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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:36:08 GMT -5
Thursday Night Meltdown 16th April 2009
ACW European Tour: Paris, France
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Brent Garland vs. Jin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Danny Mainer and Jason Freeman vs. Mr. Red and Alex Trixier
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Dan White vs. Dave Shadow vs. The Senator vs. Thunderkiss vs. Hollywood Mach - Winner Takes 30th Spot
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XS3 vs. Thunder Train - Beat The Clock Competition #1
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Jake Steele vs. Rawt - Beat The Clock Competition #2
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:37:05 GMT -5
We're in the beautiful city of Paris, France. Famous for its romantic vibes, the magnificent Renaissance-era architecture, and the bohemian-esque culture. And ACW is no stranger, opting to play out tonight's show in the elegant Palais Garnier, a 2,200-seated Opera house, built in 1862. Possibly the oldest arena ACW have ever taken part at, but that doesn't excuse Meltdown opening up to a roar of pyrotechnics and fireworks. And for the first time in what must be forever, no late matches! Yay! Dan White rocks.
We're on for a great show...
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:38:06 GMT -5
Opening Segment: The competition!!!!!!1 (Credit: XS3/Steele)
We fade into the arena and Protest the Hero's "Palms Read" enters the arena with a thunderous applause backing it. The curtain rustles and out comes Maximus Dungeon, the apparent host for tonight's games between Jake Steele and XS3. As he greets the fans with simple waves, one fan looks up at the seven footer in awe, thinking that there's more to him tonight than just hosting. Nonetheless, Maximus approaches ringside and makes his way up the steps and into the ring. He raises a fist proudly in the air before receiving a microphone from Phillip. The music dies down and he prepares to acknowledge the Paris crowd.
Maximus: How are we doing tonight, Paris?
The cheap pop is given.
Maximus: Tonight, we have a small competition between the ACW World Heavyweight Champion Jake Steele and his challenger, XS3! Now early on before the show started, we had round 1 of the competition. It was XS3 that picked the game to start it off. Let's see how it went.
Maximus points at the Alphatron, which soon cuts to static.
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The area we see a basketball court. XS3 and Jake Steele stand opposite of each other and prepare to take their positions. Since there really isn't a referee needed, Gary is there to get his paycheck.
XS3: All right, Jake. It's call your own fouls. First to ten wins. Understood?
Steele: I know Basketball nigga, let's start dis shit!
Gary: Let's keep it clean and have a good, fun ma--
XS3 turns and elbows Gary, striking him right in the nose and knocking him out instantaneously. XS3 then tosses the ball up but Jake manages to swat it away from him in the nick of time. For Jake, basketball is something that comes naturally to him. For XS3, it's just another mind game. The two engage in a competitive game, with both seeming to be evenly matched. Jake has made the first couple of nets to score some points but XS3's larger frame comes in handy and now he is the one racking up the points. Towards the end of the game, the score is now tied 9-9, with XS3 having scored the most recent point. XS3 tosses the ball back to Jake and once again flashes his ever-familiar smirk. Jake nods and begins to dribble the ball but XS3 shoves him from behind, causing Jake to almost land on his face.
XS3: That's traveling.
Steele: Da fuck you mean dat's travelin'?
XS3 quickly swipes the ball away and shoots it up into the air and, ultimately, into the net. Jake curses under his breath as XS3 has taken complete advantage of the call your own fouls scenario to win the first round. XS3 does not celebrate or breakdance like someone normally would; he just grabs a bottle of water and paces around cautiously, wanting Jake to name a stipulation for round 2. Jake once again approaches XS3 and shows no fear or intimidation.
Steele: Aight, you think you so bad cause you got away wit' a cheap win? You ain't bad! You ain't nuthin'! It's my turn to pick da stipulation. You. Me. Meltdown. Rap battle!
XS3 is now the one to utter a curse word under his breath but nonetheless, he complies.
XS3: Fine. See you at the arena, mon ami.
XS3 spits, causing the loogie to land near Jake's foot, before walking off to get ready for tonight's show.
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We now return to Maximus in the arena, shaking his head in disgust. The fans can be heard booing at the outcome of the match and cheering for Jake's stipulation. Maximus guides the mic back to his mouth.
Maximus: All right, let's get this rap battle started. Introducing first, XS3.
"Hail Destroyer" blasts into the arena and XS3 makes his way down the ramp first, garbed in his ring attire and a skullcap. As he passes by the booing fans, he stops and notices a dejected young lad wearing an XS3 t-shirt and looking quite disappointed. XS3 smirks at the young lad before turning and entering the ring. XS3 rolls to his feet and immediately confronts Maximus, not showing any fear. XS3 almost looks like he wants to explode on his former bandmate but he shows restraint and heads to a corner.
Maximus: And his opponent, hailing all the way from Brooklyn, New York, he stands at 6 foot 1 and weighs in tonight at 234 lbs, he is the current reigning ACW World Heavyweight Champion, he is the leader of the Nation of Demonation and the Road Steelers, please welcome… JAAAAAAAAAAKE STEEEEEEEEEEELEE!!!!
The crowd explodes into a frenzy as "Ain't I" plays. As Maximus claps, XS3 mocks him behind his back by pointing at him and making a dick sucking motion with the mic. It goes unnoticed because Jake Steele is too busy coming out in his street gear and the ACW title around his waist. He enters the ring and soaks in the adulation received by the fans. Jake hops down onto the canvas and gets a fist pound from Maximus.
Maximus: All right Matt, seeing as how you won the first round, you will go first. Gimme a beat.
Maximus looks around and finally hears a basic rap beat coming into the arena. XS3 rips the mic right out of Maximus' hands and starts things off rather impolitely.
XS3: BONJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR, YA CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER MONKEYS!
The crowd lets XS3 have it with boos and jeers.
XS3: I'm the #1 Contender, I'm standing right here I'm everything that Jake Steele should really choose to fear I may be white but I'll put you to bed Yo mama quite liked it when I buttered her bread
You're a fluke champ, son, there's no other way to spit it I'm not being harsh, it's the honest way to admit it ACW title's contaminated, it has your filth on it If I look at you anymore, I swear bro I'mma vomit
Rap ain't my thing, it never seems to be But I'll still kick your ass and fulfill destiny Even though my family wants to see me gone I'mma unwrap your head, inside's a rotten bon bon
I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to run Surrendering is your thing bro, Paris will show you how it's done And one more thing before you're let right out of class All you fucking Frenchies here can kiss my fucking ass!
XS3 is peppered even more with jeers and taunts, pausing to sidestep a flying bag of popcorn.Jake then snatches the mic out of XS3's hand and gets the crowd going at a frenetic pace before beginning to spit his rhymes.
Steele: Bashful when I flow, masterful, Diabolical, I'll snap you in half, crush ya abdominals, I'm a problem yo, dat much should be known as fact, Like at Fallen Heroes when I wipe yo bitch ass of da map
Listen when I speak, cause it's like spoken word, Nah it's holy word... nigga pray at my feet, You can turn da music off cause homie I don't need a beat, I leave da imposters deceased, I slay da biggest beast,
Never surrender to bitches, leave dey heads wrapped in stitches, My shit hot like it just came out the kitchen so nigga listen I'm out here to destroy titanium alloy, Foil ya plans, leave you Jonesin' for a knockout like Roy In a man's world... you a boy, time to face da music Your destiny fufilled, nah ya destiny is losin'
You want dis World Title? You must be livin' anotha' world, Cause as a artist and a wrestler, you gon' always be a FAIL-URE
Once Jake finishes, he drops the mic and the crowd is only left to go "OHHHHHHHHHH!" and cheer him. Maximus raises the arm of Jake Steele, declaring him the winner as XS3 nonchalantly looks on, not expecting to win that round anyway.
Maximus: All right, the competition is tied at one apiece! Gingerdude has informed me that the final round is a good ol' fashioned beat the clock sprint. XS3 will be facing Thunder Train and Jake Steele will be going against Rawt in a non-title match. Good luck to you, Jake!
Jake nods and leaves the ring, parading up the ramp with his title in tow. Maximus goes to follow him but XS3 grabs him by the arm and pulls him back in. The music dies down once again as the camera tries to catch glimpses of what XS3 and Maximus are trying to say to one another. Maximus responds by pie-facing XS3 aside, a move that XS3 does not take kindly to. XS3 responds by ripping the mic out of Maximus' hands and clobbering him right in the skull, dropping the big man to the canvas. XS3 stands over his fallen ex-friend and suddenly bends down. He grabs at the mask of Maximus and rips it right off, with the crowd being unable to get a glimpse of his face. XS3 pauses and holds the mask up high before, in the ultimate insult against his former bandmate, wiping his ass with it and tossing it back at the fallen Maximus. XS3 then wisely chooses to take his leave up the ramp and to the back.
