Monday Night Warfare 13th April 2009

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Monday Night Warfare 13th April 2009

ACW European Tour: Hamburg, Germany

Schedule of Matches:
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Rawt vs. Jonny Hughes

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Dave Shadow vs. Jason Freeman

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Non-Title Match
Dan White vs. Thunder Train

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Over the Top Rope Battle Royale
Lee Homicide vs. Chris Phenomenal vs. Jack Jefferson vs. Jonny Spade vs. Rena Matheson vs Mr. Red

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[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Opening Segment: Weed does magical things (Credit: XS3 / Phenomenal)

So, Warfare. It begins. There is lots of cheering, pyro, Ich bin ein Hamburger, etc. Etc.

We fade into the arena and the fans suddenly direct their attention to the huge screen of doom. Static overtakes the focus of the video before a figure finally appears. The date on the bottom-right corner of the screen reads "04/13/09 09:18 AM" and XS3 is shown on camera. This time, he is wearing a blink-182 hat and an acoustic guitar rests in his hands. Something else is noticeable; his eyes are a deep shade of red. The answer to this question is revealed once Chris Phenomenal walks in front of the view of the camera as well, a joint in his hands and the Entertainment Championship around his waist. XS3 wipes away some fatigue before turning to Chris.

XS3: I dunno man… Like, I ain't one to go after people's families.

Phenomenal: Why noooot buddy?![/I]

XS3: It's an act of cowardly coward stuff or something… Man, I'm fucked. HOW'S THIS FOR POSITIVE ROLE MODELS, YA dirty shits…

Phenomenal: Relax, will ya? It'll be fine. No one has to know about it. It’s just gon’ be funny as shit, something we can laugh about behind people’s back.

XS3: All right, fine.

XS3 grabs his guitar and begins strumming some basic chords. To everyone watching, they recognize this as the beginning of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne. A sudden realization has occurred for those watching at home.

Phenomenal: Steele's mom has got it goin' on
Steele's mom has got it goin' on
Steele's mom has got it goin' on
Steele's mom has got it goin' on

Steele, Matt is going to take you all the way to school[/I] (All the way to school)
He will make you out to look like a fool[/I] (Look like a fool)
Is your mom going to tend to your busted lip? (Busted lip)
Because you hit the turnbuckles attempting a flip? (Attempting a flip)

XS3: You know, I'm not as dumb as you make me out to be
I'm wise like a wise guy, Jakey can't you see

XS3 and Phenomenal: Steele's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long

XS3: Steele can't you see, that you kind of smell like pee

Phenomenal: I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Steele's mom

XS3: Steele's mom has got it goin' on
Steele's mom has got it goin' on

Phenomenal: Steele, do you remember when I beat Lee Homicide? (Lee Homicide… SUCKS)
And won the ET title, brought it to our side (The MSA)
Your mom was rooting for me, she liked the way I won (The way he won)
I think she wanted to see me use Hunter's Shotgun[/I] (And now he's gone)

XS3: And I know that you think it's just a fantasy
But I will be world champ and save this company

XS3 and Phenomenal: Steele's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long

XS3: Steele can't you see, anything you want ain't free

Phenomenal: I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Steele's mom

XS3 and Phenomenal: Steele's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long

XS3: Steele can't you see, I'm gonna pun you 1-2-3... wait, I just "pun"... FUCK MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE...

Phenomenal: I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Steele's mom[/I]

XS3 ends the song and him and Chris high-five each other, proud of the little joke played.

XS3: Hahaha, that was great…

Phenomenal: Good times, eh buddy?! Good times![/I]

XS3: Wait, what the fuck is this camera doing here.

Silence.

Phenomenal: …eh heh… HEH HEH HEH… HAHAHAHAHAHA![/I]

XS3: Ohhhhhhhhhhh SHIT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, FUCK THE CORPORATE WORLD! BEEEEEE-YOOOOOOTCH! Hey wait man, this ain't gonna be shown on the show, is it?

Phenomenal: …yes.[/I]

XS3: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

The static ends this segment and we fade out.

(XS3's OOC Note: Sorry Mike >_>)
(CP’s OOC Note: I’m not sorry Mike <_<)

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Fast food filching (Credit: Rawt)

We fade in to the congenial surroundings of ACW’s local mall. Rawt is walking over to his seat at the mall's A&W with his double-teen burger.

Rawt: Ahh, good ol' A&W, step down from Mcdonalds.

Rawt sits down and unwraps his teen burger from its wrapper and stuffs it into his face.

?: Hello sir, enjoying your lunch this fine Thursday afternoon?

Rawt stops chewing and slowly rotates his head to see whom is interrupting his meal.

Rawt: Fuck off.

Charming as ever, Rawt turns his head back towards his teen burger and bites into it again.

?: Excuse me? Do you know who I am? I am the manager of this fast-food restraunt.

Rawt sighs as he digests his food. He turns his head back over to the manager.

Rawt: Well, in that case...you better be fast and go make some food to keep your restaurant in business!

Rawt turns his head swiftly back to his burger to show that he stands by his statement. The manager, looking completely pissed off, raises his fist in the air.

Manager: ...

Rawt expects the manager to take action, and he does, he runs away to the back kitchen. After a few moments after the door closes, he starts to hear slight sobs coming from the kitchen.

Rawt: What the fuck?

Rawt turns back to his burger as something shiny flickers in his eye path at the door. He spots ACW’s fledgling interviewer Gary standing there with his cameraman recording everything that just happened. Rawt shows Gary that he notices him. Gary takes the idea that Rawt wants him to come accompany him so he walks over and sits across from him, with his usual grin.

Gary: Yaaaay, interview time! Rawt, tell ACW’s fans why you back-talked to the manager of this A&W.

Rawt: No.

Gary: Go on, tell us!

Rawt: No!

Gary: Yes!

Rawt: NO!

Rawt stands up and slaps Gary across the face, knocking him to the ground.

Cameraman: Oh no, oh no, oh no, HOLY SHIT!

Rawt faces the cameraman with a weird expression. As the cameraman looks at Rawt, he grabs his burger and runs away.

