Monday Night Warfare 20th September 2004

[ridley]

(Credit for this one: Jack Fury)

Phillip: The next match is a scaffold match. Firstly, making his way to the ring weighing in at 186 lbs….Double…..OH….FOUR!

”Doll-Daga Buzz-Buzz Ziggety Zag” by Marilyn Manson hits and Double-Oh-4 walks out from the from behind the curtains, The crowd cheers loudly as a slightly battered looking 004 walks to the ring, he slowly starts to climb the scaffold as he gets to the top he holds his arms up prompting more cheers from the crowd.

V………3………..V…………3…………V………..3…………*BANG*

Philip: And his opponent weighs in at 223 lbs….V-3!!

The fans are already cheering before “Real Muthafuckin’ Gs” hits and V-3 appears, making his way to the ring he looks at the scaffold and prepares himself for the battle he is about to put his body through, he slowly climbs the scaffold, he like 004 is hurting from the previous fight but in KOTDM this must be hidden, V-3 reaches the top and the bell rings.

V-3 and 004 size each other up and tie up, they struggle back and forth for awhile before V-3 gets the better of 004 and puts him in a side headlock, he wrenches hard and 004 lets out a few groans of pain, suddenly the groans stop and V-3’s face has concern on it and rightfully so as 004 lifts V-3 into a belly-to-back side suplex and goes to drop him right off the scaffold, V-3 realising the danger panically punches at 004’s face, forcing him to let go as soon as V-3 has his feet on solid ground he rolls away and 004 runs at him, but runs right into a drop toe hold, V-3 quickly gets on top of 004 and starts smashing 004’s face into the steel scaffold over and over again, blood is seen dripping to the ring below and as V-3 lets go and 004 rolls over the blood streaming from 004’s head can be seen, V-3 stalks the bloody 004 and goes for his version of the super kick the Samurai Shot but 004 hits his less powerful but effective super kick, both kicks hit at the exact same time and both men crumple to the floor, their heads dangle over the edge of the scaffold and both look like they are about to fall off.

The fans cheer insanely at the thought of both men falling 20 feet to the ring below, but slowly both men make it too their feet.

They trade punches for a while before 004 gets the upper hand and kicks V-3 in the gut and DDT’s him on the scaffold and then hits a standing moonsault, V-3 winces in pain as the air is driven out of him. Double Oh 4 stands up and holds his arms up believing victory isn’t to far away he then takes one of V-3’s leg and locks in a half boston crap, V-3 is in pain but not as much as 004 had anticipated as he kicks his leg and 004 goes flying towards the edge of the scaffold, 004 stops just in time but looks back to see v-3 running and aiming a front dropkick at him 004 tries to dodge but gets clipped on the shoulder and is sent over the edge, however the sudden dodge attempt by 004 has thrown V-3’s calculations off and he too know finds himself falling off the edge.

Somehow both men manage to grab onto the scaffold as the were going over and are now desperately climbing back up as they are putting a lot more weight onto one side of the scaffold and they could both be heading to the mat at any second as they get up and onto the scaffold they start to trade punches again, neither man is gaining the upper hand and both men are wearing down fast, but 004 falls back losing a lot of energy from his head would which is still bleeding, V-3 like a shark goes for the kill but runs straight into the Phoenix DDT, this face smashing variant of the DDT, privately busts open V-3 and 004 smiles at his revenge and signals to send V-3 over the edge of the cage, but as he tries to pick V-3 up he falls over himself, completely exhausted 004 has to wait for V-3 to pick himself up.

Both men are now standing again, 004 charges at V-3 but V-3 hits the ground going under 004’s legs and tripping him at the same time, V-3 is quickly back up, the sight of his own blood giving him a adrenaline rush, he lands a perfect dropkick but 004 gets back up V-3 hits two more before 004 stays down, V-3 motions to the crowd and picks up 004, setting up to powerbomb him off the edge of the scaffold, but 004 rolls down in a victory roll and pulls V-3 with him using all his might, V-3 is sent rolling and nearly goes off the other edge of the cage himself, 004 now charges at V-3 but V-3 throws him up trying to send him over his shoulder, 004 counters into a hurricanrana but as V-3 lands he rolls through and runs at 004 trying to catch him off guard but 004 sees this and goes to throw V-3 over in a fireman’s carry throw but somehow V-3 counters this into a hiptoss sending 004 all the way down to the mat, he hits hard and V-3 falls to a sitting position and looks down at 004 which prompts a crowd chant:

Crowd: ‘JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!'

V-3, feeling that he can’t disappoint his fans, stands up and points to 004, to a huge roar V-3 flies off and hits 004 with his Ragin’ Azn. He almost crushes 004’s chest as the referee counts an all but academic 3.

Phillip: The winner, and advancing to the semifinals…..V-3!!!!

V-3 rolls off 004 but that is about all he can manage, the fans are going nuts and V-3 tries to struggle to his feet but falls back over, all he can do is hold his hand up from a sitting position to sore to do anything else.

[ridley]

There has been quite a buzz in the crowd over the next match, and it only increases as security sets up a massive net of barbed wire stretching from the ring apron to the guardrails. It’s just tight enough to not stick to someone who’s fallen in, but loose enough not to shred them at first touch.

Phillip: The next match of the quarterfinals will be a Caribbean Spider Net match, and it is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from upstate New York….Bladeshadow!

”Step Up” hits and Bladeshadow walks down the ramp, taking his time now that he doesn’t have a hated enemy to waylay. He occasionally slaps a hand or acknowledges a cheer, but his eyes are set with the look of Flynn Taggert staring down the Cyberdemon, because mist is already beginning to swirl around the heel ramp….

GONG….

GONG….

Phillip: His opponent….

Even in the daylight, the mist has an eerie effect as “Monochromatic Stains” hits and Ridley walks towards the ring, head down. The Samedi makeup is gone now that he’s getting serious, and the traditional “Lord of Darkness” cape and armor have been redonned.

Phillip: ….weighing in at 246 pounds…the 2003 King of the Deathmatch, Ridley!

Ridley steps onto the apron and throws his cape back to the two druids that have accompanied him to the ring. They catch it and proceed to the back while he climbs through the ropes and rolls his head around on his shoulders with a disconcerting series of pops.

Bell rings.

The two circle each other. Bladeshadow’s discomfort over the last few minutes is slowly growing as he realizes he’s very, very alone, as the fans are not pleased with him for destroying the chances of Ridley/Skurai Part Five Thousand.

The first clue to this is the almost-unanimous chants of “FUCK HIM UP, RIDLEY, FUCK HIM UP *clap clap*” that have been building at a steady crescendo since the bell.

Disregarding the odds, Blade decides to make the best of it, and charges forward, grappling the Lord of Hardcore. They strain against each other’s force for a second before breaking it off and circling again, with Ridley’s suspicion that this won’t be quite as easy as his last match confirmed. Another lockup proves that the kid gloves are now officially off, as Ridley slaps on a headlock, followed by about five knee lifts and a takedown. Blade’s back up in an instant, charging forward and trying to hit Ridley with a lariat, only to get an armdrag. He turns and rushes him again, only to get another armdrag. Up again, Blade rushes at Ridley, but this time, anticipating an armdrag, stops short. Ridley isn’t planning an armdrag, however, and he nails BS right in the chest with a Yakuza kick, sending him to the ground. The Lord of Hardcore takes a second to play to the crowd before picking Blade up and punching at him.

