Post by Yoko Satoshi on Dec 20, 2006 4:31:19 GMT -5
ACW Power 15 (Christmas Edition)
1. Santa Claus
Surprised? You shouldn't be. It's fucking Christmas, and Santa is at the top of his game. Have you seen him recently? He looks a lot like Bill Goldberg, I hear. He's kicking ass and taking names. You have to be in tip top condition to deliver toys worldwide in one night, and I dare anyone else on this list to even come close to achieving this feat. Santa has earned this spot.
2. Chance Emmerson
Normally a world title win would propel someone to number one, but other achievements sometimes superceed that. Just because you're in a competition where winning the world title is the entire goal, doesn't mean winning the world title puts you at the top of the ladder. No, that wouldn't make sense at all. So naturally, Chance gets number two for his win.
3. Starkweather
Stark came up short in the House of Mirrors match, but he still has his International Title. That, along with the fact that he manipulated Chance into the match in the first place, and may very well have even manipulated the world title into it via Yoko, puts him at number three. Only someone who failed to catch the subtle manipulations would do something like leave him off of a ranking list entirely.
4. Orochi
He comes for you in your dreams. Rumor has been going around that many superstars have been having nightmares of the dark lord. Just the mere mention of his name has shot him up to number four.
5. Scott Andrews
He looks a lot like Eric Young. That counts for a lot. That doesn't make sense, you say? Who cares, these lists are all personal biased opinions, they have no official sanction and rarely follow actual logic. Scott gets five because he is a hard worker. I had a different reason a moment ago, you say? These things change moment to moment.
6. Tommy Oliver
Who? You remember Tommy. The original green power ranger, then white ranger, then red ranger, then another red ranger, then black ranger. Tommy moved from lackey, to hero, to leader, to team mentor. He has staying power, and if he were in ACW, you can bet he'd be number six.
7. Yoko Satoshi
Yoko jobs to nothing, and that includes her skull itself falling apart. She's a trooper. Number seven for determination.
8. Bob "The Swerve" Di'Las
He captured our hearts with his blessed pants, and now he's dancing his way back into the fray, against the wishes of Ginger himself. Maybe he'll finally dance his way into Yoko's heart? Naaaah.
9. The Nintendo Wii
Having successfully smashed several thousand televisions, it's safe to say the Wii is a WRECKIN' MACHINE! It has earned number nine because you don't see anyone throwing their Playstation 3 controllers into televisions. Because no one actually owns a Playstation 3.
10. Socks
My feet were really cold just a moment ago, but now they are not. Socks are my hero. Plus they look sexy on girls. Tenth place.
11. Nosepass
This big nosed Pokemon has been cropping up in avatars recently. This activity is being referred to as "being Nosepass'd." Because of his hostile takeover of avatars, and his strong resemblence to Yoko, he gets number eleven.
12. Kane
He won an Inferno Match. Kane won an Inferno Match. He gets twelth place for this amazing feat.
13. Elias Voorhees
Buried in the ground, anchored to the bottom of a lake, launched into space. None of this actually happened to Elias, but if his son can deal with it, I don't see why he couldn't. Elias did however get his head crushed by a pipe and was in a building explosion. Is he dead? Could be, but his Voorhees blood says not likely. Denying death itself, he has earned thirteenth place. Yes, Elias' last name was Voorhees.
14. Sarin Rossi
She won Dancing With The Stars. However, ABC was nervous about having a lesbian on the program, let alone winning it. They edited her out of the show entirely and awarded first place to someone else. But everyone knows she won. For beating out a conspiracy coverup, Sarin gets fourteenth place.
15. Brimstone
If you can't get on a list after a needlessly complex Oven Match, what CAN you get on the list for? He and his opponent have supposedly both sweated twenty pounds off of their bodies in the Oven. Weight loss earns you fifteenth place.
1. Santa Claus
Surprised? You shouldn't be. It's fucking Christmas, and Santa is at the top of his game. Have you seen him recently? He looks a lot like Bill Goldberg, I hear. He's kicking ass and taking names. You have to be in tip top condition to deliver toys worldwide in one night, and I dare anyone else on this list to even come close to achieving this feat. Santa has earned this spot.
2. Chance Emmerson
Normally a world title win would propel someone to number one, but other achievements sometimes superceed that. Just because you're in a competition where winning the world title is the entire goal, doesn't mean winning the world title puts you at the top of the ladder. No, that wouldn't make sense at all. So naturally, Chance gets number two for his win.
3. Starkweather
Stark came up short in the House of Mirrors match, but he still has his International Title. That, along with the fact that he manipulated Chance into the match in the first place, and may very well have even manipulated the world title into it via Yoko, puts him at number three. Only someone who failed to catch the subtle manipulations would do something like leave him off of a ranking list entirely.
4. Orochi
He comes for you in your dreams. Rumor has been going around that many superstars have been having nightmares of the dark lord. Just the mere mention of his name has shot him up to number four.
5. Scott Andrews
He looks a lot like Eric Young. That counts for a lot. That doesn't make sense, you say? Who cares, these lists are all personal biased opinions, they have no official sanction and rarely follow actual logic. Scott gets five because he is a hard worker. I had a different reason a moment ago, you say? These things change moment to moment.
6. Tommy Oliver
Who? You remember Tommy. The original green power ranger, then white ranger, then red ranger, then another red ranger, then black ranger. Tommy moved from lackey, to hero, to leader, to team mentor. He has staying power, and if he were in ACW, you can bet he'd be number six.
7. Yoko Satoshi
Yoko jobs to nothing, and that includes her skull itself falling apart. She's a trooper. Number seven for determination.
8. Bob "The Swerve" Di'Las
He captured our hearts with his blessed pants, and now he's dancing his way back into the fray, against the wishes of Ginger himself. Maybe he'll finally dance his way into Yoko's heart? Naaaah.
9. The Nintendo Wii
Having successfully smashed several thousand televisions, it's safe to say the Wii is a WRECKIN' MACHINE! It has earned number nine because you don't see anyone throwing their Playstation 3 controllers into televisions. Because no one actually owns a Playstation 3.
10. Socks
My feet were really cold just a moment ago, but now they are not. Socks are my hero. Plus they look sexy on girls. Tenth place.
11. Nosepass
This big nosed Pokemon has been cropping up in avatars recently. This activity is being referred to as "being Nosepass'd." Because of his hostile takeover of avatars, and his strong resemblence to Yoko, he gets number eleven.
12. Kane
He won an Inferno Match. Kane won an Inferno Match. He gets twelth place for this amazing feat.
13. Elias Voorhees
Buried in the ground, anchored to the bottom of a lake, launched into space. None of this actually happened to Elias, but if his son can deal with it, I don't see why he couldn't. Elias did however get his head crushed by a pipe and was in a building explosion. Is he dead? Could be, but his Voorhees blood says not likely. Denying death itself, he has earned thirteenth place. Yes, Elias' last name was Voorhees.
14. Sarin Rossi
She won Dancing With The Stars. However, ABC was nervous about having a lesbian on the program, let alone winning it. They edited her out of the show entirely and awarded first place to someone else. But everyone knows she won. For beating out a conspiracy coverup, Sarin gets fourteenth place.
15. Brimstone
If you can't get on a list after a needlessly complex Oven Match, what CAN you get on the list for? He and his opponent have supposedly both sweated twenty pounds off of their bodies in the Oven. Weight loss earns you fifteenth place.