Rawt: Oh for fuck sakes…

Rawt, being lazy at this moment, ignores the fallen Gary and walks to the till to purchase another double teen burger. He goes back to his seat with the burger in hand, and Gary still laying on the ground looking confused, as a police officer comes to Rawt.

Rawt: What seems to be the officer problem?

Officer: Are you drunk?

Rawt: Huh?

Officer: Never mind. May I ask what happened here?

Rawt: This man tried to rob me of my dignity in front of the thousands of viewers, and interrupted my meal.

The officer looks at his double teen burger.

Officer: Well, until I get all the details, I will have to confiscate this for evidence.

The officer snatches Rawt's burger and walks quickly out the door. Gary looks at Rawt and shrugs, then hops up and takes Rawt’s soda before scooting away.

Rawt looks all about him, and then up at the ceiling.

Rawt: Oh fuck this, I’m just going to get KFC.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

“DAN WHITE, COME ON DOWN!”
Credit: Thunderkiss

[Over the past week it has been quiet. Too quiet, for Thunderkiss. One week ago he walked out of Warfare with his fists stained with Dan White’s blood. Not the first time that this has happened, Thunderkiss knew full well that White’s revenge would be waiting in the wings the second he laid into him. He mentally prepared himself for such a moment to arrive only to find himself still waiting. The wait has been killing him, driving him to the point of near madness. Now taking mattes into his own hands, he plans to get this over with and uses two of his most powerful weapons to get the job done - his mouth and pull to get some ring time.]

Thunderkiss *in the ring/microphone in hand*: Dan White, it’s time you and I got this over with. I know you can hear me. I know you are lurking somewhere close. I know what you want, so come on Welshman, come and get it.

[Thunderkiss drops his microphone and takes a few steps back, his eyes not moving an inch from the entranceway. Expecting to hear the opening beats of “Anarchy in the UK,” he waits and then waits some more. It becomes apparent that he is going to need to lay some more bait if he wants this mouse to come out of his hole. Good thing for Thunderkiss he is a master at bating.]

Thunderkiss: Now don’t make me ask twice, White. You’ve never been one to back down from a fight, remember? It has only been just a couple weeks since you told me that and while you may be a son of a bitch, one thing I don’t peg you as is a liar. So here I am, Dan, the man who beat you to a pulp once again, just like old times. Bring your bloody dildos. Bring your alter ego. Bring the Empire. Bring whatever you wish, just BRING IT!

[That ought to do it. Once more he pauses, hoping that a raging Dan White will soon provide him some company and once more, the sound of crickets chirping is the only thing that responds.]

Thunderkiss: Alright, now you are really pissing me off. What more do I need to do, gift wrap myself with a bow? Perhaps I need to throw off my clothes off and go hop in the shower, that seem to have worked before!

[It’s now becoming very apparent that Dan will not be reeled into the ring like a fish on a hook. Feeling like a stood up feminist, Thunderkiss is the one who ends up raging, quite the opposite outcome than what he had originally envisioned for tonight. Anger consumes him and an incoherent rant soon follows.]

Thunderkiss: You worthless bastard how dare you. HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SHOW ME UP LIKE THIS?! Who do you think the fuck you are?! My equal? Give me a break. You’ll always be nothing more than the runner up, Dan. ALWAYS. You can go around and call yourself “Mr. Omega Effect” and “Genetically Superior” all you want but the truth of the matter is that you are ACW’s eternal failure. So go ahead, Dan, keep playing these little games like a child. All it does is show that you can’t hang with the big boys.

[Thunderkiss drops the microphone to the canvas and storms out of the ring, putting distance between him and tonight’s failure as quickly as possible. As he does so, he cannot help put look into every dark crevasse and hidden shadow. His heart begins to pound nervously once more and it becomes evident to his conscious that Dan White has won again.]

.... MEANWHILE, A CONTINENT AWAY ....

[While Thunderkiss curses Dan’s very existence, something washes ashore the Isle ACW. Last seen at Genocide, the imposter Aiden Joseph has been cast forth from the sea that took him in after he was expelled from the ACW office building’s third floor. Burying his knees into the sand, his hands clutch that very substance as his reflection stairs him back in the Atlantic Ocean.]

Aiden Joseph: My...My face! My beautiful face! It’s - it’s ruined!

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment save for Jason Freeman

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: The Cookie Sheet Again! (Credit: The Road Steelers Train/Steele)

In a world with rapists and losers, two men have risen above to bring you, the cookie sheet!

Cut to Jake Steele and Thunder Train sitting in there director's chairs with Train's chair of course, looking like it's on its last limb. Both men hold their respective titles with Train once again holding a piece of pizza in place of another title.

Jake Steele: What's up dawgs? Welcome to da Cookie Sheet! I'm Jake Steele and if I had a nickle for every time I told Train I was goin' to get Xbox Live....I probably would have Xbox Live... my bad.

Thunder Train: Bastard. And I'm your Fried Chicken Magnet, THE TRAIN!

Jake Steele: Now, normally we would try and save our Cookie Sheet time for more important things... but as everyone is aware of, recently we have been copied by some bitch ass muthafuckas who think dey can get a cheap dollar off copyin' us! Fuck outta here!

Thunder Train: Yeah! And we are talking about the MegaStar Alliance. Those Hollywood hobos think that they can just go to Gingerdude and get a show that is exactly like ours?!!? I don't think so! Not only that but they totally butcher it by having a Top 5 Stars thing! Well screw that! The Road Steelers are going to bring you a TOP 10 of things that piss us off.

Jake Steele: You damn right! Let's get to number one, you dig?



Jake Steele: Man! Dis is da most racist commercial I done seen in a long muthafuckin' time. I mean, why da fuck a black lady gotta promote dis shit? Huh? And why she gotta talk like she just got off da slaveship? "Oh, Issa sho' loves me some chicken massa! Get up off dat flo' hunny! Stop ya droolin', dere's plenty of chicken, and kool-aid, and watahmelon ta' go around, sho iss!" Racist ass shit, it's like, it's like dey implyin' dat only black people can eat chicken, and tell me dat ain't racist! Don't you agree Train?

The camera zooms out of Steele's rant and it shows both men. Train is now eating some Popeye's Chicken.

Jake Steele: ...

Train looks over to him.

Thunder Train: What? The Train is ALWAYS HUNGRY!! OM NOM NOM NOM!!