Blade blocks the punch and hits Ridley with a few of his own before sending him into the ropes and picking him up in a fireman’s carry on the way back. Clearly, he’s trying to end it very early, and the crowd pops bigtime as he swings Ridley around into the Lights of Orion---but he’s too near the ropes, and Ridley catches both feet on the top rope, then uses the momentum to bounce off the ropes into something like a mixture of a Stratusfaction and an Acid Drop. However, Blade counters this, refusing to go down and launching Ridley backwards and over the ropes, where he crashes into the barbed wire net.

Ridley’s back arches as he’s suspended in the air, and he grits his pointed teeth as the points on the barbed wire slice his back. However, he places a foot on the ground, and slowly forces himself back to a standing position, thigh-deep in barbed wire. Ever-so-carefully, Ridley starts walking back towards the ring---but then the crowd roars as Blade flies across the ring and rockets through the ropes in a suicide dive straight into Ridley’s chest, knocking them both back into the barbed wire. Ridley takes the worst of it by far, slamming back down, but Blade gets stabbed rather badly as well. Both men have to work at it to stagger up; Ridley actually grabs the barbed wire to pull himself up, disregarding the burning sensation it gives him. As such, he’s the first one to the apron, but Blade’s up as well, and he tugs on Ridley’s boot, trying to pull him back into the wire. Ridley kicks at him a few times, but he’s pulled partially down anyway, and lands on the apron on his hands and knees. Blade climbs up after him, and hooks him in place for a suplex off the apron; however, Ridley drops down behind him, hoists him up for a back body drop, and drops him crotch-first on the top rope.

With Bladeshadow temporarily immobilized, Ridley sees the opportunity to hit one of his key spots; he dashes across the apron, leaps onto the top rope, and puts up the X. The audience jumps to their feet as Ridley zips across the top rope, leaps onto the former heavyweight champion’s shoulders, and hits him with the Eviscerana, intending to go into the barbed wire---but Blade’s ready for it, and he turns it into a sunset flip off the apron, back into the barbed wire. Both of them are down; with Ridley lying about three feet away on his back, victory is within Bladeshadow’s grasp. He crawls over…slowly…preparing to make the cover…

[ridley]

….but then Ridley sits bolt upright, his familiar grin on his face as the crowd pops huge. Blade’s countenance goes ashen, and he quickly climbs out of the barbed wire as Ridley slowly, deliberately begins the process of extracting himself. He steps into the area right in front of the ramp, where there is no spider net, and reaches under the apron, coming out with a fifteen-foot steel ladder, which he slides into the ring. Blade quickly follows it, because Ridley has fully disentangled himself from the barbed wire and is approaching quickly. He runs across the ring, still holding the ladder, and slides out to the apron. Ridley’s finally gotten up into the ring, and he advances towards BS, who throws the ladder over the ropes at him. Ridley catches it, but this plays right into Blade’s hands; he springs onto the top rope and hits a springboard dropkick into the ladder, which nails Ridley right in the face. The Lord of Hardcore topples to the mat, dazed, and Blade quickly goes to work setting up the ladder. The supports fall into place with expert speed, and Blade puts a tentative foot on the ladder. Finding it steady, he continues to climb.

A couple seconds later, Bladeshadow has reached the top of the ladder. The fans are on their feet, cheering wildly, as he signals for the Thor’s Hammer. Ridley has slowly begun to rise, and as he gets to his hands and knees, Blade perches on the ladder, preparing to spring off….

…..and finding his world (very nearly) crashing down around him as Ridley sweep-kicks the ladder, causing him to lose his balance and straddle the top of the steps. Ridley springs to his feet, nimbly shooting up the stairs like a spider, and is at the top in a second. He decks BS with a right hand to the jaw, but the champ’s fighting spirit is at its max, and he fires off a return shot. This continues for several seconds, with the fifteen-foot ladder swaying precariously as the fans are on the edge of their seats---until Ridley jerks forward in a mini-Juggernaut Headcrush, nailing BS in the face with his forehead and actually lifting the ladder up onto its back legs for a second before it settles, to an audible gasp from the crowd. Blade’s thoroughly stunned, and Ridley grabs the opportunity; he hooks his opponent in position for a superplex off the ladder, and the fans go berserk as they realize that the two are way too high to keep it in the ring---

With an almost deafening roar from the audience, Ridley superplexes Bladeshadow off of the ladder, and a storm of camera flashes goes off as they drop a legitimate twenty feet (two full seconds of hangtime) over the ropes and into the barbed wire net. Said net snaps at all its ends, whipping up over both men as they crash onto the asphalt. Ridley, amidst the deafening “HOLY SHIT!” from the fans, reaches back and hooks the leg, and the ref counts 1….2….3.

Phillip: The winner of this match, and proceeding to the semifinals…..Ridley!!!

Ridley slowly rises up, rather bloody compared to the end of his last match, and raises a hand in victory before leaving to the backstage area, letting a freshly-sat-up Blade soak in the “Shadow, Shadow” chants for a second. Somewhat disappointed, but yet feeling strangely satisfied, he turns and proceeds up the ramp he came from, leaving the security to clean up all the barbed wire.

[ridley]

Phillip: The last match of the quarterfinals will be a 177,000 Thumbtacks Deathmatch!

Sure enough, the ring is absolutely loaded with thumbtacks. One cannot step anywhere in it without being in the midst of tacks. Some have actually spread to the outside of the ring, making no place truly safe from tack injuries.

Phillip: Approaching the ring first, from St. Petersburg, Russia…..Alexandra “The White Rose” Kaesar!!!

”Scars of Time” plays, and a shower of rose petals flies up as Rose walks down the ramp, dressed in an AJ Styles-like hooded trench. She steps onto the apron, throws back her robe, and raises both hands to an impressive pop from the fans.

Phillip: And her opponent….

There’s no sneak attack this time, as “Flower Of Carnage” hits, and Yoko walks out onto the ramp. She’s got the croquet mallet this time, and looks thoroughly prepared to do battle.

Phillip:…from Yokohama, Japan…the Flower of Carnage, Yoko Satoshi!!!

Yoko slides into the ring, examining the tacks with a somewhat-wary eye, then tosses the mallet into a corner, assuming a fighting stance. The two women, both representing Pain Inc, exchange something like a semi-high-five before the match starts up.

Bell rings.

Yoko and Rose briefly circle each other before locking up, each one determined not to fall first, as there’s certain pain in doing so. With neither wanting to risk too much early on, they go for some chain wrestling. A brief grapple leads into Rose slapping a tightly-executed headlock on Yoko, who in turn locks an arm around Rose’s waist and uses the other to break the headlock, dashing around her opponent and locking in the other arm. She now has Rose in a full back tieup, and attempts to lift her, but Rose drops her weight and nails Yoko with a back elbow in the jaw once, twice, three times, causing her to release.

Spinning out, the two only wait a second before they grapple again, this time with Yoko going low and trying to take a leg out from under Rose, who counters with an enziguri. Yoko ducks, but Rose lands on her feet, and the Flower of Carnage gives her leg a whip/shove to the side, spinning her around. Rose ducks the ensuing lariat, and picks Yoko up in the Torture Rack. Not bothering to hold the submission in place, she drops to the side and turns it into a Burning Hammer, except it culminates in a facebuster rather than a piledriver, which is good for Yoko.

