Madness, Monday March 29th

[Kim Jong CP]

Schedule of Events

Buddy Ghee vs. The Red Panther

Claude LeBatard vs. Adrian Baird

No Disqualification
Theodore Wellington vs. Criminal

The Scorpion vs. Sachiel Willows

ACW World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Phenomenal (c) vs. XS3

[Kim Jong CP]

Ghetto Religion
Chris Phenomenal and The Scorpion

For over three months he has walked the halls of ACW, frightening the interviewers with his ability to communicate in a number of tongues, but also with his manner of dress and loner personality. Shades of Klebold run through him but alas he is no psychopathic mass murderer, the only designs of life taking he has is with a mission to return them to their Lord and Creator. To “save” them on a holy mission that so often today is assailed with the Jihad and terrorism. For him though his mission is higher, where as the servitude of Allah is blind devotion is based on hearsay of a man hundreds of years old, his connection with the one true God makes his word superior. He is mission sent to ACW to cleanse and purify it of its sins, the weight that almost brought it down being removed by whatever means necessary. If prayer does not work, then force will be needed. Like the Colonial Crown, oppressing the nation they had settled, taxation without representation leading to a revolutionary war so too does Scorpion embark on a quest to pave the land as he sees fit. A land of opportunity for the righteous and one in which the sinners will be sent to St. Patrick, their sins being removed by the fire before ultimate passage.

Not only is he a scary proposition in the back, but also in the ring, stringing together a run of victories that continuing at this rate would have him matching the record set for most consecutive wins in a row to start his career. His exploits in the ring and his personality out of it have drawn comparisons to the ACW legend known as Ridley, a man who many have said is the greatest to have never won the greatest title in the industry. Defeating a number of men whom progressively have been of higher rank, this evening he steps into the ring against a new foe, a woman. Though ACW has seen some of its greats bearing the XX chromosome, tonight Scorpion serves to remind that the wrestling ring is like the priesthood. Though women may serve, ultimately they may not rule.

As Madness draws to an open, he is seen wandering the halls seemingly aimlessly. The lights are dimmed in the Arena Mexico, at least in this section, casting an ominous aura upon him. Stopping as if on cue however, he turns as if sensing a presence in his midst. Slowly the pitter patter of footsteps is heard coming from in front of Scorpion, the tip of the shadow seen as Scorpion turns his head back around and peering into the darkness calls out.

The Scorpion: Emerge from your holy realm of shadows demon. The king of the darkness that stands tall and proud over the rest of the den of inequity. Come forward leader of the weak, come forward and show why you are the champion of men!

The call of champion can mean one of two people and as the shadow grows larger, eventually Chris Phenomenal steps into the light as he stares at Scorpion. There worlds are far apart, one having known God his entire existence and one having never known him, cursing him if he did exist for the misfortunes that had befallen him in his earlier life. For the first time they come face to face and as expected there is an awkward moment of silence, a feeling out period if you will before Scorpion calls out again.

The Scorpion: The lord guides me in my moment of need, staying my hand so that the revelation occurs at the appropriate time. Just as the great generals of yesteryear met on the battlefield prior to commencing hostilities, so too do the leaders of each force meet before the final apocalyptic battle. The seraphic radiance face-to-face with the Cimmerian shade. I can sense it. I sense the hollow and empty darkness coming from your spirit. The cries of the planet wail in agony, in greater pain by your continued existence. You are the one leading the forces that poison the world and deny the planet the paradisiacal state it was meant to exist in. I do not understand why my father stays my hand, yet all shall become clear in time. When one is enlightened with the holy light there is no confusion, no such thing as wavering. You might possess an earthly symbol that denotes dominance among men, but I possess a purity that denotes dominance among the gods. The unclean will be erased soon, with your bloodied corpse being the first sacrifice floating down the river of blood. Give yourself over now and allow the purging to occur, for only then shall the lord grant his mercy. The savior is the only one that can stop me, therefore if you do not receive his blessing, I shall invoke nightmares more frightening that the feeble human imagination could ever hope to concoct.

Chris takes the words in stride, trying as he may to let them flow off his back. Last week he publicly applauded this man for his efforts in the ring, for potentially being the next “big thing” and now he must endure his scorn. His life was not easy; he’d be the first to admit that but to have such devotion for something that was not tangible still amazed Chris. His entire life and value system was on what one could posses, even Paige, when she was gone the love that was still in his heart was not enough, he HAD to have her.

Chris Phenomenal: Let those without sin cast the first stone.

Quite possibly the only Bible verse Chris Phenomenal knows serves him handy. He grins in the shallow light, assuming he has The Scorpion beat here and at his own game no less. For Scorpion however, though his facial expression does not convey exuberance, inside Chris has walked perfectly into him. The blithering fool, thinking that his mortal powers could beat his, could beat the one true Lord. Ignorance they say, is power, but when coupled with a lack of wit it is simply that.

The Scorpion: John 8:7, a verse that applies only to those constrained by the parameters of humanity. “But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life” Romans 6:22. Behold my restraint, the boundaries which constrain a purified mind. The will of the lord himself is the only source of control that is exhibited over my earthly form. How can one simply cast the first stone when he has been entrusted by the lord above to eradicate the world of those who would not accept the eternal light? To cast the first stone would be to disobey the holy will, for my task is to not simply injure, but to ultimately destroy. The pure need not worry themselves with perception, for in the end, all that matters is guidance.

Chris shakes his head, beaten and confounded at the man. Some have said he is supernatural, others have said he is simply devout, a mystic come down from obscurity to enlighten the masses. For Chris Phenomenal he was just another wrestler but now, face to face he is so much more. His wit, his calmness, the aura around him, this is what they spoke of when things go “bump in the night.” The Scorpion stares back at him and slowly nods his head, acknowledging that Chris has no retort for him. Seldom is Chris often speechless and for such words to do it is almost awe inspiring. With the upper hand wrested from him, Chris resorts to the one tactic that has allowed him to survive all these years to get it back.

Chris Phenomenal: Your “God” might give you the power to speak, but can he fight?

The Scorpion looks at Chris and sees his fists balling, assuming a stance ready to spring. Though Chris before has shown no hesitation in launching an assault on an unsuspecting victim this case is different. The Scorpion managed to one up him, something that wasn’t acceptable especially for a champion. As the lion in this jungle, Chris needed to re-assert himself as the king and the only way to do that was to beat Scorpion man to man.

The Scorpion will have none of it however, with a match later on this evening against Sachiele Willows the risk is not worth it. He has had much success in the ring, allowing that to send his message. Turning his back on Chris Phenomenal he begins to walk away, trench coat slightly swaying as he seeks to fight Chris another day.

Chris Phenomenal: And to think I thought you had a future, run you little piece of shit, run.

Scorpion pays no heed to the words, continuing on and nearly out of the distance before turning around and staring at Chris Phenomenal, pausing for a moment before giving his last utterance.

The Scorpion: “You shall not put the LORD your God to the test, as you tested Him at Massah” Deuteronomy 6:16.

With that The Scorpion heads out of sight, leaving Chris Phenomenal dumbfounded. Danny Mainer, XS3, likely Jason Freeman and now it appears The Scorpion are after him and with Macho Man Randy Dallas Kanyon apparently out of the picture, suddenly the numbers game is against Chris for the first time in his ACW tenure.

The scene fades away as Chris retreats from whence he came and we cut to our opening video.

[Kim Jong CP]

As the opening video cuts out to a close, we come in to Maxwell McNally and Fast Eddie Edison who welcome us to the Arena Mexico and Madness. With Our House playing in the background, they run down our events and then plug the stolen Fallen Heroes, one month away at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, Texas. We then cut away to a video package highlighting the feud between XS3 and Chris Phenomenal, starting with his shocking re debut and ending last week. We then cut back to Charlotte King for a pre-match interview with Buddy Ghee

[Kim Jong CP]

Charlotte: I'm here with Buddy Ghee once again, who is preparing for his big match at Madness. Buddy, you and Panther have had a hard fought feud. Could tonight be the night to end it?

