Monday Night Warfare 17th April 2006

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Quite a shot (credit: Red)

Red is shown on the deck of the cruise ship tossing a baseball to himself and catching it in a glove that he has covering his left hand. He tosses the ball high into the air and backs up a little to catch it. He loses footing on a step, stumbles back, and crashes down the steps. The back of his head bounces off the railing and Red crashes to the deck hard.

Scott (Red) wakes up to see Austin Kearns, Ryan Freel, and Felipe Lopez standing over him with concerned looks on their faces.

Austin: You all right?

Ryan: That was quite a shot you took diving for that ball.

Scott: What the hell is going on?

Ryan: You went all out diving for that foul ball.

Scott: Huh?

Austin: You hit your head so hard that you don’t even know where you are anymore, do you?

Scott looks around confused as Jerry Narron, the general manager of the Reds jogs out to meet them with the trainers in tow.

Austin: He don’t have damned clue where he is.

Jerry: Scott, you gonna make it?

Scott: Yea, sure, I guess.

Jerry: Good cause I hate to take you out at this point in the game.

Scott looks at the scoreboard that shows the game in the ninth inning with their opponents, the Indians leading 6-3. The small gathering disperses as everyone moves back to their positions. Scott searches around and sees first base has no one covering so he assumes that is where he is supposed to be. He goes and covers the bag as Aaron Harang straightens up on the pitchers mound. His throw down to home gets a strike three call to end the top half of the ninth inning. The Reds team heads to the dugout and waits for the bottom of the ninth to begin. Scott looks around the dugout at everyone and finds a few faces staring down at him.

??: Big hit you took out there, kid. I haven’t seen anyone dive for a ball like that in years and get up and stay on the field. Good effort out there.

Scott turns to see Ken Griffey Jr. standing behind him with a small grin on his face. Behind him Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns are looking over Ken’s shoulder and watching the start of the conversation. Behind Scott, Ryan and a couple others approach to listen in.

Scott: This is some strange shit. First I was at my ACW show getting ready for my match. Then I hit my head and wake up here having hit my head diving for some foul ball.

Adam: ACW?

Austin: Yea. That’s a badass wrestling fed in the south. They got some kick ass wrestlers down there.

Ryan: I’ve been to a few shows a while back.

Jerry: All right guys, innings starting lets get this going. Freelie, Felipe, Junior. You’re the first three.

Scott walked over to the lineup card and read it. Ryan Freel, Felipe Lopez, Ken Griffey, Adam Dunn, Austin Kearns, Scott G. Batting sixth meant there was always a possibility to get in this inning. Scott walked back over to the bench and stood next to the pitchers and watches out onto the field.

Freel digs in at the plate and lines a base hit single to left field. With Lopez batting, Ryan tries to steal second and comes in safely. Felipe steps back into the plate and squares for a bunt and sends it down the first base line. He gets thrown out as Freel moves over to third. Griffey stepped up to the plate and drew a walk.

With Freel at third and Griffey at first, Adam Dunn stepped to the plate. Scott walked over to the bat rack to grab a bat incase he would get to swing. His mind was still racing at the thought of being here and at the ACW event just minutes ago. He looks back out onto the field to see Adam Dunn strike out and walk back to the dugout.

Austin walked up to the plate as Scott moved out of the dugout and into the on-deck area. He took a few swings with a bat he found on one of the racks. The bat gripped great. He looked up as the crowd roared approval. He saw that Austin drew a walk that loaded up the bases with 2 outs.

Scott walks to the plate with his bat in hand. He scans around the field. Freel, Griffey, Kearns all lead off the bases and stare down to him. The situation was every fans dream. Be at the plate. Bases loaded. Two outs. Trailing by three runs.

Scott digs into the batter’s box and looks out at the pitcher, who looks in at his catcher and takes a sign. His first pitch goes screaming past Scott’s head at 100 mph. Ball one was the call.

Scott stepped in for the next pitch that was way outside and called for ball 2. With a 2-0 count, the crowd was on their feet and roaring for Scott to accomplish something. The next pitch looked good enough to hit and Scott took a huge cut and missed by a little bit.

Umpire: Steeeeeerike 1!!!!

Scott stepped back and took a deep breath. Then he stepped back in and awaited his next pitch. It was low so Scott didn’t take a swing at it.

Ump: Ball 3, Strike 1.

Scott stepped back and awaited once again for the delivery. It didn’t look great to hit so he stepped away from it and started to take his walk down to first base. The umpire’s call stopped him dead in his track.

Ump. STRIKE 2!

Scott turned and stared at the ump with an unhappy look for a moment. He then returned to the plate and picked up his bat. After giving the umpire another glare, he stepped into the box and looked out at the pitcher again. He had a full count against him so the runners would be taking off on this pitch. The pitch came in and looked like a beauty. Scott swing with all his power and connected and sent the ball sailing deep to left field. He pumped his hand up in the air and started his way around the bases thinking about the homer. He didn’t see where the ball landed but the voice he heard shouting over the loudness of the crowd brought down the mood.

Ump: FOUL BALL!!!!

Scott stopped as he rounded first and bowed his head. He headed back to home to try everything again. He picks up his bat, kicks at the dirt, and digs in one more time. As the pitcher winds up, Scott begins to hear familiar voices.

??: Dude, wake up.

??: Come on, Red. Snap out of it.

Scott shakes the voice away and focuses on the pitch. It’s a high pitch and is curving in on him.

??: Dammit, Red. Your match is coming up. Wake your ass up.

??: Vamos, amigo.

Scott shakes it off again and focuses on the ball. His focus is a bit late. He tries to duck but the ball smashes right into the side of his head, sending him crashing down in the dirt hard. It knocks him out cold for a moment.

When he wakes up, he looks around and notices that he is back on a cruise ship. Tornado and Latino are standing over him.

Latino: Bout time you wake up.

Tornado: Your match is coming up, bro. What happened?

Red: It’s a long story and I don’t really wanna talk about it.

Red stumbles toward the ring area to get to his match as Tornado and Latino stared after him shaking their heads.

Fade out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: ACW’s Night at the Movies – Part IV (Credit: Hunter)

If he upsets him now, he is surely screwed. Because despite his strength and ability to skill, he knows that his master’s skill is even greater. He has learned some terrible information that will upset his master, so he must break this news very carefully. He raises his greenish arm and hits a button to his right, and then enters the chamber of his master.

?: Who is there?

Predator: Uh…it’s me, Master.

The Predator moves forward into the light, revealing his hideous form and alien body, with strange armor and equipment mounted all around him. He steps forward and gets on his knees and bows before his master, who stands with his back facing towards him and speaks with great difficulty.

?: Why are you here, servant?

Predator: Something important has happened.

?: And what might that be?

Predator: We have picked up a strong usage of the Force on the planet Tatooine.

?: Have you now?

Predator: Yes. We await your word on what to do.

?: Well, regardless of what you have told me, I fear not the presence of the Force on that tiny planet. For everyone knows that it is I who possesses the true power of the Force, and I am the only one who can harvest its dark side.

Predator: Of course, sire, you are a Sith Lord. You always know of what you speak.

?: That said, allow this presence to do what it wishes. Should it decide to attack us, then inform the Emperor.

Predator: Of course, Lord…London.

The dark figure turns and its cape disappears behind it. The figure before Predator wears a full body suit of black armor, with a black helmet covering his face. But everyone knows who this is, despite the mask. This is Darth London, the second most feared man in the galaxy, only behind his emperor.

London: Now be gone. I have work to do…

Predator bows and quickly exits the room, seemingly content with how easy this turned out to be for him.

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RDK moves swiftly for a man of his age. He walks around the large table and locks eyes with the seven figures that he has invited to his humble abode. He then moves forward after looking at each one of them and stands at the head of the table.

RDK: Now then, you obviously want to know why you are all here. And I shall tell you in a few moments. First, I must introduce you to some of my friends.

Four figures walk out of the shadows and look at the new arrivals to their planet.

RDK: First, we have Jonny Skywalker. He is a strong possessor of the Force, despite the fact that he has not fully grasped his power. Regardless, he is a powerful warrior.

The first man to the left nods, announcing his presence. Everyone then shifts their glance to the man beside him.

RDK: This is Han Solo, though we prefer to simply call him Holo. He is a strong individual and a smuggler who does anything to make a living. We need him more than anything for his ship, the Eternal Eagle.

They shift their eyes once more, this time to a non-human creature, a large hairy beast that some are startled to see.

RDK: This is a Wookie, and he is good friends and partners with Holo. His name is Hitman, and he squashes.

They all shift their eyes to the final figure, who is a golden robot.

RDK: The final one you see is a robot that Jonny and his father helped build ages ago. He had a friend, named R2-D2, who was a fellow robot…but he met with an unfortunate end. Ever since that day many months ago, he has never been the same. His name is C3-EMO, but due to the mouthful, we simply refer to him as Jake.

Jake: …why did he have to go? WHY!?!??!

The robot produces tears as the others look on with raised eyebrows. RDK ignores this, as if he’s used to it, and turns back towards his guests.

RDK: All right, now I will tell you why you are here. Despite your theories that all of you are unrelated, you are very much related. All of you are film characters from somewhere in the late 20th to early 21st centuries. You are heroes and powerful people in your own rights, and so I summoned you here because I…or rather, we…need you to do something for us.

Latino: And what the fuck is that?

AK: Let him speak.

Latino: Hey, don’t get fuckin’ pushy with me, chula! I---

AK takes out her sword and is inches away from decapitating Latino when her sword stops. It then finds its way back into its casing and RDK once again puts his arm inside his cloak.

RDK: Do not fight each other. We need all of you to live.

AK: …fair enough.

RDK: As I was saying, this galaxy is mainly being ruled by a federation of intergalactic fascists, who wish to take over the entire universe. Their leader is a man who goes by the name Emperor Rose, and his right hand man is a powerful Sith Lord named Darth London.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DA-DUN DUN DA-DUN

RDK: …together, they form an almost unstoppable evil and they MUST be defeated before the universe is harmed anymore. To do this, we must infiltrate their headquarters, called the Death Star, and find the Holy Grail inside. Once we find it, we must use one of its three magic wishes to wish the universe back to normal.

The seven continue listening, despite the exuberant fantasy that is explained to them.

RDK: We have Jonny, Holo, Hitman, Jake, and myself of course, but we are fully aware that this is not enough. We need more. And so one day when I was walking through the desert here, I stubbed my foot on something large. I dug it out of the ground and found that it was a book called the Necronomicon, the Book of the Dead. I flipped through its pages and found a spell that I cast, and this spell has brought the seven of you to me. And you are now here, and we wish for you to join our resistance and defeat the evil fascists. What say you?

Silence.

Hunter: So let me get this straight…you used the evil Book of the Dead, the Necronomicon, to summon up seven “movie” characters to your planet of Tatooine, so that we may band together in a powerful and united force and together go out to rid the universe of an intergalactic federation of fascists, that can only be defeated by using one of three magic wishes granted by the Holy Grail, which in turn is housed in the Death Star that they themselves rule over, making this entire task near impossible due to the inevitable conflict that will arise between our groups and the impossibility of the situation given the true evil powers of those two beings who rule currently. Right?

RDK: …yeah, basically.

Hunter: Oh, all right, I’m in.

RDK: And the rest of you?

Gooey: Meh, I’ve got nothing better to do. And if McGonagall finds out what I was doing, I’m screwed.

Dan: I too am in. This sounds interesting to me.

Santiago: Meh, what the hell? I’m in.