However, she drops stomach-first onto the sea of thumbtacks, which is BAD for Yoko. As Rose picks her up, the camera focuses in on Yoko’s torso, which has about seven thumbtacks at scattered spots sticking out of it. Yoko throws off Rose’s grasp, now spurred into a fighting spirit, and hits her with a series of clubbing forearm strikes before sending her into the ropes and hitting a tiltawhirl powerslam on the return. It’s Rose’s turn to bounce off the tacks, and she comes off with several sticking out as well. Yoko rolls into a cover, but only gets a one-count before Rose throws her off. This barely deters either woman, and Yoko quickly goes back on offensive, dropping Rose in an armdrag takedown. This time, Rose has to roll through the tacks, and she comes up with them in not only her torso, but her arms.

Now genuinely starting to get fired up, Rose staves off Yoko’s grapple attempt by kicking her in the gut, then snap suplexing her into the turnbuckle, which would ordinarily mean a head drop on the thumbtacks. However, Yoko catches both ropes with her arms, and hangs upside down, preventing her from landing wrong. Seeing this, Rose backs up and charges the corner, leaping into the air for a B-Boy-style facewash dropkick. Yoko pulls herself up just in time for Rose to land on the turnbuckle, straddling the post; however, she doesn’t counter fast enough, and Rose catches her in a spider German suplex off the top rope, sending Yoko backrolling through the tacks. As the Flower of Carnage stands back up, the White Rose leaps off the top rope into a missile dropkick---but Yoko’s back up, and counters with a dropkick of her own, knocking both women back down into the thumbtacks.

As the two stand, they both brush themselves off, knocking off several rows of tacks, which draws a visible grimace of discomfort from both. After briefly cleaning up, Rose charges Yoko, who drops low and pulls the top rope down in a quickly-devised counter. Rose tumbles over the rope and lands outside the ring, giving Yoko more than enough time to vault up to the top rope. A second jump upon landing spins her 180 degrees, and a third culminates in a sky-high moonsault onto Rose, which smashes both of them into the guardrail. The two stagger to their feet, with Yoko up first, and she grabs the same ladder that Ridley and Bladeshadow used in their match, setting it up so that it bridges between the ring and the guardrail. In a moment of ingenuity, Yoko then reaches inside the ring and sweeps off a row of thumbtacks onto the ladder. A lot of them fall to the asphalt, but just as many are displaced onto the steel ladder, glimmering in the sunlight as if with anticipation.

Yoko’s taken too long setting up the ladder, however, and as she turns to Rose, she gets a kick in the gut. Rose sets up for the powerbomb (smacking a hand onto the tacks in Yoko’s back first with a snapping motion), hoists the Flower of Carnage into the air, and runs forward, preparing to Ligerbomb her on the ladder. Yoko, however, squirms out and drops down behind Rose, then picks her up on her shoulders, going for something like an Assault Driver on the ladder. Rose actually stands up on Yoko’s shoulders, however, and leaps to the apron, barely catching the top and second rope and maintaining her balance. Not to be escaped, Yoko jumps after Rose, plants her with a knee to the solar plexus, hooks a leg over her head, and signals for the Flying Guillotine onto the ladder.

As Yoko prepares to drop the other leg, however, Rose straightens up with a last burst of adrenaline, causing Yoko to backflip on the apron. By some bizarre twist of fate, she still lands on her feet---but is caught a second later as Rose pulls her in, hooks both arms, and taking a leap of faith, jumps backwards off the apron, hitting the Mark Of The Rose onto the ladder. The effect is cataclysmic; the ladder bends in half and drops to the ground in an explosion of tacks and “HOLY SHIT!” chants. Reaching over, Rose barely manages to drape an arm over both of Yoko’s shoulders for the one, two, three.

Phillip: Here is your winner, and advancing to the semifinals….Alexandra Kaesar!

It takes a minute or so before Rose is able to stand amidst the cheering. She’s doubled over from exhaustion, but reaches down anyway, and assists Yoko in getting to her feet. The two lean on each other, worn out, but they seem to be in decent spirits, and Rose tells Yoko something (most likely something to do with them being 1-1 now) as she pulls a tack from the top of her young protégé’s head. A shower of applause rewards their efforts as they slowly walk to the back.

[ridley]

ACW officials are wise, and just in case, had another Spider Net ready. Their foresight, as always, has paid off, and the second net has been set up outside the ring. In the ring’s center, however, is a plank the size of a door, with a series of wicked-looking nails lined up in rows on it.

Phillip: The first of the two semifinals matches is a Caribbean Spider Net and a Bed Of Nails Deathmatch, and it is scheduled for one fall!

Suddenly, “The Game” by Motorhead hits, and Macho Man RDK walks out, to surprised cheers. He’s wearing a referee’s shirt, and he slides into the ring, taking Phillip’s microphone for a second.

RDK: Hey Phillip, since I used to be pretty hardcore myself, the ACW fans chose me to be the special guest referee for Round 3. Ooooh Yeah!!!

A big pop at this announcement, and RDK hands the mic back to Phillip, who continues his announcement as “Real Muthafuckin’ Gs” hits.

Phillip: Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 223 pounds…V-3!

V-3 slides into the ring, gets up on the top rope, and salutes the crowd, then hops down and eyes the bed of nails somewhat suspiciously. Meanwhile, “Final Resistance” starts up….

Phillip: And his opponent, from London, England, at 132 pounds….Alicia “Atomic” Kitsune!

The toll of going through two matches already is beginning to show a little on AK as she makes her way to the ring, but she’s obviously got quite a bit of fight left in her. RDK insists that the two shake hands before beginning, which they’re more than happy to do.

Bell rings.

After a second of hesitation, V-3 allows AK to take the first move. He gets a tieup and a knee to the stomach for his chivalry, followed by a textbook headlock. Not bothering to take the hold, he sends AK into the ropes, takes a shoulderblock on the way back, rolls under his next charge, and hits her with an armdrag, turning it into a modified armwrench. V-3 pulls back, but AK handsprings to her feet using her free arm, rolls, and flips him off her. The two come back up and pause, catching their breath, before returning to the match.

More chain wrestling normally shouldn’t be the cause for a crowd pop. In this case, it is. Well, not really; the pop is for an approaching Yamata no Orochi, who’s making his way down the ramp with a very obvious intent in his eyes. V-3 just barely spots Orochi out of the corner of his eye as AK whips him into the corner and hits him with a cartwheel back elbow, but the huge man is casually standing at ringside, not interfering…..yet.

V-3’s got more important things to worry about, though; AK decks him with five very audible chops to the chest (each drawing a “WOOOOOOOOO” from the fans), and tosses him over the top. However, V-3 skins the cat, holding on to the top rope. He starts pulling himself up and over----but AK hits him with a running forearm, knocking him off the apron and face-first into the barbed wire. RDK admonishes AK briefly for doing that, but steps off after a second, as it’s perfectly legal.

Meanwhile, as V-3 puts both hands on the apron, AK goes for a plancha. He slides back in quickly, but AK’s anticipated this; she’s already holding on to the top rope, and as V-3 turns, he takes the Kitsune Kick right in the chest. Launched backwards, he narrowly manages to divert the path of his flight to avoid landing on the nails, and rolls to the side. AK drops the dime on him and makes a cover, hooking the right leg. RDK counts to two before V-3 kicks out WITH AUTHORITY (© Gorilla Monsoon, may he rest in peace).