Buddy Ghee: Definitely. This feud was built on him screwing me, then me screwing him, but now nobody's gonna be screwing nobody. I want this match to be fair, split down the middle so that there's no doubt that I'm the baddest mutha in the business once I lay him down for the three count, and lemme tell you somethin': After I'm done with him, he'll wish he'd never messed with Buddy Ghee.

Charlotte: So, after you triumph over Panther, what's in store for you?

Buddy Ghee: Well lemme tell you: After Panther gets his shit ruined, I'm gonna continue on. Gonna keep breakin' it up, gonna rise to the top. I'll pin 'em all. It don't matter. That Frenchie? I'll beat 'im. That gate with the armbar thing? I'll beat 'im. Guy who's trying to get God to love him again? I'll beat 'im. It don't matter if I win titles, get a tag team, whatever. That stuff happens along the way, won't change anything. Titles are a circumstance. Victories are proof.

[Kim Jong CP]

Phillip stands from his chair to signify the first match is about to start. He climbs the steps and ducks under the rope, as the audience hangs in anticipation. He brings the microphone to his lips.

Phillip: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Our first contender, from New York City, weighing in at 195 pounds, Buddy Ghee!

Shining Star by Earth Wind and Fire fills the arena, met with a smattering of boos. At the horn sting, Buddy bursts out from behind the ring. He rolls his arms and throws his fist into the air. As the first verse begins, he sprints down the isle, and slides under the bottom rope. He raises his head and shouts something, but it's drowned out by the music.

Phillip: And his opponent, from Honolulu, Hawaii, at 213 pounds, The Red Panther!

Slowly a wind instrument of some sort begins to play as the lights dim. After about 00:30 seconds a synthesizer begins bubbling along behind the wind instrument. About 00:42 seconds in high putched remixed female vocals are added to the mix.

Come with me to the dance floor,
You and me cause that´s what it´s for
Show me now what is it
You got to be doing
And the music in the house...

At around a minuite, the lights come back on and The Red Panther walks out from the back as "Warrior's Dance" by the Prodigy plays. Panther walks to the ring confidently to a posotive reaction. Buddy stands, laughing at his theme music. Panther rolls into the ring and goes into his corner, preparing for the match ahead. The referee checks them for weapons and the match begins.

Buddy hops up and down, shaking his head back and forth, taunting Panther to attack him, getting no response. He throws his arm forward and slaps Panther, the crowd expressing displeasure at this. Buddy then charges at Panther, throwing a lariat his way, but Panther ducks below it. As Buddy turns around, he notices a huge Pele Kick coming his way, and so he drops to his knees to stop himself from running, just barely missing the move. Buddy grabs Panther's legs and goes right into a Boston crab, but the victim quickly turns over, his legs wrapped around his torso, turning him on his shoulders.

1...

Doesn't work. Buddy quickly escapes the makeshift pin. Panther quickly does a takedown as Buddy charges him. Then he, once again, counters with a takedown. Buddy charges for the ropes as he finds his footing, rebounds, and goes for a scissor kick, but notices that Panther is bent over, no doubt for a body drop. He changes his strategy, rolls over Panther's back, and hits a school boy.

1...

2...

... Uh... Kickout. The referee was pretty slow on that. Buddy stands up and glares at the ref. Buddy jumps to his feet and performs a standing moonsault, but Panther rolls out of the way, causing him to land flat on his face. Panther stands up, picks Buddy up by his leg, and slams him to the ground. He then performs a serviceable falling kneedrop to the same leg. He brings Buddy to his feet and delivers a facebuster DDT and moves for a cover.

1...

2...

Kickout. He then moves for a standing moonsault, but Buddy puts his knees up and catches Panther, who falls to the ground in pain. He goes for the pin.

1...

...

Kickout. Buddy jumps to his feet and starts yelling at the ref to start paying attention. He then jumps up to deliver a kneedrop, but Panther rolls out of the way. He stands and sets up a Pele kick, which catches Buddy in the head.

1...

...

...

2...

Kickout. The crowd erupts in boos as the referee protests. Panther picks Buddy up, maneuvers behind him, and attempts for a bulldog, but Buddy drops to his knees, slipping out of his grasp, causing him to rebound on the ropes and get hit with a backdrop.

Buddy walks over and goes for a camel clutch. Panther is shouting in pain, but makes no move to tap. He's tough enough. Panther continues to take the submission until he musters up the strength to stand up and roll Buddy off, his foot catching the referee in the face, knocking him out. Buddy rolls with it, and stands, delivering a massive dropkick to the face. He then slowly moves to the turnbuckle, holding his head. He then climbs it and turns around, waiting.

Panther rises to his feet and turns around as Buddy leaps off the turnbuckle with a shooting star maneuver and hits a DDT. The Shining Star! He goes for the cover!

...

...

Oh, the ref isn't even in the ring. Buddy ducks under the ropes and moves to pull the ref in, who is coming to. He goes back for the cover.

...

...

1...

2...

Kickout! The wait was long enough to allow Panther to kick out. Buddy looks at the ref and rises to his feet, slowly moving to the ref. He then runs at him, wraps his arm around the ref's head, flips over, and executes a fantastic DDT, knocking the ref cold. He turns around as Panther jumps up, wraps his legs around Buddy's arm, and hits his flying armbar. Buddy taps immediately as Panther jumps to his feet, raising his arms. A referee comes in and hits the ring.

He looks at Buddy and motions for a DQ. Buddy had hit the referee, so the submission was null and void. The winner was Panther as result of a DQ. Buddy jumps up and starts beating the ref into the ground, relentlessly. He works out all his anger, and rises, but is met by Red Panther who delivers a Lou Thesz press and ground and pound. He then leaves Buddy lying there and moves to the dressing room as his music hits. But just as he reaches the curtain, Buddy jumps the ropes, and charges Panther, without him knowing, and delivers a bulldog headlock. He stands up and stares down at Panther as boos fill the audience.

[Kim Jong CP]

Segment: Stepping Up
Credit: Dave Shadow and Theodore Wellington

"Voodoo Child" hits the speakers, as the lights in the arena go out. As the music builds, several blinding lights illuminate at the top of the entrance ramp. A shadow emerges, the silhouette dancing along with the music. As the shadow walks out of the light, we see it's Dave Shadow, with a smile plastered across his face. He makes his way down the ramp and hops up onto the apron, climbing to the second rope at one of the corners and posing for all his fans. The camera spins round him, as he hops down and grabs a mic.

Dave: I'm baaaaackkk!

The crowd cheer, everyone delighted to see Dave back in the ring. Dave looks at them all with a massive grin on his face; he’s obviously loving being back between the ropes again as well.

Dave: You know, a few weeks ago, I was attacked by a man who called himself Hades. Along with the sly bastard, Edmund Child, they attempted to end my career by putting me through a table. Well, they should know by now that it takes a whole lot more than that to keep me down. I’m back, and I’ve got an agenda. See, I’ve already been informed by ACW management that Child, Hades nor anyone else involved in that incident are actually employed by ACW, and thus, they have no right to be involved in this show. Regardless, I need those guys to know that I’m not done with them. And I will be coming for my revenge sooner rather than later.

However, there are more pressing concerns to me at the moment, and that is the fact that right now, the World Championship belt, which I carried so proudly, now resides around the waist of a man whom I hold a personal hatred for. And guess what. I’ve still got my rematch clause which I have yet to use. So Chris Phenomenal, what do you say that you and me do this right? How about instead of hiding behind multimen matches, hiding behind cheap tactics and unfair advantages, you and me settle this right here, right now. Chris Phenomenal, I’m invoking my rematch right no.....

All of a sudden "Drop the World" comes on the speaker and a chorus of boo's fill the arena as Theodore Wellington comes out. He has a smile on his face and he is wearing a black on blue suit with some nice shades. He waits for the boo's to die down and raises his mic to speak.

Theodore Wellington:
Dav.......

Dave Chris, you've changed? I could have sworn.....wait, a second, YOU'RE NOT CHRIS! You're.....you're.....um, who exactly are you?

