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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 12:51:40 GMT -5
It's dark...it's dark and the roof is made of bones.
A pair of epic figures clash in the dim light as the opening credits roll; sparks fly everywhere as the cold steel in their hands collides. The occasional flash of light from the impact lights up their faces briefly, but we can't exactly make out the major details.
Out of nowhere, one figure's sword extends vividly into a long, whip-like chain, and it wraps around the other fighter's legs as if alive. He trips to the ground, but rolls up in a picture-perfect cartwheel and slides through his attacker's legs, thrusting a pair of katars upwards. His opponent is too fast, though; the chain retracts back into a sword and the thrusts are both blocked.
This is exactly what he was expecting, though, and he slides further through and kicks the other fighter in the back. Taking advantage of his opponent's distraction, the almost serpentine warrior springboards up and twirls, culminating in a thrust that jams his katar out his opponent's back. The figure collapses to the ground as he poses, his epic battle finished, and a voice from nowhere bellows:
"VOLDO WINS!!!"
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Alexandra slams down the controller.
Alexandra: AUGH!!! I HATE that move!
Ridley: Only because I beat you with it.
Alexandra: *sticks out her tongue* Maybe.
Ridley: Shouldn't we be plotting to kill the inevitable party of heroes that King Gingerdude will no doubt be sending after us?
Alexandra: I've already taken care of it. Security's been tightened, everybody's on yellow alert, and all entrances have been secured.
A brief pause.
Ridley: Oh.
They grab their controllers again.
Announcer: ROUND TWO.........FIGHT!!!
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 13:10:51 GMT -5
A large rock is pushed away from the camera's field of vision, revealing the returning Sir Shade Of The Blade That's Usually In Shadow, staring down a tunnel.
As the camera pans around, we find the party standing outside a large cave (that had formerly been blocked by the rock), which seems to lead underground. Off in the distance looms the Necromancer's Palace.
Shade: Well, it seems simple enough. Use the cave complex to get into the palace's sewer system, and then we'll work our way up to the top.
V-3: What if they've trapped the cave, as well?
Shade: No doubt they will have. But we'll have to find away around it.
=================================
Ridley: Did you trap the cave, as well?
Alexandra: Nah.
=================================
AK: Sounds like a plan. We'll need light sources.
V-3: Shit....knew we should've brought torches.
Kross makes a few gestures, and the end of his mace is lit with a holy glow, illuminating the tunnel as he steps into it.
Shade: .................wow.
AK: What about the rest of----
Poof. Their weapons glow as well.
Kross: I'm way, way ahead of you.
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 13:27:29 GMT -5
TWO HOURS LATER....
AK: This is ridiculous. We've been walking down this same tunnel for the last two hours, and nothing's happened.
Shade: Hey, it's D&D. Long periods of inactivity punctuated with---
Suddenly, a crimson-clad form explodes out of the darkness in front of them in a blast of hellfire, his cape billowing out behind him.
Skurai: ---SUDDEN MOMENTS OF EXTREME TERROR?!?
Shade: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!
AK: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!
Kross: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!
V-3: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!
Amo: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIDENREEEEEEEEEEICH!!!
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Back in the palace, Ridley and Alexandra have finished with Soul Calibur, and are talking at the window, when suddenly, off in the distance:
Distant voices: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!
Ridley: Looks like Skurai found them.
Alexandra: Indeed....
Yoko, Ridley's fledgling Slaad lieutenant, scrambles up his side and perches on his shoulder, listening intently.
Yoko: What's so different about Skurai?
Ridley: It's actually quite simple...he's a Tiefling, a planetouched.
====================================
Shade: OH SHIT SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM!!!
AK: NONE OF US HAVE RANGED CAPABILITIES!!!
Amo: BUT YOU CAN CAST PROJECTILE SPELLS!!!
AK: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!? YOU'RE A BARBARIAN!!!
Kross: WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?!?
Skurai: BECAUSE I'M SCARY!!!