AK goes back on the offensive, picking V-3 up and hooking him in place for a Northern Lights suplex. However, V-3 bends both knees in order to drop his weight, and blocks the first suplex attempt. The same goes for the second one, and then he utilizes his free hand for a shot to the ribs, which stalls AK long enough for him to hook both arms and perform a vertical suplex onto the bed of nails.

A brief physics lesson. For those of you who’ve read Mick Foley’s first book, you know that if you’re going to land on a bed of nails, you want to land flat on your back, with a lot of nails there. This is because of simple weight displacement rules. If there are more nails, then your weight is spread out evenly amongst them, assuming you land flat. Therefore, AK cries out audibly at hitting the nails and rolls off as quickly as possible, but she doesn’t take nearly as much damage as she could have.

V-3 stands, and just then Orochi jumps onto the apron. With RDK checking on AK, he takes this opportunity to pick up V-3, who’s close enough to the ropes to be caught. RDK doesn’t even manage to turn all the way around before Orochi throws V-3 right on him, sending him rolling out of the ring. As RDK begins getting up, AK starts pulling herself up on the turnbuckle, and V-3 rolls over in pain, Orochi steps into the ring, picks up V-3, and powerbombs him on the bed of nails.

Remember the physics lesson? The opposite end of the spectrum is illustrated here, as V-3 takes the entire impact of the powerbomb on his upper back and shoulders. He immediately leaps back up, seemingly unfazed for a second except for the torrents of blood now gushing down his back. For a second, V-3 stares straight ahead in disbelief (while Orochi slides out of the ring and RDK slides in), then he simply collapses to both knees. Having no idea what happened, AK quickly pulls him up and delivers an inverted Falling Star, then rolls V-3 over. RDK hasn’t seen Orochi, so he drops quickly and makes the count: one…two….three.

Phillip: The winner of this match, and proceeding to the finals…Alicia Kitsune!!!

AK stands, understandably shocked that her win came out of nowhere, and allows the referee to raise her hand, a huge grin on her face as the realization hits her: she could take this entire tournament; there’s just one match to go. She exits the ring area tired, and rather sore, but pleased with her performance and determined to do her best in the finals.

V-3, on the other hand, has to be assisted from the ring by the EMS and security. While he’s performed excellently at the tournament, he’s learned that sometimes, karma can come to pay you back….in powerbomb dollars.

[ridley]

As we return to the arena, a steel cage has been erected around the ring. Lighttubes are strapped to the sides of the cage, and plenty of them are strewn about in the ring. Four lighttube log cabins have also been placed in the ring, and a pane of glass is propped up in each corner.

Phillip: The second of the two semifinals matches is a Glass House Of Pain match! It is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first…from St. Petersburg, Russia, weighing in at 182 pounds….Alexandra “The White Rose” Kaesar!

As “Scars of Time” plays, the White Rose heads toward the ring, slapping the occasional hand. By the time she reaches the cage, she’s already thrown off her hood, and steps through the door, prepared for action. The thumbtacks that Rose received in her last match have been carefully removed, and she seems to be in good condition.

GONG……

GONG……

Phillip: And her opponent, from southeastern Birmingham, Alabama….weighing in at 246 pounds….Ridley!!!

Ridley, his gashes from the match with Bladeshadow no longer bleeding, walks down the ramp with his head down and his eyes rolled back, as always. He climbs the steps to enter the cage, but stops at the top, turns around, and raises the X, much to the crowd’s delight. With that, he drops his cape and enters the cage, with RDK shutting the door behind him. The two nod to the special referee (with whom they have a long, positive history) and share a brief peck on the lips before the match starts.

Bell rings.

Ridley and Rose are extremely familiar with each others’ styles, and so each is in a hurry to gain the advantage. They go to lock up immediately, and Ridley shoves Rose over backwards, sending her rolling to the other side of the ring. Rose glares, and Ridley simply shrugs as if to say “It could’ve been worse,” netting a chuckle from RDK.

Leaping to her feet, Rose immediately locks up with Ridley, and this time, as he tries it again, she goes low, catching him in the fireman’s carry. Evidently, it’s not Rose’s intent to mess around this time; she rises and nails him with a Death Valley Driver. Ridley is stunned by the suddenness and ferocity of Rose’s attack; it takes the full two seconds for him to kick out. RDK signals that the match continues, and as Rose pulls Ridley to his feet, she’s met with a forearm to the stomach and a headlock takedown. Rose begins to rise, and Ridley grabs a lighttube off the ground; she’s got her back to him, and he’s got a perfect shot.

However, Ridley sighs and drops the lighttube, his conscience finally getting the better of him. Rose, who’s turned around by now, smiles with a hint of amusement---and then launches three forearm shots into Ridley’s head and sends him headfirst into the side of the cage, shattering quite a few of the lighttubes. Ridley’s busted wide open from the top of his head, but as he stands very slowly, he breathes deep and contains any rage that he might be feeling, then turns. Rose grabs him and Irish Whips him towards a pane of glass in the corner. Ridley jumps up as she runs after him, plants the glass with a foot on each side, and backflips off, over Rose’s head, and behind her. Rose doesn’t turn in nearly enough time to avoid a German suplex; however her wit doesn’t completely fail her, and she turns a complete flip before landing on her feet.

In contrast, Ridley is still on the ground; Rose drops a leg over his throat, then places four lighttubes over his torso. She quickly grabs a pane of glass out of the corner, drops it on top of the lighttubes (breaking one), climbs to the top rope, and quickly launches off into a moonsault. Unfortunately for her, Ridley isn’t there anymore; he’s already rolled away. Things could be worse for Rose, though, as Ridley’s taken the tubes and the pane with him. He leaves them on the ground and quickly rolls Rose into the La Magistrol cradle. RDK gets to two before Rose jerks out of it and spins away.

[ridley]

Facing each other again, they charge simultaneously. Ridley goes for a Yakuza kick while Rose tries a spear. Ridley misses entirely, but Rose manages to take out a knee, bringing them both down and accidently nailing Ridley square in the nose with a headbutt. Ridley’s nose bleeds rather heavily as he rolls away, and Rose dashes around the ring, grabbing the lighttube log cabins. She sets them up in a square shape, then places two panes of glass over them, then places the OTHER two panes of glass on top of those. With the appropriate preparations made, Rose returns and goes to suplex Ridley on the massive glass contraption. Ridley, however, absolutely refuses to let it happen, and he practically claws his way out of the suplex before decking Rose with a Yakuza kick that knocks her over onto the pile of glass. Shrugging, Ridley decides that he may as well get in some offense with the weapons; she’ll forgive him later.

In several seconds, he’s spider-climbing his way up to the top of the cage (knocking off the occasional lighttube on the way and causing it to fall next to Rose), obviously preparing for something big. Rose, however, was only stunned by the Yakuza kick, and she’s climbing after Ridley just as fast. By the time he reaches the top of the cage and turns around she’s right behind him, and nearly knocks him off the cage to the asphalt with a forearm to the same knee that she speared earlier. Ridley loses his concentration and barely manages to maintain his balance, wobbling on top of the cage, while Rose climbs up next to him. However, he’s in no position to defend from the vicious roundhouse kick he takes in the same knee, lowering him somewhat----and setting him up perfectly for the Mark of the Rose.