Theodore is obviously frustrated by this question but he shakes it off and continues.

Theodore Wellington:
Who am I? I am the hottest rookie to set foot in ACW in over a decade. I am the future of ACW. I am Theodore "Money" Wellington. I am getting kind of sick of people not knowing who I am! In two weeks I made two big statements and everyone wants to act like i don't exist. They want to look over me. They wa...

Dave: Oh, right, let me stop you right there. See, I've not been here for two weeks, so I missed some stuff. But I heard about you! You've been running your mouth a lot, claiming to be the future. But....uh....you've not actually had a match here yet, have you?

Theodore Wellington:
That is the second time you interrupted me. There will not be a third! Yes..I have not had a match yet..I actually have one later against Criminal. However, that is besides the point..you don't need to wrestle to make an impact. I have made a bigger impact without wrestling than anyone ever has. YET, Chris Phenomenally Shitty comes out here last week and talks about who has potential here..who he thinks is the future, He lists the retard Scorpion, the Booker T wanna be Buddy Ghee, and of course...the maggot I am fighting later...Criminal. Did he mention Theodore Wellington??? NO! He just passe......

Dave: Yeaaah, Chris speaks a lot of shit, doesn't he? Speakking of, if you don't mind, I was actually hoping to discuss that fact with HIM.....

Theodore Wellington:
THE POINT is...I apparently didn't make my point clear enough the last couple of weeks. I guess I have to aim higher, and that is what brings me out here today. I want you in match on Warfare so I can show the whole world exactly how scared they should be of me.

Dave: OH, I get it now. You want a math? Seriously? You guys want to see that match?

The crowd all cheer; there are a lot of people who would like to see Dave and Wellington go at it

Dave: Fine. You want the match, you've got it. Next week on Warfare, I could do with a tune up match before I go on to face Chris. So I'm going to walk down to this ring, and I'm going to whoop your ass. And I hope everyone is watching backstage, cause you may want to make an impact....but I want to make a statement. I'm the very one who has preached about helping the future of this company, dude. I'm the very one who has wanted to give everyone a chance to make a name for themselves. But after next week's show, the only thing people will remember you for is being the last stepping stone on Dave's return to the World Championship.

Theodore Wellington:
Th....

Dave:
Nope...you've made your bed. Now lie in it. See you next Monday.

With that "Voodoo Child" blasts on the speakers and the two start shouting back and forth at each other as the scene fades.

[Kim Jong CP]

NIGHT HAWKS
Danny Mainer

It was a cold Friday night in Las Vegas and for two weeks now Danny Mainer had been out on the street and his beard was starting to more resemble Mike Knox than CM Punk. It was really growing out to great lengths and soon Mainer would probably braid it and lace it with beads like some kind of lame metal band drummer. Nonchalantly leaning inside an alley-way he was having the first cigarette he’d had in a week and a half and to him each drag felt like a wild orgasm, every particle of smoke a little bit of heaven to the nicotine addict. He was surviving well on the street and his gym membership meant he could keep fit and keep off the streets for most of the day. Also, he could take showers and keep clean there and make ten dollars at a time doing jobs for them. Tilting his head back, he took another drag as across the road people were lining up to get into some shady middle class club in the inner-cities of Vegas.

Mainer wasn’t in a hugely safe place but he would be entirely obscured by shadows if it weren’t for a single, flickering light hanging over his head like the spotlights he was used to standing in. The smoke from his breath wafted into the air slowly, foggily, mysteriously as he raised his gloved hand to take another drag. Without any reason a man in a cowboy hat walked past the alleyway and took a long, stern look at Mainer before carrying on walking. Mainer however wasn’t in any mood to be leered at and decided to call out this rather stout, built gentleman.

Danny Mainer: ”HEY! Jake Gyllenhaal! What the fuck are you staring at, asshole?”

The cowboy hat guy instinctively span around in his suede boots and pushed the brim of his hat up with the stare of the apocalypse on his face.

Cowboy Hat Guy: “Who me? Are you fuckin’ talkin’ to me?”

Danny Mainer: ”YEAH! I’m fuckin’ talkin’ to you, Village People. What the fuck are you looking at you little fucking steer?! Am I pretty? Am I a pretty lady? Just ‘cause I’m in an alley doesn’t mean I’m a fuckin’ whore! I’m not gonna’ fucking suck your dick so carry on fucking walking!”

Cowboy Hat Guy: “Son you’d better watch your fucking tone. I don’t have to listen to your shit!”

Danny Mainer: ”You think you’re fucking better than me huh?! Look at you, fucking WHITE TRASH. I’m king of the god-damn world!”

Cowboy Hat Guy: “No you’re a fuckin’ bum livin’ out of gutters and muggin’ girls to keep your wallet fat! Look at you, fuckin’ dirty hobo! You look like a fuckin’ you got your tongue stuck in a bears asshole, neckbeard!”

Danny Mainer: ”You wanna come over here and say that to my face?”

Cowboy Hat Guy: “YEAH! I fucking do.”

The cowboy hat man marched over towards Mainer fists raised as they prepared for a fight. Mainer who was well known for his technical mastery threw caution to the wind and screwed it right off leaping in for a takedown. Both men began to roll around on the floor exchanging rapid strikes to the face and chest with the cowboy hat guy quickly managing to throw the ACW wrestler off. Mainer leapt back trying to usher the cowboy hat guy to his feet. CHG got on all fours and narrowly dodged as Mainer flew a boot straight for his head. CHG leapt up and swung a big left-handed shot right for Mainer’s face. The shot connected and Mainer crashed to the floor scuttling backwards as the shot left him down.

Mainer canted his head to one side and spat blood to the floor as now, the crimson was trickling out of the corner of his mouth and he felt one of his teeth coming loose from the jarring impact of the punch.

Danny Mainer: ”Southpaw eh? Touchy.”

Cowboy Hat Guy: “I’ll straighten out your fucking smart mouth you fucking bum!”

Infuriated, Cowboy Hat Guy sprinted towards Mainer to kick a man while he’s down but it seemed pointless as Mainer quickly rolled out of the way and to his feet. The two men, one large and one small ran into each other in a Collar and Elbow Tie-Up as they struggled with each other for an advantage. Both men stared each other in the eyes and suddenly there was an invisible electricity between the two. Simultaneous recognition. It was a beautiful thing.

Cowboy Hat Guy: “Masterson?”

Danny Mainer: ”Longshaw... Jamie Longshaw...”

Mainer’s blood ran cold as now he wanted to punch this man in the face more than ever. Jamie Longshaw was the man who in senior year at high school tried to rape Caitlynn Dufraisne, Mainer’s now ex-girlfriend. Mainer smashed a chair over the back of Longshaw to stop him and with Mainer having a switchblade in his pocket he’d LOVE to do something similar. Taking advantage of the distraction, Mainer leapt up bringing his legs with him as he hit a Monkey Flip sending Longshaw flying into the alleyway and crashing headfirst into a stack of bins. Mainer drew out his switch-blade. Flicking the knife out, there was a menacing look in Mainer’s eyes as Longshaw was spread out over a pile of collapsed trashcans.

Danny Mainer: ”Wrong place... wrong time... ASS. HOLE.”

Mainer advanced slowly, menacingly as Longshaw started to come to not realizing the peril that awaited him. As his vision cleared he saw Mainer coming towards him, clutching the knife in his hand and immediately the blood drained from his body.

Jamie Longshaw: “Oh no! NO! Mainer... don’t. I’ll DO ANYTHING! Just, put the knife down man! Come on, this was a DECADE ago man. Shit’s moved on, I’ve got a wife and kids now! Come on dude! I’m AIDS fucking positive and I have a family.”

Mainer’s eyes went wide at this last statement then looked down at the corner of his mouth and saw the blood running out. Spitting violently on the floor.

Danny Mainer: ”You have AIDS and a family? That better not be YOUR fucking blood in my mouth.”

Jamie Longshaw: “I cheated on my wife... I was drunk. I got infected. I DIDN’T want it to be this way!”