Jake Steele: ...you just fucked up my entire point son. Thanks. Tell 'em what da second fuckin' thing on da list is man...

Thunder Train: Fine...

Train finishes his chicken and biscuit then throws the bucket down. He wipes his mouth with a napkin, then eats the napkin. Steele sits next to him just face palming the whole time.

Thunder Train: The second thing on our list that makes us mad is...



Thunder Train: It seems that these guys just won't get out of the Road Steelers hair! Every time when it looks like we are in the clear of them, they come back to mess with us! I've kicked all their asses! You'd have thinked they learned the time of the first when I done did that!

Jake Steele: What...?

Thunder Train: THEN THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SPOOF OUR SHOW WHICH IS A SPOOF OF ANOTHER SHOW!!!! I won't take it!

Jake Steele: Yeah man. All three of them niggas are nothin' but a bunch of "jabronis." Dey need to watch themselves or else they gone get dey pounk asses WHOOPED! Movin' on...



Thunder Train: LOL!!!

Jake Steele: LMAO!!!!!

Thunder Train: Ahem. Now, next in line is...



Thunder Train: GODDAMMIT STEELE! WHERE DO YOU GET THESE PICTURES?!?!

Jake Steele: Google. But listen, it's all apart of my point yo! Dis old muthafucka walks around in speedos and shit like people want to see dat... NOBODY wanna see dat! His bitch need to tell him to throw some clothes on, his GUT is showin'! Haha!

Thunder Train: I bet he's lying about his age and he's really like 55 or something like that. Or maybe all those steroids aren't working haha!

Jake Steele: Nasty shit...Next!



Jake Steele: HAHAHAHA! It gets funnier every time!

Thunder Train: I KNOW! LOLOLOLOL



Thunder Train: Man! I can't believe he fucked up our flights! I still don't know where the hell we are going or how we're gonna get there. As far as we know, we could end up in China!

Jake Steele: Dis dude right here pisses me da fuck off! I mean it's one thing he had da nerve to turn on us, but to fuck wit' our flights too!?! Then he fuckin' Shadow Stepped me off da mawfuckin' stage back in Stockholm! I almost got electrocuted and started stutterin' like Goldust! Coldblooded... but it's aight. Payback is a bitch, remember dat Matt...

Thunder Train: Thankfully we met Kofi Kingston who greeted us with great amounts of food. MMMM we should go back like tonight man.

Jake Steele: No....



Thunder Train: Bears piss us off because they attack people and they don't taste very good.

Jake Steele: But Train, you gotta realize dat Bears make a pretty fine fur coat, and a sick bearskin rug too. Makes my ballin' ass pad even more... ballin'. If you know what I'm sayin'.

Thunder Train: No I don't because when I fight bears. I beat them then eat them whole...

Jake Steele: .....Number 8....



Jake Steele: Dis nigga is FUCKED up. I mean he done really changed since way back when. Da King of Vegas done turned into da Dragqueen of Nevada. He dressin' up as Yoko, and Sarin, and AK and shit? He spend more time in dresses then RuPaul! Damn dawg... he done snapped!

Thunder Train: Yeah, after I beat him he went a bit crazy. He needs to tone it down a notch. He might so something that he will regret later! And he smells to lololol!

Jake Steele: Shut up Train! He might be around here now! He might cut off your arm!

Thunder Train: Then how will I eat?

Jake Steele: Aw shit, that would be a problem wouldn't it...



Thunder Train: DOUBLE DOUCHE!

Jake Steele: No dumbass, its Drop a Deuce.

Thunder Train: I thought it was Drop a Double Deuce.

Jake Steele: Fuck it. Either way, these are another new group of punk muthafuckas dat will fall to da Road Steelers! I don't care if dey got Gingerbitch on their side, we got myself and da Trainenatator!

Thunder Train: MMMM Candyman....

Jake Steele: Naw Train! He ain't da candyman anymore. He da Shadow dude now.

Thunder Train: He's from the Shadow Realm? That's bad right?

Jake Steele: No! He's Dave Shadow!

Thunder Train: Sounds like a cheesy villain name. MMM Cheese.....

Jake Steele: Stay on topic Train! Anyway! I don't really see them as much of a threat to us dawg. Dey just another pansy ass group dat's gon' break in a couple months. With Thunderbitch there, there's no way they can fuck with us!

Thunder Train: Who says they are?

Jake Steele: Foreshadowing Train!

Thunder Train: SHADOW REALM? NOOOO!

Jake Steele: And finally....



Jake Steele: OH SHIT TRAIN! IT'S JASON DA GIANT!

Thunder Train: Uh Oh! Here comes trouble!

Jake Steele: You better watch out for his Giantness!

Thunder Train: Oh please, I could take him down in a second!

Jake Steele: You right Train. Doesn't matter what size Freeman is, he still can't win. Especially not Fallen Heroes...

Thunder Train: Hahaha, Jason Freeman winning Fallen Heroes. Thank God that’ll never happen. Hahahahahaha.

Jake Steele: So there you have it people! Our Top 10 List of people...and things....that make us tick! Dat will teach Those Hollywood Pussies to try and mock us!

Thunder Train: Yes sir! And remember in life there are winners.



Jake Steele: And there are losers.



Thunder Train: We are the ACW Tag Team Champions of 2008!

Both: BE ENVIOUS!

Fade...

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment save for Jonny Hughes

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

No Rest for the Wicked!
By Dave Shadow

Friday night. The rain lashed down onto the glass window pane over head, the wind howling. Outside, red and blue lights flashed, sirens wailing as ambulances pulled in and out of the area to drop off more victims of the Swedish weekend. A nurse moves round, checking on the patient who lies in the bed, tucked in nice and warm in the luxury private room. Dave Shadow lies unconscious with the covers up to his head, his bruised and battered face the only thing visible. A long line of stitches runs across the top of his forehead. The nurse takes some notes on her clipboard before turning to leave the room.

Dave: Hey. You. Where am I?

The nurse spins on her feet, her eyes wide open and her heart racing. Dave’s head faces her, his eyes wide open and a look of annoyance on his face.

Nurse: You’re in the hospital, Mr. Shadow. You were brought in after you were assaulted in the night club.