Senator: What, may I ask, do we get out of this?

RDK: The pleasure of saving the universe is not enough for you?

Senator: No.

RDK: Oh…well, there are two wishes left. One is obviously used to save the universe. The second I will use to wish you all back to your worlds, as I can do nothing else to accomplish that task. But the third…that is up to you.

Senator: …fine, I will help you.

AK: Count me in. The sooner I get back to my world, the sooner I can…umm…squinger…no…uh…kill Ginger.

Latino: I fuckin’ don’t fuckin’ like the fuckin’ sounds of this fuckin’ idea, but I’m fuckin’ in cause I fuckin’ want to fuckin’ go fuckin’ home cause I fuckin’ need some more fuckin’ drugs.

Gooey: I’m with you, homes.

Latino looks at Gooey with a strange expression, and the latter quickly ducks out of view.

RDK: Excellent. Now please, follow us. We will lead you to the Eternal Eagle and we can begin our trip instantly.

He turns and is followed out of the room by his four friends, and then seconds later by the seven new people that have joined has rebellious crusade. No one is quite sure just what in the hell is going on…but whatever it is, it sounds fun.

End.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Dreams: Part II (Credit: Torak)

The bus doors open with a squeak, inviting…or urging him onto the vehicle. The bus driver glares at him.

”Are you getting on the bus or what you little shit”

His accent is very weird; nothing like Jack has ever heard before. It seems to be a mixture of various British accents, most notably Welsh. On his arm, the skin black as the ace of spades, is a tattoo of a dragon.

”Get on the bus before I kick your bloody arse!”

Jack quickly leaps onto the bottom step of the bus. He ascends up the next step and walks past the sneering driver. As he makes his way down the bus he notices that nobody is paying him any attention, he doesn’t warrant any attention. Nobody seems to notice him at all.
Eventually, he finds an empty seat next to a young, happy looking child. Jack immediately recognizes his latin complexion and cheeky smile.

”Hey Jack! I saved you a seat!”

He pats the seat invitingly but Jack sneers at him.

”Hey what’s wrong? Have I done something wrong? Tell me Jack. I am your best friend after all.”

The statement grabs him by the shoulders and slaps him firmly in the face. The young child continues to smile at his best friend, still keeping the seat open for sitting. Noticing there are no more seats available he shakes his head and takes the seat without a word. His “friend” seems even happier now.

”So, what’s up buddy?”

Jack shrugs and at last, for the first time today forges a smile.

”You sure you’re okay? You seem quiet today. Normally, we can’t stop you talking.”

Before Jack can issue a response a nervous voice from across the aisle pipes up.

”W-w-would you like a sweet Jack?”

Jack looks across to see a dorky looking kid sitting with a bag of sweets in his hand. A pair of thick framed spectacles rest on his wonky nose which sits in the middle of an acne covered face.
Jack shakes his head in refusal. His friend cuts across:

”Hey Randy, could I have one!?”

He nods and reaches across toward him.

”Sure Victor, here…whoops”

He clumsily drops the bag, scattering the sweets on the floor of the bus. Laughter erupts and Randy blushes, ashamed.

Randy: ”Sorry Victor.”

Victor shakes his head and offers his sympathy.

Victor : ”Don’t worry about it man.”

Randy returns to an upright position in his seat and all is normal. That is, until a voice roars from the back;

“Randy! You’re a gayboy!”

The frighteningly unwitty comment manages to pluck further laughter from the passengers of the bus and only further diminishes the butt of the joke into a sense of shame. Randy hates being the center of attention. Besides, he isn’t a good enough speaker, not charismatic enough to respond to the comment.
Immediately after the comment is launched Jack turns around and spots a wave of red hair duck down behind a seat. His eyebrows frown before returning his attention to the seat in front of him.

Gazing at the black leather in front of him he listens to the unbearable sound of screaming kids echoing in the bus. He hears the conversation in front of him.

”Hey Rena, when we get off the bus do you fancy going behind the bike shed for…you know…”

A gasp is followed by the sound of an open palm striking an unsuspecting face.

”Absolutely not! I’m not that kind of girl!”

Jack actually chuckles at the scenario. That’s one thing he wasn’t expecting today was a laugh. He listens out for more clues to the reality. A conversation not far behind him catches his attention.

”Y’know, I can’t be bothered to take charge of that stupid project. Do you wanna be in charge instead?”

A response is swift.

”Piss off, I’ve got better things to do. Why don’t you ask that Ginger kid to do it?”

”Him? Pfft, he’s useless. He couldn’t run a hundred yards.”

Ginger Kid? This is all too eerily familiar. But then again, it isn’t.

The bus pulls up outside the school. It doesn’t look much like a school though, it bears more resemblance to a sports complex. The bus driver hollers from the front, loud enough for all to hear.

”Right, get off you little sods. I’ve got a can of beer calling my name and it’s not very patient…like me. Now get off!”

Jack is reluctant to stand up. He allows everyone in the seats behind him to pass first. His friend shakes his head and blurts.

Victor : ”Eugh! Beer. How could anyone drink beer? Disgusting. I’m never going to drink alcohol. What a waste of money.”

Jack turns quickly to his friend and contemplates a response. However, words can not describe what he’s thinking at this moment.
The girl with red hair pushes past him as he continues to wait.

”Watch it shortstuff!”

Jack sneers at her, an expression noticed by Victor.

”Hey man, she’s beautiful, don’t you think. I dream of marrying her someday!”

Jack decides not to demean her verbally. If Victor is the only friend he has right now he might want to keep it that way. He rises to his feet and begins to shuffle down the aisle to the front. He glances at the driver before exiting the bus. His friend and Randy follow behind him and the doors close with a swish before the bus begins to pull away.

Victor and Randy begin to walk toward the building, leaving Jack rooted to the spot. Victor halts in his tracks and looks back at his friend with a smile. Come on Jack!

Once again he is reluctant to continue, but he can’t help but step forward to join his “friends” on their way into the building.

To Be Continued…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: ACW’s Night at the Movies – Part V (Credit: Hunter)

On any other planet, he’d have thought it was the cocaine playing tricks on him. But unfortunately for Tony Latino, this is indeed reality. The Eternal Eagle looks down at him peacefully, and he is simply in awe of its large form and almost inhuman power. But that makes sense, given that it is, in fact, not human. It is a large silver spaceship, with some cannons on its side and bottom and being in a general circular shape. There are large boosters at its back, and via the use of a remote control activated by Holo, its bottom opens up and our protagonists are able to enter inside of the magnificent structure. Latino is the last to enter, and he jumps slightly when the door shuts behind him. Everyone gathers in a circle around RDK as Holo takes it upon himself to be the first to speak.

Holo: The rules are simple: touch any part of the ship without my permission and die. Sit anywhere without my permission and die. Ask me anything concerning the ship, or the trip’s length, and die. Touch ME in any way and die. Touch Hitman in any way, and you’ll likely die. Right?

Hitman: SQUASH!

Holo: I think that about covers it.

Latino: So fuck, man, can I fuckin’ get some fuckin’ coffee?

Holo: …no.

Gooey: Could I sit down?

Holo: No.

RDK throws him a side glance.

Holo: …fine. If only for my pay.

Jonny: Now it’s my turn. Anyone who wishes to learn some combat before we arrive at the Death Star simply has to ask me. I am well trained in the art of the Force, and I can give you some weapons, whether they are melee weapons or guns.

Latino: GUNS!? DID YOU SAY FUCKIN’ GUNS!?!?!?!

There are four things that Tony Latino loves more than anything else in the world: women, money, and drugs are three of them. Try to guess the fourth.

Jonny: Uh…yeah.

RDK: Mr. Holo, please go start the ship. We must make it to the Death Star as fast as possible.

Hunter: So exactly how long will this take?

Holo looks at Hunter evilly before disappearing in the captain’s area with Hitman.

RDK: Given that we have hyper speed on our side, it shouldn’t take too long. I must go speak with Mr. Holo, so Jonny and Jake can take care of you here.

RDK leaves and Jake slowly waddles up to the Senator, looking him up and down.

Jake: Gotta light?

Senator: …no.

Jake: But…but…waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Jake runs off into another room as Jonny turns back towards them.

AK: Who was your father?

Jonny: …what?

AK: Kanyon said that that pile of nuts and bolts was built partly by you, partly by your father. So who was he?

Jonny: He was supposedly the strongest warrior in the galaxy until…

AK: What?

Jonny: …Darth London.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DA-DUN DUN DA-DUN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere…

London: Haha…haha…ha…ha…MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

AK: I see.

Jonny: I still don’t understand how someone so evil could have…defeated him.

Hunter: Have you ever considered that this evil being possibly outsmarted your father, and thus he was able to gain complete victory over him?

Jonny: It’s impossible. My father was also the smartest man in the galaxy.

Hunter: Well I doubt THAT.

Jonny: He solved a Rubik’s Cube in two minutes. Twice.

Hunter: …I take that back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unbeknownst to our beloved heroes, however, there is a more immediate risk to them than an evil Sith Lord. The evil creature known as Torak snaps its claws onto the bottom of the Eternal Eagle just as it starts taking off from the ground. It is slightly startled by this action, but continues crawling along its bottom as it continues to ascend. Before gravity can take over, Torak is able to ram his claw through a hatch in the bottom of the ship and rip it off, and he quickly jumps inside of the ship.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere…

Predator: Lord London, did I hear you laughing?

London: Oh…erm…yes. I was merely…watching…uh…George Carlin. He’s quite a hysterical fellow.

Predator: …indeed. Well, the strong presence of the Force has left Tatooine and is traveling with a band of renegades inside of a ship known as the Eternal Eagle. What are your commands?

London: Damn it, let them be!

Predator: They’re headed here for the Death Star.

London: …damn it, I need a nap. It’s hard out here for an evil Sith Lord, you know!

Predator: Emperor Rose has also been alerted of this. He, unlike you, is slightly worried. He has gone to his ship and he should be here in less than an hour.

London: …shit. Now I’m definitely taking a nap!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet elsewhere…

Guard: One hour until arrival to the Death Star, milord.

The guard takes a step back as the cloaked figure turns towards him, its evil presence entrancing the power-hungry guard.

Rose: Excellent. We’ll see what this presence wants with us shortly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet elsewhere, in an almost non-existent dream dimension…

Yokoberg: Damn it, why does no one in this galaxy sleep?

The ever-feared Yokoberg paces in his world feverishly, more than protruded at the lack of sleep he finds in this galaxy. And just moments later, a loud buzzer goes off.

Yokoberg: …heh…show time…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Latino flies back as the ship finally enters hyper speed, and as do most of the other figures in the room, sans Jonny, AK, and the Senator. Gooey flies into Hunter and the two crash into a table, while Latino flies into Santiago, who catches him and places him back onto the ground.

Santiago: Watch where you’re goin’, eh!

Latino: Fuck.

Santiago: So whatchu’ gonna wish for?

Latino: What?

Santiago: There’s that third wish that’s still up for grabs. The way I see it is…whoever gets to it first gets to have the wish. And we all want somethin’…so we all will for that wish. And if you win…whatchu’ gonna wish for?

Latino: Fuck, man…if I could fuckin’ wish for one fuckin’ thing, it’d be some more fuckin’ cocaine!

Santiago: I’d wish for my woman…oh Adrian…I miss you…

He falls onto his knees and melodramatically raises his arms to the sky.

Santiago: AAAAAAAAAAAAAADRIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

London: I can’t find Mr. Fluffy Cakes…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hitman: SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Torak: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gooey: Stella! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

RDK blinks once and fears doing it again. He then puts his head in his hands and lets out a deep sigh.

RDK: What’ve I gotten myself into?

Holo: Boss, I think there’s something in the engines…

RDK: Ignore it.

Holo: But what if it damages my---

RDK: It won’t. Ignore it.

Holo: …fine.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonny: So who needs weapons?

AK: I’m fine with my sword, thank you.

Senator: I would use one…but you know what they say: “the…mouth…is the best weapon.”

Gooey: I’ve got my wand, so I’m set.

Santiago: I’ve got my fists, and that’s enough!

Hunter: Yeah, I could use something.

Dan: I could use a gun as well.

Latino: FUCKIN’ GUN! FUCK YES!

Jonny: All right, you three follow me.

The band of misfits follows Jonny as he makes his way out of the room. AK looks down at Jake as he rolls around on the ground sucking his thumb.

AK: …it’s like babysitting a two year old.

Santiago: What’d you expect? He’s emo.

AK sighs and turns around, taking a seat fearlessly as the other heroes simply look on. And for now, that is all they must do, as they have no idea how long the journey will last…or when it will end.

End.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: "Concert with the Snake Part II" (Credit: Rattlesnake)

OOC: For your listening pleasure, song number 2 – 18.6 MB.

Song 2. (I got permission from my friends to post this song and the ones that follow along with the lyrics and this is a way to help promote them. If you like what you hear, perhaps we can work out a way for you to hear more. This is from their drunken comedy selection.)

While standing around backstage, the band hears the fans beginning to get restless.

Van Gilder: Man, I didn't expect it to be as big as this.

Tank: No shit man. We're good, but that's when we're drunk. Speaking of drunk, where the hell is my Guiness?

Pip: Listen dude, your liver is going to be floating by the end of the night if you keep drinking.

Tank: Keep drinking? I haven't had-

Van Gilder: You've had five Guinesses already.

Tank: And who are you to complain?

Van Gilder: Good point. I need a beer.

Pip: I need me some beer too.

Rattlesnake: Guys, it's time to give them some comedy shit. Beer will have to wait. You can take care of that after this next song.

Pip: Which song?

Rattlesnake: Oh I think you know what song I'm talking about. We discussed the songs we're going to do today. We've got the serious one at the end because we need to go out on a good note and that's the best we have.

Pip: Right right.

Tank: Does that mean we're doing...

Rattlesnake: Damn right. It's time to unleash some trollage.

Van Gilder: All right. You want me on the synth?

Rattlesnake: It's what you do best man.

Tank: Hells yeah my brotha.

Rattlesnake looks at Tank and they all start laughing.

Rattlesnake: Guys...let's go kick some ass and don't worry about the back-up drummer, I got someone lined up.

The band walks back out onto the stage and the fans just erupt with cheers. Van Gilder walks over to the synthisizer while Tank, Pip and Snake walk over to their respective spots. The back-up drummer, Latino, struts out from the back with drumsticks in his hand. He takes his seat at the drum set and grins.

Rattlesnake: And for our next song, we've decided to have a change of pace. If you know us, we're all about comedy. It's time we gave you what you came to hear.

Rattlesnake takes a deep breath.

Rattlesnake: I'd like to talk about a very personal matter.

Latino starts up the drum beat.

Rattlesnake: About a problem I had when I was a kid.

Pip joins in on the guitar.

Rattlesnake: You see there was a little...inability I had.
And it was called this...

Van Gilder and Tank join in as the song begins to sound noticable.

Rattlesnake: Ass Trolls...they're everywhere
Ass Trolls...they're in my hair
Ass Trolls...my ass trolls
Ass Trohh-ohh-ohh-ohh-olls

The fans get into the song. RDK stands out in the crowd, dancing like a kid on a sugar rush. President Steve Phillips starts dancing too, but everyone slowly moves away because they notice he's sober. Atomic Kitsune walks up to him and pats him on the shoulder. Everyone knows it's not easy being a Democrat disguised as a Republican.

Rattlesnake: They're in my head!
Ass Trohh-ohh-ohh-ohh-olls.

BK London, Gooey, Mr. Red, Hitman, Tornado and Dan White stand in a line and start moving up and down in an alternating fashion like pistons. BK, Red and Tornado go up, while Gooey, Hitman and Dan go down and vice versa. Hunter looks at them and give them a big thumbs up Foley-style.

Rattlesnake: Ass Trolls...on my butt cheeks
Ass Trolls...Very small, very meek
Ass Trolls...give me some cream
Ass Trolls...maybe some Ass-Oline

Those Ass Trolls got me
Again
Again
Again and again

Ass Trolls...diggin into me
Again
Again

The fans cheers get louder. Soon, all the band members crank the volume up a notch to keep the fans from overtaking them.

Rattlesnake: Ass Trolls...there everywhere
Ass Trolls...they're over there
Gimme some cream, maybe Preparation Troll
Preparation Troll

So they'll fall outta my asshole!
Preparation Troll.

Ass Trolls

Ass Trolls.

The song ends and the fans erupt in excitement.

Rattlesnake: We'll need another break, but don't go anywhere. The fun will continue soon.

The band walks backstage as Rattlesnake pulls Latino over to the side.

Rattlesnake: Latino man...nice job. You handled that very nicely.

Latino: Orale! Did you see me out there? I was drummin like no drummer before man. I think I found my calling ese.

Rattlesnake: That's cool. I should ask, are you up to speed on the other tunes I told you about?

Latino: Yeah man. I'm cool. I'll be drummin better than I was during that last song. By the way...what's an ass troll?

Rattlesnake: Ehh...you'll have to talk to Pip. He's the one that wrote the song, it just has a better effect when I sing it.

Latino nods.

Latino: I'll go ask him about it.

Rattlesnake: Alright, that's fine. Just be ready in a few minutes.

Latino: No problem ese. I'm gonna heat everyone up with my awesome drum line.

Latino walks away as Rattlesnake wipes the sweat from his brow.

Rattlesnake: Boy am I glad I told him that Pip did the song. But one thing's for sure...he ain't gonna like me in a few minutes.

Rattlesnake sits down and takes a breather.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: Peach Cobbler Problems (Credit: BK)

As the segment opens, we are back on this very bizzare episode of Meltdown. In the cabin area we notice BK London, THE REAL BK LONDON, walking down the cabin hallways looking for the Doppleganger posing as him. He walks very gingerly and quietly, not to make any sounds that could run the Doppleganger of where it is. Suddenly he hears moaning by his cabinet, the familiar moaning of his wife Kiley. His eyes enlarges and he throws his cautious ways aside and heads toward his cabin. The moaning of his wife begins to get loud and now she screams out "Ohhhhhhhhhhh BK!" very sexually. Knowing that he is here, and not in there, he bursts through the cabin door and spots Doppleganger with a "Kiss the Cook" apron on, pulling something out the oven.

Kiley: Ohhhh BK!

BK: The fuck?

Kiley: Ohhhh BK, your peach cobbler is orgasmic!

Kiley opens up her eyes and now looks at the BK poser next to her by the stove, and BK at the door. She is now flabbergasted by this awkward situation and plops another piece of peach cobbler in her mouth.

BK: Kiley, get away from him...he's a poser.

Doppleganger: No, I'm not. He's a poser. I'm the real thing...

Kiley: I don't know...this guy by the stove makes a very convincing arguement - plus his peach cobbler is out of this world.

The real BK chooses not to waste any more time talking and he wants to get his hand on this doppleganger. He rushes in the room and Doppleganger quickly responds with a stiff punch to the face of his real counter part. BK recoils and lands on the side of the fridge and now Doppleganger winds up for another punch. He looks like he is about to take the face off of BK but BK smartly ducks and Doppleganger punches a dent into the freezer portion of the refrigerator. BK pushes the button on the side of the fridge and the freezer door swings open, smacking Doppleganger in the face and sending him a few steps back. BK backs up and now runs toward Doppleganger in slow motion before jumping the air and landing a Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat the movie like kick into the chest of Doppleganger. Doppleganger flies backwards into the closet and the wind from his flying back sends the closet door closing right in front of him. Kiley continues to sit there, eating the peach cobbler, while BK staggers over toward her - exhausted - and grabs a fork.

BK: Alright, now let me get some of thi -

The closet door swings open and out comes.....R.Kelly? Yes it is, it is R.Kelly standing before both of them pointing a barretta right to their skulls. The whole Trapped in the Closet instrumentals now can be heard in the background and BK puts his arms in the air. Kiley watches on, still licking the pan of this delicious peach cobbler, and now BK starts to move closer towards the R.Kelly look alike.

BK: Put down the gun man....maybe we can talk..

Doppleganger: YOU MADE ME PULL OUT MY GUN! You kicked me in the closet now, I'm gonna shoot someone...

BK backs up and he kicks over the table Kiley was eating her peach cobbler on, and tossing the peach cobbler pan into the wall. Triple H style, BK uncovers his shotgun under the table and now he cocks it and points to his Doppleganger foe.

BK: I got a gun now too bitch!

The Doppleganger quickly shape shifts into a cockroach and he starts to crawl out the room and now BK begins to wildy shoot at the ground, making at least 7 holes to his poorly aimed shots. He manages to catch the cockroach barely and he reverts back to his original form and now an exact replica of BK. BK cocks the gun again but he has wasted all of his ammo. He tosses the gun aside and looks back at Kiley.

BK: Kiley, go to the back and fill this gun up.

BK turns back towards the door and the Doppleganger is now gone. He rushes toward the door and looks outside and it appears he is heading up the stairway toward the bow of the ship.

BK: Fill it up and meet me at the bow of the ship.

The shot freezes similar to last time with BK running but it is an air brush version of the picture. The music sounds in the background as we head into possibly the final confrontation..

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Unearthing the Past. . . (Part 2) (Credit: Andy Starr)

We return to the spot outside of the locker room, as Gary is finally back in shape after his close encounter with former ACW Lightweight Champ Rey McFoley. He looks slightly befuddled, but none-the-less takes his microphone back and re-addresses the ACW fan base.

Gary: Welcome back, this is Gary again, and well, I’m ready for my next interviewee. He should be here anytime. I think I hear him coming now. Yep, here he comes. Wait, this cant be. . . But you just. Oh no. . .

A figure comes into view, and he appears to have a sword sheath at his side. He is wearing full body armour, and walks with a purpose. He rips the microphone from Gary’s hand, and shoves him out of the way.

Surion: Boy, what are you so scared of?

Gary: But you. . . you were just. . . I just. . .

Surion: Spit it out son! Jeez, your worse then a grunt being shot at!

Gary: Huh?

Surion: Nothing you noob, shut up. Anyways, back to me! Im here to show you highlights from my GREATEST match of all time. It, of course, featured me, The Hand of Albion. And, it also featured one of my fiercest rivals. His name is [Deleted by a divine power]. Anyways, here is the match!

The scene fades to black and then begins to fade into a match that features a man with a white beard. However, as it fades in, the screen begins to flicker, and static is seen. A few seconds later, the screen cuts to a different scene. . .

In the chairman’s office,Ginger sits at his desk, watching the PPV as it unfolds. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door.

Ginger (Under his breath): I swear, if it’s him again… Come in!

The doorknob turns and in walks Surion, still sweating from his match. Surion comes through the doorway and leans on Ginger’s desk.

Surion (Gritting his teeth): You know what I want.