Danny Mainer: ”You fucking betrayed me, AND you betrayed your wife. You DICK. You’re gonna’ deserve being disembowelled you shithead!”

Jamie Longshaw: “PLEASE! No! PLEASE!”

Mainer thought about it long and hard as he clutched the knife in his hand, his arms shaking as his skin went white with pure violent hatred. Tears ran down the eyes of Longshaw as Mainer’s blood boiled threatening to melt his own veins. Finally, he sighed heavily and ran forward grabbing the shirt of Longshaw holding the knife over his head dangling it precariously.

Danny Mainer: ”Gimme your fucking money!”

Jamie Longshaw: “WHAT?!”

Danny Mainer: ”Gimme your wallet and your pin number and we can fuckin’ forget about this. If I ever see you again after this I can’t help what I’ll do but if you gimme your cash and get out of town I can assure you that you’ll NEVER see me again.”

Jamie Longshaw: “Alright! Alright! But those are my life-savings!”

Danny Mainer: ”How much?”

Jamie Longshaw: “Six hundred dollars! My pin number is 8776!”

Danny Mainer: ”You have GOT to be shitting me. I need it a damn sight more than YOU do.”

And with that, Longshaw stuffed the wallet into Mainer’s chest. Mainer clutched it with his free hand and quickly pocketed it before hopping off Longshaw and leaping onto a nearby dumpster. He then started to climb up a pipe on the wall and scurried up it onto the roof-tops leaving Longshaw a shaking, tearful wreck on the floor as Mainer escaped into the night.

END

[Kim Jong CP]

Segment: A triumphant return! Part 1 (Credit: Freeman)

Throughout the history of wrestling there have been many triumphant returns. Nothing is better than that moment a face you haven’t seen in a very long time pops back up on your TV screen, and many of the greatest moments in history have been a huge star coming back for the first time in a long time in front of an electric crowd. Well tonight there is a return just as amazing as the returns of such greats as BK Lonodn, Atomic Kitsune, and the Senator! Well not exactly…

But Trace Birmingham is back.

Trace: TONIGHT TRACE BIRMINGHAM…HAS COME BACK…TO A….C….W…!!

Greg: …

*Crickets*

Trace: …

Greg: You look disappointed

Trace: Where’s my big cheer? ! I mean cmon…I’ve been gone for like a year.

Greg: Well, more like a month…and in any case, what did you expect from yelling that out as you entered the building?

It does indeed seem that Trace has just screamed this out to the world as he entered the door apparently expecting something…

Trace: Well…I dunno..like…maybe like…fireworks or something…

Greg: Yeah, maybe you should think again.

Trace: Well…well…

Whatever Trace was going to say will never be known because it is at that moment that Charlotte King hits the scene, microphone in hand. Trace lights up instantly.

Trace: See Greg? See? They ARE happy I’m back! Charlotte even came to give me a HUGE interview!

Charlotte: Hm?

Trace: Well, Im glad to BE back, Charlotte, thank you for---

Charlotte: Oh…er..I was going to try to find XS3 and interview him before his match tonight.

Trace: …

Charlotte: …

Trace: …

Charlotte: …?

Trace: …Oh.

Charlotte looks at him strangely and then continues on…

Trace: WAIT! No, that’s not okay because who cares about XS3? Sure he’s got some little match or something tonight---

Charlotte: Er….he’s in the world title match.

Trace: REGARDINGLESS, I am still making my TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO ACW! So like…you should interview me instead!

Charlotte: Return?

Trace: Yeah…er...don’t you remember I like…have been gone for like…a decade!

Charlotte: Oh…er…are you on the roster?

Trace: OF COURSE I AM I’M---

Charlotte: OH now I remember, you’re that Trance Armstrong. Yeah, I think I remember you.

Silently Trace curses Dave Shadow and vows to get revenge.

Trace: Well, TRACE BIRMINGHAM, but…yeah and---

Charlotte: OH yeah, and Thiago Gracie was looking for you. And you two had a match at Ragnarok last match. I can’t believe I forgot about you.

Greg: He gets that a lot

Trace: DO NOT, GREG!

Charlotte: Oh right, and then when the match ended you ran away and nobody has seen you since.

Trace: Er…I…I DIDN’T RUN AWAY? YOU THINK I RAN AWAY? Hey..I..it was all…psychiatrical mindgames that’s all!

Greg: He means psychological.

Charlotte: Well…everybody simply assumed you had quit the company to escape Gracie.

Trace: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Greg: …

Charlote: …

Trace: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! YEAH, RIGHT….like…LIKE I would do THAT.

Charlotte: If you say so…

Trace: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW MRS. CHARLOTTE KING THAT I HAD A VERY GOOD REASON FOR BEING GONE THIS MONTH.

Charlotte: Did you?

Trace: YES AS A MATTER OF FACT I DID!

He didn’t.

Trace: And it’s a long story that involves er….the CIA!

Charlotte: What?

Trace: And er…killer lions…and er…gunfights…and…er….um…EXPLOSIONS…and…ESCAPED MONKEYS.

Greg: What are you---

Trace: Yup, and that’s why I was gone, and it’s a long story and let’s just say I saved like three countries this month! So don’t you tell me I was like…running, ya know? Because it’s so not true

Charlotte: Well this story sounds interesting…would you mind telling it?

Trace’s eyes bug out…clearly he was not expecting this reaction.

Trace: Um…uh…well…I….er…..

Greg: Let’s end this. Trace spent this month---

Trace: Er…uh..uh…uh-----f….COURSE I CAN. Of course I can!

The change in Trace is phenomenal. He goes from stammering and looking nervous to completely confident…he stands up straight sticking his chest out proudly. It is a mood that the fans have seen Trace in before…

Trace: YEAH OF COURSE I CAN TELL IT!

Greg: You can?

Trace: YUP! JUST STAND RIGHT THERE AND I’LL TELL THE WHOLE THING

Greg: Oh lord….

Trace: It all started---

To be continued.

[Kim Jong CP]

Madness is brought to you by



Future four time entertainment champion?

[Kim Jong CP]

Claude LeBatard vs. Adrian Baird

SPOILER: Click to show

Winner: Claude LeBatard

Full match to be posted when Sarkozy okays it.

[Kim Jong CP]

THE CATACOMBS BELOW
Credit: Danny Mainer

Deep inside the basements of the ACW building, Charlotte King was immersed in almost pitch-black darkness. She could barely see more than three feet in front of her and regrettably for her she had to find the smallest man on the ACW roster in the darkest part of the entire building. Samuel Hawthorne had gotten word that in between shows, Danny Mainer had been sleeping in the basements and had been fashioning himself gadgets out of stuff he found in DIY shops and diverting power from the main generators to power his bizarre creations. Charlotte had the unfortunate task of not only finding the man but stopping him from stealing power and causing blackouts throughout the build. She was extremely anxious about such a plan but figured that hopefully she’d be able to get through to Mainer who’d been edgy at best lately having now been forced to live on the streets by his girlfriend.

Previously she’d been wearing a silk black dress, provocative as you like for interviews but in order to go into the basement she’d changed into a pair of jeans and a tight black tank-top to avoid getting dirty. Kevin Anderson had been asked initially but refused to do it on the grounds that he has a fear of ladders and that Mainer has already tried to harm him many times in the past and would easily be able to kill him in the basement... and stuff. Those were his exact words, of course. Charlotte now in the boiler room called out as she tried to find The King of Vegas.

Charlotte King: “Hello? Hellooooooooooo? Anybody there?”

Nothing, dead silence. She could hear a cranking sound but she wasn’t quite where from. Inside the boiler room, Charlotte was extremely scared. The lightbulb never worked down here and she was extremely afraid of what might await in such a dangerous environment, especially ACW.

Charlotte King: “Oh God... I don’t have to go into the back-up generator room do I?”

Charlotte moaned clearly unhappy with the idea of having to go further deeper into the building system. Moving into the corner, she saw where there would be a trapdoor if it not for the fact that there was a large empty barrel covering it. She quickly lifted it and moved it to one side before opening the trap door and climbing down. Hearing the cranking sounds get louder, she was shrouded now in complete darkness. Down here, all of the back-up generator machines were here to keep the place going in times of system shutdown.