Fade.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:39:07 GMT -5
Segment: The Must Be An Angel Playing With My Heart (Credit: Chris Phenomenal)
--Blank--
Male Listen, we can’t do this here. You say what happened to Spitzer when they found out he was using an escort.
Female I don’t care, we have to talk about this now.
Male: No we can’t, I’m meeting my wife for lunch in five minutes and I’m already running late. Chris has been freed as per your request. You saw him win the Entertainment Title live for Christ’s sake.
Female: Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t spilled the beans. He can’t find out about me right now, he’s got so much going for him right now and I know if he found out it would totally throw him out of the loop.
Male: No one is going to know about it. Jonas is taking care of everyone and as far as they are concerned he is a relative of someone in my office.
Female: Alright, just make sure it doesn’t trace back to me. You know what it could do to you if they found out about me.
Male: You don’t become a senator by being dump Paige, I know what’s on the line. Now I really am running late.
Female: Alright, just make sure.
--End---
With that the scene opens up inside of the -- in --. The crew is working busily to set up the arena for the nights show. The ring is assembled but the ramp and pyrotechnics are still being assembled. Sitting on the edge of the apron is Chris Phenomenal who will not be in competition tonight.
Chris Phenomenal: Ya know last week I flew out of this very same ring, over the top rope. I managed to land on the apron but eventually I was knocked off and lost the battle royal. All throughout the airport I had Germans coming up to me and shaking my hand, trying to get an autograph before asking me why I lost to Lee Homicide, The biggest losers of them all, yes even bigger than the French, calling me out, saying that I’ve never been able to beat him and yet this week he now got an upper hand on me by eliminating me in the battle royal. I really don’t think it’s fair to assume that just because he eliminated me in the battle royal that he’s better than me, although being in Germany it was no surprise that they believed the propaganda that Lee Homicide has been spewing over the past three weeks.
Now however, we are in France, another place where I don’t know the language, but hopefully here people will realize exactly what is going on. One loss doesn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things, especially in a meaningless battle royal. If Lee Homicide chooses to hoard it over my head then that is his decision but all it serves to do is further my point that I’m better than him. He can hold one small victory over me but all I need to do is take my entertainment title and tell him to get back to me once he gets some gold without piggy backing into it.
I also heard some calls that maybe Lee Homicide should get the first shot at my Entertainment Title, and possibly at Fallen Heroes itself. I can tell you now that that isn’t going to happen. I want to be one hundred percent prepared for the Fallen Heroes battle royal, and if I have to compete prior to it, defending my title with all my heart then that won’t be the case. I won’t be able to walk out the winner, the last out of thirty men, and I won’t be able to main event Omega Effect V.
Chris Phenomenal grabs a hold of his I-Phone and starts hammering away at the buttons, sending a quick text message before looking back up at the camera.
Chris Phenomenal: Tonight I’m not in action, but after four consecutive weeks getting my ass hammered around that ring I’m not going to complain. It’ll be fun to sit up in a suite and watch what is going on inside of the ring, and get back to appreciating wrestling for what it is.
In fact I’m out here for a reason. Lee Homicide has been sharing little nuggets of his past in little mini video clips I have dubbed Wee Lee, and for those who remember that Lee is Asian I’m not talking about his wee Lee. Anyways I feel like giving everyone a little bit of information on my past. It’s not uncommon knowledge that I grew up poor, and it’s not uncommon knowledge that wrestling schools are expensive. I never wanted to become a wrestler, never wrestled in my life. I only got started in wrestling because I was forced too in a way as part of my community service I was required to do. Assembling the ring, washing mats, cleaning the locker rooms, all sorts of nasty stuff, for free. It wasn’t until I arrived early one day and my size caught the attention of one of the trainers that I got my start. In fact it’s quite refreshing to come out and watch these men come out here and set this up, take you back to your roots in a sense.[/I]
Chris phone vibrates on the canvas as he receives another text message. The camera zooms in, trying to capture it but Chris shoos it away as the scene cuts out.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:40:58 GMT -5
Segment: The Dark Chocolate. MMMM chocolate. Pt. 1 (Credit: Train)
We begin our little story back on ACW Island. It's unusually quiet since the ACW superstars aren't here. Actually, I sorta wonder what they do when ACW is on tour. I mean, you are stuck on an Island where the main attraction pretty much is wrestling. Then the people that do that fly away for a month and you are left here doing nothing. Unless everyone on ACW Island works for ACW and therefore went with them. But I highly doubt that as Train had to take a plane in order to get back to the Island and there were people working at the airport. Interesting....veri interesting indeed. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. We open with Train in a car with Thunder Lawyer driving down the street. The roads are almost clear and you guessed it, they get stuck at a red light.
Thunder Train: What the fuuuuuuuuuuuck. There is nobody on this Island! How come they have red lights.
Thunder Lawyer: So people don't crash into each other Train. Obviously--
Thunder Train: DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD AT ALL? WE HAVEN'T SEEN A CAR SINCE WE LEFT THE AIRPORT! FUCK THIS I'M GOING!
Train begins to move forward in his car going by the red light. Suddenly, a cop car pulls up behind him and starts flashing his lights lights lights lights. Train starts hitting his head on the steering wheel causing the horn to honk. Lawyer sits next to him laughing as Train pulls over. The cop gets out of his car and approaches Train's window.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Thunder Train: Because I ran a red light.
Cop: No because you're break light is out. But since you rand the red light I'm going to have to give you a ticket.
Thunder Train: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Thunder Lawyer: Wait. Can you take us to the police station? We need to get some information.
Cop: What about?
Thunder Lawyer: Thunder Thighs being kidnapped.
Cop: I'm not sure. That's still under investigation. You might not be able to get anything about that.
Thunder Train: Listen buddy. That's my sister and I want to know all that I can about her kidnapping. So you take us there right now or else I'll eat you alive!
Cop: Hahhahahaha
Thunder Lawyer: He's serious....
Cop: Oh.....Well then, follow me. I'll give you a police escort so we don't run into traffic.
Thunder Train: BUT THERE IS NO TRAFFIC!
The cop walks away and gets back into his cruiser. He flashes his lights again and drives in front of Train. Train follows the cop for about 10 minutes before reaching the police station. Train and Thunder Lawyer find a spot to park then head inside. This looks to be the most populated area of the whole Island as people rush around with papers and other things. Train and Thunder Lawyer just stand and watch all the madness happen. Then the cop that confronted them earlier calls them over.
Thunder Lawyer: Come on Train, let's go.
Thunder Train: Hold on...
Train leaves Thunder Lawyer's side and goes into the bathroom. Lawyer just shakes his head and goes over to the cop and the other men. They speak for about 3 minutes before Train emerges once again. This time however, he's in some weird uniform that sorta looks like a raccoon
Thunder Lawyer: Train, what are you doing?
Bat Train: I'm not Train...I'm the BAT TRAIN! I fight for peace in this city and I'm here to help you solve the case.
Thunder Lawyer: ....How will anyone--
Police Chief: Bat Train! Thank God you are here. Quick come to the computer, we have some information that might help you.
Bat Train: Of course. Follow me Lawyer.
The men go over to a super computer looking thing with a bunch of beeping noises going on. Bat Train examines the computer and looks at a bunch of graphs. He nods in agreement with the charts then a buzzing noise occurs. Train moves over to a opening in the computer and out comes a cake. Train eats the cake then turns back to the Police Chief
Bat Train: Good cake. Now, what information do you have for me?
Police Chief: Well, the situation is looking grim Bat Train. Grim I tells ya. All the evidence has been locked up inside of the ACW Arena and without Gingerdude, we can't get inside. However, the evidence that we do have confirms that it was an ACW superstar that took your sister.
Bat Train: Well at least we have some leads. Can you back up the initial suspect in Gingerdude?
Police Chief: Like I said Bat Train, we can't be sure about anything without what's inside of the ACW Arena.
Bat Train: If I can get you that evidence, will you be able to tell?
Police Chief: Yes of course.
Thunder Lawyer: Train, how the hell are you going to get inside of the ACW Arena now? It's closed off and there's security everywhere.
Bat Train: Don't worry about me. Just meet me on the roof in an hour with some rope, gloves, a ski mask, and a copy of The Lion King on DVD.
Thunder Lawyer: This is stupid you can't be ser--
And just like that Bat Train is gone. Thunder Lawyer shakes his head once again and leaves the police station. He gets into the car and drives off, trying to find a store that will sell the things that Train requires. Bat Train on the other hand gets into the Trainmobile and drives off to the ACW arena...
