICK
So after only two or three ****** ******’ years, Speedy also known as Roy Harper or Arsenal snapped, and instead of taking on the idiotic banter of Englandlad any longer, he became addicted to heroin, in the hopes of dulling the pain of listening to Lad. Lad would leave Roy in the care of Black Canary, forcing Speedy to basically owe Englandlad for the rest of his life. This brought a confrontation between Green Arrow and Speedy, which made them stop working together, indefinitely.

(Arsenal/Roy Harper: No wonder his name used to be “Speedy”)

ARSENAL
He just wouldn’t shut up…It was "Carol" this, "Justice League" that, I can still hear him to this very day…God how my fix felt good…The stuff made me feel so god damn good…It was like I could never hear him…

GHAIL
However, soon Green Arrow and Englandlad would take to a more expansive grouping in the Justice League, and meet many other superheroes, hoping to do things for the good of earth. Nick's nephew, (twice-removed) Robin, speaks on meeting Englandlad for the first time…

(Robin: Teenage Superhero…)

ROBIN
Alright, so Bureau of Superhuman Affairs finally let me and a few other guys come on a Superhero Convention, on a trial basis. I’m talking, Paragon is there, Mortanius, Titan, Ironclad, Deadeye, Maiden America, Black Shadow, Jason Sangre, Raziel, Chuck Norris, the whole crew. They finally let me come along…I felt like, I was finally, “one of the guys.”

So we’re there, The Marvel Alliance is there, The Justice League is there, it’s a whole crazy meeting, you know? I remember Titan, Hulk, Supes, and Ant Man whipping it out to see whose is bigger, Mortanius and the Martian Manhunter basically talking about the ideas of life and death, the basic schtick, you know. Paragon and Dr. Strange were talking something about Emma Frost and the Stepford Cuckoos…

So I’m walking with Jason, Dead Eye, Paragon, and Black Shadow, and we’re basically talking tactics with other groups, in the unlikely event that Apocalypse, Darkseid, and Murderhorn all fuse together in a nuclear accident of demonic proportions, and hear comes this douche bag…

Lad comes in, smelling of Vodka and starts joking around me…At first, I’m thinking, it’s all in good fun, but then I see this Raven chick. She’s dark, all cool, I’m thinking she’s a total fox, totally wanna take that girl out to a brooding coffee shop some time, when all of a sudden…Lad gives me a wedgie…

…A wedgie.

We see a dramatic re-enactment of the story, in which Robin and Raven seem to be hitting it off, talking about seventh-level hexes, with Scarlet Witch interested in ideas the two have, when Lad comes from behind, and wedgies the young superhero…The camera suddenly wobbles as we see Robin screaming and swinging his sickle as Titan is forced to restrain him and Jason attempts to calm down a volatile situation. We see Mortanius whisper something to Robin, which calms him down and makes him grin, twistedly…

GHAIL
Mortanius would go on to tell Robin that he didn’t need to get any revenge…He would get Raven’s phone number anyway, and he would get his chance to give the Lad Herpes. Later that night, Robin cursed Lad with a disease hex, which would unfortunately give him Herpes-type 2.

(Thor: Hero of Norse proportions)

THOR
Of the many times I’ve gone to the Hero conventions, every single time, Lad has done something to get half the convention pissed at him. Whether it was getting a wedgie from some teenage kid, accidentally spiking punch to the point that any normal mortals would have died from alcohol poisoning…

NICK & GHAIL
Wha?!