Charlotte King: “He-he-hello?”

? ? ?: “AGH! Fucking SHIT!”

Jackpot. King had found her man... sorta’. Trying blindly to find her way through the place, she walked into several generators before finding a dim source of light a long way away. It was a candle light and it was the only light in the entire room. The vague outline of a man with her back to Charlotte could be seen, his shoulders hunched and his hands hidden in front of him as he could be heard grunting and swearing.

? ? ?: “Urghh... fucking Hell. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. Ahh shit, yes.”

Visually disturbed by the image her own imagination was conjuring up, Charlotte ran into the darkness throwing caution to the wind as she tried to see the face of the man who sounded like he was beating off. She caught up and rested a hand on the shoulder of a long-haired gentleman. Completely in his own world, he just about crapped herself as she touched him. He quickly twirled around, manic facial expression as the bearded Danny Mainer stared at her with a look of insanity in his eyes.

Danny Mainer: ”Oh thank fuck for that, it’s you. I thought it was the other guy who lives down here.”

Charlotte King: “Uh, what other guy?”

Danny Mainer: ”Just shittin’ ya. HAHAHAH. What can I do you for hun?”

Mainer stood up and turned around, fully dressed and holding a pair of what appear to be hand-made nightvision goggles in one hand and a screwdriver in the other.

Charlotte King: “Uhm, I’ve been told by Hawthorne to come find you. He says he knows you’re down here and you can’t live here anymore.”

Danny Mainer: ”Is he aware I don’t have anywhere else to go?”

Charlotte King: “Yup, he says you’re causing trouble and there’s random short circuiting of the electricity because of you living down here. Speaking of, what the Hell are you doing?”

Danny Mainer: ”Oh me? I’m just making my own night vision goggles. Heh. You didn’t step in the dead beaver on the way down here did you?”

Charlotte’s face coiled up in sickly revolt. She turned her head and ran her shoes across the floor to clean what maybe beaver blood on her shoes.

Charlotte King: “Oh God... eww... I hope not.”

Danny Mainer: ”Me too. That’s my dinner for this evening.”

Charlotte King: “Okay, Danny, you CAN’T be serious.”

Danny Mainer: ”Do I look like I’m joking? Beaver is a delicacy. Eating beaver is something my family has done for years. It’s in our blood to taste it. Would you like to try my beaver?”

Charlotte King: “Ugh. No, thanks for the offer. I’m sure it’s nice but I’m not really the beaver type.”

Danny Mainer: ”I’m SURE you’re not. Anyway, when does Hawthorne want me out of the basements?”

Charlotte King: “You’re not booked so he says right now and if you don’t, he’ll terminate your contract.”

Danny Mainer: ”Well FUCK that. Alright, gimme a few minutes to pack up my stuff and I’ll be out. Is Hawthorne gonna’ give you shit if I don’t leave?”

Charlotte King: “I imagine so.”

Danny Mainer: ”Alright. I’ll get out of the building then and see you next Monday alright hun?”

Charlotte King: “Where are you going to go?”

Danny Mainer: ”The streets are my home now babe. It’s getting pretty awesome.”

Charlotte King: “You CAN’T go on like this.”

Danny Mainer: ”Ever hear of Seasick Steve? Musician who bought a guitar for 17 dollars with only four strings and toured around the world. Now he’s hugely famous. I’ll do the same. I’ll be fine.”

Charlotte King: “Listen Danny, please just stay at my hotel room. Just for tonight. So you can shower and eat properly and I know you’re okay?”

Danny Mainer: ”Sorry but I’m going to a dogfight tonight. Michael Vick. ROOFROOF, ROOFROOOFROOOF.”

Charlotte reached out to stop Mainer who had now packed up all his belongings but he completely ignored her walking towards the exit donning his nightvision goggles. Charlotte’s heart sank as he left, leaving her alone in the catacombs. She blew out the candle for Mainer then carried on walking after him.

FADE

[Kim Jong CP]

Sachiele's Saga, Part Three
Composed by Kris

Maybe, I should have figured it out.
Maybe there's no sense at all...
just an endless path of dreams.
--

Saturday, June 6th, 2007
1:46 P.M. M.S.T.

After yet another long winter and seemingly all-too-short spring , summer has finally made its way to Boulder. The sky is as blue as can be and the sun is bright as warm weather makes itself at home amidst the city Dimly, one can hear the sound of lawnmowers running as just about every family in the neighborhood is taking advantage of the balmy weather to get some work done outside before nightfall comes, dropping the temperature a good twenty degrees or so with it. Such isn't the concern of a very familiar-looking brunette that lays in her back yard on her side, her head propped up on one arm as she smiles at the person across from her. All it would take is a few second's staring to recognize her as the Angel of Winter herself. She's not dressed much different than she normally would be in a white wifebeater-style tank-top and a pair of denim cut-offs that leave most of her legs exposed, although it is rather strange to see her face so warmed by emotion. There isn't much visible about the reason that she is beaming so beyond a tanned, well-muscled arm and spiked-up red hair... but there doesn't need to be. All that really matters in the amber of this moment in time is that he speaks, his voice a low and rough thing that is capable of stroking along her spine as if his fingers were doing the work.

I don't think I'll ever get tired of this.

What, the weather?

No, Sachi - of seeing you smile.

The brunette chuckles, her cheeks reddening slightly.

Flatterer.

It is his turn to laugh, the sound touchably soft and seductive to her ears. It's enough to stoke the heat in her eyes... meaning that it's doing exactly what it was meant to do. One of his hands, calloused from hard labor, rests upon her hip before sliding upward, the sliver of pale flesh that is exposed lovingly caressed with a familiarity born of practice.

Now what would I have to gain by lying to you, dear? We both know that I'm a horrible liar.

True enough--

But if you don't believe me... I'll just have to prove it.

His fingers ascend higher, coaxing a pleased gasp free of her lips...


Saturday, March 27th, 2010
11:37 A.M. M.S.T.

...and the scene fades into present day, the spot on the grass on which two star-crossed lovers pledged themselves to each other bereft of life. The majority of the yard, in fact, is littered in the corpses of flora and tiny fauna alike, shades of brown only beginning to give way to the greens that will eventually overtake this particular corner of Bolder. While the clouds overhead are bearing rain instead of snow, the end result is still the same; those colors that remain are dimmed, desaturated to somber tones that befit this battlefield between skirmishes. It is upon the fallen soldiers of last year's spring that Sachiele Willows stands, her head canted ever-so-slightly to one side. The difference between the smiling, warm brunette of yesteryear and the ice queen that stands before us now is starker than ever; to see the end result of a transformation caused by an unknown source is even more heartbreaking. Dressed as simply as always in a pair of jeans and a white henley-style long-sleeved shirt, her curls are free to do as they will in the slight breeze. Perhaps it is Mother Nature gently caressing her chosen one, her child that has grown so cold to the touch... but, more than likely, it's nothing more than air currents going about their business. It is along the lines of the latter that she begins, her tone the same neutral thing as always.

Religion is the opiate of the people.

Strange, for one that calls herself the Angel of Winter to be quoting Karl Marx... but Sachiele does it without batting an eyelash. She doesn't credit him, either - common knowledge, and all that.

Some understand the importance of moderation, of partaking enough to expand one's horizons while remaining firmly anchored in reality. Others abstain entirely, developing the ability to cope with life's hardships one way or another without allowing their thoughts to be clouded by that nonsense. As is true of any drug, however, there are those chosen few that overindulge, swallowing drop after drop of their beloved dogma until, having lost all touch with reality, they crumble beneath the pressure of a world that callously grinds them beneath its heel. It is that last example that the Scorpion follows to the letter and, no matter how great his arrogance, he will suffer that same fate. No matter how fervent his prayers, no matter how many times he casts his eyes skyward as if he were worth the mercy of anyone that could possibly be watching - he, too, will find his pleas for help unanswered. Even if he styles himself to be the next Jesus Christ, after all, no zealot has ever passed through the holy gates... and he is no son of a deity to get a free pass.

