rate my f-up

[abe]

*Abe Benjamins and Brian Carnage are standing in the middle of the ring, waiting for their match to start. Abe motions to the ringside attendant, and gets a microphone. He walks over toward Brian, and begins to speak.*

Abe- Good evening, sir, I trust you know who I am.

*Carnage shakes his head, and Abe looks surprised*

Abe- WHAT? How can you not know me? I am ABE F’ING Benjamins. I am the reason why ACW is so popular today.

*The crowd mutters amongst themselves*

Abe- That’s right, idiots, even though I’ve only been here for a few days, research has CLEARLY shown that I bring in the ratings. Do you know what that means? I’m the one who puts YOUR butts in these seats. Admit it, all of you came to see me debut in the ACW, and quite frankly, I can’t blame you. I’m an Icon in this business, and I’ve only been wrestling for a year. I’ve achieved everything this business has to offer. And what does Gingerdude do on my first night in ACW? He puts me in a match with this lowly wrestler.

*Abe points towards Carnage*

Abe- I mean, look at him…

*Abe starts circling around Carnage*

Abe- He’s fat, out of shape, and CLEARLY no match for me.

*Carnage gets a sad and slightly disgusted look on his face*

Abe- If I was you, I’d be disgusted, too. Then again, if I was you, *under his breath* thank God I’m not, you’d have to be me, huh? But I suppose everyone want to be like me...I mean, just look at me- I’ve got the looks, brains, and talent that only a TRUE superstar could have.

*Abe walks to the opposite side of the ring.*

Abe- Look on the bright side, Carnage, at least you…… What the hell am I saying? There is NO bright side to being you. Oh well, can’t win ’em all, can you?

*Abe drops the microphone, and motions to the ref*

Abe- Ring the bell and get this over with.


------------------------

If you can, please rate and give me some MAJOR advice.


PS- I call this my "f-up" because when I sent it in, i had some random spanish in the bottom that i didn't mean to have in it.

[BK London]

Try to read some of the other past heel promos and build upon those. I like it but IMO its too basic heel, but I am just getting to know you. Trust me, as your stay in ACW becomes longer your heelishness will progress. If you want to read some great heel promos read some of TNT's because he is a great cocky, arrogant heel. I recommend during June because that was with his feud against RDK and that was a really great feud.

[Yoko Satoshi]

Like BK said, it's a little basic heel, but basic isn't always bad.

You have major potential, you just need to let it grow naturally.

[Latino]

Also I think that you need to let it come out natural. Don't force it and basing your promos off of actual experiences you can relate to may help too.

[tntoholic]

You've got some good potential. I would just try the cocky thing some more, and type whatever cocky thing that comes to your mind. I like your "Intellegent" way, so i would stick to it but try making up some more things that are exaggerated and make people hate you even more.

If it doesn't work or come naturally to you, you might want to change, its good to try different things, but if you like this kinda gimmick, you should give it your all.