Jason Freeman
Competition Judge
Long Island Iced Free
Posts: 3,271
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Post by Jason Freeman on Dec 12, 2009 23:40:51 GMT -5
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Jason Freeman
Competition Judge
Long Island Iced Free
Posts: 3,271
|
Post by Jason Freeman on Dec 13, 2009 0:35:45 GMT -5
*bumps topic since Jefferson posted and took it off the most recent topic thing*
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Post by Jack Jefferson on Dec 13, 2009 1:08:29 GMT -5
Ok, after quickly reading through those segments I really don't know what to make of this character. I like the fact you've gone for a classic straight man/idiot combo but there was far too little setup for the Greg character, in my mind anyway. I would've like to see Greg show up maybe the week before and talk up himself and then his new client. That would've made these segments make much more sense if you had any idea Greg was supposed to be a great manager.
There's definite potential, but I'm completely on the fence with this character so far as it could go either way. One thing I will say is, you tried far too hard to make him the funny idiot but it all felt a little flat, like he was being played by a bad actor.
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Jason Freeman
Competition Judge
Long Island Iced Free
Posts: 3,271
|
Post by Jason Freeman on Dec 13, 2009 1:14:02 GMT -5
True I guess it was a bit out of nowhere. So you're saying I tried too hard with it? As in it was too forced? I'll try to fix that.
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Post by Jack Jefferson on Dec 13, 2009 1:21:18 GMT -5
Yeah, basically that's what I'm saying. Like I said, the whole straight man/idiot combo is a classic for a reason, it works. Yet, I do feel Trace felt very forced like you were trying to hard to get a laugh. It seemed like you wanted to write those segments "Train-style" and it didn't come off great.
Positive aspects for me are: Trace is a cocky idiot, that's a good base for a putz character if that's where you're going. I can see a nice dynamic developing between Greg and Trace, even if it is a little wooden right now.
Negative: Trace doesn't have a single redeeming quality. He's stupid, he's arrogant, he's painfully unfunny (as in, you clearly made him that way but thinks he's funny, he's lazy, and he clearly has no place in a wrestling ring.
For me, the best way to go with this to help build the character is to tone him down slightly and to make him a straight-up jobber for a few months until it finally gets drilled into him that he's got to try to be successful in this industry. Then you could go down the whole "love for the business and trying hard to make it" angle where he actually applies himself until he finally gets the first victory which will give him some credit and be one of those huge pop moments for the crowd. If you're going to make him a heel, stop now because it'll never work. Make him the loveable idiot that just can't get his break, making his first win a huge deal and a point where he can turn a corner and start to progress.
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Post by Kim Jong CP on Dec 13, 2009 1:38:21 GMT -5
Only problem I have...
Michael and Daniel Smart>Trace Alabama and Greg
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Jason Freeman
Competition Judge
Long Island Iced Free
Posts: 3,271
|
Post by Jason Freeman on Dec 13, 2009 1:40:44 GMT -5
Yeah, that's probably true but whatever <_<
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