Ginger: Yes, I do, and the answer is no. You made an agreement. If you lost to Kross tonight, you could never face him again. I have it right here, in your contract.

Surion: I don’t give a damn about my contract, I want another match. In fact, I don’t care who it is against, I want another match, TONIGHT!

Ginger: Don’t tell me what to do! There is no room on the card for you to have another match. Now leave, before I call security.

Surion, obviously knowing that he has been beaten, storms out the room, slamming the door on his exit. A camera follows his rampage down the hallway, as he either throws or knocks down anything in his way. Passing by the water cooler, he rips the jug from the top and throws it. The jug bounces off a wall, and around the corner, where it hits something out of the ordinary. Surion, almost curious to see what he has hit, walks slowly around the corner. As he peaks his head around the corner, he sees a large pair of ebony boots, with the water pouring out over them, and a familiar figure extending up from their ankles. Surion gazes down at the water, and is almost afraid to look up. He moves his gaze up slowly, only to look into the face of the last person he wanted to see.

Surion: Oh shit. . .

Ridley: ……………Hi.

Surion backs up very fast, but finds himself up against the wall after a second, with Ridley still right in front of him. He tries to stammer an explanation.

Surion: No, no, no, wait, Ridley, I can explain! It was---

An iron hand clamps around his throat and hoists him a full three feet off the ground as Ridley glares into his eyes.

Ridley: Let me assure you that no explanation is necessary. You got my boots wet, and for that...well, let's just say the Saturday Night Massacre's starting early tonight.

Surion: NO, WAIT---

Inside Ginger's office, The chairman leaps from his desk as his door nearly caves in from the impact of a Surion-shaped object. It crashes against the door over and over as screaming comes from outside the office.

Surion: AUGH, NO NOT THERE, OWWWWW, AUGH, PAIN, OUCH, STOP IT---AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH-----

A couple of seconds later, his head crashes through the door with Ridley's boot slamming down on top of it; evidently, he's been curbstomped through the oak door. The unconscious Surion is promptly dragged out as Ridley picks him up by the throat, presses him over his head, and aims at the main window of the office.

Ginger: NO, RIDLEY, DON'T DO THAT---

CRASH. Surion flies like a lawn dart through the window, showering glass everywhere, and crashes into Ginger's desk like a Tomahawk missile. The desk practically explodes, flipping over, and Ginger's displaced from his chair. He shakes his fist and sputters as Ridley dusts off his hands.

Ridley: Believe me, Mr. "Chairman", that was only the beginning. Your little ass-puppet of a champion is on the top of my list.

With that, Ridley strolls off, casually humming "I Fought The Law." Ginger takes a second to get up before calling the EMTs for Surion.

The scene fades out once again, and Surion is seen fuming. Gary, however, being the ever thoughtful one that he is, begins to chuckle. Surion sees this, and glares at Gary. It takes a couple second for Gary to notice, which, by the time he looks up, it is too late. Within moments, Gary is lifted up in a double chokehold, suspending him nearly 4 inches off the ground.

Surion: You DARE laugh at me?!? I’ll teach you to laugh at me

Gary: He we go again.. NO!

In one swift movement, Gary is brought down in a sit-out power bomb, made a dull thud on the carpet beneath. Surion gets up and stares at Gary before looking into the camera.

Surion: NO ONE LAUGHS AT THE HAND OF ALBION!

With that, Surion takes his leave, and camera moves down to Gary, who is laying down barely conscience. Gary makes the signal to cut the camera as he passes out once more.

The scene fades out.

End Segment.

OOC Note: Surion is also a previous character of mine for all you new kids.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Match 4: Jake and Hunter’s “Hebrew Hammerz” Legalised Murder Match (Credit: Jake/Hunter)

The lights dim as Philip enters the ring and waits for the audience to settle down.

Philip: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a handicap match. I myself do not know who the opponent is, nor do I know what the stipulation is. But we will soon know, as I introduce the first competitors. Please welcome the team of Andrew Hunter and Jake Cheng...THE HEBREW HAMMERZ!!!

The lights suddenly start circling as some music blares over the P.A. system; music familiar to the wrestling industry. The beat to “Basic Thugonomics” by John Cena plays, but the words, no longer spoken by Cena, are different.

So, you think you’re a Jew?

MAZEL TOV, this is Basic-Ba-Ba-Ba-Basic Hebrewnomics!

The crowd rises to their feet for the Hebrew Hammerz as they come out from under the Alphatron. Hunter wears a rabbi coat and has a large yamaka on his head, while Jake sports a long gray beard and holds a glass of wine and a loaf of challah in his hands. They slide into the ring together and Hunter grabs the mic from Philip.

Hunter: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE HEBREW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMERZ!

The audience cheers as Jake downs the entire glass of wine and throws it down onto the mat, and grabs another nearby mic.

Jake: Hells yeah, homies! Now I betchya that you're all wonderin' who our opponent is, M I RITE?!

The audience cheers once again.

Hunter: Well we's gonna tell ya! But we gon' do it in RAP. HOW DOES THAT SOUND!?

Jake: GIVE US A BEAT!

The audience cheers once again as a beat starts up.

Together: "We're the Hebrew Hammerz and we're here to say
We gon’ spit rhymes for you all goddamn day."

Hunter: "We gonna be harsh, we gonna be mean,
And WeDrag, Pink Floyd is greater than Queen!"

Jake: "But now let's get him out, and we’ll make you see
How he's just another wannabe
Let him hear your boos, hear your cries
So give a welcome to FRAN-FUCKIN'-CHI$E!"

"My Name Is" starts up as Franchi$e walks out to a torrent of boos. The Hebrew Hammerz smile as he cowers in fear and slowly walks up to the ring.

Jake: FREE VERSE!

Hunter: "One day I walked into the store
And I felt the chilling presence of a bonnafide wannabe
And then I was able to turn and see
The startling presence of one Mr. Franchi$e

He claimed he had it, that he made it big
And I laughed in his face and bought some beef jerky
And then I spit in his face said jerky
And he challenged me to a fight"

Jake: "Well now we got ourselves a fight
Approved by our good friend Ginger
This fucker's gonna die
And we're gonna make sure of it"

Hunter: BACK TO OLD SCHOOL!

Jake: "Franchi$e thinks he's so fine
Like a coat made of fur"

Hunter: "But he’ll be nothin' after this match, with the stip of..."

Together: "LEGALIZED MURDER!"

The audience cheers as a few cries of "OH NO THEY DEH-EHN'T" come from the crowd. Franchi$e's eyes widen as they Hebrew Hammerz motion for him to enter. He unwilling enters the ring.

Just then, parts of the ceiling open up as large blast proof windows appear and cover the ring and stage from the crowd to make sure no innocents die in the process.

Bell Rings.

Due to the annoyance of writing "Franchise" with a dollar sign, he shall be referred to without said dollar sign. Thusly, we continue.

Jake quickly springboards out of the ring and rams the piece of challah into Franchise's face as Hunter mounts a turnbuckle and launches off, delivering a bone crushing double Shooting Star Press on Franchise. They then left him up and Jake hits him with the Trinity, giving Hunter the change to follow this up by hitting the Shotgun. When they're sure that he's our for quite some time, they look out into the crowd and point at them via Hulk Hogan.

Hunter: IT'S TIME FOR THE KOSHER KRUSH!

The audience is in shock when they hear this; they thought the move was just a legend. And so Hunter lifts up Franchise and he and Jake walk up the ramp to the stage and throw him down. Jake takes a remote control out of his pocket and presses it. Once he does so, the stage opens up and a panel disappears, revealing a large net of barbed wire wrapped in C4 explosives. Jake puts the remote down and grabs some tables as Hunter does the same. They put one table over the net, and then another, and then a third. Hunter grabs a ladder and climbs it to the top with another table, and he concludes this quadruple threat by placing the fourth table on top, making sure everything is balanced. Jake then takes a bag and opens it, revealing a large roll of barbed wire. He takes the barbed wire and rolls it as many times as possible around the first table. Hunter takes another bag and puts on some gloves, and then throws what appears to be poison ivy onto the second table. Jake then takes a can of nitroglycerin and sprays it all over the third table, while Hunter grabs a gallon of gasoline and throws it on top of the fourth table. He lights a match and smiles as Jake takes a mic.

Jake: "This match is gon' make your stomach churn
That said, let's watch this fucker BURN!"

Hunter throws the match onto the top as the top table instantly explodes into flames (and strangely enough, the other tables do not). They turn their attention to Franchise, who has gotten up on one knee by now. Hunter smirks, and then pulls out a small bag from his pocket. He then opens the bag and dumps out roughly one thousand thumbtacks under Franchise. Jake then grabs Franchise, lifts him high, and hits him with a picture perfect Ganso Bomb onto the thumbtacks! The audience cringes as Franchise already looks dead...but the Hebrew Hammerz aren't done there. They take a rope and wrap it around Franchise's waist, and then start climbing the Alphatron, dragging him up behind them. They finally get to the very top and untie him, and then turn their backs to the audience. They grab him in a double Rock Bottom hold and yell once again.

Together: KOSHER.............................KRUSH!

They jump off holding Franchise and moonsault with him once...twice...three times, and then come crashing down through the four tables and into the barbed wire net! Unharmed, the Hebrew Hammerz roll out of the way and Jake grabs the remote, smiles, and presses the button as Franchise explodes into thousands of pieces! Somewhere, one can hear "Fast" Eddie Edison yell his signature catchphrase...

Edison: KOSHER KRUSH! TRIPLE FLIP SPANISH FLY OFF THE ALPHATRON THROUGH A BURNING TABLE, A POISON IVY TABLE, A TABLE SPRAYED WITH NITROGLYCERIN, AND A BARBED WIRE TABLE INTO A BARBED WIRE NET RIGGED WITH C4 EXPLOSIVES! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGEROOOOOOOOOUS!

Edison faints as the Hebrew Hammerz pose as Philip looks over at the carnage and slowly raises the mic to his lips.

Philip: Uh...via...death...the winners are the Hebrew Hammerz!

"Basic Hebrewnomics" hits the speakers once more as the Hebrew Hammerz continue posing. The EMTs rush off, and once they see the remains of the shirt with the dollar sign on it, shrug and turn around, allowing the mess to remain where it is. The blast proof windows rise back into the ceiling as many fans look on completely confused at what they witnessed. Jake and Hunter, soon growing tiresome, leave shortly after and go backstage to celebrate with wine, money, women, money...

...and then they've gotta go rule Hollywood.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Dreams: Part III (Credit: Torak)

The trio continues toward the doors, wide open as if preparing to devour them. Another threshold crossed by Jack but still not answers. They continue down the bustling corridor, brushing past the youthful energy surging past.

Victor : ”Hey look, there’s all the exchange students.”

He points to a congregation around the water dispenser. Three Asians, an Indian female and two European characters are all chatting away exhibiting a wide array of colorful accents. One of them, an Asian girl in a typical schoolgirl’s outfit looks up at the three and waves.

Victor : ”Hey Yoko!”

Yoko giggles before turning her attention back to her friends.

Victor : ”What a girl. She’s crazy for the boys. Did I tell you what her and Jake got up to behind the bike shed last week?”

Jack ignores the question. Luckily it’s not noticed by Victor as he points ahead of them at a lonely figure.

Victor : ”Hey look, there’s Andrew!”

They quickly strut over to the aforementioned friend of theirs who is poised close to a set of lockers. Andrew seems pleased to see them.

Andrew : ”Hey guys! How are you?”