To be continued.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:42:26 GMT -5
“BRUDAH BOND BRUDAH BOND!” [/font] Credit: Thunderkiss, Hollywood Mach[/center] [Two MegaStars. One Arena. The show comes back to find ourselves treated to the titantron video of "Casino Royale" opening! Daniel Craig begins to make his way from the curtain and struts down the ramp as he looks on at TK and Mach, who are already in the ring and are uneasy in the presence of someone who is arguably at their level of Hollywoodishness. Craig struts up the steels steps and makes his way into the ring before kissing his hand and stretching his arm out towards the crowd. TK scoffs and Macho doesn't hesitate to do the same. The music cuts out and Craig extends his arms out to the sides in question.] Craig: Gentlemen...you both desire to be the next Bond villain...but only one of you can truly take that title! Being Mr. Bond himself, it is only fair that I participate in the decision! Tonight will be the first of competitions for you two to compete in order to prove to me which one is better deserving of the role! [TK cracks his knuckles and snorts.] Thunderkiss: I really don’t see the point in all of this. I mean, have you even sat down with this moron? He can’t speak proper English. Why is he even considered for the part?Hollywood: Brudah Craig Brudah Craig, allow Mr. Hollywood Mach to--Craig: SHUT IT! I don't care much for either of you bastards - so this will be a far harder decision then you both think! [TK and Macho shut their mouths and are taken aback] Craig: This contest - is a simple one to say the least! As you can see laid out in this very ring is a variety of objects and parts.... [The camera zooms out to reveal that workers have laid our specific mechanical parts and random objects across the aprons of the ring.] Hollywood: WHAT KIND OF SHIT?Thunderkiss: Why are you asking me? It takes one to know one, bitch. You’re the expert.Craig: Wow...you're both complete idiots. These are supposed to be used to contruct your own secret weapon of mass destruction - a thing that is quite standard for most Bond villains. See what you can do - you have until we come back from the commercial break! Thunderkiss: Ugh, this is all kinds of stupid. What, were going to be making castles out of Legos next? I don't got time to be -[Kiss sees that RDK is already gathering spare parts to create his ultimate weapon of mass destruction.] Thunderkiss: Oh fuck it. There is no way in hell you’re getting that part, Mach’..The show cuts to commercial break.
.::10 Minutes Later::. Craig:Well boys...time is up. As you could see, the resources available made it quite easy to manufacture pretty well anything you would have liked...now lets see what you've come up with? Mr. Kanyon? [RDK is shown holding a helmet with a gun attached to it.] Hollywood: Simple shit brud, simple shit. I'm talkin' all the way to the top! OoOoH Yeaah TAKE A LOOK AT MY PATENTED MACHO SHARK LAAAASER! YEAAAH! ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE![RDK hooks the helmet on and aims it at TK] Thunderkiss *facepalm*: That’s a nice look for you. It nicely tops off the moron look you got going on.Hollywood: Uh, brudah Kiss - donka donk donka your ass on ova to the other side of the ring! THIS IS THE MACHO MAN'S TIME TO SHINE! YEAAH!![TK grumbles as he shuffles to the side and RDK blasts the laser into the announce table!] Edison: I'M ON FIRE MCNALLY, I'M ON FIRE! McNally: ...
Craig:I'm not gonna lie Mr. Macho...that more than impressed me! Now, Mr. KISS - what do you have to show us? Is it as devastating as the Macho Laser?
Thunderkiss: Fuck yeah it’s as devastating as the Macho Laser. Just ask Lana. Zoom in right here and I’ll show you the speed that she likes.
[It’s one thing to spurn Macho; it’s another to talk trash about someone he fancies. With his fists ready to speak louder than his mouth ever could, Macho’s rampage is stopped prematurely by Daniel Craig who is wise enough to step his way in between the two men. While they may wish the other to stand in front of a moving bus, neither Macho or Thunderkiss would dare strike the man who has the potential to increase their wallets by millions.]
Craig: Well, that’s just ... uh ... splendid, Thunderkiss. However, as the official judge for tonight’s contest, I am afraid I am going to have to choose Macho as the winner. His doomsday device, while odd, was just that while yours was ....
[Craig takes a moment to find the right, tactful words. As he pauses, TK’s face displays its lividness with a red hue while Macho has already begun the celebration.]
Craig: A little bit more suited for Pussy Galore.
[It is a tale of two men told through their fans. While the Mega Star Alliance fans rejoice, the Kiss Army cries foul. Dejected, Thunderkiss takes his creation and storms off while Macho rubs salt in the wounds by pointing to the “scoreboard.”]
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SHOWTIME INVITATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT TOURNAMENT CURRENT STANDINGS:
THUNDERKISS: 0 HOLLYWOOD MACHO: 1
[FADE]
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:43:56 GMT -5
Segment: Yay, Intense Training! Part 1! (Credit: Freeman)
One Week Ago
Freeman lowers the dumbbell back down with a sigh. He gasps for breath. He has just been lifting weights heavier than he’s ever lifted during training before. But it’s necessary. After all, one needs to be strong to eliminate other superstars…and he’s planning on doing that. Freeman’s training has been just as relentless as he promised it would be, if not more so. He’s still losing, however. Again. It seems that no matter how hard he trains, he ends up getting defeated. By Senator…by Rattlesnake…and his hopes for winning at Fallen Heroes keep getting farther and farther away from him.
No, this weight isn’t enough. He needs more. He was able to lift it without enough of a struggle. He knows that he is pushing his limits but that’s what he needs to do. It’s what he’s been doing. After all in the past three nights he’s probably had a total of five hours of sleep. It’s extreme, but he’s going to do whatever it takes. He WILL be victorious.
HOW IS HE STILL LOSING?! It seems that…he just isn’t there in the ring. His body isn’t holding up well to his training. His mind is losing focus from lack of sleep. But he can’t let that happen. If he isn’t strong enough to focus, then he deserves to lose.
He walks over and grabs more weight, and puts it onto both ends. He looks at it. It’s heavy. Very heavy. But if he doesn’t lift it then he has no chance.
He grabs it…braces himself…and lifts with all his might. It doesn’t budge…COME ON. He wills his muscles to lift, wills them to get stronger…wills them to push. He thinks of Fallen Heroes. A title shot…he knows he’ll win. He has to.
Slowly it lifts off the ground. Slowly he gets it up, and he grits his teeth and keeps on lifting. He has gotten it up to the point where he is about to press it…when a sudden pain shoots through his arm and he gives a shout and drops the weight onto the floor, where it narrowly misses crushing his foot.
He sinks down, clutching his arm, which is currently aching in pain. He closes his eyes and breathes heavily. He hopes that he hasn’t caused any kind of injury, and that it will feel better if he doesn’t use it for around an hour. Because without one of his arms…he’d have no chance at all. But worry isn’t the primary emotion that he feels right now. That would be anger. Once again his body fails him…and he wasn’t able to lift the weight. And his training is not going nearly as well as he had hoped.