Sachiele turns her gaze to the camera's lens, the brunette finally deigning her opponent worthy of direct address.

That is why you were so confused when no lightning struck me down for my insolence, isn't it? You gazed up in adulation, silently pleading and begging that your god strike me down for not bowing to your majesty... but it never came. Instead, all that greeted your ears was silence - the silence of reality crashing down upon your fragile psyche. To be fair, there wasn't much work left to be done by the time that your pleas fell upon deaf ears since I had done most of the damage. It's sad, really - all it took to break you, to get past your walls of pretention and conceit to smash into your very soul... was the ghost of a smile. A simple upturn of the lips and you were sent reeling, your world crumbling beneath your feet as you found yourself looking upon a woman that was not only your equal... but your superior.

The brunette nods, emphasizing that point before she continues.

You see, there is nothing that quite irritates me more than a man that insists that he is God's gift when, in reality, he is anything but. You are made of the same flesh and blood of every other human being, Scorpion. Your wounds bleed, your bones break - you are nothing more than a delusional little boy that cannot accept his shortcomings. So far, you may have managed to keep your fantasy intact, to wrap yourself in the cotton-y comfort of misquoted scriptures and foreign tongues... but they will not survive me. Much like anything else that is exposed to the chill of reality, your dreams of becoming God's hand will shatter beneath my heels. Whether or not you are fortunate enough to have any sense knocked into you in the process means nothing to me; at Madness, your insanity will be your downfall. So it has been said... and so it shall be done.

A pause; Sachiele's lips pull toward that slightest of smiles, the very expression that had driven her opponent to madness.

Amen.

The sign of the cross is executed with the same clinical detachment that colors the majority of her actions as everything fades to black, the Angel of Winter simply going through the motions. All it would take is a glance at those bluer-than-blue eyes to see that she does not believe in any sort of god or higher power. Instead, she believes in herself... and that is all the more she could ever need to overcome her opponent.

[Kim Jong CP]

Segment: A Triumphant Return! Part 2 (Credit: Freeman)

As we last left Trace Birmingham he was just starting to tell his amazing story of exactly where he’s
been this past month. It certainly promises to be interesting.

So like…it all started when I was sitting at home. I had just totally like…outsmarted that armbar guy at Ragnarok and I was sitting at home relaxing…ya know…after a really big mindgame…cause like…it takes a lot out of your mind. That’s when Greg came in…and he was so excited for me![/color]

Greg: WOW THAT WAS AWESOME! That was so cool the way you tricked Thiago like that…boy I wish I could be as smart as you, but sadly I am just like…a lowly manager guy.

I do NOT sound like that, and I would never say anything like that. In fact---

Shut up Greg! It’s my story! And you DID say that!

Trace: Wow! Thanks! Yeah I know, I know…it was like…really hard but I totally did it! I bet he’s totally intidimated right now it’s like not even funny

Greg: Wow, yeah! I respect you so much…man you’re awesome. I’ll tell you Trace...at first I thought like…you were dumb or something, but then all of a sudden I realized that you learned so much I almost can’t even like…teach you anymore!

Trace: Wow thanks ^__^

You …you…

Shut up this is the good part! Suddenly like…the phone rang!

Trace: Oh no! The phone is ringing!

“Oh no, the phone is ringing?” For what did this warrant an Oh No?

Ok, so like…maybe I didn’t say that…I was tryin’ to be dramatatic but maybe…

Trace: Oh yeah! The phone is ringing!

Yeah that’s what I said! And then I picked it up!

Trace: Hello?

Voice on Phone: Is this Trace Birmingham….

Trace: Yeah! What’s up Voice on Phone?

Voice on Phone: I can’t tell you on the phone. But it is important.

Trace: Why not?

Voice on Phone: “He”…may be listening.

Trace: Shadow!

Voice on Phone: Yes. We have reason to believe he is bugging your phones

Trace: I knew it!

Voice on Phone: Also we have reason to believe that we need your help.

Trace: Who’s we?

Voice on Phone: The Committee of er….Investigation and er….A bunch of other things

Trace: What’s that?

Voice on Phone: It stands for…THE CIA….

And then there was like this dramatic music like “BUM BUM BUUUUUUM” and Im sitting there like…hey I heard of the CIA…and that’s when I knew. That I was important, and that it’d be a LONG time before I came back to ACW! So like…the guy met me in person at Starbucks…cause like…it was too important to do it where people could hear on my telephone…so like that’s when he told me. That they had heard about my storied career all over the world, ya know…and knew if anybody could help them it was me! So like…then I ended up being shipped off to a like…well..this isn’t even a third world country…it’s a fourth world country and they haven’t even named it yet, but there’s like…some crime ring thing going on there and they needed my help to bring them down. So anyways…here I am in this country…and er…I land and I see some guy so I go over to him.

And where am I?

Er…duh…did you forget? You were taking care of all your manager stuff back in the US! CIA guy said you couldn’t come.

Guy on Street: Hey, are you…no…

Trace: Hm?

Guy on Street: You can’t be….

Trace: Er…what do you mean?

Guy on street: YOU CANT BE HIM

Trace: I…

Guy on Street: OH MY GOD YOU CANT BE HIM ITS IMPOSSIBLE YOU CANT BE!

Trace: Er…who?

Guy on Street: Trace Birmingham?

Trace: Oh yup that’s me! ^__^

I tell you the guy like…screamed and almost fainted!

Guy on Street: OH MY GOD GUYS ITS TRACE BIRMINGHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then all these people come out and say Im their FAVORITE WRESTLER, and they like..heard of me their whole lives in stories passed down by their ancestors and stuff…and so I had to sign like fifty million autographs probably and take almost like fifty million pictures before we could even do anything, but like…I did because I’m a nice guy and always come through for my fans! I even came them some TRACE BIRMINGHAM T-shirts, though they started to fight over them and one guy died, so I stopped.

Guy on Street: What brings you to this…this…TOTALLY LIKE UNDESERVING COUNTRY!

Trace: Well it’s top secret but…Im fighting…THE EVIL CRIME RING!

I swear everyone like gasped so bad I thought like…they were gonna use up all the oxygen in the whole country but they didn’t.

Guy on Street: YOU CAN’T FIGHT THE EVIL CRIME RING! YOU’LL BE KILLED!

Trace: HEY!

Then I slapped him in the face to get some sense in him ya know…

Trace: I’m Trace Birmingham!

Guy on Street …Of course you are. OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CANT BE KILLED YOU ARE TRACE BIRMINGHAM!

Trace: Yup! ^__^

So then like…Ill fast forward a bit and next thing ya know I’m trying to sneak into the evil crime base which I found using my awesome reconn---recconnu….er…the world that means you go around trying to find stuff and then you do.[/color]

Trace: Alright the evil crime base!

But it kinda took me like two weeks to find. So I guess that would put me at about like…two weeks ago! They don’t have much food or water in this country but like…it was ok cause they gave it all to me since they were such big fans so I got to eat and live. Now the evil crime base was really a huge snuggling ring and---

Smuggling ring.

Yeah, whatever. A huge one of those, but they also killed people too. And they had people in every country so the CIA had to get them…before they like…blew up the white house.

…What?

What???

Aw…not you too Charlotte! Yeah I dunno, oh…I GET IT. Maybe the CIA guy just told me that to not tell me the whole story! But er…they really needed me to get rid of them, so I had my trusty gun in my pocket and---

And where did you get a gun?

THE GUN STORE OF COURSE!

They had a gun store just sitting there for you to buy one?

No! Now I remember the CIA guy gave it to me…yeah that’s right. That’s what happened. Right before I parachuted out of the helicopter thing.

What?!!

TO GET INTO THE COUNTRY! NOW SHUT UP I’M TELLING THE STORY! So anyways I go up to the guard and I ask if I can come inside.

Trace: Hey can I come in?

Guard: NO!

Trace: Oh, why not?

Guard: THIS IS AN EVIL CRIME BASE AND NOBODY IS ALLOWED IN BESIDES EVIL CRIMINALS!