Seeing her opportunity, Rose hooks both arms, and drags a thumb over her throat, before doing basically the same thing that eliminated Yoko Satoshi.

Except on a MUCH grander scale.

A full twenty-five feet downward, and the crowd screams itself hoarse (and RDK jumps from the impact) as Ridley and Rose crash through a mess of lighttubes, all four glass panes, and then all four lighttube log cabins. While the impact is bad enough for Rose, who’s gashed the back of her bicep deeply, Ridley has taken the full impact of the move on his head, and jerks spasmodically in a headstand before crashing to the ground, limp. Rose rolls him over, and RDK, cringing, counts one….two….three---but Ridley’s got an ankle over the bottom rope. He’s still in the match, and the fans are astonished.

Rose is fairly shocked as well, but she stands and seems determined (despite her heavily-bleeding arm) to finish up the bout. She reaches through the ropes and produces another glass pane that was lying between the ropes and the cage wall. After looking around for a second, she places it in another corner and goes to get Ridley. He’s a crimson mess; blood has absolutely covered his face, and his shoulders and head have several hideous gashes in them. As Rose picks him up, Ridley appears to not be entirely sure as to where he is, but when she half-drags him over to the corner and prepares for another Mark of the Rose through the glass, something inside him goes off and he’s suddenly alerted.

One arm is hooked, and that’s as far as Rose gets before Ridley throws the other one around her waist and hoists her bodily off the ground, as if for an Alabama Slam, but hooks the head with the other arm. The fans cheer wildly as the semi-conscious Ridley dashes to the corner, leaps onto the second rope, bounces off at a diagonal angle, and performs a picture-perfect Schwein through the pane, then rolls Rose up and RDK makes the count….1……2…….3!

Rose kicks out (sheerly out of instinct) a second too late, and lands on Ridley rather hard. Both of them, dazed and bloodsoaked, stare into each other’s eyes as Phillip makes the announcement.

Phillip: Your winner….and advancing to the finals….Ridley!!!

Rose sits up, astride the Lord of Hardcore, and stares down at him, shaking her head. The cameras are barely close enough to pick up her words:

Rose: You crazy bastard, how are you supposed to survive the finals?

Ridley: Baby, who said anything about surviving? I’m just gonna win.

Rose can’t help but grin as she helps Ridley to his feet, and kisses him on the cheek before extending a hand.

Rose: Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up.

Ridley pauses for a second before shaking his head.

Ridley: Nah….I’ll wait out here. Just get me some water and a towel and I’ll be fine; I should stay focused anyway.

While she can’t help but admire that kind of resolve, Rose is still a bit concerned as she leaves and Ridley slumps down in a corner, Raven/Punk-style. RDK is equally concerned, and goes to check on Ridley, but is waved away. He leaves the cage, his duty done, and heads to the back, leaving Ridley to stare into the sky and murmur something to himself

Ridley: I guess it’s on now…………..

[ridley]

Returning from the break, the cameras reveal that Ridley’s wiped most of the blood off him with the towel that Rose gave him, and has poured most of the Aquafina over his head. He looks obviously worn out, but stays upright (though sitting), leans his head back, closes his eyes, and waits. It’s Monday night by now, and the light crew has been hard at work making every inch of the arena lit up.

After several seconds, the beating of helicopter rotors becomes audible. Ridley tilts his head and listens as a pair of military-issue whirlybirds come flying into view, each carrying a half of the tremendous four-tiered steel cage known as the Lil’ Shop Of Horrors…..Version 2.0.

It slowly lowers into place over Ridley, to the cheers of the fans, so that the ring is in the central chamber. It’s the only one that’s currently lit, with a reddish glow, so how many other chambers in the LSOH there may be is open to guessing. It’s obvious from the size of them, however, that only the main one (that Ridley’s in now) actually has a wrestling ring in it. Ridley slowly stands; it’s obvious that this is the kind of environment in which he feels the most comfortable. Slowly, the main door opens, and Phillip steps in, followed by a nervous referee. In the center of the ring, he makes his penultimate announcement of the night.

Phillip: All right, folks, this is the finals, and it’s gonna be a Lil’ Shop of Horrors Match! The only way to win is by pinfall, submission, or escaping the top of the cage! ARE YOU READY?

A tremendous roar of sound nearly knocks them over as Ridley grabs the ropes in his corner, a hellish gleam coming into his eyes.

Ridley: It’s moments like this….that remind me of what I live for…..

Phillip: Then get the fuck up and LLLLET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

The wave of noise almost shakes the LSOH as “Final Resistance” thunders forth one last time….

Phillip: The challenger for the 2004 King of the Deathmatch title….from London, England…weighing in at 132 pounds….she is the challenging finalist for 2004…Alicia….”Atomic”….KITSUNE!!!

The curtains blow apart as AK half-runs out of the entryway and down the ramp, taking off her trenchcoat and headband on the way. However, a careful observer would notice that she’s wearing something new: a pair of white gloves that stretch all the way up to the elbows. AK jumps up onto the walkway to the cage, steps through the doors, tosses the headband over her shoulder and into the crowd, and assumes a fighting stance in the corner opposite Ridley as Phillip leaves the cage, and security officials weld the door shut. AK watches them with just a hint of trepidation, but Ridley jumps up on the top rope and screams at the fans:

Ridley: WHO’S THE MAN?!?!?

Another deafening wave of screams and the welding is completed. As the bell rings, pyro shoots off from the four corners of each tier, and it’s ON. Trap doors drop a series of difficult-to-make-out weapons from the ceiling, but neither contestant bothers with them at first, as they circle, quickly closing the distance between themselves. Ridley and AK soon find themselves within three feet of each other, one staring with exhausted, yet ice-cold eyes, the other showing just a hint of trepidation, but her fighting spirit refusing to let her back down.

[ridley]

It’s only then that the two notice the building chants, both of “LET’S GO KITSUNE *clap clap clapclapclap*” and “RIDLEY! RIDLEY! RIDLEY!” Briefly, they look to the side to acknowledge the fans, and then the animosity between the two finally comes to a head as AK throws the first punch. It’s a roundhouse that nails Ridley right in the jaw; he recoils slightly, but barely misses a beat as he throws a vicious punch right back, hitting AK right in the same spot. Another punch from AK is followed by another punch from Ridley, and after a second, the two are pounding at each other unmercifully with a series of thunderous exchanged punches, before Ridley gets the upper hand with a chop and sends AK for the Irish Whip.

AK ducks under Ridley’s spinning back kick on the way back, jumps onto the second rope, and hits a springboard quebrada, taking Ridley down. He’s not staying down, and is quickly on his feet; however, AK’s taken this extra time to snatch something up. It’s a cricket bat wrapped in barbed wire, which can do some serious damage, as anybody who’s seen “Shaun Of The Dead” can testify. AK raises the bat and brings it down at Ridley hard, but he rolls to the left, dodging the shot. Again she tries to bludgeon him, and this time he rolls right, then kicks her knee out from under her, bringing AK down to one knee. He quickly continues the roll and grabs something as he leaps up. As Ridley brings the weapon to bear, it’s revealed to be a lighttube bazooka, this one wrapped in razor wire rather than the traditional barbed wire. They stay back for a second, each looking for an opening, then simultaneously dash and swing. AK’s overhand shot takes Ridley cleanly in the shoulder with the cricket bat, while Ridley manages to off-balance AK with a shot from the bazooka.