THOR
Well basically, John Stewart, Iron Man, War Machine and Hal were playing Super Smash Brothers on N64, and Tony being the raging tool for alcoholism that he is, made a bet with Lad that he couldn’t spike punch…So Lad pulled it off, drunk as a skunk he was, for 0.0001% of Stark Enterprises’ shares, which really doesn’t amount to crap…

Next morning, we found Superman, Wonder Woman, She-Hulk, Hawk-Girl, Solomon Grundy…God the list goes on. It was not a pretty sight, when you see something like that…Then of all people, that Captain Hero guy shows up…

(Captain Hero: Cast member of Drawn Together; Ranked #1 worst superhero in the world, with Lad as #3, right below Harvey Birdman)

CAPTAIN HERO
Dude. I love Lad! He’s the only guy I know who can make a fully-functional Prince Love-doll. Really down to detail too…God what a sexy little man…

Hero begins to rub his nipples affectionately. We cut to a shot of Mick, already wondering just which image from this broadcast Wrestlecrap will select to represent his early diversion to the “surrealist” career development path.

GHAIL
So you’re saying Prince is a sexy little man?

CAPTAIN HERO
No you stupid ****, Lad is!

NICK
During his tenure in the Justice League, Lad would seem to upset many Justice League Heroes. Here, an interview with Batman...

(Batman: Enigmatic Rich-Boy)

BATMAN
You know, it's not well known but uh...well, Lad and I really didn't mesh well. To be honest, I didn't...get him. What was his...you know, justifiable actions as Englandlad? Look, all I'm saying is he was a guy that nobody liked. All the damn time, he was groping and squeezing on Carol...He just wasn’t...Professional.

(Tim Drake's head pops out of the bottom of the TV screen, wiping his lip...)

TIM
Seriously...Oh, what's the secret word again?

BATMAN
Kiwi. What? Don't judge me! My Parents died!

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

NICK
However, this life would soon catch up to Lad as he simply partied too hard, and drank too much. From doing shots off Mister Mxyzptlk’s purple bowler, to filming his own pornographic series, “Orange-pops from Britain,” Lad just did too much for too long…I swear to God, it really scares me that all of this crap is true. I think I’m going to vomit…

After selling himself to many exes, such as Invisible Woman, Lana Lang, Supergirl, Power Girl, just about every woman Wally West has ever dated, almost every woman in Marvel with the exception of Jubilee for whatever reason…

SHE-HULK
I have to say, only two men would ever get me in a one night stand…Juggernaut, and Lad…Those things he can do with a ring…Though I wouldn’t mind getting a visit from you two…

Mick’s eyebrows attempt to detach from his face and enter a low-earth orbit.

GHAIL
Is…a large, green woman hitting on us?

SHE-HULK
I think I’ll give Lad a call tomorrow, if you guys aren’t up for it. Once you go “green,” you just gotta “fiend.”

NICK
The poor idiot decided to get his life back together, but the question was, could Hal Jordan get back what he destroyed in the form of a great life he once had…?

THOR
No…

BATMAN
Nope.

GREEN ARROW
Nah.

SPEEDY
Pfft, as if.

JOHN STEWART
Who?

WONDER WOMAN
Suffering Sappho… Wait, what?

GHAIL
Well he did…One night at a Denny’s, Lad and long time buddies Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost, a.k.a. Tad Ghostal took Lad out for a good meal, and discussed his possible future plans…

(Harvey Birdman: Attorney & Space Ghost: Talk Show Host)

BIRDMAN
So we say to him, we say, “Look Lad, you need to get back on your feet…It’s slim to none you’ll get back into the superhero game…I mean, look at us…Been a long time for us, but you know, you live and let live.” Not like that Halt Hogan guy…His name is Halt Hogan, right?

SPACE GHOST
I dunno, I always thought it was Hump Hogan. Anyhoo, we came to the conclusion that night, that Lad would be an excellent professional wrestler, and you know, he did pretty well for himself…I mean, as well as professional wrestlers can do but uh…Well, he got the hero bug again and you know what that’ll do to a man…

NICK
Soon, Lad signed with Marvel’s Alliances, but before you knew it, the Marvel superheroes could not stand him either…

(Cyclops: The most hated superhero in all of Marvel)

CYCLOPS
I miss Englandlad…Because for only a brief, shining moment, when he joined Marvel, all the heat instantly died off me. I mean, people hate me cause I’ve bedded Jean Grey, Emma Frost, had the chance at both Psylocke and Rogue, I’m a clean-cut pretty boy, I get to frequently boss around Wolverine…People despise me man. Thank god Hal never did anything to me…Else he would have been considered the greatest character in Marvel, ever. Ah well, live and learn eh.