Trace: OH…darn…well…I like…work with a Criminal ya know?

Guard: OH REALLY? What’s his name!

Trace: Er…Criminal!

Guard: What?!

Trace: Yeah he works at my company! Im the number one star of a wrestling company called ACW and it’s awesome cause Im there, and also everybody loves me there

Guard: You’re Trace Birmingham? NO WAY! HE’S THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE YOU CAN’T BE HIM I DON’T BELIEVE IT! Everyone in the evil crime base LOVES Trace Birmingham and you can’t be him!

Trace: AM TOO!

Guard: Prove it! Everyone knows Trace Birmingham made a lion tap out to defend his SJDFBABWIUGFIU title, and if you can’t do that you’re not TRACE BIRMINGHAM!

Trace: BRING ON THE LION!

Before I know it here comes a killer lion! But whatever, cause like as ya know if you read my Wikipedia page I totally beat a lion before, and it was easy! So like I wasn’t scared or anything but the lion was. He tried to run away but like…I had to get him so I locked in the Without a Trace…but he tried to escape! He tried to knock me around and he tried to bite me, but I was holding his jaw open and he couldn’t close it, then I threw him against a tree…he kinda lost his fight then…and he tapped out when I put the move in again…by this point the Guard is like WHOA THAT’S SO COOL, so I sign him an autograph and he lets me in thinking I plan to meet all the evil crime dudes, but REALLY I wanna kill them. So I hide the gun and I get inside.

Trace: Hey evil criminals!

Evil Criminals: HEY! Are you trace Birmingham?

Trace: Yeah…are you evil criminals?

Evil Criminals: YEP!

Trace: THAT’S ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW! You’ve been uh…double…er…double…

Evil Criminals: Crossed?

Trace: Oh yeah! That!

Evil Criminals: Oh No! You tricked us with your superior brain things and also your mindgames please don’t kill us we’re really really sorry and we’ll become good guys who help people.

Trace: Sorry…but your time is up! You had a chance but you are all evil crime dudes and it’s time to pay! Sorry buddies, but you’re about to feel the wrath of TRACE BIRMINGHAM.

BUT THEY ALL HAVE GUNS TOO! Luckily I trained so much about wrestling that I could dodge all their bullets, kinda like how I dodge punches and stuff, but there were a lot of them, and even when I killed fifty of them they kept comin back kinda like in video games, but I think there were just lots of them…I knew what I had to do…and I shot this gas tank that was in there cause I knew it would blow up and it did! But I ran away and I was too fast for the explosion to catch me but they all died and so did their base!

I knew everyone would miss me in ACW, ya know, so I wanted to come back but everyone in the country wanted me to stay so I stayed a LITTLE longer, and they even named their country after me. It’s called BIRMINGHAM now, and also it leveled up to a third world country now but it’s not on a map yet so don’t look it up or anything. So I stayed for two weeks then I came home!

And I thought you said there was an escaped monkey? What happened to that part?

Oh…uh…yeah…then a monkey ran up!

Trace: Hey an escaped monkey!

The end!

--

Charlotte and Greg are staring at Trace wide-eyed. And he looks perplexed by their expressions…

Trace: WHAT?! That’s how it happened I swear!

Greg: Interesting. Not how I remember that month.

Trace: Oh yeah?!! Then how do YOU remember it Greg? HUH?!

Greg: Well…

Trace: Actually…NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THAT GREG, plus I already told what happened!

Charlotte: Im curious to find out what he has to say though!

Trace: Find…but..but…he’s a pathologicalous liar you know!

Greg: Quiet, Trace. Well, what I remember is---

To be continued

[Kim Jong CP]

Match: Criminal vs Theodore Wellington
Credit: Theodore Wellington

Philip: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is a NO DISQUALIFICATION match! Introducing first..from St Louis, Missouri…CRIMINAL!

“Criminal” by Eminem blasts of the loud speaker and out runs Criminal. The fans give him a nice pop because despite how they normally feel about him…they will cheer anyone who is going to take out the cocky and arrogant Wellington. Criminal gets to the ring and slides in under the rope. He jumps around the ring for a little bit feeling the energy before standing in the middle to wait for his opponent.

Edison: Well here go McNally!! Two young guns are gonna step in the ring for some high impact wrestling!

McNally: I am kind of excited Edison! Criminal is a man who just loves to do what he wants when he wants. And right now he wants to beat some respect into Theodore Wellington. Theodore talks a good talk but we have yet to see him wrestle a match yet!

Edison: Exactly, this will tell us if Theodore can back up his loud mouth talking.

Philip: And his opponent…hailing from Bel Air…Theodore…Money…Wellington!

“Drop the World” blast on the loud speaker as the fans let out a chorus of boo’s for the most hated man in ACW. Criminal is in the ring staring at the entrance ramp waiting for Theodore but he doesn’t come out. Finally, Criminal realizes he might get surprise attacks so he starts spinning around the ring looking for the surprise. A man starts coming from the crowd to the back of the ring and Criminal stands ready for him. Except once he jumps the guard rail he..along with all of ACW…realize it’s a double! It’s too late however as Theodore comes flying down the ramp and hits a stiff forearm to the back of Criminals head sending him to the mat just as the bell rings. He throws him off the ropes and on the way back hits him with a snap scoop power slam that shakes the ring.

Edison: Well I guess that’s one way to start your first match ever!

McNally: Well I gotta say…I love it!! He put his head and money into this plan! He even got a double to fake everyone out!

In the ring Theodore is stomping on Criminal and loving every minute of it. He picks Criminal up and leans him against the ropes and plants him with a chop to the chest. He leans in real close and shit talks him a little bit before making his chest red with a another slap across the chest. He pushes him into the ropes before throwing him across the ring bouncing back off the opposite rope. He goes a clothesline but Criminal ducks under and bounces back of the ropes. When he comes back, Theodore try’s to hit a big boot but Criminal slides between his legs and jumps up and plants Theodore on the mat with a high bulldog. He takes a minute on the ground to revamp.

Edison: And that’s how quick a wrestling match can change!! Theodore looked to have complete control but one Bulldog and Criminal has a chance to take over this match!

We go back to the ring and Criminal is now on his feet planning his next attack. As soon as Theodore gets to his feet Criminal plants him with a Spinebuster and then runs of the ropes and connects with a Spring Board Leg Drop that sends the fans in a frenzy. He rolls over for the cover as the ref drops to count.

1..

Tw….NO!

Theodore kicks out pretty quick but Criminal is not wasting any time. He climbs up the turnbuckle however, before he could jump though, Wellington rolls to the outside with a smile on his face thinking he got away. Criminal turns quickly and comes flying off the top rope flattening Wellington with a cross body. The two men roll around on the ground for a minute and Criminal is the first to his feet. He has an idea in mind and he jumps up on the announcers table.

McNally: What’s he doing here!! Why does everyone use our space to help them out!

As Criminal is preparing to leap, Theodore finds some energy and jumps up and hooks Criminals legs causing him to crash on the announcers table and roll off to the floor as Theodore crumples back to the floor alongside him.

McNally: At Least our table didn’t break this time!!

Again, Criminal is the first up and he lifts up Theodore. He goes to hit his head on the table but Wellington blocks and smashes Criminals face against the table. Wellington goes to throw him into the ring post but once again is reversed and Criminal sends him crashing into the post. Criminal goes a pushes the ring announcer off his chair and folds it up. He swings at Wellington who leaning against the post but Wellington ducks causing Criminal to hit the post and drop the chair. Theodore turns and hits stiff punches to the face of Criminal before dropping him with a DDT on top of the chair. He rolls Criminal onto the announcers table and he climbs up the apron. He yells something at the fans before hitting a moonsault that sends him and Criminal crashing through the table!

Edison: OH MY GOD! IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SPOKE TO SOON!

Both men are laying on the ground so the ref starts a ten count..

1..

2..

3..

4..

They both start to roll around.

5..

