Post by BK London on Feb 14, 2008 17:16:15 GMT -5
Segment: “Shadow Farm - Part 5” Credit: FSX/T-Kiss
[shadow=red,left,300]SHADOW FARM?[/shadow][/center][/size]
[For those of you who are following this epic journey, these are the events thus far. Handed a bottle of Thundergy as a gift by TK himself, FSX noticed that the drink seems to unnaturally addictive. Kinda like Paulie Shore during that short period in the 80s where he used psychosis to control people. After looking at its contents and seeing the words “secret ingredients,” he embarked a quest to find out just what lies within the bottle’s contents. After a failed phone call to their customer service line, FSX journeyed to Tagruato’s (the drink’s maker) only American office in Seattle Washington. It was there that FSX realized he has stumbled upon something far more serious than what he first expected when he was kicked out of their lobby and then followed. Meeting up with a mysterious informant named “Mr. Mumbles,” FSX was given a map of Ecuador and was told the answers could be found there. That is where we find our hero today, as his plane has just touched down in the country. What wonders await him?]
Airport greeter: Welcome to Ecuador! May your stay be a pleasant one.
FSX: I suppose it could be, but I'm here to destroy evil..so..you know.
[Making his way toward the cab lanes outside, Fallen Souls keeps an eye out for his ride. 10 feet away he spots a small man who holds a cardboard sign out in front of him with the letters “FXS” scribbled upon it.]
FSX: Woah...Tracy Finn is in Ecuador too? What an insane coincidence! Maybe I can stop here and meet him..wait a minute...that's probably for me. Oh lord...
[In broken English the cab driver asks him if he is the mysterious “FXS” that he has been called upon to pick up today. Responding with a “si,” FSX throws himself into the cab’s backseat while the cab driver puts his luggage in the trunk. The hot South American sun beats down on Fallen Souls, making him feel most uncomfortable. He wishes he could have arranged a more suitable ride, such as a limousine, but knowing it would attract too much attention he decided against it. You know, there's also the fact FSX isn't famous like Thunderkiss. Everyone would question his worth to be in a limousine.
As his skin begins to stick to the cab’s leather seats, he is almost ready to cuss out the driver to get going. Thankfully, an incident is avoided as the cab driver returns to the drivers seat at that instant. FSX then hands him a piece of paper with the word “Montalvo” written upon it.]
Cab Driver: I take you there.
FSX: Gracias, muchacho.
[Together both driver and passenger embark in a several hour journey to the farthest western city in the country. To pass the time FSX brought some reading material but finds himself rereading it over and over again as this trek is much longer than he ever expected, and when he tires of that, he uses it as a fan to help overcome the heat. Seeing his passenger is uncomfortable, the cab driver reaches down into a cooler placed on the front passenger seat and pulls out, of all things, a bottle of Thundery.]
Cab Driver: Hot!
FSX: Well of course it's hot, we're inside the center of the earth!
Cab Driver: You want drink?
[The cab driver holds up the bottle of Thundergy for FSX to see. Before letting out a small laugh of “I simply can’t believe this,” FSX responds - ]
FSX: That wouldn't make sense in the storyline, sorry.
[Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. What seems like an eternity passes as the cab ventures forward into the wilderness of Ecuador.]
[Fallen Souls becomes overjoyed when he sees a large city appear from behind the horizon which most uncertainly has to be Montalvo. The cab driver confirms this and FSX has to practically restrain himself from jumping out of the cab. As the last painful minutes of the ride finally come to an end, FSX gets out and stretches his body in front of the hotel while the cab driver fetches his luggage and returns it to him.]
Cab Driver: Thank you
FSX: Yeah, yeah. I'm just glad I didn't get stuck to the seat. How much I owe you, my strange talking friend?
Cab Driver: Oh, no charge...
[“Uhhh, excuse me,” FSX thinks to himself.]
FSX: No charge? Really? Is it because you have a crush on me?
Cab Driver: No, no.
FSX: Then you must be kidding me! Right?
Cab Driver: I don’t rob the dead, my friend.
FSX: Woah....what did you say? I'm not dead! I'm no zombie! Honestly!