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 13:40:00 GMT -5
Ridley: His father, if I'm not mistaken, was a tanar'ri overlord who couldn't be bothered with the burden of having a half-human son, so he left him to me.
Yoko: To protect him, m'lord?
Ridley: More like to teach him how to hone his skills. He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself.
======================================
The chaos finally organizes itself as AK whips out a fireball and hurls it at Skurai, who phases out of the way and reverses his personal gravity, landing on the ceiling. From the top, he dives down into their midst and seems to explode, scattering the entire party. They dive away, but the tunnel doesn't allow that much room to maneuver, and V-3 has the misfortune of jumping up right in Skurai's line of fire, about ten feet away.
Shade: V-3, look out!
V-3: No fear, I'll use my Hide skill!
He hides. Nowhere.
Skurai: Damn, he's eluded me!!!
Shade: How? He hid by crouching in the floor!
V-3: Goddammit, Shade!
Skurai: ..........oh. Must've failed my perception roll. I'll quickly rectify THIS error....
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Alexandra: So, I take it the racial traits carried over?
Ridley: He's got a few....talents. You know, like a natural Fang Fist....
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On cue, a massive pit viper comes roaring out of Skurai's palm, screaming with a thousand hellspawned voices as it rams into V-3's chest with its fangs, holding him tight.
Amo: No, not V-3!!! What about racial integration?!?
Apparently a staunch segregationist, Skurai yanks back with the hand branching the snake.
Skurai: GET OVER HERE!!!
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Ridley: .....oh, and an amazingly good Blade Of Great Cleave.
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 14:03:28 GMT -5
Skurai slices V-3 in half up the middle with his right wristblade, splattering the walls with blood, as Shade and Amo, galvanized into action, charge him.
Shade: We've got to stop him before he kills V-3!
Amo: A little late there, fearless leader.
Shade: Stop being reasonable and battlerage his ass.
Amo: Oh yeah....AMO SMASH!!!
He swings...and misses. Skurai's already gone, and has both wrist blades out. He dervishes through the air to assault Shade, who barely has enough time to block with his broadsword. Skurai's proving to be way too much for the entire party combined.
Kross: By the power of God, I SMITE---
THWIP!!! Skurai launches Layla's Adhesive Plasm at Kross's mouth, effectively preventing him from casting any smite spells. He's about to finish off Shade when a lightning bolt blasts him, briefly stunning him enough for Shade to kick him away.
Amo: How did AK bring down lightning from the ceiling---
Everybody glares at him.
Amo: Hee hee....er....AMO SMASH!!!
He backhands the just-standing Skurai with his axe.
AK: Much better.
The tiefling assassin leaps to his feet and snarls.
Skurai: You've escaped FOR NOW!!!
With that, he turns and runs down the corridor.
After a few more seconds, he comes running back.
Skurai: The palace is THIS way.
He runs in the other direction.
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 14:16:50 GMT -5
ANOTHER HOUR LATER.........AK: It looks like there's some kind of writing on it. She's studying the inscriptions on the tunnel wall next to a what looks like a button. Kross, who's finally gotten the magic glue off his mouth, comes up to look at it as well.Kross: It's in Common, but I can't make out enough of it. Amo: Here, lemme help. He punches the inscription, knocking the dust off the one visible word and making it completely legible:PRESS Shade: Oh, well then if that's all we have to do.... Kross, Amo, & AK: NO, DON'T DO THAT---- Shade presses the button.Kross: Oh, fuck. In the name of God, of course. The tunnel rumbles, and a blast of wind roars down it as some kind of gateway opens behind them. The wind blows all the dust off the walls, revealing the full inscription:DON'T PRESS Amo: GODDAMMIT!!! The rumbling gets deafeningly loud as something starts rolling down the tunnel behind them.Shade: A boulder? Isn't that a bit cliche---- It's not a boulder, as we suddenly see, it's an absolutely enormous specimen of the gelatinous cube, pulsating down the tunnel and engulfing everything in its path. If it catches the party, they will be engulfed, suffocated, and digested.AK: Looks like it's time to run again. Kross: Shouldn't the "moment of sheer terror" be over by now?
