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Post by vincehall on Jul 24, 2006 19:34:43 GMT -5
So, I was hoping to get some feedback on my first few segments. Lets see, that would be my segments from My first Fallout, a collaborative effort with Scott on last Monday and Thursday, and todays that I wrote myself.
If I could get some feedback for those 4 segments, I would be very grateful.
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Post by vincehall on Jul 24, 2006 23:25:42 GMT -5
I was that bad, huh?
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Post by scrawn on Jul 25, 2006 7:31:54 GMT -5
Hey give it time, people tend not to give criticism on this board. I've been waiting for some for damn-near a year.
Anyways I thought they were pretty good. There's a little bit of rust still lurking around but the more you write the better chance you have of becoming what you were before.
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Post by Wyvern on Jul 25, 2006 10:13:47 GMT -5
I'll tell you what, I'll look at your segments piece-by-piece when I get the time, and I'll give you a detailed criticism. Hopefully, I'll find the time to do so before too long.
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Post by vincehall on Jul 30, 2006 17:27:40 GMT -5
Just wanting some criticism on my SDS segment I wrote.
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Post by Karate Master Kudo on Jul 30, 2006 20:29:44 GMT -5
After looking over SDS again and reading your collaboration with Scott Andrews, there were some points I could make with it. I'm not sure how much of the segment was yours/Scott's so I'll address it as a whole. All in my opinion of course.
Anyway, first off I'd say it was a good detailed segment illustrating the universal idea of the Face/Heel. I like that you didn't try going through all 7 sins, as I probably would have found that tacky and overdone. I'm always a fan of using psychology and past experiences to influence things, in matches and in segments. So it was a nice touch to see that you incorporated quotes from before. And the whole eerie/narrative feel of the segment worked pretty well. Anytime that happens I always think of the random African guy they got to dramatize TNA's PPV's.
With that though, I kind of found it weird at the beginning as I wasn't introduced in any way as to what the segment was, or where it took place. It all kind of just started, with the whole cryptic narration and detailed explanations. Eventually the whole idea of a video package became evident, but personally I always prefer taking a little time to introduce the segment in terms of "ACW." For example the beginning where it just says, "A priest reading from a tome is shown..." kind of seems random after things before it. Maybe play it up a bit and expand the idea that it's a video promo playing on the Alphatron in the beginning, or at the very least, change the line, "Segment: Of Pride and Arrogance" to something like "Video Segment: Of Pride and Arrogance" which I think I remember myself doing at times.
Other than that little nit picky thing that I blew up, I must say the promo worked quite well in setting the mood and scene for the match shortly after, and certainly worked the hype job up.
Keep up the good work.
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Post by vincehall on Jul 30, 2006 21:28:42 GMT -5
*looks at Rattlesnake*  J/K man |
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Post by vincehall on Aug 17, 2006 17:33:45 GMT -5
Hmm, todays segment, I'd like to hear everyones thoughts.
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Post by Dalton on Sept 1, 2006 0:55:04 GMT -5
OK, after todays Meltdown, I would like to hear everyones input on my new free flowing writing style. Please?
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Post by Dalton on Sept 4, 2006 17:38:01 GMT -5
I love how no one gives a rats ass about my segment apparently.
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Post by hunter on Sept 4, 2006 17:46:21 GMT -5
If it makes you feel any better, hardly anyone talked about MY segments. Feedback is rarely given here.  |
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Post by scrawn on Sept 4, 2006 17:54:10 GMT -5
Until I retired I didn't get feedback for the last 11 months of asking, so don't sweat.
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J/K man