GHAIL
…You had the chance to get freaky with Psylocke and you passed that **** up? Fool, are you outside your mind!?

(Green Goblin: Norman Osbourne…No relation to Ozzy.)

We see the Goblin wearing a purple scarf, Aviators, and smoking a miniature cigar through a small bit.

GREEN GOBLIN
So uh, it was originally planned that I would take on Englandlad in a special series, a kind of spoof on Green Lantern/Green Arrow. Eventually it would lead to him teaming up with Spider-Man to take on me and Hobgoblin. To be honest it uh…Parker couldn’t stand Lad, mainly because it was Lad who got Aunt May addicted to gambling, and Mary Jane addicted to well…“Mary Jane.” Peter Parker lost the will to fight crime after that. Next thing I know, Mary Jane is doing lines off Rhino’s horn, and Carnage is trying to put Spidey into therapy. It was creepy, man.

(Carnage: Normal only when Englandlad is mentioned)

CARNAGE
I remember one night…Uh, me, Scorpion, Eddie Brock, and King Pin were trying to have an intervention for Spidey, get him back in the game…

We see a dramatic re-enactment of the story, in the said scene is going on at Kingpin’s hideout, as Spider-Man is seen breaking down in tears, and rips Scorpion’s acid tail from his back, pointing it to his head. Of course, since it’s not attached to Scorpion, it’s an empty threat, but Spidey’s rogue galley try to calm him down…

CARNAGE
So finally, we calm him down and yet…We hear a rumbling outside…Eddie Brock goes to the window and simply tells Kingpin to hold Spidey down, as he shouldn’t see it…There on the corner, Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane turning tricks, with Lad dressed up like Spectre with a neon green pimp-hat…Peter Parker died inside, that day.

I mean what, you think Peter went to Shadowcat on his OWN accord?

NICK (clearing his throat)
Moving on, Lad would go onto different bands, basically suck harder then Rena Matheson can suck a navel orange through a crazy straw…

GHAIL (Perfect Ed McMahon impersonation)
HI-OOHHHH!!!!

NICK
He would get a cameo role on Justice League Unlimited, and almost get an interview on Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, if the show hadn’t been cancelled. Brak had wished to work with Lad in the future, but Brak had his own problems, after being arrested for a bad Crystal Meth deal…

Although Lad eventually found his way to ACW, once more he caused enough turmoil to be considered his own personal World War…This is where he met up and coming wrestler Nick Durden…Oh wait, that’s me…

Nick dives sideways off the chair, there is the sound of frantic shedding of excess wardrobe, and then the shot cuts neatly to…

(Nick Durden, wrestler…)

NICK
First time I met Lad, I was a big fan you know…I mean, he was a superhero you know, and I was really excited to meet him…He said one day, if I trained hard enough, I’d be as great as he was…I replied, “There’s no need to insult me.” The boys in the back cracked up on that one for weeks. I distinctly remember Jessie Young was eating an apple and nearly choked, she was laughing so hard, and that caused a stampede of men all wanting to “assist” with the heimlich maneuver, Scott flipped and almost caused enough damage to the roster to force the show to be postponed. Anyway, Lad then proceeded to try to get back at me any chance he got backstage…Just to mess with me, I guess.

One night, me, Jack Jefferson, and AK were at an autographing, to promote ACW/Fallout Crossover…So while I leave my seat, I left my nachos I was eating, and Lad, eating a similar order, puts some laxatives in his nachos, planning to switch the dishes with me…Unfortunately, he forgets to switch his nachos with mine when some over-sexed jailbait girl who looked oddly like Asuka Langley Soryu starts begging him for an autograph…Ten minutes later, Lad was screaming bloody murder from the bathroom, and damn near died…When I checked the bottle for how much laxative he used…It was apparent he emptied the bottle onto the nachos. It was yellow, so I would have never noticed…

GHAIL
Apart from his ineptitude in the general sphere, Englandlad’s natural gimmick didn’t go down well with certain members of the roster from the start…

(Alicia Kitsune, more English than the Queen. No really, the Queen’s a German, genetically speaking.)

