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Post by xs3 on Jul 13, 2007 23:21:14 GMT -5
...anyone care at all to give me feedback on my recent work? I've been trying harder to ascend the ranks and I want to know if I need more improving.
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Post by Thunderkiss on Jul 13, 2007 23:26:58 GMT -5
Dont let Durden bonk your Wife and then take her back. Everytime you go down on that, you'll get a little bit of "Nick Charisma" in every bite.
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Post by chengling on Jul 13, 2007 23:59:53 GMT -5
It's only fair to say that Ecks didn't really "let" Nick do it. Nick and Christine just did it.
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Post by xs3 on Jul 14, 2007 0:33:07 GMT -5
Indeed. Now, any criticism for my writing?
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Post by rosslambert on Jul 14, 2007 3:07:24 GMT -5
Indeed. Now, any criticism for my writing? Yes, if you take whatsername (XS3's wife, can't be arsed remembering name) back, don't let her near Nick again. -_- Wait, wait, wait, that means... I just realized that not only has Whatsername cheated on X, but Nick cheated on Renix.
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Post by starkweather on Jul 14, 2007 3:18:07 GMT -5
I recall the Stark/Umeko affair to have ended well.
For them, anyway. Chance left in disgrace.
Hint hint.
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Post by Fallen Souls on Jul 14, 2007 13:47:44 GMT -5
>.>...well...I suppose this is still kinda criticising little X' bad choices
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Post by xs3 on Jul 14, 2007 16:22:01 GMT -5
...I just wanted to know how my writing is!
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Post by hunter on Jul 14, 2007 17:13:36 GMT -5
Your wife's a whore! Who can think about writing at a time like this?!
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Post by Dalton on Jul 14, 2007 17:20:56 GMT -5
And considering he wrote her that way...
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Post by xs3 on Jul 14, 2007 18:03:04 GMT -5
...I'm being fucking dead serious here. I've been working my ass off for these past couple of weeks to get out of the midcard. BK told me to step up my writing and that's what I've been attempting to do. I don't want to hear anymore about this whole Christine thing, I just want some goddamn feedback.
Is that so wrong? >.<
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VorteX
Experienced Member
Stay a while...and listen.
Posts: 723
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Post by VorteX on Jul 14, 2007 18:44:41 GMT -5
Well I've heard it takes a while to get out of midcard. As for the segments, it looks like you're going to have to take the upper hand on Durden if you ever want to accomplish anything. I actually think that's what these guys are trying to say in their own roundabout way.
I can think of a ton of great segments that involve revenge on a man who just basically took the last good thing you had going for you. As Stark said, if you don't do something soon, you could end up like Chance.
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Post by xs3 on Jul 14, 2007 18:54:46 GMT -5
If this helps, this is a segment I did back in January 2006 for KWA. Think of this as a comparison to my current segments now.
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The challenge has been set! A proposal was answered! Our World Champion meets with a future champ at Zero:Hour. The World Heavyweight Champion Venom puts his title on the line against a man who he respects, "The Lone Warrior" XS3. Fans have eagerly anticipated the match since the day of it's announcing. No disqualifications. No countouts. No submissions. No pinfalls. No mercy. To win, the opponent must be forced to utter two words they would never say in their life... "I quit". After the big announcement, we finally get to hear our contender speak.
The scene fades slowly to the outside. A dark, snowy night outside of the arena. Fans have packed the arena for another house show. The main event has shown Venom defeat a local wrestler to retain his title via the Constrictor. After the match, fans begin to stand up and head for the exit after an excellent show but something stops them. A man shows up on the screen with blue jeans and a t-shirt which has a catchphrase that fans know all too well... "Stare Death In The Eye". The fans stayed glued to the screen and head back to their seats as they see none other than XS3. From the looks of things, he appears to be heading to the ring. That is confirmed as "Stricken" by Disturbed hits and the fans leap to their feet as XS3 walks out on stage. He pumps up the crowd even more as he heads down the ramp, slapping hands with fans along the way. He jumps onto the apron and jumps over the top rope into the ring. He mounts on the second rope and raises his left arm in the air then sets down on the ring. XS3 asks for a microphone and gets one as the music fades away and "XS3" chants are heard.
XS3: "Whoo! What a week it's already been for KWA. More matches have been piled on for Zero:Hour, a hopeful contender has become a pretender and I see we're gonna have a big announcement from your favorite former GM and mine... B FUCKING DUB!"
The fans let out many a cheer for the former general manager of the Kritical Wrestling Alliance. XS3's smile is still set on his face as he speaks again.
XS3: "February 7, 2006. That's gonna be my first anniversary of joining KWA and I figured why not celebrate in style? It would certainly be a great day for me especially if I could finally fulfill my destiny and become the KWA Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion. But, if I need to do that, I need to edge past my good... no... my BEST friend, Venom."
Now the crowd is split 50/50 towards both men. With "Venom" chants on one side and "XS3" chants on the other, it is really hard to pick a winner in a sport where popularity contests equal shit.
XS3: "Venom, I've been in hiding for too long now. I've let my actions speak for me in the ring but I can no longer keep to myself. I have respected the hell out of you ever since I joined the Kritical Clan. But now that we have become opponents for this match, it does not come down to who is better, it is rather a game of who is the weaker. I know this sounds cocky and lame... but I have always been at the top of my game, I have always improved and I have always learned whenever I have stepped into the squared circle. I have gained knowledge from the best in this ring and I have lost much of myself but do I care? Nah. I'd rather lose more blood and throw my body through a wooden table than say 'I quit'. You will find out my friend why fate has chosen me to be your opponent as we go through hell and back until we finally cannot go on with our journey through KWA. And Venom, my respect may be at its highest for you but at Zero:Hour, there will be no more playing around. Playing is for children."
XS3 lowers the mic and looks on at the still cheering fans who have been anticipating Zero:Hour for a long time. Before the contender can leave the ring, he has one more thing to add.
XS3: "And whoever this 'David Shane' person is, seeing as how your attempts to call me or Venom out for Mind Games have failed, know this: I will not hunt you down because hunting implies the probability of failure... Rather, I will kill you. That is the prophecy of the Destined One!"
XS3 drops the mic on the mat and "Stricken" hits once more. The fans are already going crazy after what XS3 has stated and now they see the Lone Warrior leave the ring and enter the crowd behind the guard rail. He slaps hands with so many fans and poses with them as the scene fades out. We now know that at Zero:Hour, the I Quit match between Venom and XS3 will not only be fueled with passion, respect and desire but it will be one of the most talked about in months to come. Can XS3 fulfill his destiny? Will Venom silence his doubters once more? Wait until Zero:Hour...
END SEGMENT
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Post by gcw on Jul 14, 2007 19:08:55 GMT -5
Okay, so I'll keep my word, despite your obviously enticing work over in MLWA.
The lastest segment of yours that I read was the one from July 9th. "Hell's Personal Advisor..." It's decent, but it's midcard material. You did a fine job of making the point that your character is torn between Christine and wrestling, but you'll need to keep stepping it up if you want to advance... Especially against these guys, from what I can see. Don't worry though, these things don't happen overnight. You'll get better. I'd put money that if you keep working hard you'll see yourself rise up the card.
And XD at Christine sleeping with Durden.
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Post by starkweather on Jul 14, 2007 21:13:48 GMT -5
That segment > your current segments.
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