[FSX doesn’t see it coming. The only thing his eyes see is the ground rapidly approaching as he falls toward it. Landing hard, he quickly rolls to his back to see a group of three ninja clad warriors coming down upon him. Dashing out of their way, he quickly gets vertical and runs back toward the cab for safety - but its too late. The obviously crooked cab driver is now speeding down the road, separating himself from any harm. Now alone, FSX has no other choice but to stand and fight, and that’s quite OK with him!]
FSX: Three against one huh? I like those odds! After all, I hold the Asia...n...advantage. Oh shit.
[Looking around at the chuckling Ninjas with no ease, Fallen begins to pace and walk around in circles over and over as he watches them all carefully, jumping up in the air on two separate occasions in an attempt to be intimidating as he waves his arms around.]
FSX: Forbidden Swallow Technique!!...I mean, like fighting..not sexual.
[The Warriors take a moment to look at each other, before shrugging and rushing forward in an incredible unity as they all begin to strike and kick at Fallen from every direction, hitting the odd intense combination of kicks to the back and face as they leap up and drill him in the face in unison with a dropkick of sorts as Fallen crumbles to the ground in an incredible amount of pain, groaning to himself as he struggled to return to a standing base and battle with them.]
FSX: You don't scare me..I'm a champion. I'm gonna go the distance! AAAAAADRIIIAANN!
[With another swift kick to the temple, Fallen halls in a heap on the ground as all of the Ninjas look to each other quite pleased, seeming to be prepared to finish this off as they reach for their weapons. It seems as if all hope is lost. As all three of the deadly ninjas raise their katana's in the air and allow them to shimmer and glow in the light, they let out a cry!!....before another cry overpowers them.]
??: OOooooOOOHHOHOHOOOOO!!
[All of the evil warriors freeze for a moment at the sound, looking around in confusion as their weapons seem to simultaneously disappear from their hands, leaving them in shock!]
??: OOooooOOOHOHOHOHOOOOOO!!
[They all look quite frustrated at this turn of events from the unknown source as Fallen looks up into the sky, gasping as a man seems to be dropping down to save him from the sun.]
??: Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!!!
[Carl Douglas...? Why not! The 70s pop icon most popular for his song 'Kung Fu Fighting' makes his appearance from out of nowhere to kick two of the ninjas in the face, grinning pleased to himself as Fallen kicks one of them in the back of the knee well getting back up.]
Carl Douglas: Those kicks were fast as Light-ning!
[Dududududududududu! With that, Carl lept into the air and spun kick one of the Ninjas into the face, laughing to himself as he went flying back into a nearby building how dramatic! Not to be shown up, Fallen looks around for a moment, before shrugging and kneeing one of them in the crotch.]
Carl Douglas: In fact it was a little bit frightning!!...But they fought with expert timing!
[With that the last ninja was vanquished with a combination of a stiff kick to the face by the world's greatest Jamaican Kung Fu Pop star Carl Douglas, and a spinning forearm to the back of his head by FSX, sending him to unconscious land! Carl Douglas to the rescue!]
FSX: Thanks, Carl Doug--
Carl Douglas: There were funky Chinamen, from funk Chinatown! They were chopping them u~p, they were chopping them do~wn!
FSX: Battle is over, Carl...
Carl Douglas: ...Oh. Alright.
FSX: Yup. Thanks. Hope your publishing company is going good.
Carl Douglas: Most of the time, my man. Anyway, I'll be on my way then. You show those thugs what's what! Thunderkiss is a bad man! He didn't pay me royalties for his recorded version of the song, man!
FSX: That sucks! Well..I'll be sure to deal with that for you. Bye, Carl Douglas!
Carl Douglas: Stay strong, China boy! DOUGLAS VANISH!
[Before Fallen can even say another word a magical poof of smoke appears out of nowhere and suddenly Carl Douglas was gone as mysteriously as he'd appeared. He sure is a wonderful man!]
FSX: I meet so many celebrities...
[Feeling he is going to collapse from exhaustion, FSX unfortunately isn’t given the time to even pass out as he hears a payphone ring off the hook in the distance.]
FSX: So NOW the robot calls again!
[With each step toward the phone he knows this could be only one person, and when he lifts the receiver off the hook, his expectations hold true.]
FSX: Hello? Did you Carl Douglas?