Dave: White!

Dave sits bolt upright, all the facts and details of what happened flooding back to him. Swinging his legs out of the bed, he starts to look round for his clothes.

Dave: How long have I been out?

Nurse: About 24 hours. I should get a doctor, hang on!

Dave: No, you’ll...

The nurse turns and darts out the door. Dave can hear her screaming for a doctor down the hall.

Dave: ....do.

He lets out a deep sigh, before climbing out of the bed and moving over to a cupboard. It’s only now he notes how swanky the room is. Curtains. A nice carpet. He couldn’t help but smile to himself. It wasn’t the first time he had awoken in hospital because of Dan White. Usually though he found himself in a crappy ward with old men dying round him, and a horrible smell of disinfectant in his nose. This room smelled like strawberry. The joys of rolling with Gingerdude and Thunderkiss.

Dave found his clothes and started pulling them on, throwing the gown on the floor. His shirt was covered in blood stains, and looking at them could only bring back nasty memories of the beating he received at the hands of White. He raised his hand and ran it along the stitches in his forehead; that was going to leave a scar. A mark which would never let him forget that shitty night in Sweden where he lost his title and then was attacked from behind. And the fans thought he was a coward.

Pulling on his jacket, Dave started to head towards the door. Before he reached it though, he found his way blocked by a large doctor. Dave looked up at the man, late forties and with a bad comb over.

Dave: And you are?

Doctor: Your doctor.

Dave: Doctor Who? Hehe, I love that show.

Dave lets out a nervous little laugh as he looks for a way past the man. Alas, his size was enough to block the entire door frame. Even the small Dave Shadow couldn’t fit through there.

Dave: Listen, I’ve got a plane to catch. Gotta be in Germany by Monday you see, and...

Doctor: I rang up the ACW hospital in America. Talked to the doctors there to get your profile. You seem to spend quite a lot of time in hospital these days.

Dave: One of the perks of this job.

Doctor: Yeah, well I’m not one of those crazy wrestling doctors who bandage up the cracks so you’re ready to break some more stuff later that night. I’m telling you to get back into the bed. You need the rest and the time to heal up.

Dave: Fine...

Dave turns and walks back towards the bed. The doctor follows him into the room as well...leaving the doorway open. Dave turns and slips past him, out into the hallway. He starts to walk down the hall, past other rooms, trying not to look to suspicious. The doctor comes running out of the room behind him and shouts after him.

Doctor: You need to rest! Get back here now!

Dave: Sorry Doc. No rest for the wicked! People to see...

In his mind, Dave could already see Dan White. Lying, bloody on the ground, whimpering in pain s his blood poured out of the numerous cuts on his head. Dave standing over him, a vicious smile on his face. White needed to be taught a lesson.

Dave: ....bastards to kill.

Dave pulled his collar up and kept walking. The evil smile from his dream spreading into reality, his face contorted as he imagined all the ways he could get his revenge.

[FADE]

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Making stuff clear (Credit: XS3)

We cut into the back where Chairman Gingerdude is seen in his office, letting the jeers in the background brush right past him. Ginger casually looks up from the TV and hears a knock on the door. Upon allowing them to enter, the person is revealed as XS3, who gets a little bigger negative reaction than Ginger got.

Ginger: Can I help you?

XS3 looks down at the ground and softly chuckles before turning back to Ginger.

XS3: Ginger, I heard every last word of your little rant on Thursday, talking about your man Thunderkiss "restoring honor to the world title"… Well, if there were ever a Joke of the Year award, you would have it in the bag for sure. You fail to realize that I was the one who acted out first against Jake Steele when no one else was left. I waited patiently until Jay Zero and Fallen Souls were written out of the company. And I claimed the next shot before your son-in-law could ever lay his filthy meathooks on it. But suddenly, you're trying to start a campaign to rally him into the title scene. Gingerdude, if you ever, and boy do I mean EVER, consider awarding MY title shot to that undeserving rancid puke, I swear by the hand of my lord and savior Jesus Christ, I will sue you for everything you've got in the circumstances of workplace misconduct, nepotism and discrimination against Canadians. And in the event that you go to jail for your misdeeds, I pray that you drop the soap and get dry-shotted so hard in the ass, you'll be sneezing sperm for the next year.

XS3 leans in without any fear whatsoever and almost presses his forehead up against Ginger's.

XS3: Do I make myself clear… boss?

A tense moment between these two has occurred, for sure. Finally, Ginger stands up from his chair and faces XS3 at his full vertical base, showing no fear himself.

Ginger: If you're going to threaten me, do it with more class. Your title shot is concrete but what I meant was that Thunderkiss WILL be coming for that title and in the event that you become champion, he will be coming for YOU. Do I make MYSELF clear, Matthew?

XS3: We'll just wait and see how he does in the Fallen Heroes battle royal, won't we? There's going to be a lot of angry people in that match, all wanting to capitalize on their dream to main event Omega Effect. My dream is to do the same but at the same time, I also plan on making my dream a reality. You may be singing the praise of Thunderkiss but until he earns his title shot, I'M going to be the best thing that ever happened to your company.

XS3 then turns on his heels and heads towards the door.

XS3: Now then, it's time to make the match official. Tell Anna and Dave I say hello.

Just before the #1 Contender goes to open the door, Ginger looks up at him and stops him from leaving.

Ginger: What about Aiden?

XS3: …what ABOUT Aiden?

Ginger: Doesn't the savior of ACW get a hello too?

XS3: Why don't you just suck him off while you're at it? Good God man.

Ginger takes offense to the comment but chooses to keep any emotion he may have against XS3 to himself. All he can do is watch as XS3 closes the door behind him. Ginger once again takes his seat and sighs, frustrated at having one of his employees not giving him respect.

Fade.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Hamburg? Bah! Humbug! (If You're a City Fan)
~ Credit: The Empire ~

The segment opens up in a busy bar in the centre of Hamburg. There's German punters all over the place, drinking large pints of beer, and conversing, making the scene loud enough. Amongst the drinkers are two recognizable ACW faces: Dan White and Jack Jefferson, who are sat at a wooden table, waiting for their third man.

Dan White: Christ, where the hell is he? I'm gagging for a drink!