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 14:34:32 GMT -5
The four rush down the tunnel at breakneck speed, desperately trying to escape the massive cloud of gelatin slobbering along behind them. It's slowly gaining, despite their lead; being technically inanimate, it cannot tire.Shade: He's gaining on us! Amo: Stop just repeating the narration! Up ahead, they can finally see the ebony-carved door to the palace, but will they make it in time?Shade: I can see the ebony-carved door to the palace!!! Kross: But will we make it in time? Amo: Kross! Not you too! Kross: Sorry, I was bandwagoning. Just before the cube slams into their end of the tunnel, AK telekinetically jerks the door open and the party dives inside. It slams shut and a SLOP is heard as the cube splatters against the wall.Gelatinous Cube: Oh well. BYE!!! Kross: Have fun reforming yourself. With that, they turn....and come face to face with a robed mindflayer holding a lute. The tentacles around its mouth hiss and slurp as its milky eyes stare at them.AK: An illithid! The cleric crosses himself.Kross: May the gods protect us from his machinations-- TNT: Chill, junior. Shade: Wow, he talks without moving his lips. TNT: I don't have lips, you fag. I'm a mindflayer; I talk telepathically. Except when I sing. AK: ..........sing? Amo: Wait a minute, you've got a lute....and you sing....you're a BARD?!? An ILLITHID BARD?!? TNT: Aw hell yeah. You wanna hear a song? Shade: Actually, we've got to--- TNT: Cool. I call this one "The Ode To Beauty." He strums the lute, and after a second, begins to sing, his mouth-tentacles flailing.TNT: SSSCSHHHDHGULLLLLLLP GRRRZZZSTHHHHHHHPMTELTP DFHDSSSSSSSSSEEFDEC SGAZZSEREREZZZZ AK: *cringing* Let's get the hell out of here. Shade: Up the stairs, quickly!
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 14:43:57 GMT -5
Ridley glares at Skurai, obviously not too pleased.
Ridley: You fucking douche, you were supposed to kick their asses! NOW I can't play Deception with Alexandra; I have to go summon the Fallen Souls so we can deal with the heroes.
Skurai: Sorry. I DID kill V-3.
Ridley: OK, true. So you get a Style Points award.
Random Japanese Man: SCORE A POINT OVER!!!
Alexandra: What now?
Ridley: Get the cabal together...we're bringing in the big guns.
Fade out and roll outtro credits.
((NEXT WEEK. THE THRILLING CONCLUSION.
WELL, MAYBE NOT THRILLING.
BUT AT LEAST WATCHABLE.
UM.......BK LONDON WILL BE IN IT.
SO YEAH, THERE'S A REASON TO WATCH.
AND......THE STORY ENDS.
OH, AND I ROCK. SO READ MY SHOW.
*cough*
...............................good night.))
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Post by scrawn on Oct 23, 2004 14:46:22 GMT -5
lol. Great story, Ridley
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Post by Fallen Souls on Oct 23, 2004 14:48:01 GMT -5
great ;D....I still wait to see if I have an appearence
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Post by skurai on Oct 23, 2004 14:56:22 GMT -5
I kick ass. Great show.
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Post by BK London on Oct 23, 2004 15:00:19 GMT -5
Yay I'll be in it.
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Post by ridley on Oct 23, 2004 15:10:58 GMT -5
great ;D....I still wait to see if I have an appearence Ridley: You fucking douche, you were supposed to kick their asses! NOW I can't play Deception with Alexandra; I have to go summon the Fallen Souls so we can deal with the heroes.
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Post by Trainer kross on Oct 23, 2004 15:27:53 GMT -5
I rain down my usual praise in your direction. And as an added bonus, you get a whole shoe filled with various outlawed fireworks.
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Post by Fallen Souls on Oct 23, 2004 16:04:20 GMT -5
oh ..didnt notice that...i'm the fallen souls? ..sure whatever works ^^
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