Victor rolls his eyes. Randy’s remain fixed to the floor, still not recovered from the torment suffered on the bus. Jack offers a nod to the new character in this surreal day of his.

Victor : ”Hey Andrew, I was just telling Jack about Yoko and Jake last week.”

Andrew bows his head in disappointment. He loves telling stories but never knows how to do it right.

Andrew ”How come you know so much about what’s going on? I never have any stories to tell.”

All eyes are fixed on him for a moment…until another figure introduces themselves.

”Yo, what is up dogs?”

The group, apart from Jack, snicker at the utterance. Jack turns and to his surprise the person is extremely pale, white like a sheet in fact. He still has familiar features though.

Victor : ”Jame, stop acting gangsta will you? You can’t pull it off!”

Jame retorts without dropping the voice.

Jame : ”Why do you be tripping homie?”

Andrew, Victor and Randy aim confused glances at him. Nothing surprises Jack now though. The next thing he expects is some guy named Steve who doesn’t deal well with current affairs.
They eventually turn their attention to their respective lockers, emptying the required contents for the first lesson. All except Jack, of course. He has no idea which locker is supposed to be his.

Suddenly he barged aside by an incoming pair of rebels. It’s the girl with red hair again and she has with her a friend. Jack gazes at her friend, her long dark hair frames her pretty face with shimmering eyes and pink lips; Jack finds her extremely beautiful. The red haired girl opens a locker as Victor stares hypnotically at her.

The dark haired girl notices Jack eyeing her and snarls.

”What are you looking at, dorkwad?”

The question goes un-answered. Jack merely turns away in embarrassment, turning his attention to the mesmerized eyes of Victor.

Victor takes a deep breath and plucks up the courage he so desperately needs.

Victor : ”Hi Alicia!”

She slams her locker door in a fury and turns to Victor, a disgruntled tone in her voice as she spits out as she speaks.

”Don’t call me Alicia, it’s Ali, I hate that name almost as much as I hate you. Now get out of my face, pipsqueak.”

Victor continues to stare into her eyes. Not even her cruel words can detract from her beauty. She takes a drag from a cigarette and blows the smoke in Victor’s face, causing him to cough uncontrollably. Ali and her friend cackle like a pair of evil witches at Victor’s discomfort. Randy, Andrew and Jame keep themselves well out of harms way. None of them able to defend themselves in the face of confrontation.

”Come on Cordelia, let’s get out of here. Lex and Scott are waiting for us behind the bike shed.”

The pair scurry off quickly, leaving the broken hearted behind without an ounce of consideration for their feelings. A bell reverberates through the halls. The signal that everyone needs to be at their classes. Andrew and Randy take off in one direction, Jame takes off in another. Victor places a hand on Jack’s shoulder and offers him a forced smile.

”Don’t worry about it Jack Hey, I gotta go now, catch you later!”

And with that he leaves Jack, all alone and in a strange location and still no idea what the hell is going on. Pretty soon the entire corridor is empty. All except for Jack; who stands like a tourist in a maze. He has no idea where to go and no idea who to ask for help.

He wanders onwards down the empty corridor, confused and alone. He eventually stumbles upon a door with a sign on it. It bears the universal symbol of the male toilet. He starts to remember, with that bowl of cereal, the disgusting taste still present in the back of his throat, combined with the day’s events he really does feel nauseous. Perhaps a bout of self-induced vomiting will clear his head as well as his stomach and throat. He approaches the door and slowly pushes it open…

To Be Continued…

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: The Ol’ Switcharoo Part 3

AK can’t remember a time when she’s run so hard for so long. Everything in her little furry body aches, and things are about to get worse; she’s reached a dead end. A shadow falls across her path, and she turns around, back to the wall, to face Tidus; it looks as if she’ll have to defend herself, but she’s no idea how to go about that in this form.

Tidus growls in the back of his throat; he hasn’t forgotten the many times Richard Parker has wound him up in the past, and he wants revenge…

With a burst of speed, Tidus launches forward. AK tenses, and uses all the strength in her legs to jump up and over the head of her foe. She bounces off his back and tries to run, but Tidus is smarter than that and gets a foot on his foe’s tail. He swats AK with his paw, sending her back against the wall, and then lunges again; AK instinctively kicks up with her back feet, and drives them into Tidus’ muzzle. Tidus yelps, and AK leaps on to his head; she clings on with her claws as Tidus barks furiously, shaking himself and trying to get her off. AK holds on as long as she can, but her grip falters and she is flung off, rolling in the dirt and landing heavily.

She feels hot breath on the back of her furred neck; her pulse is racing, and her coat stands on end with fear. She braces for the attack, but none comes, and slowly she opens one eye…

Tidus looks seriously pissed off as he stands a few feet away, but Al Pacino won’t let him get any closer, and only a fool messes with a Pit Bull. Tidus shakes his coat, and decides it’s not worth it; he walks away with his tail up, still counting this as a victory.

Pacino huffs, and then sniffs at AK before giving her an affectionate lick. AK isn’t sure if he recognizes her, or is just naturally friendly like this; either way, she’s incredibly glad to see him. And there’s more good news; a shaft of light illuminates the resting place of the green artifact. AK gets up, shakes herself down, and then pads over to the artifact. It’s too big for her to lift, but Pacino gets the idea and picks it up, wagging his tail. Dog and Cat(woman) walk off together; all they have to do now is find where Richard Parker’s adventure has taken him…

Fade out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: ACW’s Night at the Movies – Part VI (Credit: Hunter)

Latino’s eyes water emotionally as he holds the large blaster pistol in his hands, its frail darkness and innocence caressing his soul as he rubs it warmly. Jonny looks on strangely, but then shakes it off and proceeds to find something that suits Dan and Hunter, who stand silently at his other side. Latino strikes a few poses with the gun, and once he is content with its shape and size, he turns to Jonny, who gives the exact same gun to Dan.

Latino: Fuck man, is there a fuckin’ thing I can fuckin’ shoot the fuck at?

Jonny: Uh…give me a second.

Jonny pulls out a remote control in his pocket and presses it. Shortly after, a small floating orb appears and starts circling around Latino.

Jonny: You can train with that. But be warned: every time you fire, whether you hit or miss, it fires back, and it WILL hit---

Latino: DIE FUCKER!!!

This statement is generally followed up with the following:

Latino: OW! OW! FUCK!

Jonny shakes his head and turns towards Dan and Hunter.

Jonny: So, Dan, do you like your gun?

Dan poses with it and then fires at the small floating object, hitting in square in the center. It then simply shoots Latino some more.

Dan: Jolly good.

Jonny: And Captain Hunter, would you like a gun or a melee weapon?

Hunter: Well let’s see mate: would I like some sort of magical sword that would barely guarantee me a victory due to my prolonged usefulness in distant combat, or would I like a gun that would guarantee me some sort of advantage regardless of the weapon of my foe?

Jonny: …all right, a gun it is.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere…

Guard: Milord, we have arrived.

Rose: Excellent. Take me to Lord London.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The person that the Emperor seeks, meanwhile, is trapped in a solitary prison of his own dreams. He has been sleeping for the past hour or so, and he has been in a tremendous comfort zone. But that is all about to change sooner than he expects.

London: KITTENS!

The evil Sith Lord, Darth London, skips playfully through a field of dandelions sprinkled in fairy dust as his eyes meet the group of kittens playing around on the Yellow Brick Road. Their fur glistens from the combination of the sun and the rainbow, and he merrily lifts one up and rubs his nose against its nose.

London: You’re so cute! Yes you are!

He closes and eyes and continues to Eskimo kiss it…but unbeknownst to him, it has turned into a fearful form.

Yokoberg: That’s right, lay it on me!

London’s eyes widen as he moves away from the kitten, which now sprouts the head of a Japanese girl with a fedora hat.

London: Who…who…?

Yokoberg: The name’s Yokoberg, bitch…and I’m your worst nightmare.

London quickly jumps back and drops the kitten as it forms into the full on form of Yokoberg.

Yokoberg: What, you abuse animals now? That’s not nice.

Yokoberg unsheathes her claw and once London sees it, he quickly starts running in the opposite direction. Just when he thinks he is safe, he turns around…to find himself face to face with Yokoberg.

London: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Yokoberg: That’s right, scream like the little bitch you are.

London continues doing so, and also starts running in another direction, all the way down the Yellow Brick Road. But the road soon disappears, and the merry lights and animals around London morph into hideous creatures and unpleasant beings. London continues running and screaming, until he once again finds himself face to face with Yokoberg. The latter smiles and raises her claw, and then quickly thrusts the claw at London. But he is miraculously able to duck. He is just about to get stabbed by Yokoberg (who comes back for another thrust), when suddenly both stop as they hear a voice.

Rose: Rise, Lord London.

London: …Emperor Rose?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the real world…

Rose: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!

London rolls around a little in his bed as Rose clearly gets annoyed and starts kicking him.

Rose: WAKE UP, DAMN IT!

London then flies out of the bed and falls face first onto the ground, his cape covering his head as the Emperor stands over him without a hint of amusement.

Rose: …follow me. We have work to do.

London: …yes, milord.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonny walks through the door and enters the main holding room, Hunter, Latino, and Dan close behind him. The latter three each have a blaster pistol attached to their belts, and it is AK who makes the first observation.

AK: I can see that those three have weapons. But what about you, Jonny Skywalker?

Jonny: Oh, I have a weapon. I have the Force on my side, among other things.

AK: Please demonstrate this power for us.

Jonny nods and looks at a can of peaches on a table at the side of the room. He closes his eyes and moves his hands over in its direction, and then slowly brings his arms forward and all are amazed as the can follows this movement and makes its way over to him. Mere seconds later, the can is in his hands and he grabs a peach from it and throws it into his mouth.

Latino: Bitchin’.

AK: But this…magic of yours is not enough to stop an entire army, let alone a group of fascists. You must have something else.

Jonny: Heh…indeed I do. You see that silver thing on my belt.

AK: Yes.

Jonny: It is a lightsaber, though you cannot identify it as such.

He raises his hand and the lightsaber flies off into it. He closes his palm around it and hits a button on its side, and a long blue energy blade comes from its center, startling all but AK in the room.

Jonny: It is the most powerful sword in the galaxy and can cut through anything.

AK: Yes, but my sword was made by Hattori Hanzo.

Jonny: Your point?

AK: It is the sharpest and most powerful sword in any galaxy.

Jonny: That is an impossibility, because the lightsaber---

AK does not allow him to finish and unsheathes her sword, and then swings it full force at the lightsaber. It appears as if she swings through it, and then she puts the sword away…and grins as half of the lightsaber falls to the ground and falls through the ground.

Santiago: Owned.

Jonny: But…but…HOW?

AK: Hattori Hanzo.

Jonny: …that cost me my entire college fund! Obi-Wan’s gonna kill me!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere in the galaxy, the evil fascist Emperor stands before his loyal right-hand man as the two look out of the glass into the vastness of space.

Rose: …they will be here in less than ten minutes.

London: I know, milord.

Rose: Why did you do nothing about this?

London: I…uh…heard you were coming and figured it would be best if you decided the course of action.

Rose: But you knew that I was coming hours after this was first announced.

London: …uh…

Rose: You know that I am dying, my loyal subject. Soon all of this will be yours. You must learn to make decisions for yourself.

London: Yes, milord. But I did not think---

Rose: Indeed, you never do. What I would have done if I were you was to send ships to destroy that planet, or that Eternal Eagle. But now it is too late. We will have to take care of them from within our fortress. Do you understand?