He would estimate that he has gained a bit of muscle, and strength…but not as much as he wants to. He isn’t having as many improvements as he would like…and he’s just so tired…
Freeman: AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
He shouts to himself and storms to his feet. What is he doing WRONG? Fallen Heroes is two weeks away. Can he possibly pull it all together by then? He has to train harder. HARDER. It just isn’t enough yet.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:45:27 GMT -5
”I have to work with WHO?” Credit: Danny Mainer/Jason Freeman Oh Dear God. It’s a sign. It’s a god-damn sign. Danny Mainer has that nightmare about Jason Freeman winning Fallen Heroes and then now, the icing on the cake Danny has to team with him. Of course, Mainer is a nervous wreck. This can’t just be coincidence, it can’t, it can’t, it god-damn can’t. Getting rather weird looks from people as he does it he James Bond walks down the corridors of the ACW arena in Paris, France, Danny Mainer cart-wheels through a crossroad corridor and then dives behind a nearby crate as two interns walk by watching carefully as they exchange greetings in their own mythical language that is “Internglish”. When the two guys have passed by Mainer gets out from behind the crate and starts to just run like a maniac towards his locker room door. With all the power of grey skull he launches through the door of his locker room and it slams into the wall behind it AMAZINGLY not just going straight into the hinges. He rolls to the floor in a big angry heap as Raymond King just looks at him odd.Raymond King: ”So, who grabbed your arse in the canteen this time?”Danny Mainer: ”Nobody goddamit. NOBODY. That’s exactly why I’m here.”Danny quickly drags himself up using the back of the sofa but he sees the back of an unfamiliar head sitting on the said sofa. He slowly, almost animatedly puts his hands on the couch and peers around to see who the long-haired male on the couch is and upon seeing the face of his would be tag-team partner his face goes absolutely sheet-white. He bites his bottom lip and slowly edges back away not wanting to disturb the giant. He walks backwards from the couch as Jason Freeman continues to read the paper. Raymond walks backwards with Danny and they exchange hushed sentences.Danny Mainer: ”What the Hell is he doing here?”Raymond King: ”He’s your tag team partner. I thought it’d be a good idea to get him in here to discuss strategy.”Danny Mainer: ”You have no idea what you’ve done. No idea whatsoever. There’s a sleeping giant inside of that man that you don’t want to disturb…”Raymond King: ”What the bloody hell are you talking about? He’s a professional wrestler, of course there’s a sleeping giant inside of him. Go over and talk to the man, you’re not afraid of Freeman are you?”Danny Mainer: ”No, I’m afraid of what happens to him when he eats raw fish!”Freeman turns a page of the newspaper, blissfully unaware of the discussion that’s going on right behind his head. Looking at the Island Times he starts to read the Sports Pages looking for anything that the broadsheet has to say about him. He starts to get absorbed in a Fallen Heroes Prediction article and zones out of any discussion in the real world, completely obsessed with anything about this upcoming Battle Royal.Raymond King: ”What the Hell are you talking about? Raw fish? Isn’t that against kosher?”Danny Mainer: ”He’s Jewish?”Raymond King: ”Uhh, hello? Jason Freeman? Of course! You absolute retard.”[/color] Danny Mainer: ”Look, just get him out of my locker room.”Raymond King: ”Pfft! It’d be good to have someone in here BESIDES Amelia and me, not that Amelia is here anyways. Go talk to him you pussy!”Danny Mainer: ”I DON’T WANT TO BE THROWN TO VIETNAM, DAMMIT!”This loud, explosive outburst ruses Freeman from his newspaper. He turns and gives The Psycho Butcher a strange look like he’s just walked in on him rubbing up a 15 year old girl. He then returns to his paper as Danny “draws a cock over it”, trying to make a hash of the situation. Like a nervous preteen he brushes all his hair to one side and puts his elbows together and does a Mister Burns hands gesture as he minces his way over to Freeman.Danny Mainer: ”So umm, Jason. Can I ask you a few questions about tonight?”Freeman ignores him for about half a second, finishing the sentence he was on before closing the newspaper and putting it to one side. One look at Freeman’s face and you can see even though he seems calm he looks absolutely exhausted.Jason Freeman: “What do you want?” Danny Mainer: ”Yeah. Umm, first thing is first. How’re you feeling about tonight? Y’know, teaming up with me?”Jason Freeman: “What are you, Charlotte King? I feel fine as long as you just stay out of my way and let me do what I do best. If you do that, we'll easily be victorious.” Danny Mainer: ”OK. So umm, what’d you have for dinner last night?”Jason Freeman: “I don't see why that's any of YOUR business, but I ate at Altitude 95... the one on the first floor of the Eiffel Tower. I had Broccoli Souffle” Danny Mainer: ”No fish then? Good.”Jason Freeman: “Why not fish?” Danny Mainer: ”Nothing. Are you sure you feel alright? Is your stomach OK?”Jason Freeman: “What are you, my dietician? I feel better than ever! Are you high Mainer?” Danny deliberately ignores Freeman’s question, trembling as he prepares to ask his next.Danny Mainer: ”OK, last question Jase, do you feel you’ve GROWN at all lately?”Jason Freeman: “As a matter of fact I have!" Danny loses all the colour from his face yet again as Freeman admires his own physique. Freeman stands up and starts to go into monologue.Jason Freeman: “I’ve been hitting the gym more than ever. Constantly, in fact. In Battle Royales the advantages always go to the big men with strength. Difficult to remove, and easy to be eliminated by. Even with Thunderkiss, Rawt and Thunder Train in there I’ll be TOWERING over the three of them once that Fallen Heroes Battle Royale is over. That’s a promise. Jason Freeman WILL main event Omega Effect and that’s a damn fact. Whether YOU stand in my way… or-” Freeman turns to point at Mainer who he expects will still be at the couch but sees only an empty space and skid marks on the floor from how quickly Mainer bailed from his locker room. Freeman looks at Ray who just shrugs his shoulders. Freeman sits down again and starts to read his newspaper as the screen turns to black. FADE
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:46:19 GMT -5
Segment: Everybody Hates Lee, Part 3 (Credit: Lee)
The scene reopens, and the camera appears to be set up in a classroom. The floor of the room is a simple set of old, varnished, wooden planks. The walls are the same white blacks that we saw in the hallway, however, one wall is covered with a poster that reads “We Use Math Every Day” written over a woman at a cashier’s stand. The ceiling has a solitary fan moving slowly in circles. Underneath the posters is a long string of windows incased in a lead housing. At the front of the room is a large desk with several papers jumbled on top, and next to it is a green chalkboard, covered in dust despite begin erased fairly recently. An old man in a blue, striped suit with a black tie stands in front of five rows of desks, each of them filled with a teenager. The teacher pushes his thick glasses back up on his nose, and hovers over to his desk, which sits in the front right corner. He shuffles through the papers for several seconds before picking up a text book, opening it to a certain page, and returning to the front of the room. He once again adjusts his glasses, and lets out a slight cough before talking in a very nasally voice.
Mr. Smith: Good morning class.
The students respond back, all in complete unison.
Class: Good morning Mr. Smith…
Although their tone is nothing short of a drone, Mr. Smith seems giddy with the response. He looks out over the sea of black faces, shifts the text book from his left hand to his right, and begins up once again.
Mr. Smith: Now today class, I have a very special lesson for you all. Today I will teach you how to use the fabulous math concept… the square root.
A collective groan is let out over the entire class as Mr. Smith moves to the green chalk board at the forefront of the room. He sets his text book down on the ledge, picks up a piece of chalk with his right hand, and begins writing with an almost completely non-comprehendible penmanship. He begins to drone on with his voice as he writes.
Mr. Smith: Now in linguist terms, a square root is a number r whose square (the result of multiplying the number by itself) is x…
As Mr. Smith continues talking, and the sound of his chalk hitting the chalkboard echoes throughout the room, the camera turns around and begins zooming in through the rows of students. It passes a very pretty brunette girl in the front row and moves over a guy whose head is plastered to the top of his desk with his eyes closed. Sitting behind this teenager is Lee Homicide’s friend Steve that we met earlier, and just behind him, sits the teenage version of Lee himself. The camera pauses as we see Steve taking notes, looking back and forth at the board, while Lee’s attention is more focused on the brunette in the front row. After several seconds of this, Lee breaks the silence, speaking in a whisper.
Lee: I’m doing it now.
Steve doesn’t take his eyes off his notes.
Steve: I still think it’s a bad idea.
Lee: Yeah, but where would I be if I didn’t take chances?
Lee slowly stands up, and very slowly begins inching his way to the front of the classroom. As he stands besides Steve’s desk, he looks down at his friend.
Lee: Wish me luck.
Still not paying his full attention to Lee, Steve keeps his eyes focused on his work.
Steve: Good luck…
Lee inches forward, and removes the note from his back pocket that we saw earlier. However, just as he gets next to the kid sleeping in front of Steve, Lee runs his hand through his hair, turns around, and quickly returns to his seat.
Lee: I can’t do it!
Steve: I told you it was a bad idea.
Lee resumes looking at the brunette in the front row, biting his lower lip slightly. Slowly a light seems to go off in his head.
Lee: Steve, I’ve got it.
Steve lets out a slight groan.
Steve: What is it now?
Lee reaches out, and sets the note on Steve’s shoulder.
Lee: You give her the note.
This finally gets Steve’s attention. He sets down his pencil and turns around.
Steve: What?
Lee: You give her the note! I’ve always been better with writing than actually speaking, especially when it comes to girls. Just give it to her after class, and ask her to meet me underneath the football bleachers after school’s out today. It’s that simple.
Steve looks at the note for several seconds before taking it hesitantly, and jamming it into his back pocket.
Steve: All right, fine.
Steve rolls his eyes slightly.
Steve: But remember, you owe me…
Lee: Thank you so much buddy!
Steve turns back around and resumes his note taking. Lee meanwhile again resumes his staring at the back of the brunette’s head. Just at this moment, we once again here the voice of Lee that we all know today.
Lee (V.O.): It was at this time that I was happier than I had ever been in my young life. I was finally going to prove to everyone that I wasn’t just a failure. I was finally going to be someone. But, most importantly, I was going to be able to be with Katie. A warm feeling came over me. A special feeling that I couldn’t control.
Just then back in the classroom, Mr. Smith turns back around, looking at the desks and their occupants. He finishes his speech about square roots.
Mr. Smith: Which of course, is three.
Mr. Smith flips the pages of his book closed and readjusts his glasses before replacing the book on the desk.
Mr. Smith: All right, it’s time for some class participation…
He looks out over the entirety of the class for several seconds before coming to rest on Lee, still staring at the brunette.
Mr. Smith: Mr. Chung…
Lee is suddenly snapped out of his trance and looks directly at Mr. Smith with a “deer in the headlights” stare.
Mr. Smith: Would you care to come and work this problem on the board?
Back at his desk, the young Lee looks down at the crotch of his pants, before quickly looking up with a red face, and jamming his arm into the crotch region of his jeans. In a very shaking, sheepish voice, he answers.
Lee: No thank you…
The camera zooms in on the red, embarrassed face of Lee
Lee (V.O.): Oh that special feeling…
With this, the scene slowly fades to black.