Jefferson: Same here! It's well annoying!

And right on cue, Jonny Hughes bursts through the crowd, holding three pints of authentic German lager in his hand, resting them on the table to the appreciation of his peers. Jonny then hands Jefferson some change, to his confusion.

Jefferson: What's this for, then? I thought I gave you the right amount.

Hughes: Nah, for every two beers you buy, you get a three-one.

Jefferson: ...What was that?

Hughes: I said for every two beers you buy, you get a free one.

Jefferson: ...Oh...

Jonny looks at Dan with a sly smirk, and Dan returns the favour.

Dan White: Anyways, it's weird being in a country like this. A country that we defeated. It's important that we keep up British pride. I would dread to think that we'd come all the way to Germany to lose. I mean that would be horrible, wouldn't it?

Jefferson doesn't stand for this much more, even if it's only been two jibes at his team's defeat to Hamburg last Thursday.

Jefferson: Listen! You two can't talk! You both support a football team who are about to get relegated! At least we're in the UEFA Cup, playing other European teams. At least we're representing the Premier League!

Jonny and Dan look at each other.

Jonny: Yeah, you're defending the country. And failing.

Jefferson snarls at Jonny, as he takes a large gulp of his beer.

Dan White: Anyways, it's a fine city this place. The beer is excellent, the weather is warm. I mean I thought Germany was supposed to be freezing! It's near Denmark and Sweden and other countries like that!

Jonny and Dan look over at Jack, reminding him of how he got them to dress up in a ridiculous amount of clothing, thinking Sweden would have been a bit colder.

Jefferson: What?! I said I was sorry! Anyways it's not like either of you two knew it was gonna be boiling!

Jonny sighs as he sips his beer.

Dan White: Well, it's still boiling here. But not only is the beer awesome, and the weather excellent, but the women are to....die.....for....

His slurred speech indicates a beautiful brunette woman walking by in just a bikini, holding two large pitchers of lager, whom Dan follows with his eyes almost bulging out, cartoon-style. As she walks into another room, Dan turns back to his stable mates.

Dan White: Sorry lads, I'm in love.

Jonny and Jack look at each other and sigh. It's becoming a common occurrence for two of the trio to end up in this situation. Dan meanwhile is looking up in a mindless gaze, the bikini woman still firmly in his mind – right until a tidy blond with a short haircut walks right by their table, in an even tighter bikini, and with even finer assets than the last girl. This leaves the entire Empire speechless, as she looks back, winking at them before moving on.

Hughes: Man, I love this country.

Jefferson: Yeah, maybe there is something to love about this country.

Dan White: I know....I bet she's into spitroasting.

Jack and Jonny look at Dan with a grimace, who in turn has a broad smile on his face.

Dan White: Aw, come on! I've seen those German porn magazines. They're into all sorts in this bloody country! I once saw a video of a German lass shit in a blender, and then she turned it on, poured it into a-

Jonny's heard enough, and cuts him off.

Hughes: Look, I don't know what they show on Welsh TV, but I don't want to hear it.

Dan looks offended at Jonny's interruption.

Dan White: ...All I was gonna say was that they put it in the fridge.

Jonny: Oh...that's okay.

Dan then watches and Jack and Jonny both take a drink, before finishing the story.

Dan White: Then she got the blender out and poured the crap into a frying pan and put bacon in it then ate it!

It's enough to make most stomachs turn, and Jonny and Jack both back-gob some beer back into their drinks.

Jefferson: Ugh, Dan, that's rank!

Dan White: What?! I just made it up now.

Jefferson: ...Still...that's just as bad.

Dan White: Whatever.

Dan finishes off his drink, being the last one to do so.

Hughes: Okay then, whose round is it now?

Jefferson & Dan White: Yours

Hughes: ...

The word he's looking for is “Godamnit”

Fade

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

”Foreshadowed?”
Credit: Danny Mainer

A series of big full beam lights hit on and soon the ACW arena is lit up. The ring is filled with the site of about ten men right now all battling for supremacy. Included in those is Jonny Hughes, Thunderkiss, Thunder Train, Wayde Russeller, Jason Freeman, Dan White and a few more. The writing on the ring apron states clearly that it is Fallen Heroes and the electricity of the crowd represents that as they all battle for that Omega Effect title shot. Jonny Hughes is wailing on Jason Freeman in the corner keeping him beaten down with punch after punch while Thunderkiss and Thunder Train have a long awaited epic power VS power encounter which dominates centre ring. Wayde and Dan take up the centre stage with some technical wrestling while Adrian Flamingo lies slumped in the corner taking five and Lee Homicide is actually sat outside the ring on a chair watching people beat the crap out of each other.

Eddie Edison: ”And we’re coming down now to the number thirty entrant of the 2009 Fallen Heroes Battle Royal! We’re counting down to the end and well this truly is anyone’s game right now! Wayde entered at number three and is still here while Thunderkiss came in at 14 and eliminated some five or six people and is still going strong as all Hell!”

McNally: ”And don’t forget Dan White who managed to eliminate Chris Phenomenal! No easy feat I’ll tell ya’ that much!”

Eddie Edison: ”Now let’s wait for the number 30 entrant!”

TEN

NINE

EIGHT

SIX

FIVE

FOUR

THREE

TWO

ONE

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!*

”Last Caress” by The Misfits hits the speakers as the crowd cheer in recognition of the one and only lyrics of Glen Danzig. Danny Mainer storms out of the curtain at full speed like a gunshot towards the ring as the crowd roar his name, echoing it throughout the arena which only helps to get his blood pumping.

Edison: ”And here he is! My personal favourite to win the 2009 Fallen Heroes Battle Royale!”

McNally: ”And mine, he kicks ASS!”

Danny slides into the ring quickly and as soon as he makes it to his feet he sees Dan White charging towards him to which he counters with a big time dropkick. Dan is sent flying over the top rope and eliminated. White is furious and pulls a “TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!” face as the referees try to escort him away. Danny cockily waves at him as he’s dragged from ringside absolutely flabbergasted. Adrian Flamingo attempts to run up behind him and take Dany out (even though he’s not supposed to be back until Spring into Hell) and gets Psycho Holidayed for his trouble. Adrian crashes to the mat and as Danny tries to go pick him up and throw him out of the ring Wayde Russeller runs up behind him and cunt-punts him, a big boot smashing into his crotch. Danny squeals in agony and rolls to the floor as the active pace of the match rapidly slows from there. Wayde just laughs at his suffering.