London: Yes, milord. I will ask Predator to summon the stormtroopers to do battle against them when they enter. Should we lower the force field?

Rose: That is for you to decide.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holo: Kanyon, they lowered their force field.

RDK: …it is as if they want us to enter.

Holo: Should we?

RDK: I don’t know. What do you think?

Holo: I think we should do it. This is the closest we will ever come to destroying them. Right, Hitman?

Hitman: SQUASH!

Holo: Exactly.

RDK: …fine. But be cautious. I will inform the others.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in all of the commotion, the cannibalistic Senator Phillips had been resting his eyes in the corner of the room. But before he realized it, he was asleep. And everyone knows what happens then.

Yokoberg: Peek-a-boo.

The Senator opens his eyes and finds himself in a cold Antarctic climate with Yokoberg standing before him.

Yokoberg: Ah, damn it! Why the hell do you dream about Antarctica?

Senator: I find it relaxing.

Yokoberg: Bah, suit yourself. Now then, why have you not scared any of them yet?

Senator: They are too well armed. I cannot simply attack one of them now, it would destroy my cover. But we are close to the Death Star, so I feel it would be best to strike inside, when we have privacy.

Yokoberg: Fine. But do it quick. I need to kill.

Senator: Certainly.

Yokoberg: Now wake up, for Mr. Kanyon comes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

RDK walks through the door and the nine people inside of the room quickly come to attention.

RDK: All right, we are here. I want everyone to be on their guard, because it seems as if they allowed us to enter. They know we are coming…and they want us to come.

AK: Then isn’t it a bad idea to enter?

Latino: Fuck yeah!

RDK: I’m afraid it’s our only option. Now, I want to divide us into teams. Each team has a different assignment. I want Latino, Alicia, Holo, and Hitman to come with me, for we seek the Holy Grail. Jonny, C3-EMO, Hunter, and Dan must go after the fascists themselves, the Emperor Rose and Darth London.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DA-DUN DUN DA-DUN

RDK: …why does that keep happening? Anyways, the last of you, which is to say Santiago, Senator Phillips, and Gooey to be a general cover for us. If any of the stormtroopers attempt to attack the ship, you must protect it by any means necessary. Understand?

All: Yeah.

Latino: FUCK YEAH!!!

There is a loud crash and the ship starts to shake. It soon stops shaking thereafter and RDK looks at everyone in the room.

RDK: Get ready…we’re here.

End.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: "Concert with the Snake Part III" (Credit: Rattlesnake)

OOC: For your listening pleasure, song number 3 – 14.6 MB.

Song 3. (This is also from my friends' drunken comedy selection.)

The band stands around in the backstage area as Rattlesnake looks at them all.

Rattlesnake: Ok, we got two more songs to go.

Tank: Dammit! Where is my Guiness?!

Van Gilder: Oops.

Tank: Freaky-deaky dutch.

Pip: Oh shut the hell up.

Van Gilder: Dutch-hater.

Pip: I was defending you.

Latino: Oh, come on guys. You guys needs to chill out.

Rattlesnake: Latino has the right idea. Take your chill pills and then let's get down to business.

Van Gilder: Sorry man.

Pip: Me too.

Tank: It's cool. I still love you guys...in a totally hetero way. Hey Dustin, you hear about my new tag line?

Rattlesnake: What's that?

Tank: Suck it like a hoover, you won't break it.

Everyone starts laughing.

Rattlesnake: Nice one Tank.

Rattlesnake takes a moment to allow everyone to calm down before he starts talking again.

Rattlesnake: Ok, guys, we're doing "Beer" now. I'm sure you're all ready for it. Pip, you full-on prepared?

Pip: You know me bro. Let's do this.

Rattlesnake: Tank...you ready?

Tank: I need my Guiness, but I think I'll manage.

Rattlesnake: Latino?

Latino: Not many parts in this one, but you can count on me.

Rattlesnake: Van Gilder...the synth is calling you. Will you answer it?

Van Gilder: Of course. Let's do it.

The band steps back out onto the stage and sets up for song number three. Jake Cheng gets a little anxious and shouts out something completely random, but since he's in the back of the crowd, he can't be heard. Rattlesnake looks back at Pip and Tank and nods.

Rattlesnake: Let's talk about sex...no better

Pip starts strumming the intro.

Rattlesnake: Let's talk about ale.

The fans start cheering even louder as they know what song this is. The rest of the band joins in instantly.

Rattlesnake: Ya get indian, stout, or pale
As long as it's from 50 miles north of wales
Draught or bottle, you take your pick
But when it comes out honey ya know it'll burn yo dick
uh-huh

Now Mexican Beer

Corona...really it tastes like shit.
But Negro Modello is the shiz-nit
Tequiza, Tocate by the way
It's all the same shit anyway

Some of the lady fans begin to faint while the others start dancing. Two of them flock to Hitman, Mr. Red, and Dan White and each of them starts to strut their stuff. Yoko and Sarin continue to beat up that miserable fan for his insolence unti security walks in and takes the one guy away. He complains, but the security guards turn their heads away as another one pulls out his nightstick and hits the guy, knocking him out. Yoko and Sarin then start to enjoy the music again.

Rattlesnake: Dos Equis is really nice
I think I drank the same bottle twice
But here's a fact that just ain't right
My vatos seem to be drinking Bud Light
Uh-huh

Atomic Kitsune, Andrew Hunter, Steve Phillips, BK London and a few other fans power their way to the front of the crowd so they can see the band upclose.

Rattlesnake:Now on the subject of shit, domestic

Budweiser is the king of jeers
America's piss water for 50 years
High Life is really kinda dead
It just gives you the wrong kinda head

MGD? Catastrophe
It tastes the same outta both ends can't you see?
Michelob Ultra Light
Just Ain't Right
You see my pants still seem pretty tight
Pretty tight
Pretty tight
Well they're pretty damn tight.

Rattlesnake hears a few laughs and a few boos for the domestic cheap shot, but he continues anyways.

Rattlesnake: Non-Alcoholic? More like Catatonic
It's like porn without my big ol' dick
Hefenweizen is to my likin'
And thats about all there is
That's about all there is
All there is

So take my advice...

The band stops as the sound echoes throughout the arena.

Rattlesnake: And stick with Smirnoff Ice.

The band plays the final chord and ends the song. The fans cheer loudly as the band takes another break and heads backstage.

Fade Out.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Segment: The Ol’ Switcharoo Part 4

Back on board, Latino is walking through the corridors of the upper deck of the boat, heading back to his locker room. He reaches it, and opens the door with a card key.

Latino: Honeeey, I’m…. what?!

Instead of being a haven of order, the room is in chaos; furniture has been moved, cushions scattered, and the mini fridge is open, with a number of empty milk cartons all over the floor. Latino is confused, and as he is wondering what’s going on, he hears a bump in the bedroom area.

Latino: Chula, are you in here?

He advances carefully, in case it’s a CA ambush. Quietly he enters the bedroom… and then sees that the curtains have seemingly been shredded along a third of their length. As he takes this in, he is attacked from behind, and driven on to the bed for a mercifully soft landing. He rolls over, and finds what he thinks is Alicia pinning him down. She has an odd, wild look in her eyes and a milk moustache.

Latino: Hey, you scared me!

He smiles and puts a hand to her long, slightly unkempt hair. Richard Parker watches him do this through Alicia’s eyes with an odd expression, and then makes a hissing noise; he cuffs him across the cheek, leaving scratches.

Latino: Ow! What was that for?

Latino reaches back and grabs a pillow, bopping his wife with it. Parker jumps back and crouches, peeking over the edge of the bed at him.

Latino: Oh, you want to play rough, is that it? No problem…

He rolls off the bed, and Richard Parker retreats into the living room; Latino, thinking that Alicia’s playing a game, also stalks after her in a crouched fashion. They both circle the couch, until Latino changes direction without warning and tackles Parker with a laugh. Parker, however, screeches and thrashes, elbowing Latino in the head as he does so. Latino lets go and holds his head as Parker scrambles away, and by now is both worried and confused.

Latino: What on earth is the matter? Did I forget something? Birthday, Anniversary? I’m wearing too much AXE, aren’t I?

There is a small cabinet with glasses in it, and Parker crouches next to it as Latino moves closer, looking concerned and seeing only his love looking scared for reasons he can’t fathom. Parker’s eyes dart around wildly, and then grabs a glass, throwing it at Latino and making him jump back. Parker throws more and more glasses, making Latino dodge them like bullets.

Latino: Crap! Honey, please! I don’t want to hurt you…

Parker is out of glasses; he presses his back to the wall as Latino comes close. Latino holds his arms up and tries to grab his spouse, but Parker slips aside and Latino ends up going face first into the wall. Latino staggers back, and a smile crosses Parker’s lips. Latino does a double take…

Latino: No… no, that’s really dumb…

He moves toward AK again, but Parker sees the open balcony door, and scoots out of it. Latino skids to a halt; his wife has her hand on the rail, as if preparing to jump…

Latino: Mami, no… it’s too far… please, snap out of this…

Latino can’t move any further for fear of pushing Alicia over the edge. Things remain like this for what seems like an age… and then suddenly, there is barking from the other side of the balcony.

Al Pacino has slipped through the bedroom door, and his barking makes Parker retreat back inside. Latino takes his chance and tackles his wife to the ground; as they hit the floor, a small dark shadow bats a little green carving over to the pair of them. Alicia bounds over, and puts her paw to the object as the flailing Parker also inadvertently makes contact with it.

There is another flash of light, and everything darkens once again…

---------------

AK becomes conscious of Latino’s voice and opens her eyes. She reaches up… and almost screams with relief when she sees her own hand in front of her. Latino hugs her, and helps her up.

Latino: Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried Mami… what the hell’s been going on?

AK: It’s a long story.

She looks around, and sees that Pacino is licking Richard Parker to bring him around. Carefully she picks the cat up and puts him safely in his carrying basket.

AK: That’s quite enough of that for one day. Darling, I’m so sorry about the mess… will you help me tidy up?

There is no response. Latino is diverted, looking at Pacino who is walking up to him with something in his mouth.

Latino: What you got there, fella? Let me see…

AK’s face turns white as she sees the glimmer of green, and Latino’s hand reaching out to it.

AK: Oh lord, not again…. Latino, DON’T-

A green blaze, and then…

Fade to black.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Unearthing the Past. . . (Part 3) (Credit: Andy Starr)

Once again, we return to the spot outside the locker room as Gary is once again ready for his third interview. He appears to be watching something fly around until a sharp “ahem” is given by our cameraman. Gary jolts to attention and goes immediately to the mic.

Gary: Welcome back folks, I’m here. . . Ready. . . for my final interview. If the past two interviewees have been any kind of precursor to who my next interview is going to be, then I known who it will be. Ah, here comes someone now. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to. . . The one and only. . . ANDY STARR!

Andy calmly walks into the picture and gives Gary a much needed handshake. However, Gary, knowing this is just the other two, just in different outfits, flinches a little bit.

Gary: Now I know that you have had your fun here tonight, being both McFoley and Surion here tonight. *Andy gives him a strange look*However, now that you are Andy Starr, Im glad to know that you have no reason to harm me *he smiles*. Now, I assume you are here for the same reason the other two were?

Andy: You know it bud, I’m here to show off my GREATEST match in the history of my career. I would first like to say hello to all my fans out there, and here in the arena tonight. Now, about my match. It was the opening match at Seven Deadly Sins, the August PPV for those who don’t know. The year was 2005, and I Was in the middle of a contract problem with one Mercer Stanton. See, I couldn’t gain back my ACW contract without first winning the Junior Title and proving myself This was my match to win the Junior Title, and well, you’ll see how it went. . .

