Criticism for Bre

[double]

Back in the arena, "Enter Sandman" hits and Bre Double T makes his way out to the ring. He is wearing jeans a Buffalo Bills Cap and McGahee Jersey. He walks down to the ring without jumping into the crowd or rocking out to Metallica. He acknowledges the crowd through glances and point with a smile on his face. He slides under the bottom rope into the ring. He climbs a turnbuckle and raises an arm. Bre then grabs a mic from the ring crew.

Bre: Cut the music.

The music fades and Bre Double T is ready to speak.

Bre: Now, I know that a lot of my fans are wondering exactly why I took out my #1 Fan last week. Well, Never Forget that I AM the Original Asshole.

Bre smiles as the crowd cheers.

Bre: But really, I didn't think that he was ready to go up with me to that next level. I didn't think that he was ready to make the leap that I was about to make. Ya see, I'm at a level now where I don't get any real respect. A lot of wrestlers don't give me respect, neither do some of the ACW fans. You see currently I'm at the midcard level and while I could be a lower mid or opener, people are still gonna fast forward through my segments with their TiVo's or skip over my parts on the internet report. I could say anything I want right now, and it wouldn't make a difference. That is why the #1 Fan had to go. He is the BIGGEST reason that people looked me over. He's a Freak and I don't need him. I need the REAL ACW fans to get behind me when I reach that next level.

The Fans enjoy this statement and cheer him on.

Bre: I also need to defeat Davey Marvel tonight. Not only will I be able to avenge my loss to him from two weeks ago, but I'll also move on to the next round of the Emperor of the Ring tournament. Oh, and what makes this match really sweet is the fact that I already took out your boy Jake Cheng. I know that you've been worried about BK London going into tonight, I'm going to take advantage of that fact. Davey, prepare to get Doubled Over.

Bre drops the mic and exits the ring. he nods to the fans and smiles as ACW fades out.


Tell me what I need to improve upon, any feedback is appreciated

[Karate Master Kudo]

I actually liked this promo quite a bit. I enjoyed the first part about the #1 fan a lot. The only thing I would criticize about it, is that since your promo is kind of trying to show that you're a new person, looking for the real ACW fans' respect and taking a new important turn, I felt that it could have been a little longer. Maybe elaborate on the fact of WHY he's the reason you're being held down/looked over. Maybe elaborate on WHY he's a freak and list some ridiculous examples of things he's done that warrant this.

For the second part, maybe you could tie it in and make it flow nicer from the first paragraph. Maybe something like "And in order to reach that next level, I'll need to defeat Davey Marvel tonight."
I liked the fact that you use examples of the past in this section. Those are always good points to make when trying to show your character's strength.

All in all, I liked the way it was written, maybe just a few organizational issues and maybe adding a little more meat but being careful not to stray into the 'filler' category. (I'm feeling a little hypocritical as I type this as I'm sure I've done this myself in many of my promos) If you can keep the reader's attention for the entire promo, then I'd say it was a pretty good success. When you feel the need to skip over things, then something isn't working. I didn't get that feeling when reading this so that's a good sign. Only thing is when that happens you don't mind if it runs on a bit longer, so maybe add a paragraph or 2 with what I said earlier to strengthen things out with some details.

Either way, good job.