Wayde Russeller: “That’s fer’ kickin’ me outta’ tha’ Faith ya’ dirty sum’beetch!”

Edison: ”What a low down and unnecessary move! Ya’ kick someone in the balls for that? TOTALLY uncalled for! I mean, of all the dirty things to do in a match of this calibre that hits pretty high on the list of evil! Danny was just about to eliminate Flamingo too!”

McNally: ]”Maybe so but that kick to the balls really killed the adrenaline rush of Mainer and now this match has gone nice and slow.”

Thunderkiss after having watched Mainer being kicked in the balls runs over and tackles Wayde before delivering repeated bashing shots to his face while Danny recovers on the floor. Jonny Hughes is still punching a mudhole into the face of Freeman who’s sat in the corner and Adrian crawls away to the sanctuary of a corner. Lee grows some balls and climbs onto the turnbuckle only to Missile Dropkick the previously unmentioned Dave Shadow and send him crashing to the mat. Thunderkiss with Wayde in the crossbody position soon dumps him over the top rope and sends him crashing out to an elimination but an impending danger starts to take a hold of the match, one that TK wouldn’t have seen coming.

McNally: ”And Wayde is eliminated! Kudos for trying though cowboy! Now we’re left with only a handful of superstars as Thunderkiss looks to set the record for most eliminations in a Fallen Heroes Battle Royale! Wait a minute!”

As TK turns around he sees Lee, Flamingo, Shadow and Thunder Train all standing there staring at him.

Thunderkiss: ”Oh shit.”

All four charge Thunderkiss and push him up against the ropes in a bid to eliminate him. He tries to swing at them and bat them back but the numbers game stops him from hitting anyone. They surround him and slowly start to push him back as Danny Mainer gets up to join in the fun. All of them slowly working to eliminate The God of Thunder, even Train struggling somewhat to push him over but gradually he starts to lean further and further back as TK’s eyes get wider and wider realizing that his odds of winning this battle royal are rapidly decreasing with each passing moment. He sighs as he tries to swat away his attackers but he can’t move his arms due to being surrounded and the scales continue to tip slowly until something distracts EVERYONE. Shouting is heard and all eyes turn to Jason Freeman.

Freeman: “Oh shit! GUYS! GUYS! OH MY GOD!”

Jonny Hughes who was previously beating the shit out of him goes wide eye in shock and stands back as Freeman’s face contorts with a mortifying agony as he clutches his stomach and moves from the corner. He crawls to the centre of the ring on all fours as the TK elimination efforts come to a stop. Everyone left in the battle all circle around Freeman watching him as he yells in pain, wretching at the ground like he’s trying to throw up but only spit and phlegm hit the mat. A tear drops from his right eye at the immense pain he’s feeling with the intense agony rocketing through every inch of his body. Freeman then rolls over and curls into the foetal position as a roaring headache takes over him. He screams in pain as everyone almost feels kinda’ bad for Freeman but one by one the men in the ring watching him notice something about Freeman that seems kinda’ different with each seconds that pass… he’s not changing colour or shape… he’s getting bigger… he’s getting… taller… and he’s getting.. stronger…

McNally: ”What in God’s name is going on in there?! What’s wrong with Jason?!”

Freeman: “I think I’m gonna’ be sick!”

Blissfully unaware of what’s happening to him he continues to wretch as his body grows bigger and bigger in all aspects, his muscles increase, his head increases, his height increases. Even his dick increases in size (FINALLY a whole inch!). That’s how potent this stuff is. Jason finally stops growing when he reaches roughly 7’6 and it’s not until he realizes how much effort he’s using to get up does he realizes something is amiss. The entire audience is staring at him, Thunderkiss and Train, two men who have ALWAYS been taller then Freeman now find themselves looking up at him. Freeman them looks down at the floor and at his hands and everyone just gasps with shock.

Adrian Flamingo: ”That musta’ been some hella bad California Rolls he had last night.”

Thunder Train: “The Train is ALWAYS hungry for sushi!”

Jason the Giant: “For years YOU GUYS have tormented me!!! Now, NOW?! Now it’s payback time.”

And with that, he flies off the handle. He uses his long, bulky legs to run over to Jonny Hughes and throw him effortlessly out of the ring and into the third row. Thunderkiss thinks he can beatdown Freeman but amazingly, incredibly, the 300+ pounder finds himself effortlessly lifted over Jason’s head and launched halfway up the entrance ramp making a huge dent in the ramp as he lands, hard. Dave and Homicide are then both at once are chokeslammed into next weeek outside the ring leaving only Adrian Flamingo, Thunder Train and Danny Mainer left inside. Adrian tries to flee the wrath of Jason but upon trying to cower finds himself wedgied and lifted up a good 5 feet in the air, dangling, held up only by his boxer shorts his face a picture of pure pain as it becomes a situation of either the pants or Adrian himself ripping. Jason the Giant then throws him out of the ring eliminated. Train tries to play it smart but one big boot sends Train reeling backwards and into the top rope rolling over it. He lands on his knees and raises his arms as if to shout to God.

Thunder Train: ”NOOOOOOOO! MY BIKE MONEY!”

That leaves only one man left in the ring. Jason turns, his eyes literally ablaze with fury as he spots the man who has continuously mocked him for months in italic descriptive texts and verbally on air. The butt of ACW’s every joke has now showed that the joke is all on them as he single-handedly eliminated all competition within the Fallen Heroes Battle Royale without so much as breaking a sweat.. Danny Mainer can only gawp and realize that he’s done as a fist is launched into his face.

Danny Mainer: ”WHAT THE FU-!”

Jason the Giant: "AAAAHAAHAHAHA! AAAAHAAAHAHA!!! AAAAAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YOU WILL DIE DANNY MAINER, YOU WILL DIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Danny is a goner and Freeman military presses him from the ACW Island to Cambodia with absolutely no effort whatsoever. Flying through the air through Indo-China Danny rolls around in the sky screaming in terror until suddenly everything turns black and he sits up in his bed, waking up in a cold sweat revealing that the past three pages were nothing but a horrible, horrible nightmare. Danny takes a sip of water from the glass on his bedside table and gathers his nerves from that truly terrifying nightmare. No more cheese before bedtime!