The scene fades to the closing moments of the match from SDS05.

He grabs Kalb by the head as he gets up and delivers a knee to the head, which is indeed very heelish tactics but is also desperation tactics. Fitzharris shouts at the referee for the move Starr just did to Kalb. Starr just grabs Fitzharris by his neck, and throws him into the ring with the delight of the crowd. Starr starts booting him before Kalb rolls Starr up: 1…2…kickout by Starr! Fitzharris jumps out of the ring in shock, and shouts at Kalb to finish the job. Kalb agrees, and grabs Starr between his legs and signals for the Pre-emptive Strike. He lifts Starr up, attempting the high-angle Powerbomb but Starr catches Kalb’s head and twists him in a hurricarana! Kalb lands on his arse, in a seating position and Starr kicks Kalb in the back of the head. Kalb falls down onto his back, and Starr signals for the end. He locks the Headscissors on Kalb, and tries to lock in the Octopus stretch. But Kalb resists and manages to escape the hold, rolling to his feet in the centre of the ring. Only Andy Starr is on a roll, and hits the Capitalist member with an uppercut. He then goes for a Springboard Hurricarana, but when he bounces off the ropes Fitzharris pulls his foot, so Starr ends up on the mat. Kalb shakes the dizziness off and sees an opportunity to win. He waits for Starr to get to his feet, which he does, and attempts a Running Lariat. But Starr uses his agility to move out the way and Kalb clocks the referee!

Kalb looks at what he just did with shock, and Starr smiles as he throws Kalb out the ring. Only Fitzharris enters the ring and turns Starr around, ready to hit the Buck Stops Here. However Starr resists the move, and hits an Exploding Starr! The crowd cheer as the move is hit, however their cheers turn to groans as Kalb re-enters the ring with the Junior title belt. He clocks Starr with it and makes the cover. The referee crawls across to make the count:

1
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
Kickout by Andy Starr!!!

The crowd again jump up in joy, and Kalb is completely shocked at what just happened. He gets to his feet, and lifts Starr up, going for the Adam Smith Driver. Only once again, Andy Starr escapes the hold quickly, and hits another Exploding Starr! The crowd jump up in joy as he makes the cover for the title:

1
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
3!!!

The scene returns to Andy stand lying proudly as Gary is sitting there with a confused look on his face. Andy notices and addresses Gary.[/i]

Andy: What’s with the look man?

Gary: Well, Andy, we all know that you wont that match, but you didn’t show the aftermath. Which, Im sure the guys wouldn’t mind showing everyone.

Andy: No, that’s not necessary!

Before Andy can get another word in, the scene fades into the backstage area where Andy is being congratulated by El Froggy Mask and RDK.

Voice: Not so fast, Andy.

What has quickly become custom in this portion of the PPV, the camera once again pans around, revealing Mercer Stanton standing where the Machoman was standing only minutes earlier. In his hand is the contract sign by him two months earlier.

Stanton: I would like to congratulate you on finally winning the Junior Title, Andy. Mr. Kanyon, Mr. Erm… Mask, you are both dismissed, Mr. Starr and I have business to discuss.

RDK makes to protest, but thinks better of it. He and El Froggy walk away as Stanton turns his attention to Starr.

Stanton: Its been a long two months, watching you work your way up the ladder. Now, as promised, you will receive your Meltdown and Warfare contracts, which are signed and ready.

He extends his hand to Andy, a sign that Starr will finally return to the lime light. Andy reaches his hand forward and grasps Stanton’s. They shake hands a few seconds, sealing Andy’s return, but something spoils this moment. Stanton smirks just a little too evilly.

Stanton: Ah yes, Mr. Starr, you are to return to Warfare and Meltdown this coming week. But, if you have ever happened to read the ACW By-Laws, then you would know that what your about to do is against regulations.

Starr: Excuse me sir? I have read the By-Laws, seeing as you like to change things around under peoples’ noses, and I have not broken any of these laws.

Stanton: I believe you are mistaken, Mr. Starr. As stated in the ACW By-Laws, under Title Restrictions, it states clear as crystal that, quote, ‘The Junior Title, a reward for excellence on ACW Fallout, shall remain on Fallout at all times, whether the champion be on Fallout or not. Should the champion discontinue participation in the Fallout program, they forfeit the title to the previous holder.’

As Stanton reads this, Starr runs the information through his brain. Not being one of slow intellect, he quickly realizes what’s being said.

Starr: So what your saying sir, is that if I am to return to Meltdown and Warfare, I will have to drop my recently acquired title?

Stanton: Yes Andrew, that is what I’m saying. And, seeing how you have already agreed to returning to the other shows, I must ask you to hand the title back over to it previous holder.

Stanton gestures to his left, and Anthony Kalb walks into the light, still holding his arm from the beating he just received. Not beyond belief, with the exception of his light injuries, Kalb has an devilish smirk on his face. Andy grimaces before finally addressing Mercer Stanton.

Starr: Sir, I hope you don’t expect me to return it to Kalb! I mean, he has held the title twice in the past few months… If I give him the title, it will be his third. What, are you trying to turn him into the Triple H of Fallout? If you really want a good show, I suggest you make me give it up to the winner of the tournament your holding.

Stanton: I’m sorry you believe that of my decision. But, the By-Laws cannot be ignored. You must hand the title over to Kalb, or I will be forced to suspend you once again. Which, I am sure, you do not want to have to go through again!

Starr: Of course not sir.

Reluctantly, Andy removes the title from his shoulder and looks at it. Running his fingers over the words Junior Title, he looks down at the title which has barely rested on his shoulders for ten minutes. He locks his eyes on Kalb as he slowly moves the title towards him. Kalb lashes out and grabs the title, following up with putting it on his own shoulder.

Kalb: Ah, its great to have you back, back where you belong. As for you Starr, I suggest you go to your locker room and pack your stuff so you can return to your precious locker room back where it used to be.

Stanton: And, I hope you enjoyed your stay on Fallout, because as of this moment, your Fallout contract is terminated!

The scene fades out once more and Andy is seen with a crestfallen look in his face. His expression, however, changes quickly into one of furious anger. Gary doesn’t notice this change until it is too late; he is quickly set up for an Exploding Starr. However, Andy pauses and then speaks.

Andy: THAT was a moment I have been trying to put behind me for the past 8 months! That was the biggest disappointment in my life, and I have been trying to forget about it ever since August! Now, you have brought the memory back to me!

With that, Andy hit’s a DEVASTATING Exploding Starr on Gary. The camera moves down to Gary, who is twitching and squirming on the ground. When the camera is brought back up, Starr is gone. From the floor we can hear Gary speak

Gary: I’ll be back later friends with my final thoughts, ugh. . .

The scene fades out.

End Segment.

[Alicia "Atomic" Kitsune]

Match 5: Yoko’s Mystery Royale (Credit: Yoko)

Mystery Narrator: Ah, the SS Minow Johnson. A finer cruise ship was never built, except maybe for the Lamenter. Or the Titanic. But those are stories for another day. Our story is aboard this ship, and it is about to begin…Let’s watch. It is, after all, what I do best.

We begin with a swooping view of the ship, which then cuts to various scenes of various rooms. Ginger is going over paperwork, BK London is bossing Predator around, AK is playing shuffleboard, Latino is drinking at the ship’s bar, Yoko and Sarin are…well, that’s best left unsaid. But in a flash of brilliant white light, the entire cruise ship is suddenly empty, except for its crew. The ACW talent is gone.

Elsewhere, in outer space…

Everyone instantly materializes…IN SPACE. They panic before they realize there’s oxygen, gravity, and some kind of invisible floor. They all look around, very confused.

Yoko: …I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

BK: I don’t think we’re in anywhere anymore. Where the hell are we?

AK takes a couple of hops, testing the floor that isn’t there.

AK: I haven’t the slightest idea what’s going on here.

Jake: We’re going to die!

Ginger: Nobody’s going to die. No one panic.

??: People COULD die, actually.

The voice echoes around them, seemingly out of nowhere.

Ginger: Who said that?

??: Why, I did!

A blue skinned man with gray hair and yellow clothes fades into view in front of the group.

Ginger: Who are you? Where are we?

??: I am none other than the Grandmaster.

img54.imageshack.us/img54/5127/grandmaster0yf.jpg

Ginger: The what?

Tornado: Grandmaster Sexay?

Grandmaster: While I do not object to that name, no, I’m one of the elder beings of this universe!

Ginger: Well, where are we? What do you want with us? You have to understand that this is very confusing.

Grandmaster: This space here is nothing more than a holding area. This, is where we’ll be going shortly.

He points behind himself. Everyone sees the image of a stadium floating in space. In the middle of it is a very green field. In the middle of the field is a very large square ring. No ropes or corner posts, though. It’s made of white bricks. It clearly isn’t a wrestling ring, and it’s at least five times as large as one.

Ginger: Please answer, what’s going on?

Grandmaster: I am the Grandmaster. I live my life playing games. These games need pieces.

AK: And we’re the pieces. Right?

Grandmaster: You will all fight in a free for all in that ring. But not with your wrestling moves. You’ll be assigned a super power based on what’s in your soul. You’ll find that these powers will come from what are comic book characters in your universe, though they are real in others. If you desire, before entering the competition, you can don their attire, or simply keep your own.

Ginger: Wait, let me get this straight. We’re getting comic book powers…and costumes…and we’re fighting? Slow down.

Yoko: Marvel comics or DC comics?

Grandmaster: I can feel that most of you will be Marvel. A few will be DC.

Senator: You’re just going to drop us down there and let us go at it, then?

Grandmaster: No, I’ve decided to follow the design of your Earthen Royal Rumble. Two people begin, another enters every few minutes.

Santiago: How do we put each other over the top rope, there isn’t one!

Grandmaster: Eliminations take place by simply throwing your opponent out of the ring, or preferably, by killing them.

Ginger: Hold up! We’re not going to kill each other!

Grandmaster: At the end of the competition, all deaths will be reversed. You will be back on your boat, not even a second of your time will have passed. You won’t remember this.

Ginger: I think we have to decline. This is too weird. Even for us.

Grandmaster: You cannot decline, my will SHALL be done. You’re going to fight, or be erased for defying the Grandmaster.

Rawt: Are you…God?

Grandmaster: No.

Rawt: Are you a mongoose God?

Grandmaster: …No.

Ginger: What will you accomplish by doing this?

Grandmaster: It is time! You warriors will remain here until summoned, Ginger and I will be going down to the stadium. Good luck to you all!

Ginger: Wait, you didn’t answer-

Ginger and The Grandmaster vanish from the…well, space, and reappear in front of the ring in the stadium. An announcer’s table appears.

Ginger: What’s this?

Grandmaster has already sat down at it and put on a headset.

Grandmaster: We’re commentating the event. Your knowledge of your fighters will come in handy for the viewers.

Ginger reluctantly sits down and also puts on a headset.

Ginger: What viewers?

Grandmaster: This will be broadcast into the mind of every sentient being in the universe, and subsequently wiped afterwards.

Ginger: Why?

Grandmaster: Why is Misty?

Ginger: Why is…what? That didn’t make sense.

Grandmaster: The event will be so glorious that life will pale in comparison to it afterwards, and every living thing will kill itself in depression. That’s why it has to be erased.