AK trips and falls backwards from the impact, and Ridley tosses the bazooka onto her; as she catches it out of reflex, he hits a 180 senton onto the lighttubes. They shatter with a loud crash, and AK and Ridley cry out and wince (respectively) from both the broken glass and the razor wire. Barely slowing down, Ridley stands and drags AK up, a gleaming hate in his eyes, then slams her face first into the nearest wall of the cage. AK is dazed (and opened up at the forehead), but keeps her wits about her and ducks Ridley’s swing of a wrench. He takes a kick to the midsection as his momentum carries him forward, followed by a Spin The Bottle into the cage, reopening the cuts on the top of his head. Ridley’s slowly recovering, but AK is determined to keep on him and plants two kicks in his ribcage before grabbing a pair of scissors and grinding them into Ridley’s forehead, causing an impressive outflow of crimson.

AK turns and struggles to lift a rather massive sledgehammer, and in the process fails to see that Ridley has risen to his feet. He places a hand to his forehead, grits his fangs, and suddenly, a demonic rage darkens his features. It seems that his eyes are glowing red to those in the front row. By the time AK’s finally stood up with the sledgehammer in hand, the crowd’s roar is at an all-show high, and she turns around with some dread, only to be met with an oncoming lariat that nearly flips her over backwards. Not even letting AK catch her breath, Ridley grabs her by the back of the head, twirls around in about five full rotations, and hits her with the Torpedoes Away into the side of the cage.

[ridley]

His move has distinctly more force than hers, and as such, the wall actually breaks, sending AK crashing through the weakened steel and into the next chamber. Ridley quickly slides through the hole she’s made. The lights come on in the chamber as both combatants enter it, and we can now see that it’s got a glass motif. Lightbulbs are mounted all over the walls, and the floor is absolutely strewn with broken glass, while assorted other things are scattered over the asphalt. Ridley, who is now officially on his adrenaline rush for the night, is paying attention to the massive fishbowl-sized bulbs, and smashes AK’s face into each and every one of the lightbulbs on the wall, singing all the way….

Ridley: LON(smash)don BRIDGE(smash) is FALL(smash)ing DOWN(smash), FALL(smash)ing DOWN(smash), FALL(smash)ing DOWN(smash)…….

AK’s barely able to stand by the time he’s done, and he finishes by hurling her halfway across the chamber onto a bed of lighttubes and glass bottles. Ridley leaps up onto the side of the cage and flies off into an elbow drop, but AK shakes the cobwebs out of her head and rolls over, causing Ridley to crash onto the glass and immediately grimace in intense pain as he clutches his elbow. The two struggle to their feet, and blood can plainly be seen pumping from Ridley’s arm at heartbeat intervals. He shrugs it off and aims a Yakuza kick at AK, but she catches the leg, hooks him in, and uses a fisherman’s buster to drop Ridley on a large porcelain lamp. Staying on offense, AK drops a knee on Ridley’s back and locks in a high-angled Catch-22. Ridley immediately craws forward, ignoring the ref’s inquiry as to whether he wants to give in, and grabs a lighttube. He twists to the side as much as he possibly can, then bashes AK over the top of the head with the tube, breaking both it and her concentration. The momentary distraction is enough to let Ridley squirm free, catch her while she’s doubled over, and deliver an inverted suplex onto a mass of stacked lighttubes.

Both the participants are now gushing blood from various spots as Ridley continues his assault, breaking a glass pane over AK’s back. As he starts to drag her to her feet, she elbows him twice in the solar plexus, then slams him into the cage wall. Ridley’s stunned again, and AK takes the opportunity to lean against the cage and pull a large, jagged piece of glass out from where it’s partially embedded in her still-clothed stomach. She screams as she does so, causing several less-than-robust crowd members in the first few rows to faint, but sucks it up (LIKE A MAN) and tosses the four-inch shard aside.

Ridley’s also up by now, though not exactly bouncing with energy, and he sees an opportunity in the resting AK. He grabs a glass sculpture of the giant pair of lips from the Rocky Horror Picture Show’s opening and charges. AK looks up just in time, and, working on total instinct, ducks and pulls back on the door, sending Ridley over her head and into the chamber they started out in. Ridley’s not put down that easily, however; he plants both palms on the ground and glares up at her. With no real recourse for the time being, AK slides into the ring, dashes across, vaults the ropes, and leaps up onto the wall, quickly climbing towards Chamber Three.

Ridley is galvanized by the sight of his apparently retreating opponent, and he follows suit, hastily trying to cut AK off from the four-by-four hole (at the juncture of the ceiling and the wall) that leads to the second tier. He’s almost gotten ahold of her to pull her down when she turns and kicks at him, almost knocking him off the wall, then jumps away and grabs onto the chainlink ceiling. Ridley recovers and dives at her, nearly spearing her off the ceiling, but AK pulls back just in time, and Ridley only manages to grab an ankle. However, he swings with his momentum, turns a back somersault in midair, and catches the ceiling as well, then shoves backwards in an attempt to mule kick her off the ceiling. AK’s hit head on and loses her grip, falling backwards, but in an amazing display of agility, rebounds off the wall with her legs and flies back to clothesline Ridley off his hanging position. Both of them fall off the ceiling, and crash into the ring with a resounding thud. AK drags herself over and pins Ridley; the ref drops and counts to two before Ridley sits bolt upright and bodily hurls AK off him.

[ridley]

Seeing her situation go from decent to hellishly awful, AK jerks up and bolts toward the wall again, getting a decent head start on Ridley, who once again is in hot pursuit. This time, she makes it up and into Chamber Three, whereupon the lights come on to reveal that this section of the cage has a series of what look like pool jets on the wall, along with several slots on the floor. AK doesn’t have any time to investigate the mysterious slots, as Ridley’s finally reached the second floor. He charges her, and the two smash into a wall, right between two of the jets. Ridley rears back like a striking snake, and throws a full-force hammerfist that would probably crush a watermelon, but AK ducks and Ridley smashes straight into the wall. She turns, and hits him across the chest with a chop, but suddenly a roar from the wall stops her in her tracks. All the jets in the room blast forth massive geysers of flame, which narrowly miss both AK and Ridley by the sheer chance of them being between two. As it is, however, the heat’s more than enough to make them both very uncomfortable.

After what seems like an eternity (but was actually about five seconds), the flames die down, and Ridley charges forth, looking like he’s slapping at AK---but the fans gasp as they can see more clearly. In the confusion caused by the flame spouts, he’s slipped on a pair of claw-gloves, exactly identical to the ones he used to end Pdogg’s career and assault WCW and Asmodeus. AK matrixes over backwards, nearly getting her face ripped off by the claws (which make a distinct “swoosh” sound as they cut through the air), pops back up, hits Ridley in the chest with an elbow shot, and has just enough time to flex the fingers on both hands, triggering a clicking sound----

SHHHHINK---a trio of long blades pop out of each of AK’s gloves, right from where the fingers meet the hand. She apparently had these gloves ready for just such an occasion, having suspected Ridley of using something like this. Ridley pauses for a second, a bit surprised, but shrugs as if to say “All the more intriguing” and slashes at AK again. Sparks fly up as the blades on both gloves collide, and a loud TCHING sound screeches forth as they drag down the sides of each other. AK parries Ridley’s left slash aside and thrusts in with her blades, only to have Ridley force that stab upwards with his right hand. The familiar roar starts up, and AK narrowly dodges to the side just in time to avoid a blasting fire geyser while Ridley ducks low and rolls under it, coming up with a roundhouse slash.