Mr. Mumbles: Greetings Mr. Souls. I see you have managed to infiltrate the hornets nest...
FSX: I'll take that as a no! What the hell are Ninjas doing here?! Why didn't you tell me, damn it? If they knew I was coming why couldn't I take a limo?!
Mr. Mumbles: Ah, a very good question indeed.
FSX: HOW ABOUT AN ANSWER, DAMN IT?! Who were those guys? What am I really doing here? Why don't you just tell me!
Mr. Mumbles: Though they have offices all over the world, you must realize that Tagruato is above all a Japanese company. Do the math.
FSX: I see...so there from Tagruato. But why am I not in Japan then..?
Mr. Mumbles: Of course. You are now standing in a town that is so run by Tagruato that it might as well be one of Japan’s territories.
FSX: Shit! It all makes sense now! That's why the cab driver offered my Thundergy, and said I was gonna die!
Mr. Mumbles: You are very close to the truth Mr. Souls and they are onto you. Head north and stick to the shadows. Be sure to follow the map.
FSX: The map is drawn in the middle of a jungle! And not a McDonald's jungle or something, but a real one! How the hell am I going to travel through a Jungle alone?!
Mr. Mumbles: You will not be alone. I have taken the liberty to arrange for you an escort.
FSX: I'm not in the mood for cheap foreign sex right now, man!
Mr. Mumbles: No. No. Not that kind of escort Mr. Souls. More like a tour guide. He awaits for you on the northern fringes of town. Go. Make haste. Find the Shadow Farm.
FSX: How will I know who he is? Is it Carl Douglas? And what the heck is a Shadow Farm?
Mr. Mumbles: Oh... you’ll know. On both accounts.
FSX: Dammit! Why me?! Why always me?!
[Hearing nothing but dial tone, FSX hangs up the receiver and face palms himself in frustration. Alone in a hostile town, he has no other choice but to follow Mumble’s recommendation and head north. Blending in with the shadows that surround him, Fallen Souls looks up at the starts above him to get his bearings and then ventures off into the next chapter of this legendary tale.]
[FADE]
WHAT IS...
[shadow=red,left,300]SHADOW FARM?[/shadow][/center][/size]
Ecuador
2/8/08
10:00 A.M.
2/8/08
10:00 A.M.
[For those of you who are following this epic journey, these are the events thus far. Handed a bottle of Thundergy as a gift by TK himself, FSX noticed that the drink seems to unnaturally addictive. Kinda like Paulie Shore during that short period in the 80s where he used psychosis to control people. After looking at its contents and seeing the words “secret ingredients,” he embarked a quest to find out just what lies within the bottle’s contents. After a failed phone call to their customer service line, FSX journeyed to Tagruato’s (the drink’s maker) only American office in Seattle Washington. It was there that FSX realized he has stumbled upon something far more serious than what he first expected when he was kicked out of their lobby and then followed. Meeting up with a mysterious informant named “Mr. Mumbles,” FSX was given a map of Ecuador and was told the answers could be found there. That is where we find our hero today, as his plane has just touched down in the country. What wonders await him?]
Airport greeter: Welcome to Ecuador! May your stay be a pleasant one.
FSX: I suppose it could be, but I'm here to destroy evil..so..you know.
[Making his way toward the cab lanes outside, Fallen Souls keeps an eye out for his ride. 10 feet away he spots a small man who holds a cardboard sign out in front of him with the letters “FXS” scribbled upon it.]
FSX: Woah...Tracy Finn is in Ecuador too? What an insane coincidence! Maybe I can stop here and meet him..wait a minute...that's probably for me. Oh lord...
[In broken English the cab driver asks him if he is the mysterious “FXS” that he has been called upon to pick up today. Responding with a “si,” FSX throws himself into the cab’s backseat while the cab driver puts his luggage in the trunk. The hot South American sun beats down on Fallen Souls, making him feel most uncomfortable. He wishes he could have arranged a more suitable ride, such as a limousine, but knowing it would attract too much attention he decided against it. You know, there's also the fact FSX isn't famous like Thunderkiss. Everyone would question his worth to be in a limousine.