To be continued.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:48:14 GMT -5
The Second Impression The Reprobate ((Alternate Title: Match 1: Jin vs. Brent Garland)) The camera comes back live to the ACW Arena in Paris. The opening beats of "Empire" by Kasabian blast out as "The Silent Assassin" Jin comes out from behind the ACW curtain. He gets a decent enough reaction and milks it for all it is worth as he makes his way to the ring. He roles in, spits gold mist in to the air, and poses.Maxwell McNally: Well here comes Jin, the Masked Assassin. We haven't seen this young kid make much of an impact here in a while, but he's here, and that's all that matters. "Fast" Eddie Edison: He has the heart to show up, and he's got the guts to compete with the best of 'em here in ACW and you can't ask for anything more in an up and comer. The opening lyrics of "Sick Inside" blast over the PA system as the instrumental begins to play. The crowd is placed in a aggressive state as they boo the oncoming member of the ACW roster. After a short while, Brent Garland heads out of the back and stands on the center of the entranceway with a sign in hand. He looks out at the fans before smiling and holding the sign above his head saying "ACW" He promptly rips it in half to the disgust of the fans and begins his descent down the ramp.
The crowd begins to chant the "ACW" initials, which anger Garland, who attempts to quite them down, but only makes them louder.
The fans continue to boo and make obscene hand gestures as Garland heads for the ring. He pulls himself up onto the apron, carrying a coy smile as he slightly looks out at the fans once more before stepping in between the top and middle ropes. Once inside the ring, Garland pulls himself up onto the nearest turnbuckle, grabs his badger necklace in one hand and points to it aggressively with the other before raising both hands high into the air, a look of confidence now shining on his face."Fast" Eddie Edison: And there it is, a look of confidence on Brent's face. This... THIS... is what makes a good match. Two up and comers with pride, determination, and will power, going at it! Maxwell McNally: It certainly makes for an exciting pro wrestling match, indeed. The opponents circle around a bit and then lock up. Brent gets an overpowering start and hits an elbow to the back of Jin's head. Jin drops to his knees as Brent lays on another strike, this time an aggressive stomp to the back of Jin, which sends him face first in to the mat. Brent grabs the leg of Jin and wraps his leg around it, and then begins circling in the spinning toe hold. He goes around once... twice... three times... fou-"Fast" Eddie Edison: WOAH! What the... what's going on here!? As Brent went around for a fourth spin, he was kicked square in the face with a running dropkick by an unidentifiable wrestler. He looks to be a lightweight, and his skin is a medium light brown. He wears a black bandanna on his head and over his mouth. He was wearing black sunglasses, but they fell off as he executed the dropkick. The man gets to his feet immediately, picks Brent Garland up, and tosses him over the top rope. The referee calls for the bell as this interference breaks apart the match."Fast" Eddie Edison: Who is this guy, and what does he think he's doing? Maxwell McNally: Perhaps I can help you out a bit, Eddie. I know of this fellow, he was a main competitor in the GWF that has just recently shut it's doors down. His name is Stan Vishis. The only thing I don't know is why he's here and what the purpose of all of this is. Stan picks up Jin, locks his arms in to a double underhook position with his head under his arm, and drops him straight down in to a double armed spike DDT.Maxwell McNally: He calls that move his "Disruptor", Eddie. "Fast" Eddie Edison: Well he sure has DISRUPTED this match, so it's a fitting name. Now what the hell is the meaning of this? As Stan kicks Jin in the midsection, who then rolls out of the ring, a second wrestler slowly makes his way through the other side of the crowd."Fast" Eddie Edison: There's The Reprobate! We saw that guy last Monday on Warfare. Is he in cahoots with this Stan Vishis, or is he out here to confront him? Rep gets himself over the railing and then picks up his manager, Christina Hernandez, over the railing as well, and then walks up the steps of the ring.Maxwell McNally: My money is on he and Stan being in cahoots. These two guys used to be on the same TV broadcast on Sundays in GWF. They were in the same group at one time, called The Movement. Now... I'm getting word that we have an interviewer coming down to find out what this is all about. "Fast" Eddie Edison: This guy doesn't look like he does interviews, Maxwell. I think he came out here to talk by himself. Maxwell McNally: Well, regardless of what he was planning to do, we have Kevin Anderson on his way down to the ring. There he is now. Kevin "The Internet" Anderson quickly makes his way to the ring with microphone in hand. He gets in to the ring wistfully and walks over to The Reprobate, as Stan backs up in to the corner and rests his arms against the ropes. Kevin raises the microphone to his face.Kevin "The Internet" Anderson: Wow, last night, I read that you, Rep, was gonna come here on Meltdown and make your presence felt. But I didn't know you were gonna do it with this guy here! Since GWF closed, you're unemployed. I have a tip from an... INSIDE SOURCE... that you're gonna sign with ACW. Now that you're here, you're confirming it! So are you gonna do it? Are you gonna sign with ACW? Kevin holds the mic up for Rep to speak. But he doesn't.Kevin "The Internet" Anderson: Hey, come on, man! Are you gonna join ACW? What about Stan Vishis? Is he gonna join too? Have you guys already signed contracts? Kevin again looks for a response, and again, gets nothing.Kevin "The Internet" Anderson: LOOK PAL, I'M THE KING OF THE DIRT SHEETS! I ALWAYS GET THE INSIDE SCOOP! NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO RUIN MY REPUTATION, HERE? COME ON, GIMME SOMETHING! Rep snatches the microphone away from Kevin and shoves him. He falls back in to the ropes and looks petrified.Rep: You are sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, Anderson. Maybe you should take a hike, and watch some tapes of Alex Storm, maybe then you'll learn how to become a decent wrestling interviewer. Stan Vishis has received an ACW contract in the mail. He plans on signing that contract. But what about me, you ask? Did I get my ACW contract when GWF closed? No. I got nothing. In fact, I was thrown out of the building last week. My lawyer has attempted to reach contact with ACW officials, and thus far the calls haven't been returned. My publicist has e-mailed the ACW personals department, and still, the e-mails have gone unanswered. I am here tonight to get an answer. I want a contract, and I always get what I want. Now you're either going to give it to me, or I'm going to take it. You either give me a contract, or I will injure every last one of your contracted wrestlers, until you have no choice but to begin hiring new talent. MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD! I WILL GET IN TO ACW, AND I WILL- "Fast" Eddie Edison: We'll be right back! Rep is cut off as the show goes to commercial.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:49:25 GMT -5
Cock(erel) Block'd Dan White Earlier TodayDan White: What the hell do you mean I can't get into the country?! The scene opens up to Dan on the French/German border, with a border policeman looking through his files.Policeman: I am zo zorry Mister Blanc Dan White: It's White. WHITE. I'm not a bloody frog. It's White, like how the Queen intended it to be. The policeman looks up at Dan with a grimace, showing his incredibly stereotypically thin mustache, like you would see as a villain in an old-fashioned detective filmPoliceman: I am zorry but zee file says you can't come in to our beautiful country. Frustrated, Dan grabs the file.Policeman: NON! Zat is important French documents! You can't read it! Dan White: Whatever, dude. He rushes to the German side of the border, and hides the file, beginning to read it. The French police officer pursues, attempting to grab the file back from Dan. But Dan has his back to the policeman, trying to shield it away.Policeman: Give zat BACK! You are not allowed it! Dan White: Oi, get off me, you filthy Frenchman! I bet you don't even wash. The police officer continues to try and grab the file, and it looks more like when you've stolen the last chocolate bar off your brother and he's trying to grab it off you. Resigned, the policeman halts his attempts, but only to blow a whistle.Dan White: What the hell are yo-oh SHIT A van full of French policemen smashes through the border barrier, and Dan's eyes widen as it approaches him. Diving out the way, he makes a race for the border, and passes through the little offices that the border security normally hide in. His eyes widen as he almost hits France...
!-=-CRACK!!!-=-!
