Feedback page 1:
Note: Most of this will be plot wise etc, I'm not going to talk about your use of run on sentences and homophones.
All That Remains (Freddy Maddox)
I really like Maddox. At first I was worried that it would be too emo, but you have done this well. I enjoy the entire self-doubt aspect of the guy. Low self esteem etc. Refreshing, and like all Taylor segments, well written. I will say that at times it seems to drag on, it's most likely just me but I don't really like four paragraphs of writing with little action etc. Still, extremely good
Backstage #2 (Badger)
Gonna get this out the way early. I hate the teeny tiny paragraphs. One sentence paragraphs are off putting as a reader. Your character isn't really defined in a certain way yet, I'd like to see you work in some backstory, info etc. What you are saying is great, I just don't see much of a character forming. It's only the second week though so no sweat. Oh, and capitalize your name <___<
Old friends new co-workers part 1 (TJ
Wilson whatever)
Just wondering, why do you do the entire name thing (Guy.Doing.Feedback.The.Red.Panther sort of thing). Not a criticism, just wondering
. Any how, the segment gets the point across and is well written, but I really don't like all these ECF guys. They are fully developed, but we have no idea who they are. I may have missed a segment, but I can't think of a segment in which you explained about these guys. It would be great of all ACW members decided to read all ECF shows, but we haven't, and these guys are just a tad generic IMO. It may as well be camera guy and interviewer #3.
Jefferson won't like...part 1 (Freeman)
Many people have said it and I will say it too, this is how I imagine Freeman in real life once he has had a few packs of skittles. Trace Armstrong is a great character for you, and you write him very well. Keep doing what you are doing, rugby tackle Train and steal his torch
I will say I hope after a few shows you move on to more storyline relevant segments. These little skits are great, but after a while I would like to see ones based around feuds etc.
Declined (Rena)
I love this segment
It's entertaining, develops a story and is brilliantly written. Not sure what else to say really.
Fitz and Kalb are at it agin (CP and Seny)
I like how the brutal, dirty mouthed angry CP bounces off the reserved and calm Senator. The fake BK was a good idea, not the most original thing ever but it works well, and you got into the segment before bringing in Fake BK in so it went smoother.
Crime and punishment (Trent Wheeler)
I sort of don't get this. Trent and Ryan are at each others throat one second, the next they want to kill each other. I also am not a big fan of the whole "Never fought him, who is he?" thing in e-feds. It makes no sense <__< Other then that, well written and straight to the point.
Prove your worth..again (Vortex)
Hawthorn worked well in here, he was serious and that is how I imagined he would be from the letter. I like VorteXs current push and he deserved it
@tex and Hawthorn bounced off each other well and it worked well in this segment. Especially as I thought you never really went well with Ginner.
Sold (Rena)
I like the Rena character, always have. And this is why, the angry tantrums and threats. Part of that is the good writing as well, and in here the two characters worked well. Similar to CP and Senny, a loudmouth character and a withdrawn character.
A return to whatever (Flamingo)
Wooty for Mickey Flamingo! Despite the annoying dialect, I like Mickey. Always imagine him as Jim Ross though <__< This segment is great because it started as a general interview and then Adrian came in and went all angry, told one of those great story's which make him sound hella crazy and scares somebody as he does. Flamingo seems to remind me of TDKs Joker, especially in the later segment when he goes Forky on Mickey
JWLTS Part 2 (Freeman)
Look mate you're getting Maximillion Richmond'. Whether you like it or not, your name is being changed. Other then that, see first seg feedback
Give me your kings... (TK and Rena)
TK? Good. Rena? Good. Anderson? Good. I like this segment, the three characters are very different and it gives off a great appeal. See Rena's other segments, really the same thing.