As his skin begins to stick to the cab’s leather seats, he is almost ready to cuss out the driver to get going. Thankfully, an incident is avoided as the cab driver returns to the drivers seat at that instant. FSX then hands him a piece of paper with the word “Montalvo” written upon it.]
Cab Driver: I take you there.
FSX: Gracias, muchacho.
[Together both driver and passenger embark in a several hour journey to the farthest western city in the country. To pass the time FSX brought some reading material but finds himself rereading it over and over again as this trek is much longer than he ever expected, and when he tires of that, he uses it as a fan to help overcome the heat. Seeing his passenger is uncomfortable, the cab driver reaches down into a cooler placed on the front passenger seat and pulls out, of all things, a bottle of Thundery.]
Cab Driver: Hot!
FSX: Well of course it's hot, we're inside the center of the earth!
Cab Driver: You want drink?
[The cab driver holds up the bottle of Thundergy for FSX to see. Before letting out a small laugh of “I simply can’t believe this,” FSX responds - ]
FSX: That wouldn't make sense in the storyline, sorry.
[Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. What seems like an eternity passes as the cab ventures forward into the wilderness of Ecuador.]
...
..
.
[Fallen Souls becomes overjoyed when he sees a large city appear from behind the horizon which most uncertainly has to be Montalvo. The cab driver confirms this and FSX has to practically restrain himself from jumping out of the cab. As the last painful minutes of the ride finally come to an end, FSX gets out and stretches his body in front of the hotel while the cab driver fetches his luggage and returns it to him.]
Cab Driver: Thank you
FSX: Yeah, yeah. I'm just glad I didn't get stuck to the seat. How much I owe you, my strange talking friend?
Cab Driver: Oh, no charge...
[“Uhhh, excuse me,” FSX thinks to himself.]
FSX: No charge? Really? Is it because you have a crush on me?
Cab Driver: No, no.
FSX: Then you must be kidding me! Right?
Cab Driver: I don’t rob the dead, my friend.
FSX: Woah....what did you say? I'm not dead! I'm no zombie! Honestly!
~!~THWACK~!~
[FSX doesn’t see it coming. The only thing his eyes see is the ground rapidly approaching as he falls toward it. Landing hard, he quickly rolls to his back to see a group of three ninja clad warriors coming down upon him. Dashing out of their way, he quickly gets vertical and runs back toward the cab for safety - but its too late. The obviously crooked cab driver is now speeding down the road, separating himself from any harm. Now alone, FSX has no other choice but to stand and fight, and that’s quite OK with him!]
FSX: Three against one huh? I like those odds! After all, I hold the Asia...n...advantage. Oh shit.
[Looking around at the chuckling Ninjas with no ease, Fallen begins to pace and walk around in circles over and over as he watches them all carefully, jumping up in the air on two separate occasions in an attempt to be intimidating as he waves his arms around.]
FSX: Forbidden Swallow Technique!!...I mean, like fighting..not sexual.
[The Warriors take a moment to look at each other, before shrugging and rushing forward in an incredible unity as they all begin to strike and kick at Fallen from every direction, hitting the odd intense combination of kicks to the back and face as they leap up and drill him in the face in unison with a dropkick of sorts as Fallen crumbles to the ground in an incredible amount of pain, groaning to himself as he struggled to return to a standing base and battle with them.]
FSX: You don't scare me..I'm a champion. I'm gonna go the distance! AAAAAADRIIIAANN!
[With another swift kick to the temple, Fallen halls in a heap on the ground as all of the Ninjas look to each other quite pleased, seeming to be prepared to finish this off as they reach for their weapons. It seems as if all hope is lost. As all three of the deadly ninjas raise their katana's in the air and allow them to shimmer and glow in the light, they let out a cry!!....before another cry overpowers them.]
??: OOooooOOOHHOHOHOOOOO!!
[All of the evil warriors freeze for a moment at the sound, looking around in confusion as their weapons seem to simultaneously disappear from their hands, leaving them in shock!]
??: OOooooOOOHOHOHOHOOOOOO!!
[They all look quite frustrated at this turn of events from the unknown source as Fallen looks up into the sky, gasping as a man seems to be dropping down to save him from the sun.]
??: Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!!!