AK
Oh, Englandlad, don’t get me started on him. I’ll tell you, I’ve spent literally countless hours trying to break the appalling cliché culture on the wrestling circuit today, I mean the WWE can’t get within 50 miles of London without putting some outdated item like a routemaster bus or a red phone box on the stage for the culturally infantile… and then Mr. Superhero shows up and singlehandedly crushes all my efforts to erase the misleading, bumbling English stereotype by being several baked beans short of the full tin-

A voice is heard just off-screen. AK turns, and raises an eyebrow.

Oh, is that so? Must dash, apparently someone’s just made the tea. Spiffing!

NICK

Lad was rejected, even by the natives of the country he purported to represent. But worse was to come. Once more, tragedy struck for Englandlad as he would lose a match to Daniel Human…Paul Heyman was asked to reflect on this…

PAUL HEYMAN
If someone were to ask me, if I would rather watch the sodomy-like rape of ECW or Englandlad get beaten by Daniel Human again…

I really think it would take me an hour to make my decision.

For every match that I enjoy, every time I get to watch Scott Andrews deliver his “Skill, Thrill, Kill” line, BK London destroy an opponent, Latino prove to be one of the most successful showmen in this business, Chance Emmerson demonstrating his great in-ring psychology…For every time I see something that renews my faith in wrestling, Englandlad rips it away from me like a mother clutching a newborn.

The fact that San Juan will soon lose his mind trying to understand Englandlad deeply saddens me, but then again, someone has to be a martyr…Someone indeed…

GHAIL
And that leads us to the present. On the January 11, 2007 edition of Monday Night Warfare, Nick Durden and I will take on Englandlad and San Juan in a tag team match. Nick, you care to give the fans an idea of what to expect?

NICK
****, I’ll go Reservoir Dogs, on all of them…I’ll be like 1-8-7, ain’t nothin’ but a G-thang in this piece. Go El Kabong, Quickdraw McGraw over the place, smoke ‘em all like blunts…

Anyway, this has been a “True” ACW Story…We’ll have more stories within the coming months, such as the “True” ACW Story of Alexander Starkweather, from his days as a sexually abused altar boy to the most charismatic champion you never gave a **** about. Or how about Yoko Satoshi, who came from humble beginnings to a certifiable nut-job carpet muncher…Gotta admit, I’d grind up on that doctor of hers.

GHAIL
*****, are you trying to get us killed!? You want Yoko or Stark toe-tagging us or something?

Credits roll as Nick and Mick bicker over whether insulting Stark and Yoko is ethical…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Match 2: Nick Durden / Mick Ghail vs England Lad and San Juan (Credit: Latino)

Frankly, I don’t see how any intro can top what’s just transpired. So, on with the match.

Phillip: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall and is a tag team match! Introducing first the tag team of Nick Durden and Mick Ghail!

Lights cut to black as the drums of the intro to “Down With The Sickness” begin to reverberate throughout the arena. Bright lights in the arena entrance begin to flicker rapidly, and Nick’s enigmatic silhouette can be seen hopping on his feet and headbanging, getting himself pumped up for his match. Once the maniacal scream hits, a magnificent stream of pyro shoots up from the stage and the lights come back on. With each cough, jets of pyro go off. Nick runs to the both sides of the stage and taunts to the fans, inciting uproarious cheers. Nick and Mick makes their way down the ramp, touching hands with a few fans along the way. They both walk down to the ring and quickly climb inside it. They each take a turnbuckle as they raise their arms to the fans and then jump back down into the ring as their opponents are announced.

Phillip: And there opponents….England Lad & San Juan!