Danny Mainer: ”Hahaha, Jason Freeman winning Fallen Heroes. Thank God that’ll never happen. Hahahahahaha.”

Mainer collapses back into sleeping again as the screen turns to black.

FADE

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Match 1: Rawt vs. Jonny Hughes (Credit: RDK)

..::ACW::.. RAWT VS. JONNY HUGHES..::WARFARE::.. (Credit: Hollywood Mach)

Time limit: 15 Minutes
Referee: Joey Reynolds

-* Tale of the Tape *-

“The Spitfire” Jonny Hughes
Age: 25
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 220 lbs.
Hometown: Hartlepool, England

Rawt "The Crippler" Ross
Age: 35
Height: 6'9"
Weight: 300lbs.
Hometown: Berlin, Germany

“Another One Bites The Dust" begins to hit the speakers and Rawt comes out through the curtain to many boos from the crowd. He basks in the crowd's reaction and dances to his theme until he enters the ring. This man is 5-0 so far in his 2nd run in the ACW, and he ain't about to let up! "Spitfire" begins to play as Hughes emerges from the back. He begins his ascent to the arena, seemingly unsure of himself. Reaching the foot of the ring Jonny pauses and raises his head looking at the ring before exploding up onto the canvas. He ducks into the ring and walks towards his corner, firing a few punches in the air. He removes the un needed accessories and waits in his corner for the bell. There appears to be a lot on the young Hughes' mind tonight.

~!~DING,DING,DING~!~

The bell rings and the two get under way as they meet in the center of the ring. Hughes instantly has a fit, swinging punches in surprisingly sloppy way at Rawt. Rawt backs away as Hughes' continues to send a flurry of these hits his way, but is unable to land a blow. Hughes begins to get flustered and it is becoming evident that he is not himself in this match. Rawt side steps away from Hughes' when he gets too close to the ropes and takes the opportunity to chop him in the side of his abdomen - sending Hughes reeling back a few steps. Hughes comes to his senses and sends a chop back towards Rawt. The Crippler reels a bit before being hit with another chop - and another! Hughes' sloppy execution continues though, and it isn't long before Rawt grabs Hughes' by the arm and brings him in for a clothesline! SLAM! Hughes tumbles down to the mat. Rawt collects Hughes and irish whips him to the other side of the ring. Hughes bounces off the one side and comes charging towards Rawt for an early attempt at the Roaring Elbow! It is far too early however - and this miscalculation costs Hughes' as he instead flies at nothing and lands hard on the mat! Rawt begins to stomp away at Hughes' and Hughes rolls over onto his feet. It is clear there is something eating away at the man - and he cannot concentrate. Rawt knees Hughes' in the gut before bringing him in for a hopefuly early finish as he prepares for the Bomb Drop!. As he hoists Hughes' into the air however - Hughes snaps out of it and hops out of Rawt's grasp - sliding down behind him and rolling out of the ring. Rawt is confused and looks back to see Hughes' walking up the ramp. Reynolds begins to make the countout. The crowd is booing Hughes as he makes his way up the ramp and through the curtain - his head just not in the match. It isn't much longer before Rawt licks his lips when the referee counts to 10 and the match is over, cementing Rawt's undefeated streak at 6-0...

WARFARE WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: RAWT "THE CRIPPLER" ROSS!

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Biding His Time
Dan White

Last Thursday night, we witnessed Dan White is his true form. A cold-blooded fighter. And the best part is, Dave Shadow didn't even see it coming. As he recooperates from the injuries suffered at the hands of the Welshman, the Zero Tolerance stable is at a standstill. They know that Dan can strike at any moment, and Thunderkiss is one man who is certainly on his guard. Although Dan literally fought off his demons back at Seven Deadly Sins last year, TK knows what Dan's capable of, and his presence in the ring earlier in the night showed this.

Hamburg therefore is ready for Dan to strike at some point tonight, and they're waiting with great anticipation. With Fallen Heroes not far away, Dan White wants to try and take out the competition. He already severely damaged the Irishman, Dave Shadow, and with Thunderkiss being one of the favourites going into the match, Dan would rather live safe in the knowledge that he's going to Omega Effect before the match has even begun.

Not normally one for a lavish entrance (well, ever since his return to the ring last year, at Fallen Heroes), a simple taxi drives up to the entrance of the Color Line Arena, and the exchange of Euros is made. The three passenger doors swing open, and there's a large pop, as Dan White, and his two friends The Royles, walk out. Dan rubs his hands as he points towards the arena doors.

Dan White: Now then, lads. Are we ready to get our game on? You know know fine well who we're after tonight.

Ivor Biggin and Pat McGroin look to each other, with a great deal of caution.

Biggin: Actually, Dan...you haven't told us anything. All you spoke about on the way here was how you got thrown out of a club last night.

Dan looks at Biggin as though he's just accidentally let the world know the greatest secret of all time.

Dan White: Hey, man! Way to say that out loud, you twat. Some things are best left unsaid, you know?

Biggin: Well sorry.

Dan White: Dick.

The trio walk into the arena, and they're immediately met with a microphone shoved into their faces. Dan rolls his eyes as the camera pans across to see The Scoop, Kevin Anderson, ready to report.

Kevin: Dan! Can I get a quick interview with you?

Dan sighs as he looks at The Royles.

Dan White: Fine, all RIGHT. You get to ask me three questions, and that's it.

Kevin: That's great! My first question, Dan, is that you caused an extraordinary scene on Meltdown. You tracked Dave Shadow down, throwing him around a strip-club. Now, in any circumstance targeting a wrestler when he's off-duty is often looked down upon, but when you consider that Shadow is now not only Thunderkiss' tag team partner, but also aligned with the Chairman, you must surely be concerned about your welfare in the company, and indeed your situation in the Fallen Heroes Battle Royale.

