Post by The Mainerishi on Aug 26, 2010 16:51:37 GMT -5
HEATWAVE GETS FROZEN
In an extremely rare interview with ACW.com, Danny Mainer sits in our offices looking as crisp as ever with his freshly shaven head, bushy beard and a t-shirt and designer jeans in a bizarre degenerate rockstar look that he somehow manages to pull off with aplomb. He sits across from our desk with a lit cigarette pressed between his lips, a grin on his face as he gives us the scoop on the barb-wire cage match that Danny Mainer promises is with a difference.
"So, Dan. Champ. Big defence against Jason Freeman on Sunday at Heatwave and I believe you're here to tell us ALL about the match stipulations right?"
"That's right. Y'see, people have always referred to me as a peoples champion. The fans support me, treat me as one of their own kind and I in turn do the same. I bring the ACW action to the people. The fans have always been a part of me and I've always been a part of them so it's only fitting that Samuel Hawthorne threatens my firing really because soon I could be joining the many Americans that have faced unemployment as part of this recession as I try to find a new job."
"Uhuh. So you're naturally going to have chosen a stipulation that favours you, right?"
"Of course. Y'see, Samuel Hawthorne says if I lose I'm fired. Fortunately, I've never lost a match to Jason Freeman and here's hoping that I never will. The kid is talented but is he Danny Mainer? No sir. So of course. I'm facing this man and I need to pick a stipulation that further stacks the card in my favour. So, without further ado I'd like to introduce ACW's newest match type and my own personal braingasm, THE NOVGOROD ENCLOSURE!"
"Novogorod? That's Russia isn't it?"
"You bet your ass." - Mainer takes a drag of his cigarette.- "The original concept for the barb-wire cage came from my earlier days when I used to tour around Russia with the huge steroid munching Zangief types and routinely get my ass handed to me by them. Barb-Wire cages are a favourite in Russian wrestling and so with a few tweaks I created the Novgorod Enclosure as a tribute to my earlier days and to the Russian fanbase that helped me with my training and beat and bloodied me into the man I am today."
"So it's a barb-wire cage match we know this but what else does it entail?"
"Well there's more barb-wire than usual around the top of the cage. It's literally impossible to climb over that cage wall and if you do, you're leaving your vital organs in there. It's razor sharp and there's so much of it all coiled up together that'll take ages to cut through it. Escape by door is the only feasible option."
"Razor wire huh? Sounds horrifying. Escape by door doesn't sound too bad but uh, what's the catch? You never made it easy for anyone in your life. You're as tenacious as they come."
"Well that cage door is padlocked and the only way that it gets opened is when somebody scores a pinfall or a submission. Of course it takes forever to get those bolts open and it's all the possibility I could pin Freeman and he could escape anyway but nevertheless. Nobody leaves until one of us is staying down for a three-count. This means a lot of blood and a lot of tears and I promise, I won't leave until I've squeezed every last drop of blood from Jason Freeman's wretched body and hung up his corpse on the barbed wire."
"Sounds... that sounds great! What's it called again?"
"The match? It's called..."
The Novgorod Enclosure
"And it's coming to put the chill back into Heatwave!"
"That sounds intense. One more thing Dan... your head uhh... can we ask why you're ba-"
"Oh, is that the time? I'm due to do a photoshoot for Bearded Men monthly. I'm the coverboy. I'm loved over in Japan apparently."
"I uh-"
"Thanks for the interview guys... I'll cya soon okay! Lateeeeeeeeer!"
-Door slams-
"Look what you did Rick, you scared him off."
"Not my fault!"
"You asked about his baldness. You know that's ASKING for trouble."
"Oh come on!"
[CUT]