As their theme plays in the background England Lad and San Juan walk though the curtain with arms raised high. The fans let out a small amount of cheers as they walk down to the ring slapping hands with the fans. England jumps onto the ring apron and grabs the ropes as he leans back yelling out to much applause from the fans. His partner walks up the steel steps. They both enter the ring and are more than ready for tonight’s match as the Referee calls for the opening bell.

* The Bell Rings *

Juan and Nick start off the match as they quickly grapple in the middle of the ring. The two fight off for an early taste of control as he starts to use his strength to his advantage. He starts pushing Mick back a few steps and then throws him against the ropes. San Juan runs at him with a big boot but Mick ducks and rolls forward against the ring mat. He stands back up and just as his opponent turns around Mick attacks with a dropkick to the face. Juan takes a tumble to the outside of the ring while Mick gets back to his feet. He looks left and right as he quickly steps out of the ring and onto the ring apron. Mick takes a step back and then charges off at his opponent a double axe-handle smash to Juan’s face. The fight doesn’t stop though as the two break off into a string of fists being thrown. The Referee counts away as the stand up and contine to fight.
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!
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Juan rams Mick’s back into the ring apron and then lifts him up into a bearhug. He starts to apply more and more pressure as the Referee continues to count away. Mick starts throwing an elbow to the face as the works to break away. A second passes by and Juan throws him back inside the ring and then quickly follows inside. Mick slowly starts getting to his feet as he crawls to his opponent. San Juan makes a move for him but Durden is tagged in quickly.

Durden rushes in and takes down Juan with a clothesline and then yells at him to get back up. He stumbles up and before much can be done Nick flips him on his back with a hiptoss. As he’s on his back, Nick charges and slams England Lad in the face with a smashing elbow to the face. He goes off the apron and Nick turns his attention back towards the legal man still in the ring. He grabs him by the hair and pulls him back onto his feet. Durden starts throwing lefts and rights and then pushes him into the ring corner. Nick climbs to the top turnbuckle and pulls Juan up with him. After a few moments both men are up top and Juan is now trying to gain some control. He throws a punch but Nick ducks and is on the receiving end of a big uppercut. Juan teeters back and forth until he comes down hard on his back with a loud impact. Nick now takes a moment to gather himself and then leaps off the top with a very high angle corkscrew moonsault. He connects perfectly with the move and then rolls off to the side as he raises his arms up to the crowd. San Juan slowly starts getting back up to his feet. Nick takes a notice of this and runs to the ropes and bounces off. As he gains more momentum and comes nearer to his opponent Juan turns around and a loud SMACK to the face from the Nirvanaclasm by Durden. He falls down to the mat and Nick quickly makes the cover.
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!

Phillip: Here are your winners……Nick Durden and Mick Ghail!

It’s 2-0 to ACW’s newest tag team, and the crowd’s thrilled with Durden’s victory. Mick jumps over the ropes to congratulate him, and Nick feels for a moment as if he’s floating on air, heady with the hedonistic thrill of the win…

…and then he sees a face he wishes he’d never see again. Reckless is in the crowd, very quiet, seemingly just watching. But Nick’s internal alarm systems are triggered; he pushes past Mick and slides out of the ring, trying to reach his tormentor. By the time he’s righted himself, though, Reckless is gone, as if he never was.

Still agitated, Nick starts to head to the back; a puzzled Mick follows after him as the scene fades out…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Senatorial Stable + 1
(Credit: The Senatorial Stable)

As the show returns back from the break, Wyvern, Anthony Kalb, and Scott Andrews are seen standing around in front of the Dwight Gym entrance, all three looking a bit impatient.

Andrews: Can they hurry up, I didn't plan to spend the entire show back here, and I really don't want to waste Meltdown watching Senator help train some scrubs. I have a match to prepare for with Snake later on.

Kalb: Yeah, I'm sick of waiting, too.

Wyvern: You're not even in ACW, though. I'm not understanding your rationale Kalb.