[Carl Douglas...? Why not! The 70s pop icon most popular for his song 'Kung Fu Fighting' makes his appearance from out of nowhere to kick two of the ninjas in the face, grinning pleased to himself as Fallen kicks one of them in the back of the knee well getting back up.]
Carl Douglas: Those kicks were fast as Light-ning!
[Dududududududududu! With that, Carl lept into the air and spun kick one of the Ninjas into the face, laughing to himself as he went flying back into a nearby building how dramatic! Not to be shown up, Fallen looks around for a moment, before shrugging and kneeing one of them in the crotch.]
Carl Douglas: In fact it was a little bit frightning!!...But they fought with expert timing!
[With that the last ninja was vanquished with a combination of a stiff kick to the face by the world's greatest Jamaican Kung Fu Pop star Carl Douglas, and a spinning forearm to the back of his head by FSX, sending him to unconscious land! Carl Douglas to the rescue!]
FSX: Thanks, Carl Doug--
Carl Douglas: There were funky Chinamen, from funk Chinatown! They were chopping them u~p, they were chopping them do~wn!
FSX: Battle is over, Carl...
Carl Douglas: ...Oh. Alright.
FSX: Yup. Thanks. Hope your publishing company is going good.
Carl Douglas: Most of the time, my man. Anyway, I'll be on my way then. You show those thugs what's what! Thunderkiss is a bad man! He didn't pay me royalties for his recorded version of the song, man!
FSX: That sucks! Well..I'll be sure to deal with that for you. Bye, Carl Douglas!
Carl Douglas: Stay strong, China boy! DOUGLAS VANISH!
[Before Fallen can even say another word a magical poof of smoke appears out of nowhere and suddenly Carl Douglas was gone as mysteriously as he'd appeared. He sure is a wonderful man!]
FSX: I meet so many celebrities...
[Feeling he is going to collapse from exhaustion, FSX unfortunately isn’t given the time to even pass out as he hears a payphone ring off the hook in the distance.]
FSX: So NOW the robot calls again!
[With each step toward the phone he knows this could be only one person, and when he lifts the receiver off the hook, his expectations hold true.]
FSX: Hello? Did you Carl Douglas?
Mr. Mumbles: Greetings Mr. Souls. I see you have managed to infiltrate the hornets nest...
FSX: I'll take that as a no! What the hell are Ninjas doing here?! Why didn't you tell me, damn it? If they knew I was coming why couldn't I take a limo?!
Mr. Mumbles: Ah, a very good question indeed.
FSX: HOW ABOUT AN ANSWER, DAMN IT?! Who were those guys? What am I really doing here? Why don't you just tell me!
Mr. Mumbles: Though they have offices all over the world, you must realize that Tagruato is above all a Japanese company. Do the math.
FSX: I see...so there from Tagruato. But why am I not in Japan then..?
Mr. Mumbles: Of course. You are now standing in a town that is so run by Tagruato that it might as well be one of Japan’s territories.
FSX: Shit! It all makes sense now! That's why the cab driver offered my Thundergy, and said I was gonna die!
Mr. Mumbles: You are very close to the truth Mr. Souls and they are onto you. Head north and stick to the shadows. Be sure to follow the map.
FSX: The map is drawn in the middle of a jungle! And not a McDonald's jungle or something, but a real one! How the hell am I going to travel through a Jungle alone?!
Mr. Mumbles: You will not be alone. I have taken the liberty to arrange for you an escort.
FSX: I'm not in the mood for cheap foreign sex right now, man!
Mr. Mumbles: No. No. Not that kind of escort Mr. Souls. More like a tour guide. He awaits for you on the northern fringes of town. Go. Make haste. Find the Shadow Farm.
FSX: How will I know who he is? Is it Carl Douglas? And what the heck is a Shadow Farm?
Mr. Mumbles: Oh... you’ll know. On both accounts.
~!~CLICK~!~
FSX: Dammit! Why me?! Why always me?!
[Hearing nothing but dial tone, FSX hangs up the receiver and face palms himself in frustration. Alone in a hostile town, he has no other choice but to follow Mumble’s recommendation and head north. Blending in with the shadows that surround him, Fallen Souls looks up at the starts above him to get his bearings and then ventures off into the next chapter of this legendary tale.]
[FADE]