Theodore is up and he grabs Criminal by the head and slams him into the barricade. Now fired up he starts dragging Criminal up the ramp…about half way up Criminal tries to fight him off but Theodore turns and plants him on the ramp with a snap suplex. He grabs Criminal by the hair and drags him up the rest of the way up the ramp. At the top he finally picks him up again and he grabs him by the back of the head and chucks him down the hall. As he walks down the hall he pushes Criminal forward each time he catches up until they reach a door. He takes him by the neck and chucks him through the door into the parking lot.

Now in the back Theodore throws Criminal into a big 18 Wheeler in the back. He climbs hood and to the top slowly dragging Criminal up with him. Once on top he picks up Criminal and puts prone body standing at the edge of the truck. He backs up slowly and it appears he is going to big boot him off the truck! He lifts his leg to kick him off but Criminal springs to life and catches the boot attempt and spins him around and out of nowhere he connects with a standing Heist! He rolls over for another pin attempt.

ONE..

TWO..

THR.....NOOOOO

Edison: HE KICKS OUT!! THIS MATCH ISN'T OVER YET!!!

Criminal climbs to his feet and clutches his head in anguish. What is it gonna take to finish this?? Just then across the truck top Theodore climbs to his feet grabbing his mid section in pain..barely aware of where he is. Criminal decides he only has one option and out of no where he turns and runs across the truck delivering a spear to Theodore that sends both men flying off the truck!! Underneath them is another parked car and both men come crashing down through the windshield!!

McNally: Did you see that!!?!?!? Both men just crashed through the windshield!!

The ref is in the parking lot and begins the ten count..

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

6..

7..

8..

9.........

10!!!

Edison: That's it!! Neither man could get up by the ten count!!

Philip: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...Due to both men not being able to get up by the 10 count the ref has called for a stop of this match and it is being ruled a NO CONTEST

The fans want to cheer or boo but most are still in shock over what they just saw. The ambulances come to the parking lot and the medics start tending to the men. They slowly and carefully and get them on the stretcher and pack them into different ambulances. The lights go on and they speed out of the parking lot to get the men to the hospital as the ACW arena just sits speechless.

[Kim Jong CP]

A Heart to Heart
Chris Phenomenal

The scene opens to the penthouse of Chris Phenomenal on ACW Island, the segment obviously pre-recorded with Chris Phenomenal already seen in the building this evening. He is seen sitting on a leather sofa with his arm around Paige, looking quite contented. These stolen moments are precious for Chris, after a months long fight he managed to regain the one thing that managed above all.

The two stare at the television screen, a replay of last weeks Monday Night Warfare playing. Chris is on screen as he reaches over and snags the remote off the coffee table, turns up the volume and the room grows hushed as only the voice of Chris Phenomenal emanating from the television fills the room.

So here’s what I’m going to do fuckhead. You want to prove it, here’s what you need to do. You start showing up, you start proving everything you’ve been talking. You start winning matches and win Fallen Heroes. I’ll be beating XS3, I’ll be beating what ever cockney headed thoroughbred steps up to face me next month and then we’ll square off at Omega Effect and I’ll give you your final career defining moment, I’ll make sure people remember the name Jason “Nugget” Freeman but it won’t be how you want. It’ll be as the man who choked again, and this time not on tiny two inch Asian sausage, it’ll be the fuckin’ piece of shit who failed to win the big one, who is forced into retirement because he just can’t do it, it’ll be because you’re Jason Freeman, the man who I made my bitch on the grand daddy of them all.

Chris flicks the television off and turns looking at Paige who returns a small stare and then a smile forms on her face.

Paige Smile!

Chris looks at her and shakes his head, though he finds it hard to resist her charms, on the subject of Jason Freeman it’s quite easy. As he turns to his side he looks and sees the ACW World Heavyweight title belt proudly on display on a running shelf that covers the entire great room. He turns back to Paige and simply shakes his head as she reaches out and tenderly touches his lips before forcing them up to a smile. This gesture, usually drawing a laugh from Chris this time does nothing as Paige looks shocked. For the past month Chris has been what he always was for her, making her laugh, smile, and most of all, remember why she loved him. A Faith Evans and Biggie scenario. Now though the tables are turned and Chris’ Faith is no longer smiling.

Paige: Come on Boo, don’t let him get to you.

The evocation of Chris’ pet name shows the sincerity of Paige. The ills of Chris are the ills of hers. In all her time however she has seen Chris like this only once, when their mutual friend LeShawn was shot and killed in a drive by shooting. This situation is much different though, Chris is still standing, Paige is back, he is the ACW Champion, life is good and yet he seems to be wallowing in the pit of despair.

Chris bends over and grabs the remote before flicking the TV back on and skips back about thirty seconds before replaying the end of the promo again.

So here’s what I’m going to do fuckhead. You want to prove it, here’s what you need to do. You start showing up, you start proving everything you’ve been talking. You start winning matches and win Fallen Heroes. I’ll be beating XS3, I’ll be beating what ever cockney headed thoroughbred steps up to face me next month and then we’ll square off at Omega Effect and I’ll give you your final career defining moment, I’ll make sure people remember the name Jason “Nugget” Freeman but it won’t be how you want. It’ll be as the man who choked again, and this time not on tiny two inch Asian sausage, it’ll be the fuckin’ piece of shit who failed to win the big one, who is forced into retirement because he just can’t do it, it’ll be because you’re Jason Freeman, the man who I made my bitch on the grand daddy of them all.

Chris stares at the screen before displaying his first hint of emotion, flinging the remote in his hand and firing it at the wall just above the television, sending the cover and the batteries flying everywhere as Paige looks on, waiting patiently as Chris takes a deep breath before intervening.

Paige: Chris, you can’t let him get to you no matter what. You’re the champion, you went through Faraday’s cage, like you said, you’ve done more than he could ever imagine doing.

Chris Phenomenal:I know but the audacity, the impotence, the fact that of all people, Jason fuckin’ Freeman said I wasn’t worth the title I…

Paige: Chris, it doesn’t matter what he says. For every Jason Freeman there’s a million others who know what you worked for. Do you remember what you told me your dream was all those years ago?

Chris looks back into his memory bank, going all the way back to the top of a roof looking across from a lot littered with debris, the remnants of a decaying building looming below. A younger Chris Phenomenal looks at Paige next to him as she speaks and asks him what his goal in life is. The wind flows through his air as Chris pauses for a moment, looking at the setting sun before back at Paige in both his reminisence and in present time.

Chris Phenomenal: To show that no matter what we’ve come from, even if you’re some poor ghetto kid that you have a chance. That by fighting for the last inch you can make something of your life even when someone says you can’t.

Paige: Exactly, and that’s what you’ve done. I bet if you go home they all will recognize you. Even if it’s just wrestling it’s something none of them have succeeded in, you’d be a hero they could call their own.

Chris continues looking at Paige, searching her deeply through her eyes. Her words are what Chris needed to hear, but not what he wanted too. He needed recognition of Jason Freeman, of showing that he is not alone in all of this but instead she has shone him the different way, the way the Christian faith has spoken, of not letting the sins of others corrupt oneself.

Turning his head Chris looks at a picture on the wall and smiles as he looks at Chance Emmerson. Initially he was focused on nothing but vindiction against his father, however as soon as he dispatched of him he won the world title. The path of comeuppance, though satisfying does not give credence to making it to the top, Chris found out as such with Dave Shadow and now with holding the belt the words of Paige take new meaning. The title is worth far more than a grudge, in due course Chris could get even with Jason Freeman, he could make a stand and get his revenge but he couldn’t chase it. With the title around his shoulder that was his initial obligation. Turning to Paige he finally gives her a smile, one of happiness as he gives her a small peck.

Paige: That’s my boo!

Chris spins back around and gets up from his seat, heading away from Paige for a moment, as he looks at the picture though, the smile that was full of love a second ago changes to one of mirth and schadenfreude as he whispers under his breath.

Chris Phenomenal: Thanks Mile’s

Miles, an unknown up and too this point but as Chris steps off scene, the significance of it is to be discovered at another day.

As it seems one mystery solves itself with Paige another seems to present itself in the form of Miles.