A MASSIVE French policeman steps out in front of him from behind one of the room, cracking Dan with a massive clothesline, which knocks the Welshman utterly senseless. Flat out on the floor, his eyes rolled into his head and his tongue hanging out like a cow which has just been hit with a Stun Gun, he looks more like a coma patient than a wrestler. The van of other French policemen drive through and pull up next to the large policeman, and they start to disperse out.Chief Policeman: Pierre, how many timez muzt I tell you! No phyzical contact, non?! Pierre The Fat Policeman: Zorry Thierry. I juzt thought it waz zee right decizion, oui? The chief of police shakes his head in disgust, as he walks over to his motorbike.Thierry the Chief Policeman: I am zorry Pierre, but I have to zuzpend you for thiz, without pay. Pierre looks distraught at this news, and quickly pulls Thierry back.Pierre The Fat Policeman: Non, pleaze, Thierry! My family, I have to feed them. I am zorry. That man punched a policeman lazt time he waz in France. That iz uncceptable. Thierry the Chief Policeman: Zo iz knocking him out! He iz worth more than your pathetic family will ever ea-what iz that zound? The squadron turns around, to hear Thierry's motorbike starting up. And Dan White sitting on the seat. Ever the opportunist, it appears that Dan was playing possum, in order to take advantage!Thierry the Chief Policeman: ...What zee.... Dan White: So long, you French bastards! Authority sucks! Anarchy for life!! Dan starts the motorbike, and despite Thierry's attempts to chase after him, the Welsh Dragon has escaped their grasp, and is on his way towards Paris. I guess he always seems to get what he wants, and if he wants to be in France, he'll get to France. Thierry, with a look of shock on dismay, turns to his team, who just stand there, silently.Thierry the Chief Policeman: ...Well? There's no response from the crew, who just turn their eyes to each other, hoping someone will pipe up and avoid the group getting a nasty telling off. Alas, none of them do, and Thierry starts to get mad.Thierry the Chief Policeman: GET IN ZEE VAN AND GET AFTER HIM!!! Suddenly, all the policemen click, and they rush into the van in no time. The van starts up, and with a mighty roar of the acceleration, they burst off in pursuit of Dan. But in typical French fashion, they've messed up...Thierry the Chief Policeman: YOU FORGOT ME YOU EEDIOTS!!!! Makes you think that Dan is going to end up making it to the arena with ease, doesn't it?
Fade Out.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:50:57 GMT -5
Title: What, you didn’t think we’d quit after 1 week. Credit: Chris Phenomenal and Hollywood Mach. With Thunder Train looking for Bacon Tits and Jake Steele bangin’ Freeman…err mackin’ dem hoes, there is only one group that is able to fill the void left on ACW.com, we now present you Sitting with the Stars! [/u][/size] Starring: Chris Phenomenal and Hollywood Mach[/center] The scene opens with Chris Phenomenal and Hollywood Mach sitting in a lizard lounge, drinks in their hands and beautiful women sitting beside them. Hollywood is so damn cool he is wearing his shades in door, whilst Chris Phenomenal has his bandanna down around his neck and his hat on like a G. Chris Phenomenal: Well ladies and gentleman after our smash hit of a debut last week, we were invited back to once again to put up a little piece on ACW.com.Hollywood: It’s exactly like the Mach brudah, he goes out to Hollywood and wins an academy award in his acting debut now everyone wants Hollywood Mach, and that’s why brudah, the Mach is going to be the next Bond Villain.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: So now with us being back on the air, we decided maybe we should change things up, you know prevent it from getting stale like the Cookie Sheet.Hollywood: Exactly Brudah, I mean every week it’s the same old things, Train eats some food, goes OM NOM NOM, they make fun of Freeman, make fun of Freeman again and then say, we were the tag team champions of 2008, be envious. Thing is they don’t realize no wants to be a three hundred plus pound fat ass or a black man that butchers the English language worse than the Welsh. They all want to be like the Mega Star Alliance.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: So we thought long and hard about how to change things up, at first we thought about doing a list of things that make Thunderkiss happy. Only problem is apparently there are kids watching this show so we couldn’t mention half of them, like Yuki Satoshi vs. Yoko Satoshi in a bang her hard match at Omega Effect V.Hollywood: Damnit Chris, remember we weren’t allowed to say it.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: Oh yeah. Anyways, then we thought about doing something along the lines of Five reasons why Jake Steele sucks.Hollywood: Thing is when the only creative output Chris gives towards a subject is “because his mom does” it just doesn’t work.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: So with that in mind we thought long and hard, but couldn’t come up with anything before Mach had to go film a commercial or something. So we decided to once again present our top 5 ACW superstars, of course we were entirely objective in making the list.Hollywood: So without further ado we present to you the first ever Mega Stars Stars starting with Number 5...[/color] Chris Phenomenal: The hell you doing Mach, you fucking with the pictures or some shit.Hollywood: No, just after last weeks debacle I couldn’t trust the lists that were being force fed to us by Tim the producer, so like any good actor I demanded a re-write.Chris Phenomenal: And it worked?Hollywood: After the Mach threatened to Jabroni Bust him all the way to Yellowknife it did.Chris Phenomenal: So then why is he on this list.Hollywood: The Mach figured that since he was such a great host, and seeing as how Dr Phil is the only man older than Thunderkiss to appear on ACW television, he was close to being on the list. And then the fact that despite receiving the ass whooping of a lifetime, he was some how able to appear on his show the very next day he earned the number five spot on the list.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: So it had nothing to do with the fact that by appearing on his show, you are now the most sought man in the MILF demographic.Hollywood: I can swear that it had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with that.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: Alright then Mach, whatever you say so I guess on we go with the list and number 4...
Chris Phenomenal: What’s this shit, no Kermit the Frog?Hollywoood: Naw Bruddah, He’s just an honourable mention. I wasn’t going to be totally biased and I figured even though he hasn’t been in action over the past two weeks he still deserves a spot here on the list because he’s the world champion until the Mach beats him at Omega Effect V after he wins Fallen Heroes.Chris Phenomenal: Fair enough, by the way did you catch mine and XS3 rendition of Stacy’s Mom on Monday?Hollywood: Ya the Mach did bruddah, and he was impressed at your singing voice too. I’m just concerned about you spending so much time with XS3 though. You aren’t going to turn your back on the Mega Star Alliance are you?Chris Phenomenal: No way, X leaving The Road Steelers was the right move and we admit that freely. Plus you never know, if he beats Steele at Fallen Heroes than we know a little bit about him from our little adventures, like what makes Christina horny.Hollywood: What good does that do us?[/color] Chris Phenomenal: I don’t know.Hollywood: On with number 3 then.[/color] Chris Phenomenal: That fucker, the one that’s been knockin’ my nuts over the past month.Hollywood: Someone’s getting a bit testy.Chris Phenomenal: The fuck you talking bout my balls for Mach?Hollywood: Good lord we really need to get you back through high school. Testy is like Angry or upset.Chris Phenomenal: Oh. Why the fuck he make the list though?Hollywood: Well the fact he beat you in the over the top rope battle royal didn’t hurt his cause. He also was impressive in the fatal fourway for the title and before that he won the tag team championships with Steele. All in all he’s been pretty impressive up to this point in his ACW tenure.Chris Phenomenal: He’s still a bitch though.Hollywood: He’s a Road Steeler, what else could he be?Chris Phenomenal: A member of the Kiss Army?Hollywood: I don’t know which is worse.Chris Phenomenal: Beats my two pair.Hollywood: On with number two then.Chris Phenomenal: Tea and Crumpets!Hollywood: Yes, Tea and Crumpets, in fact this show is for Freddie Mercury, Canada and Shit’s and Giggles.Chris Phenomenal: That’s a left touch Mach.Hollywood: Yeah, I know. Dan has been impressive as of late, picking up a big win against Thunder Train, as well as standing firm with his assumption that he, not the Mach is going to win Fallen Heroes.Chris Phenomenal: Him winning is about as likely to happen as Freeman not being suffixed by LOL.Hollywood: See you use big words like suffix but screw up testy. We’ve got to get you checked.Chris Phenomenal: Well that can’t happen until we finish the show, so on with the the Number One STAR…Hollywood: The Mega Star Alliance.Chris Phenomenal: All of us…together?Hollywood: Yeah bruddah.Chris Phenomenal: I understand me and Rawt, I mean he’s six and oh, and I won the Entertainment Title before almost winning that battle royal. BUT what have you done Mach, aside from sitting on your candy ass to get your ass up there.Hollywood: It’s my list Bruddah, you honestly didn’t think the Mach was going to leave himself off did you?Chris Phenomenal: I guess. Hey you down for some A&WHollywood: I don’t think we’re allowed there after what Rawt did last week.Chris Phenomenal: What about KFC?Hollywood: Rawt went there after, I don’t know if we’re allowed in there either.Chris Phenomenal: Damn Rawt, where the fuck are we allowed to eat?Hollywood: I don’t know Bruddah, the list is probably shorter than the places we aren’t allowed.Chris Phenomenal: I got it…What if we go for fish at…Hollywood: Don’t you say Steele’s moms.Chris Phenomenal: AWWW[/I] With that Chris gets up out of the chair as the women on his left licks her lips, lust in her eyes craving a shot at a Phenomenal evening as Chris heads out of the room. Hollywood: Well I guess that raps up this week’s show, so to everyone out there, just remember.