AK ducks the slash and goes for a “clapping” double-shot, but Ridley expertly blends with one of the arms and continues its path amidst a shower of sparks, beating aside the other. The two struggle against each other’s weaponry for a second until another roaring sound gives them pause. But it’s not a flame jet this time; a massive radial sawblade erupts out of the ground between them, and both Ridley and AK have to dive aside to avoid being relieved of certain limbs. Coming back up, they continue the slashfest like a pair of whirling dervishes, which bathes them both in sparks. AK catches one of Ridley’s uppercut-like stabs, blends to the right of it, ducks a sawblade that pops horizontally out of the wall, and hits Ridley in the chest with a front kick that knocks him over backwards. Ridley catches himself with both hands and does a back handspring at the wall, then kicks off it and goes for a double-clawed fist dive at AK, claws outstretched. AK twists into a one-handed sideways cartwheel out of the way and baseball slides under a gout of flame.

Ridley kips up, narrowly skimming over another horizontal flame geyser, and both he and AK stand, about seven feet apart, the flames dying down slightly, and the much-appreciative screams of the crowd ringing in both their ears (along with chants of “MORTAL KOMBAT” *clap clap clapclapclap*). Ridley chuckles as he realizes that neither of them has been able to even inflict a scratch on the other over the course of the entire glove fiasco, and he tosses both the claw-gloves aside. After a second of deliberation, AK does the same, and they both charge each other again.

[ridley]

By some act of God, none of the flames or sawblades go off as the two brawl for a second, but they don’t have much time to as Ridley bodily hurls AK against the wall, and she dents the chainlink with her landing. An immediate Ridley charge proves unsuccessful, as AK back body drops him into the same spot, which promptly breaks, sending him tumbling out onto the outside of the cage. They are currently on top of the second tier, which means either one could climb down and escape, but Ridley’s more focused on kicking the crap out of his foe right now. He springs to his feet as AK approaches him from behind, drops her with another Yakuza kick, and applies about seven stomps before picking her up and gorilla pressing her into the wall of the third tier. After a second or two of ramming AK into it, it suddenly occurs to Ridley that hey, this chainlink is reinforced and throwing her against the wall will not break it. He casually opens the door and throws her inside.

Inside this particular chamber, a series of capsules are attached to the tops of all four corners. Several more are mounted on the ceiling, which makes for a very unsettling feeling of unfamiliarity. Ridley takes a second to glance around before shrugging and picking up AK, setting up for the Ejaculator. He gets the flapjack part done, but the DDT doesn’t quite come off right, as AK catches him on the way down for a monkey flip right into one of the capsules on the wall----

----and immediately off, as the capsule explodes in a ball of fire and sends him ricocheting back to the ground, his back scorched nearly black. AK stops for a second, staring in horror at what she’s done, until Ridley pulls himself up, his breath now coming in quick rasps, and starts crawling toward her. He’s obviously hellbent on revenge….but both Ridley and AK quickly realize they’ve got more things to worry about, as gasoline is now pouring down from the top chamber, trigged by the explosion. The truly horrifying thing is not that they can’t possibly risk going anywhere near the explosives now (not that they could already)….it’s that the gas, having trickled all over the cage, has to have gotten into the lower sections by now.

The same thought simultaneously comes over AK and Ridley, and their eyes widen as the roar of the flamejets starts up (as it has been periodically doing). Both of them, any thoughts of killing each other having momentarily fled, dive out of the chamber and onto the top of the second tier just as a massive explosion of light flares up over the entire LSOH, leaving the top three tiers mostly engulfed in flames. The “HOLY SHIT!” chants return with a vengeance as Ridley smacks the side of his thigh, putting out a flame that had managed to blossom on him. AK has mostly escaped fire-related injuries, but she’s not out of the proverbial/literal fire yet; it’s quickly climbing the sides of the LSOH and threatens to engulf the tier they’re standing on. She quickly begins the climb up the fourth and final tier, obviously a single chamber. It’s significantly smaller than the others, but since in last year’s LSOH, the top was FAR worse than the lower ones, most of the experienced fans point out to each other that sometimes, highly dangerous things come in small packages.

AK’s busy climbing to the top, but Ridley has something else in mind. He briefly steps into the raging inferno, and comes out with both boots soaked in gasoline and ablaze. The fans go berserk for this one, knowing exactly what’s coming, and Ridley bounces off the side of the cage, shaking AK’s grip and causing her to drop several feet, but she still manages to hang on. Ridley can adapt, however, and he leaps up next to her and shoulderblocks AK off the side of the cage. As she drops back to a crouched position on the side of the cage, wobbles, and starts standing up, Ridley leaps off, arms folded and feet together in the flaming M. Bison. Unlike most of the time, when he lands full on the head and bounces off, Ridley only hits the back of AK’s head and bounces off backwards. However, the impact is more than enough to send her crashing back to the chainlink as Ridley extinguishes his boots.

There’s no referee anymore; God only knows where he’s gotten off to, so it looks like victory will have to be achieved by escape now. Seeing as how they’re on the roof, that SHOULD be easy, but AK and Ridley are surrounded by rising flames and thirty feet up. As such, Ridley decides it’s probably wise to head for higher ground. He quickly jumps onto the top tier (where AK was climbing), climbs to the top, and slides through one of the slots in the ceiling to make it into the final chamber.

[ridley]

This one is almost exactly like the Room Of Hell from LSOH1. A glistening row of meathooks adorns each of the walls, and all sorts of insane weaponry has been strewn about the floor. Ridley looks around briefly---but then hits the floor hard, as AK drops on him from above. The two briefly roll around for a second, punching, gouging, biting, until Ridley grabs a screwdriver off the floor next to him and jams it into AK’s ribs, causing her to cry out in pain and jerk away. He crawls back towards her, intent on doing more damage, but AK’s grabbed a weapon of her own, and Ridley’s approach is stopped by a sudden shot directly to the face of the head with a metal cleaver. Blood splatters onto the side of the cage, and AK slowly manages to stand while Ridley, his face completely masked in his own blood, continues to do that strange, raspy breathing that he does when he’s severely hurt.

As he takes his hand away, we can see that the eye’s still intact. However, a deep gash stretches down over the forehead and cheek on each side of the eye. He’ll most likely bear that scar until the end of his days.

AK goes to pick Ridley up, but he grabs both shoulders and throws her towards the meathooks on the wall closest to them. She grabs a pair of the hooks and does a handstand as he charges after her, shooting back over him, and he turns around to another shot from the cleaver. This one’s blocked, however; Ridley wrenches the cleaver away and throws it aside, then hits a spinebuster on a nearby bed of barbed wire that’s been obviously covered in curry powder. AK writhes as Ridley stands; glancing around for a second, he gets a demonic gleam in his eyes….

Ridley: Excalibur may be gone….

He produces a HUGE weedwhacker from one of the side walls, its foot-wide radial saw glistening, and begins revving it up.