Suddenly, the Capitalist's phone goes off, with a ringtone of "Hail to the Chief" playing. The Fallout star goes running off into the Dwight Gym, and returns almost as fast, with Senator Steve Phillips in tow, wearing his in ring attire, and covered in sweat.

Andrews: You look exhausted. The kids wearing you out, old man?

The Senator: Nay, I was merely putting them through their paces, I assure you that the light workout was much tougher on them than it was on this ol' workhorse. And there they are!

As Phillips points off down the hallway, the camera angle turns to show the arriving duo of Rattlesnake and Jason Freeman, the former carrying his famed Snaquilizer weapon, and the latter hoisting the ACW Entertainment Title.

Senator: Welcome to the finest assembly of wrestling talent in ACW history, Mr. Freeman. And good to see you too, Snake.

Rattlesnake: Hey, can I bring the goods, or can I bring the goods?

Freeman: Hey, look, this stable got Stable of the Year for a reason. I thank you for letting me join, and it's an honor because I know that this stable has some of the greatest superstars in the company. Now, in a little bit, I'll be explaining a little bit more in detail in the ring.

Senator: Of course, we are more than pleased to have the current Entertainment Champion in our midst. We only accept the best, and the fastest growing stars in the Stable. Our principles are simple, yet they have kept us together for years. We all have each other's backs. At the same time, I allow our members to have breathing room to set their own goals, so long as they strive to improve their standing. We like gold here...and I almost forgot, you are going to have to get yourself a nice suit, for when we have formal promos and such.

Freeman: Uh, I think I already have...

Senator: It matters not, I always fund the purchase of a suit for new members, heck, the place I get them from gives me a generous discount, due to my status, and the fact that they show up on television. So then, what do you have planned for this year?

Freeman: Well, first of all....this title here? It won't be leaving me for a long time. I'd say...hmm...10 months. Enough to beat Kudo's reign. During that time I'll of course get to the top of the Power 15, like I have been trying to do recently. And if I DO lose the title, I set my sights a bit higher...who knows, maybe within time the International title.

Snake: Hell, you're almost as ambitious as I am!

Kalb: Not as much as I am.

Andrews: ...Excuse, you? You've been sitting on your butt over there on Fallout since I can remember!

Wyvern: Anyways, let's not worry about Kalb here. With Freeman bolstering our ranks, there's little to no reason why we can't lay claim to being the dominant force here in the ACW. I mean, we've got gold running through our veins, and experience flows through this locker room like cheap beer at a frat party. But enough of that, let's get ready and start operating like the powerhouse stable we are.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: "The Dark Hero Who Overcomes Tragedy: Faceoff" (Credit: Nick D)

Open with a shot of Nick Durden manically pacing down the hallway with a look of pure rage is painted across his visage. He eventually reaches the door to a locker room and furiously kicks the door open to reveal a somewhat startled Reckless. Nick makes a beeline for him and pins him up against the lockers. Strangely, Reckless seems not to make any efforts to resist.

Nick: Who in the hell do you think you are, blindsighting me and Mick like that?

Reckless only responds with a sinisterly mischievous grin.

Nick: Speak up!

What was once just a slight smirk slowly builds up to a maniacally roaring guffaw.

Reckless: PERFECT!

Nick gazes back at Reckless quizzically but still restrains him against the lockers.

Reckless: I didn’t think it would happen this quickly, but surely enough, my plan is already starting to take shape.

Nick: What are you talking about, freak?

Reckless: Give up the act, Nick. It’s nothing you don’t already know. What I want, Mr. Durden, is to see the side of you I admire the most...a side of you that you have kept secret for so long but nevertheless still stirs as viciously as ever deep down in your soul. It’s a side you want to forget, but whose memory still haunts you. It’s a side of you that you are ashamed of, but I adore. I beseech you to show me that side.

Nick’s expression instantly changes from ire to worry. Seemingly at a loss for a retort while straining to keep him composure, he releases Reckless and manages only these few words.

Nick: Stay away from me.

Nick storms out of the locker room, leaving behind Reckless, grinning as savagely as ever.