We’re SuperstarsWith that the scene begins to fade as Mach turns around and winks at the bodacious blonde, as Chris can be heard in the distance yelling at WCW, asking which place Rawt hasn’t gotten them banned from.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:52:11 GMT -5
“REDO” [/font] Credit: Thunderkiss[/center] [Somehow, in between the interviews, appearances and daunting tasks required of them, the Joseph’s have managed to find time for themselves this evening. Wanting nothing more than to get away from the clatter ringing throughout the arena walls, both Anna and Thunderkiss are able to sneak out of the arena for a few minutes and breath in some fresh air. Overhead the night sky blossoms with radiant starlight, setting the mood perfectly for what is about to transpire. Though their current locale is far away from their former home in San Fernando, California, they both can’t help but reminisce about days of old as their arms entwine and eyes gaze upwards into the great beyond.] Thunderkiss: Anna, it has just dawned on me that no matter how hard we try, we never seem to live a life of normalcy.Anna: If this is one of your, “oh, I promise I won’t try to kill you again” speeches? Because if it is, please spare me the time and agony of having to hear it all again. We go through this almost every other day. You’re sorry. I get it, okay? Thunderkiss: No, no. This is an entirely new rant. Every other husband out there married his wife the ol’ fashioned way. You know, getting down on one knee and purposing, all that romantic crap. They surely didn’t get hitched through a bizarre accident involving his stalker copycat and the minister straight off the set of “Poltergeist”. I mean, who the hell was that guy anyway?Anna: Well, apparently it doesn’t take much to be a servant of God these days. Just ask the Archdiocese. Thunderkiss: And that’s exactly what I am trying to say. The whole thing was nothing more than one gigantic cluster fuck and that’s not how I want us to be remembered. I mean, that moment should be one that is treasured, not one we bury deeply into our subconscious for our therapists to find later at five hundred dollars an hour.Anna: Oh poor you. How do you think I feel? Every women waits for that magical day to happen and all I will remember about mine is being kidnaped by the male equivlant of Hedra Carlson. Look, what’s done is done and we have to move on and come to the realization that “we” are defined by much more than one moment in time. [All his mental faculties come to a complete grinding halt. Did he hear correctly? Did Anna really say something of moral value? Admiration increases.] Thunderkiss: *slight pause* You’ve grown wise.Anna: Well, now I know where your intellect has been going. Mystery solved. [Admiration decreases. He can defeat the world’s greatest wrestlers in the ring. His image can sell millions of dollars of products. With the snap of his fingers he can get into the finest restaurants and clubs. At the end of the day there isn’t a damn thing he cannot do with his influence and power so why can’t he right this wrong? That is the very question he asks himself and comes up with an answer. There is.] Thunderkiss: Anna ...[He takes a knee; she gets a sense of deja vu. It was almost one year to the day that he attempted to take her hand in marriage thought it seems it has been a lifetime. Time has changed both in different ways. Will it do it the same for this outcome, which truth be told, has little relevance considering they are both already in wedlock. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?] Thunderkiss: Come. Come to Thunderkiss and be his queen.Anna *giggle*: Personally, getting kidnaped was better than this. Thunderkiss: Oh?[Like two playful teenagers they go at it, with Thunderkiss lifting his bride into his arms and throwing her over her shoulder as a punishment for her slanderous tongue. She resists, but her struggle only leads to arousal and finally, passion.] Thunderkiss: Alright, Princess, this time I promise you white horses, long wedding gowns and royal ballrooms. Sound good?[With great hesitation he opens the back bay door that shall return them into the arena. The show must go on. Upon doing so, the rush from the crowd emanates over them, reminding them both that no matter how hard they try they will not be able to run from what lies ahead. In all honesty that is quite alright with the prince and princess of ACW for they have now accepted their purpose in life and have come to the realization that if this was to be their fate, they are going to both own it like nobodies business.] [FADE]
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:53:25 GMT -5
Segment: What Dreams May Come (Credit: Lee, Steele) Lee Homicide was dreaming. And in this dream, Lee Homicide found himself in the middle of a windswept field, on a beautiful spring day…underneath a beautiful blue, cloud covered sky. The grass rustled calmly around the big man, even in his dreams was impeccably dressed in his suit. He smiled and closed his eyes, feeling the gentle breeze on his skin. He didn’t remember when he fell asleep, or how he got there…but he didn’t care. For the first time since he could remember, he didn’t feel any pain, soreness, sadness or worry. It was strange, but he was peacefully content, without a pressure in the world…and he didn’t know why. He also didn’t care. The sun seemed to be growing brighter, forcing him to squint and shield his eyes at first…but soon he felt he could look directly into the glow. It was warm, inviting. It only served to amplify his serenity. It called to him…and with a smile, he headed toward that white light…the troubles of his mortal life fading dissolving into a blissful tranquility…closer he came…closer…it was all washing away…OOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo [/size][/center] …Oh fuck. Hey wait a minute…even in a dream he has those sirens? Ah well. Forget it.Scott Steiner: AWWW The light and the promise it wrought faded immediately as Lee’s head snapped to his left to find a very angry Scott Steiner standing beside him on the plain. He had to do a double take to make sure what he was seeing was real. This dream he knew, was about to become something less welcomed.Steiner: ABOUT TIMEEE. ALL THAT LEIGHT SHININ IN MY EYESSS AND ME WITHOUT MY SONGLASSES. IMMA FIND THE PEESA TRASH SHINING THAT THING AND KICK HIS ASS. Lee: S…Scott? Why are you in my dream? It was Scott’s turn to be surprised, he looked over to his longtime friend, gawked a bit and tried to get his own grip on reality…for he too was dreaming and he didn’t know why Lee was invading his subconscious. Unless of course he was dreaming about Lee dreaming about him in return, or maybe Lee was dreaming about Scott dreaming about Lee and he was just a figment inside of said dream…AWWW.Steiner: Lee…? I mean…SHUT UP! WHYARE YOO IN MY DREAM? Lee: What are you talking about? This is my dream. Steiner: NO SEE…THATS AINT A CORRECT FACT, JACK! Lee: Scott why are you yelling at me? I’m like five feet away…oh right I forgot, that’s just how you talk. Steiner: DOUGHNT MAKE THAT MIXSTAKE AGAIN! Lee: Sure, sure…hey listen what…wait who are you? Oh…oh fuck. Lee’s query is berthed by the sudden appearance of a large podium, laden with the thickest guest book he had ever seen. It’s caretaker had a white beard, a white robe and a feathered pen. And behind him stood a very large pair of pearly white gates. So much for this being a dream, there wasn’t a stairway…but there was, apparently, a heaven. Lee stood staring in disbelief of what he was seeing. In the off chance that this was still a dream, he wanted to wake up, fast. Steiner on the other hand, was much slower to catch on.Steiner: LEE WHATS DA MATTER YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SEEN A GHOST. HOLD ON A SEC, ILL FINE-OUT WHUTS GOIN ON. HEY OLD MAN! Oh god…Saint Peter: Yes my boy? Steiner: SHUT UP! IM ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE. Saint Peter: Uh huh. Right…we’ve got a vulgar one here I see. I can’t wait to see who’s playing a trick on me in the office with this one because I’m getting the feeling you won’t be schedule in…the book…oh my. Uh…well this is a surprise, apparently you saved one of our disguised Angels from a burning car out of the goodness of your heart. Lee: Wait a second…out of the goodness of his heart? That doesn’t seem…wait, Scott…this angel you apparently saved, was she hot? Steiner: SHE WUS THE SEXIEST FRINK I EVER SAWWW. Lee: Well that explains the act of kindness….WHOA, WHOA, WHOA… The light switch in Lee’s brain finally turned back on.Lee: So, unless I’m completely losing my mind, because I’ve pinched myself fifteen times in the last two minutes…you’re Saint Peter, and these are the gates to heaven. Saint Peter: You are correct, Mr. Lee. You are currently about to pass in a hospital bed after going into a severe shock following the bender you suffered as a result of your abuse of coke and Twizzlers. You will be granted access to eternal paradise according to my ledger, because…you are a good, moral and righteous person…according to Jake Steele. Lee: No…you mean he actually? You actually buy into everything we…? Saint Peter: Every week. Lee: Jesus Christ. Saint Peter: He’s out of town right now, but he’d love to meet you when he gets back. Big, BIG fan. Throw it up! Saint Peter throws up the wolf-headed shape of the Kliq flash and Lee just stares at him in complete and total disbelief, the awkward moment is shattered in an instance by the third man standing nearby.Steiner: HEY! WHYTE TRASH! WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU BETTER TELL ME HOW IM DYIN’ RIGHT NOW ‘FORE I CRUSH YOR SCRAWNY LITTLE NECK. Saint Peter: Ah yes, Scott Steiner…Scott Steiner…says here you’re currently having massive heart failure in your bed at home following countless years of abusing…oh my, whoever was assigned to you was very unprofessional…countless years of abusing a “shit ton” of steroids and body building substances. Steiner: SEE THAT’S WHERE YOR WRONG SMO JOE. Saint Peter: It’s Saint Peter. Steiner: SHUT UP! THAT’S WHERE YER WRONG…I SEE RYTE THROUGH HIS SCAM LEE! SEE BECAUSE IFFHE WER REALLY SAINT PETER, HEED