Ridley:…but say hello to Masamune.

As Ridley swings Masamune inwards, AK takes a nasty gash across one of her arms, then a scrape to the thigh, but grabs the weedwhacker by the shaft and tries to wrestle it away from Ridley. The two jerk on it simultaneously, getting dangerously close to the meathooks, until AK gets in a kick to the midsection, wrenches Masamune away, and lets loose on Ridley’s back with the blade. Blood shoots up like Old Faithful, and Ridley bellows in agony; he drags himself forward with both hands like a man possessed, grabs the middle of the Masamune, and rams the “hilt” end back into AK’s stomach. She drops it, the deadman’s switch turning off the motor, and he smashes a lighttube star (which was next to them) over her back. By this time, AK’s previously white ringwear has turned almost completely crimson, both from her blood and from that of her opponent. Ridley’s about to follow up, but AK grabs a VCR off the floor next to her and hurls it at him. Rather than hitting flat, the VCR’s corner nails Ridley right in the temple. He wobbles, and drops to both knees, his eyes briefly becoming unfocused; for a second the fans are sure that it’s over. Another second, and they’re proved wrong when his head snaps back up.

The gore-soaked Ridley’s become like a man possessed; as he and AK are kneeling in front of each other, he rears back and nails her squarely in the side of the head with a roundhouse that nearly knocks her over. It doesn’t however; AK covers up and unleashes a punch of her own. And so they’ve come full circle as the two continue to whale on each other over and over, exactly as they’d been doing at the beginning. This time, it’s AK who comes out the better for it, as she manages to almost drop Ridley with an elbow strike to the face. As he reels, she pulls herself back up and leans back against the cage wall for support.

[ridley]

Staggering to his feet as well, Ridley tries for a standing clothesline, but AK blocks it (he’s sufficiently weakened to the point that a block stops it entirely) and turns, Irish whipping him into the meathooks. Ridley stops short as one of the hooks jams into his back, stopping his trip into the wall. He snarls, places a hand on either side of him, and bodily tears himself off the hook, THEN hits the clothesline he was going for and slams a nearby cinderblock down on AK’s back (right on the spine), breaking the block and dropping her to a lying position.

Ridley does the throat-slitting taunt, and the audience, while cheering, is understandably a bit shocked by the sheer brutality of what they’ve been seeing. He hoists her in the air as if for a brainbuster, and a huge scream from the crowd of combined shock, horror, and delight nearly deafens everybody in the arena as Ridley, his body pushed to its maximum possible limit, holds AK up in position for the Ejaculator. He does the requisite jump at the beginning, and the two crash through what seems like the fabric of space itself.

But actually, it’s just the floor of the cage, which AK goes through headfirst. She lands back in the third tier (alongside a sickle and an electric drill that fell with her), surrounded by flames, completely unconscious. Ridley looks down through the floor at her, and suddenly it occurs to him that he’s got to escape the LSOH in order to win. His vision immediately snaps up to the ceiling, where he can slide through the one opening and skim down the side of the still-flaming cage. Immediately, Ridley is up and onto the wall, still running on adrenaline despite his massive blood loss, and he climbs to exit the cage----

Suddenly, he stops, as if focusing on something off in the distance. The Lord of Hardcore cocks his head to the side, and listens carefully; off in the background, he can slowly hear the building chants:

Crowd: ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!

There’s no way in hell AK can prevent him from getting out of this cage. He’s got the victory as good as won; all he has to do is climb out and touch the floor…<br>
….but with a look of “give the people what they want,” Ridley shrugs, drops down off the wall, and steps through the hole that AK left in the floor, drawing a huge pop. He lands in the third tier as well, and with a sigh, motions for another Ejaculator, then picks AK up. Ridley gets to about the point of starting the flapjack when he realizes something’s wrong. His realization becomes concrete a second later when AK twists to the side and elbows him once, then twice in the stomach. Ridley stays doubled over her, stunned, and then AK goes for her last resort. She reaches next to her, grabs the massive drill that fell next to her, pulls the trigger, and rams it straight into Ridley’s abdomen as he claws for her.

Ridley’s eyes almost pop out of his head as he bellows again, this time falling to both knees. AK lets the drill go; it falls to the ground and the newly opened wound in Ridley’s stomach spurts blood. However, it doesn’t give out nearly as much as his mouth, which spews forth a crimson torrent as Ridley clutches the drill wound and coughs up a ton of his own blood. AK sees her chance and scrambles away to the side of the chamber, amidst the flames, and Ridley’s way too out of it to prevent her from reaching her goal: the door. She throws it open, and with no time to climb down before being overtaken by the flames, AK leaps off the side into eternity.

What happens next is not remembered well by either participant. Ridley barely recalls anything after the first weedwhacker shot, and AK lost consciousness in midair for a few seconds. However, those who watch the tape of the show agree that she was excruciatingly lucky to have landed in the arms of the security guards who were waiting for just this purpose, and they set her down and help her to stand.

Phillip: The winner of the finals….and your 2004 King Of The Deathmatch winner….Alicia “Atomic” Kitsune!!!!!!!!

[ridley]

AK’s only semi-conscious as Chairman Gingerdude and the special guest presenter, deathmatch legend Abdullah the Butcher, present her with a massive trophy, “In The Shadows” playing over the sound system. The crowd is berserk with affection for the new KOTDM, who is hoisted onto the shoulders of the two presenters and paraded around the arena as security puts out the fire on the cage with a pair of massive hoses.

AK nearly slips off their shoulders once, as she’s covered in blood, but they put her down and she holds the trophy up high, basking in the “Kitsune” and “A C Dub” chants. She’s got a huge grin on her face; never in a thousand years would she have thought it was possible to win this big. The entire 40,000-man crowd is screaming for AK as she raises an arm, a picture of achievement.

On the opposite end of the spectrum Ridley, still inside the third tier, rolls over and stares down at her, his blood dripping in almost a small waterfall from the chainlink floor below him into the second tier. He hears the EMTs coming for him, and feels around with an arm until he finds a spot on which to pull himself up. Slowly, Ridley stands one-handed (the other hand on the quarter-sized hole in his stomach) and continues looking out the side, disappointment in himself evident in his eyes. He could have taken it for the second year in a row, if he hadn’t listened to the fans and gone for a second Ejaculator……

EMT: Sir, we need to evacuate you to a local medical facility immediately.

Ridley sighs, murmuring “next time, Alicia” under his breath, and turns from the wall, letting the EMTs lead him off without an argument. One of them examines the weedwhacker injury to his back.

EMT: That’s an incredibly bad cut, sir, it’ll probably require extensive stitching. Does your company cover work-related----

Ridley cuts him off with a glare. While now very weak and rheumy-eyed, he still has a gaze that makes you stop and listen.

Ridley: Stitches are for bitches, kid. Just get me some blood.

He opens the door to the ambulance himself and steps in the back, then closes it behind him. The EMT shrugs and gets into the driver’s seat, and the ambulance speeds off towards the local hospital as the cameras pull back and fade out.

The Atomic Kitsune has won the title of being the King of the Deathmatch…but in the future, will she have what it takes to prove that she still deserves the title? Will she still be willing to shed the blood, spill the sweat, and stifle the tears in order to maintain her status as one of the best that ACW has to offer?

Time will tell…<br>
End of show.