Dan White: Well, Kevin. If you need to have an answer, well you've got to look at my face. And you know, I couldn't give a flying circus about any kind of punishment Gingerpubes has got in store for me. He could stick me in a 1-on-4 Hell in a Cell match with rabid dogs, or he could stick me in at number one in that Fallen Heroes match. I don't care, because all I know, is that I'm going to win that match in two weeks time, and I'm going on to headline Omega Effect V, and becoming the World Heavyweight champion.

There's a huge pop for Dan; his answer was certainly full with confidence, and he really feels like he's the top contender going into the Pay Per View.

Kevin: That leads me to my second question, in regards to a potential punishment. You have Thunder Train tonight. Is that maybe Gingerdude trying to rough you up a little bit? I mean it's hardly the most ideal opponent to come up against ahead of the Pay Per View.

Dan White: Well Kevin, you could be right. But at the same time, you've just compared Thunder Train to me. You're talking about a man who eats his own weight in crisps every day. Isn't he regarded as morbidly obese, or something? I might not be as quick as I used to be in the ring, but tonight I'm gonna be as quick as Ali, or at least it'll look like that in comparison to that bumbling mess. Go on, Train, get your arse on a diet.

Another pop, as Dan shows clear distaste for his opponent later on tonight. Not the brightest thing to do, maybe, as all that will result in is a Thunder Train who will be hungry for a win.

Kevin: Okay, and fina-

Dan quickly cuts him off, moving the microphone away from his mouth.

Dan White: No, Kevin. You've already asked your three questions.

Kevin quickly questions Dan, pointing out that he's only asked two.

Kevin: But Dan! I only asked two questions! You can't-

Dan White: Whatever, that first question when you asked for an interview counts. If you want to get anything else out of me, then you can talk to these two.

Dan walks off to a pop, as Kevin is stuck with The Royles, who give him a very disapproving look.

Kevin: So...um, guys...how's Fallout?

The twins look at each other, raising an eyebrow, and audibly exhaling with disgust as they walk off, following Dan, to Kevin's confusion.

Kevin: What?!

Oh, Kevin.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

“WHEN ZEBRAS ATTACK”

[/font]
Credit: Thunderkiss[/center]
[One of the problems with being on the road is that the Chairman’s office becomes nothing more than a makeshift commodity. Though it is a hassle to construct in each and every venue, the Chairman demands that he has his control center and whatever his wishes are, the crew will grant. Be that as it may, their irritation with this weekly ritual has increased now that Anna Sommers-Joseph is on board. What was once a few hours job has turned into an all day task thanks to her list of bells and whistles. While it strains their daily efforts, the final result makes her content and in the life of an aristocrat, the ends justify the means. After all, every pampered tushy needs comfortable leather to hold it, especially when giving job interviews ... ]

Anna Sommers-Joseph: Greetings .. Mr. Rich? Is it?

Johnny Rich: Indeed.

Anna: Well Mr. Rich, this is quite the impressive resume you have here. It says here you wrestled for almost two decades and spent half that time in another federation as a broadcaster?

Johnny Rich: That’s right. The Worldwide Empire Wrestling Federation or Empire Wrestling for short. I trust you’ve seen my work?

Anna: To be honest, no. You might say that I am a bit new to this little genre of the business world, however, I know a winner when I see one and you, Mr. Rich, are a winner. I only have one concern, what have you been up to for the past few years? There seems to be a rather large gap in your resume from 2003 until now.

[Rich opens his mouth only to hear a voice other than his own filter into the room. Both he and Anna’s heads yank towards the doorway where her own personal secretary now stands, her face red with embarrassment due to her forced (and much hesitated) intrusion.]

Secretary: Pardon the intrusion, Mrs. Joseph-Sommers. A Mr. Fleming and a few of his associates are here to see you.

Anna: Um, hello?! I’m a bit busy at the moment.

Secretary: Yes ‘Mam, but I don’t think they are going to go away without making a rather large scene. They appear quite angry.

Anna: *Sigh* Fine. Would you excuse me for a moment, Mr. Rich?

Johnny Rich: Absolutely.

[Rich kicks his feet up, literally, as Anna scurries out of the room to confront the angry mob that has assembled outside of her door. There, we see none other than senior referee Raymond Allen Fleming leading the charge with Joey Reynolds and Carter Donovan behind him. Anna instantly knows the intentions behind their visit and readies herself for any sharp pitchforks that may come her way.]

Anna: Gentlemen, I am quite busy at the moment finding you gents a new colleague and your refusal to come back later is more than a tad irritating. In short: this better be good.

Raymond Allen Fleming: With all due respect Mrs. Joseph.

Anna *interrupting*: That’s Mrs. SOMMERS-Joseph to you.

Raymond Allen Fleming: With all due respect, Mrs. Joseph-Sommers, the referee crew has many concerns about the recent release of one of our colleges, Keiji Makabe. More or less, we feel that his termination was not justifiable for he was doing merely what he was told by upper management.

Anna: I have fully investigated the manner, Mr. Fleming, and have determined that there was no request made to Mr. Makabe to alter his referee duties for the match in question. There was, however, a sufficient amount of evidence pointing to negligence of those said duties. I stand by my decision, as well as my father. However, if you wish to entertain yourself and talk to him, by all means, feel free.

Raymond Allen Fleming: Perhaps we will. Please do not confuse our intent for disrespect. It’s that we believe after a man gives almost five years of his life to a company he deserves much more than to be released in such an undignified way.

[Anna bites her lip to quell her voice from saying something regrettable but her eyes tell the true story. Fleming reads it loud and clear.]

Anna: Well Mr. Fleming, I’m sorry you feel that way.

Raymond Allen Fleming: I as well.

[Both combatants return from where they came forth though the hostilities still linger. It will be quite a while before they dissipate and even then it shall only be temporary. What was meant to be a intervention based on good intentions quickly backfires on the referee crew for they have now just given Anna the motivation to recreate their ranks into something more tolerable. Her attention now back on Johnny Rich, she begins to do just that.]

Anna: Hypothetical question, Mr. Rich. Say you are refereeing a world title bout between Thunderkiss and the current champion Jake Steele. Who gets the three count?

Johnny Rich: Depends on who you want to win, Madam Vice Presidente.

Anna: You, sir, have yourself a job.

[FADE]

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment save for Jonny Hughes