Ginger: I guess that makes sense. By the way…Are those aliens in the audience? Real aliens?

Grandmaster: Pay no attention to them, they’re just seat fillers. Some of the stadium is likely to be destroyed, so I filled it with the scum of the universe, the Skrull.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a transparent black orb.

Ginger: What’s that?

Grandmaster: The pocket universe the competitors are in, of course. I’m going to explain the rules to them one more time. Two people start. You will get powers, and a costume too if you wish. Every minute, someone else enters until no one is left. Elimination occurs when your feet land on ANYTHING that is not the fighting ring, or when you die. The winner is the last one who remains. We begin as soon as this eclipse ends and the nearby star fills the stadium with light.

Ginger: Star?

Ginger looks up and sees a massive eclipse taking up a quarter of the sky.

Ginger: We’re going to fry, that star is huge!

Grandmaster: We’re protected from it.

Ginger: Well how long until the eclipse is over?

Grandmaster: Too long. Let the game begin!

He waves his hand and the moon/planet/whatever it was is yanked away from the star and is sent hurtling into space. Everything suddenly lights up as if ACW’s best technicians were lighting the arena.

Suddenly, a vortex of a rainbow of colors appears above the ring.

Grandmaster: And here comes number one!

Broken Man by Rage Against the Machine plays through the vortex, and Torak falls through it. He looks no different than usual.

Ginger: He just looks like Torak, to me. He is always a scary big guy.

Grandmaster: He has chosen his own attire.

Ginger: Well what power does he have?

Grandmaster: I am not certain…it’s dormant.

Stronghold by Unearth plays, and Scott Andrews falls through, joining Torak. The vortex vanishes. Scott’s got a yellow and blue spandex costume with a mask over his head. A very familiar mask.

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Ginger: Scott looks like…Wolverine?

Grandmaster: Indeed, he is! He has a healing factor, increased senses, an adamantium skeleton, and…

Snikt!

With that sound effect, three silver claws shoot out of both his wrists.

Grandmaster: …Claws.

Scott grins at Torak.

Scott: You feeling lucky, bub?

Torak: VERY lucky.

Torak suddenly begins to grow in mass. He skin turns green as his shirt begins to rip. Somehow his pants magically stay intact. He heaves a sigh of relief after nearly quadrupling his muscle size.

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Grandmaster: Aha, your Torak is none other than The Hulk! He has near unstoppable power, added to the fact that as he gets angrier, his body pumps more adrenaline, which increases his strength, and so on in a vicious cycle! Not to mention that he also has a healing factor, which tops Scott’s.

Ginger: This seems pretty one sided. In ACW, Torak would likely destroy Scott. Now he’s The Hulk? This one is already over.

Grandmaster: Don’t underestimate Wolverine. He’s a cunning warrior that has actually dueled The Hulk on more than one occasion.

Ginger: And who won?

Grandmaster: Depends on the universe you ask. Let’s see what happens here!

Scott eyes Torak nervously, unsure on if he should make the first move or not. Torak growls and pulls one of his arms back to punch, prompting Scott to take action. He sidesteps Torak’s punch and drives his claws into his arm. He then pulls them out and runs behind Torak, raking claws through him as he does so.

Ginger: I don’t see any damage.

Grandmaster: The Hulk’s healing factor is nearly instantaneous. Wolverine will have to just outlast him until the adrenaline wears off.

Scott keeps plunging him claws into Torak’s back, making sure to stay out of reach. As he does so, the vortex opens again. Diary of a Madman by Gravediggaz blares through it, and…a metallic red monstrosity falls through.

Ginger: That was Tornado’s music, but WHAT is that?

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Grandmaster: That’s the Crimson Dynamo! To make a long story short, he’s wearing a Russian rip off of the Iron Man armored suit. He’s powerless otherwise.

Ginger: But he can at least do battle with those two, right?

The Grandmaster laughs and doesn’t answer.

Torak and Scott look at Tornado as he approaches in his clunky armor, in a “you can’t be serious” way. He throws a fist at Torak, but Torak catches it. Without effort, Torak tears the arm off. Scott then digs into Tornado with his claws. In a matter of seconds, the suit, and Tornado, are in shreds. He’s sucked back into the vortex, and Scott and Torak go right back to their duel.

Ginger: They just…he’s in pieces!

Grandmaster: He’s eliminated, too.

Tornado has been eliminated.

Torak manages to catch Scott by the foot, and lifts him up into the air. Scott claws at Torak’s face, forcing him to let him go. The vortex opens again. The Sound of Revenge by Chamillionaire plays and V3 drops into the ring, wearing normal vaguely urban clothes.

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Ginger: What the hell, when did V3 get on the boat? And what’s his power?

Grandmaster: V3 has Luke Cage’s, AKA Powerman’s, power. Skin as strong as titanium, and super strength.

Ginger: Powerman is a really bad name.

V3 approaches the fight, but Scott growls and slashes at him like a feral beast. V3…falls down, with a gaping wound in his chest. The vortex sucks him up.

Grandmaster: I forgot to mention, Wolverine’s adamantium claws pierce any metal except for vibranium or other adamantium. So he cut through your V3 like ham.

V3 has been eliminated.

Scott smirks; that’s two he’s eliminated. As he’s distracted, Torak wraps a massive hand around Scott’s torso, and grabs his legs with the other.

Torak: TORAK SMASH!

Scott hacks away at Torak’s hands frantically, but to no avail. Torak tears his legs off. He tosses the legs aside, out of the ring, and Scott is sucked into the vortex.

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Ginger: Wolverine has a healing factor, doesn’t he? Why was he eliminated? He wasn’t dead.

Grandmaster: His feet touched the ground when The Hulk threw them.

Ginger: Ah, that makes sense.

Scott Andrews has been eliminated.

Torak lumbers around the ring, unsure of what to do. There are no opponents. Then, the vortex opens again. Mob Goes Wild by Clutch plays, and a silver ball falls out. It then rises, taking a humanoid form, though still silver. It has a surf board.

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Ginger: Well that’s Gooey Garth, but what is he? Some kind of silver surfer?

Grandmaster: Yes. THE Silver Surfer. Herald of Galactus, infused with the power cosmic.

Ginger: Power cosmic?

Grandmaster: He can tap into Galactus’ vast stores of energy to do as he wishes…If he knows how.

Gooey’s eyes nearly bug out when he sees Torak approaching him. He leaps onto his surf board and surfs into the air.

Torak: GET DOWN!

Gooey: Pffft, I’m not crazy!

Torak crouches down and leaps at Gooey, but he simply flies out of the way.

The vortex opens again, Power Struggle by Sunna plays. Holocaust falls into the ring wearing a strange red shirt with slightly pointy shoulders. Torak glares at him.

Ginger: Holocaust is a strong one, but he surely can’t match The Hulk, can he?

With the sound of clinking iron, Holocaust’s skin turns into metal.

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Grandmaster: Holocaust is Colossus. His skin can turn into a naturally occurring steel, enabling him to lift many many tons.

Ginger: So he wins…right?

Grandmaster: The Hulk gets stronger as he gets angrier. Eventually he would overcome Colossus. So it’s all about quickness.

Holocaust rushes at Torak, they crash head on. Torak pushes against Holocaust, Holocaust pushes against Torak. Neither of them will budge, though both are pushing with all of their might. Gooey just sort of circles above them on his surfboard.

The vortex opens again as Hail to the Chief plays, and The Senator drops down. Decked in red white and blue and carrying a shield.

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Ginger: I know who that is, Senator is Captain America!

Grandmaster: He is, you’re right. As Captain America, his fighting ability, strength, and endurance are majorly enhanced. He also carries a vibranium shield which absorbs all vibrations, such as impacts.

Senator rushes toward the Holocaust/Torak stalemate, and attacks Torak’s legs. The Senatorial Stable apparently still fights alongside each other, even in this dire circumstance. Torak lets go of one of Holocaust’s hands and throws a punch at Senator, which he blocks with the shield. The impact is absorbed, rendering him unmoved. Holocaust uses the moment to swing Torak by his arm. It’s not an easy feat, and Torak doesn’t go nearly as far as he’d hoped, such as out of the ring.

The vortex opens again. Lost to Apathy by Dark Tranquility plays and Bre McKey…Or rather, Jade comes out of it. She is wearing Bret Hart shades and a yellow trench coat.

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Grandmaster: Ah, Jubilee! She has the power to shoot explosive energy from her fingertips…Fireworks, basically.

Ginger: That’s another Senatorial Stable member, too. They seem to be banding together. Hey, is this a random draw?

Grandmaster: Yes. Purely coincidental.

Jade runs alongside Senator and Holocaust. Torak looks at the three of them from the edge of the ring, roars, and runs at them. Jade shoots fireworks at Torak that explode in his face, but it only angers him more. Holocaust and Senator step forward to meet him, but he’s angrier now. He plows right into Senator, knocking him away, and does the same to Colossus with a massive punch. He then looks at Jade and goes for her with a growl. She avoids his grabs and throws more fireworks at him, with little effect.

Torak: I like your raincoat! You can’t run! YOU CAN’T RUN!

Through an error by Jade, Torak manages to grab her coat. Before he can do anything, the vibranium shield comes flying at him like a discus, conking him on the head. He lets go of Jade and turns angrily toward Senator.

Senator: I’m going to have to ask you to leave the little lady alone.

Torak glares, and then smiles. He lifts up the shield off of the ground, and hurls it into the crowd, decapitating a few Skrull. He then turns his eyes back on Jade, now that the pesky shield is gone.

The vortex opens up again and loud techno comes through, followed by someone in a full yellow and black body suit.

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Ginger: I’d guess that’s Red, from that music…from Mortal Kombat, I think.

Grandmaster: He’s Shocker. See those wrist bands? Those shoot electric beams.

As soon as those words are spoken, Red starts firing beams at everyone in sight while laughing maniacally. Senator manages to roll out of the way and Gooey, still up in the air, easily dodges, but Holocaust and Torak take big hits. It barely bothers them, though. Then he sees Jade, and points his wrists at her.

Suddenly, Senator tackles Red’s legs, and after a bit of scrambling, pulls him into a familiar position.

Grandmaster: What’s he doing?

Ginger: The Victory Lock II!

Red is in too much pain to simply blast Senator off, which he could easily do. He instead fires off random discharges into wherever his arms point, mostly into the Skrull crowd. A firework blast crashes into Red’s head and explodes and he falls limp and is sucked into the vortex. Jade blows on her finger like a smoking gun.

Jade: Yeah!

Red has been eliminated.

Torak looms behind her, and before Senator can warn her, Torak grabs her from behind into a massive bearhug. A quick snap later, and she’s sucked into the vortex.

Senator: You monster!

Jade has been eliminated.

I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred plays and Predator falls through the vortex…with a red cape, winged helmet, and a hammer.

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Grandmaster: Thor!

Ginger: Thor? Thor is real?

Grandmaster: Thor is a demigod, he can easily win this.

Ginger: Predator…demigod?

Predator’s hammer strikes the ground. He’s trying to lift it but he cannot.

Ginger: What’s wrong with him?

Grandmaster: Odin must not consider him worthy of handling his mighty hammer, Mjolnir.

Holocaust walks over to Predator, who’s desperately trying to swing his hammer. Holocaust punches him in the face, sending him out of the ring, and into the vortex out of elimination.

Predator has been eliminated.

Ginger: That was anticlimactic.

Grandmaster: I agree there. I also want to point out that Thor was number ten, we’re one third of the way into this fight.