KNO THAT I NEBER TOOK EELEGAL SUSTANCES ENMY LYFE. Both Lee Homicide and Saint Peter just stare at Steiner, the two are very visibly not convinced.Saint Peter: Right…well we’ll just leave it at that then. Steiner: NOWYER TAWKIN. LISTEN HERE SMO JOE, ARE THERE LOTSA FRINKS IN HEAVEN? Saint Peter: My name isn’t…yes…there are a lot of freaks in heaven. Enjoy. The pearly gates open before Steiner, who in a completely unheard of instance…is smiling. He begins to walk toward the opening as something in the ledger catches Saint Peter’s eye. He traces the newly noticed text with his finger and Steiner quickly finds himself running into and invisible wall.Steiner: HEY! WHAT GIVES OLD MAN? Saint Peter: I do apologize, Mr. Steiner, I didn’t catch this before, but it says here that your heavenly entry status has been revoked as of five hours ago. You see, another wrestler’s time was up a few days ago…one Andrew “Test” Martin, and he informed our officials in great detail about you, and an unbiased investigation by Eddie Guerrero and Bryan Adams corroborated his story. I’m afraid because of this new found information, you are no longer permitted into heaven. Steiner: TEST YOU SONOVA BITCH! Scott Steiner quickly disappears in a bright flash of light. Big Daddy Cool is still trying to wrap his mind around the entire situation.Lee: Did you…did you send him to hell? Saint Peter: Hell? Oh no, no. The note also said we tried to move his transcripts to the fiery pit…a lot of bureaucratic Boulder-dash…but anyway. Apparently upon going through his paper work, Satan decided it wasn’t in hell’s best interest to have Scott Steiner running around. Nope, he’s gone back to Earth and live as though nothing ever happened, he’ll forget he was ever here. We’ll uh…find a place for him eventually. Lee: You can make him forget things? Saint Peter: Don’t be silly, the steroids will do that. Lee: Fair enough. So uh…quick question here. I’m dead? Saint Peter: As soon as you walk through the gates. Your body hasn’t gotten much longer, I’m afraid. Lee: Well this…this kinda sucks. Wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. Saint Peter: Don’t fret my boy…you can still smile down upon them from up here and watch over them…and all that jazz. It’ll buff out. Lee: Uh…thanks Saint Peter. Saint Peter: Hey, no problem. But hey now, behave yourself in here. No giving the Starlight Extinction to any old enemies you come across. Lee: Um, right…right. Well I suppose I need to make the best of it. Lee approached the gates, which opened for him as he advanced, basking him once again in the warm light. As he squinted into his bright pathway to eternal paradise, a thought crossed his mind, a question of great importance that he knew he couldn’t cross the threshold without asking. He slowly turned back to Saint Peter.Lee: You can tell the future and all that right? I have a question I wanted to ask. Saint Peter: Ask away. Suddenly the light engulfed him, drowning his senses and vision in a complete white out. Slowly a blurry shape formed in front of him. The picture he was seeing became clearer and clearer and he could make out the shape of a white light and the figure of a man standing over him. Only this light was a ceiling fixture and the man wasn’t Saint Peter, Jesus Christ, or God himself…it was Jake Steele and he was holding a pair of…defibrillators? Lee gasped for air as a suited and patched up Steele flashed his signature smile at his fallen comrade.Steele: Welcome back, Lee. I thought I had lost yo ass for a minute.Lee: Jake…what…what are you doing? You don’t…oh god I feel like I’ve been hit by a train…you don’t even know how to use those things…Why…my fucking CHEST….why didn’t you get the FUCKING doctors? Steele: Because I couldn’t leave you in da hands of these suckahs, Lee. Earlier dey said I could have some chocolate puddin' for desert wit' my dinner and then dey changed their minds about it later. Dat's unacceptable. Do you really want niggas like dat trying to preserve yo life?Lee: …YES. Steele: Fine, be dat way. I save yo life and dis is how you thank me? I don‘t know why you so upset about dis.Lee: BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE SERIES FINALE OF GOSSIP GIRL. Steele stares at Lee then at the defibrillators in his hands then back to Lee before looking at the settings on the machine they were attached to. He slowly locks them back into place and scratches his head.Steele: Aight, maybe I turned da voltage up too high...Lee: Yeah, thanks…I dunno, you just woke me up from just about the strangest dream I ever had. Suddenly the doctor and his staff run over, the two nurses checking over Lee and asking him a barrage of questions as the doctor of the group scowls at Steele and double checks the defibrillator machine. He suddenly storms over to Steele, getting in his face.Doctor: You idiot! He was sleeping, and you applied a near life-threatening amount of voltage to him for absolutely no reason! Steele: I think there’s some kind of mistake here Doctah, I was trying to explain to Lee our plan to get revenge on dat sucka XS3, and he just wouldn’t wake up. So me, bein' da cautious muthafucka dat I am, I began to fear da worst for his health, and in a split decision I saved his life.Doctor: He was on a special IV and pain killing medications. He was in a sound sleep because we wanted him to be, Lee was only resting you moron! Steele: Listen here, sucka. I am Jake Steele - WORLD CHAMP! How dare you question my motives? You just a poor, disgustin' doctah wit' a small paycheck and a stethoscope. How dare you talk to me in dat tone brah? How dare you throw slander at my name?Doctor: OK then. Orderlies, escort Mister Steele here back to his room, strap him down so we don’t have anymore equipment mishaps this time oh…and be sure to give him some of our finer relaxants to calm him down. Two very large men seize Steele by his arms and drag him out into the hallway, kicking and struggling. Steele even tries to bit at one of them, all the while pitching his resilient tantrum at the smiling doctor whom was now waving goodbye to him.Steele: Aye, aye! Let me go you heathens! I'm Jake Steele bitch! I AM DA BEST IN THE WORLD TODAY! Tell these men to let me go doctor…wait, stop smilin' nigga! Is dis da way it’s going to be then? Wait until my laywers gets a hold of you… I'mma get Thunder Lawyer on yo ass! I’ll sue dis hospital for every penny! Every penny nigga!…FUCK! You scratched my arm bitch, wit' yo bear claws!The doctor watches, shaking his head as Steele is dragged down the hall and out of site, he takes of his glasses, cleaning them briefly with his white coat and again counts the days until glorious retirement. He was getting far too old for this. He looked up at Lee after putting his glasses back on.Doctor: What’s his deal anyway? Lee: Don’t look at me. I think he’s completely off his rocker. Hey Doc, do you think the chest hair will grow back where he zapped me? End.
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Post by Dan White on Apr 16, 2009 15:55:16 GMT -5
Segment: Yay, Intense Training! Part 2! (Credit: Freeman)
Two days Ago
Freeman’s heart pounds in his chest…and yet he keeps running. It’s been about 90 minutes since he started, and yet he continues sprinting, the treadmill set to a steady run. Stamina is after all one of the most important aspects for a battle royal. He, however, feels ready to drop. He is going on sheer willpower, but refuses to stop. He will continue running for as long as it takes. As long as he can physically continue he will keep running, and even when he can’t he will go on all the same.
Why is he having such a hard time? Is it possible that the lack of sleep plus constant training has actually weakened him? No…that can’t be. He won’t believe it. Not with Fallen Heroes so close. He keeps running and running, even though his body is screaming for him to stop. He almost stumbles for a second, but keeps his balance luckily and continues.
On Monday he faced Dave Shadow in the ring. Once again, he was defeated. His training should be paying off by now…it’s flawless. How many superstars on the roster can say they spent all of their time either training or watching tapes, with almost no sleeping. Therefore, he should be doing better by now. He should be crushing the competition and going into Fallen Heroes with all the momentum in the world.
It isn’t a lack of ability. He’s managed to have a huge winning record before…after his return. He clearly has it in him. So what is the problem?! It’s so frustrating that he almost loses hope, but he can’t afford to. He just works harder and harder.
He feels ready to drop…he can’t go on any farther…but HE HAS TO. The Fallen Heroes battle royal isn’t going to stop so he can recuperate.
And that’s when he finally stumbles and falls…the treadmill shoots him off, and he lands on the floor…and in fury he jumps to his feet, jumping onto the treadmill attempting to reboard it….and of course that doesn’t go well. His legs shoot back and he falls forward onto the treadmill, being shot off again…and lying defeated on the ground.
He lies on his back looking up at the ceiling…before banging his fists on the floor in hopelessness and fury. He had just dropped…unable to go any further. His confidence in himself drains faster than ever before.
Why had he attempted to get back on? He should have known from basic physics that that was a horrible decision…and it isn’t one he normally would have made. He had lost control in his anger…something he can’t afford to do. If he could make a stupid mistake like that now…what would he do in the battle royal? Is it possible that the reason he had attempted to board it was that not only was his body not holding up to the training…but that his mind was slipping too? Was he losing his ability to think rationally? Before he was calm and collected, but now he is impulsive and angry.
He began to think that he was seriously wrong in how he was going about all of this…
But he couldn’t afford to do it any other way. He needed a victory. And he would get one.
The worst thing of it was…that as he lay on his back in defeat, he could barely even keep himself awake.
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