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Post by The Senator on Jan 12, 2010 23:40:42 GMT -5
Glad to see you finish that, Freeman, albeit, at your own typical pace.
Seriously, though, it was a fine read, and managed to be honest without being antagonistic, perhaps you and Jefferson can trade off on shows, so neither of you get burnt out doing feedback. It's a good thing to have it in any case, and if we can keep having at least one good feedbacker each time, that really adds to things. Mind you, I know I'm saying this without posting my own, but I did get the calcs done in a timely fashion(for the first time in forever!), and I'll have to post feedback at some point, if only because I don't ask people to do things that I wouldn't do myself.
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Post by Kim Jong CP on Jan 12, 2010 23:47:06 GMT -5
Actually Freeman, I acted in a play in the seventh grade and had to do an opening little speech thing and used it then and it's always been stuck in my vocab. I've used it a whole bunch in CP promo's actually.
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Post by Jack Jefferson on Jan 19, 2010 23:11:06 GMT -5
It's time for my (supremely late) feedback. This was started soon after the show was first posted but my progress was halted by my uni assignment. So, I figured since I'd started I might as well finish.
“Change” (BK London) – A good way to kick off our first show of 2010. BK being on the stick to kick of a show really made it feel like the old days, the glory of which I’m confident we can rekindle after this reboot. Anywho, as I was saying, this was the best way to kick off the show as it set the tone nicely and brought us all (and the fans) quickly to the same level of status quo.
“They're everywhere you turn” (Freddy Maddox) – A very nice introduction to the Freddy Maddox character, and I really liked the first person style. It can be a good tool if used well and for the right purpose, this segment was exactly the right purpose. It was interesting to see that Freddy was easily intimidated by some local poker player in a bar; I wonder how he’s going to fare in the crazy world of ACW? By which I mean, I look forward to seeing what comes next. This segment was like an appetiser that draws you into the meal of what’s yet to come. I’m hungry for more. Nice job.
“A New Era in ACW” (Dave Shadow / TJ / Chris Williams) – This is definitely a group to watch and one I can guarantee I’ll have my eye on. Shadow’s already proven what he can do but I believe that both TJ and Chris have the potential to be at the very top of ACW. The segment itself was really good although I don’t think the pyros, lights, etc were toned down enough considering we were supposed to be in a modest venue, but I guess that all comes down to personal interpretation. Shadow’s stuff was, as always, brilliant but I was also impressed by the stuff of TJ and Chris. I like that Chris laid out straight away what he’s here to do in ACW and the end of his mini-promo is certainly something I could see a crowd getting hyped up by. TJ maybe hyped himself up a tad too much in my opinion. Dave was building them both up as “future stars” and he came out claiming he’d done everything there is to do in this industry, like a veteran would. He reigned it in nicely though by saying he’s never won a world title, so I’ll let him off.
“FUTURE IMPERFECT” (TK) – As per usual it’s a quality segment from Thunderkiss. I especially enjoyed the inner-monologue he used during this, the part about greeting cards in particular made me chuckle. The dialogue between TK and Anna was pretty much flawlessly done, in terms of how natural it felt – yes, I always go on about it at some point but it’s just something that can really make or break a segment! The “Ignoramus is a big word for you” part was another highlight. Also, I’m intrigued to find out just who TK is writing to. Congrats, you’ve managed to suck me into another of your stories. You have an uncanny knack for it.
“Merry Christmas Chris” (Chris Phenomenal / Senator) – Holy crazy reaction Batman! This segment was incredibly well done, from Phenomenal flipping out to The Senator not quite understanding his hot-headed reaction. Down to the last tee it was brilliant. Stemming from this I can really sense something big happening here, it has the feel of a truly big-time storyline and I can’t wait to see how it pans out.
“99 problems but the beach ain't one” (The Red Panther) – There are two things that struck me straight away about this segment. So much so that I’m writing about them before I’ve finished reading it (I usually wait ‘til after reading the whole segment). Firstly, the image of Panther on the beach in his mask is hilarious, secondly...how the hell can someone be 5’12?! That’s 6’0 dammit! Right, back to the reading. The rest of the segment was ok, but in honesty it was the weakest segment of the show so far. There were some entertaining bits such as the hooker/stiletto theory and Panther comparing himself to Joe McEldry was jus bizarre. However, this didn’t feel like an interview, more like someone delivering a message. I think I’d probably have preferred it if it was in that format, holiday being interrupted by a messenger informing him about being booked. Mentioning Hunter while running me down was bizarre, especially when you consider the other two people you mentioned (White and Shadow) have both been champions recently. In honestly, it all seemed a little rushed and all over the place and never quite slotted together for me. The title was cool though.
“Recruiting” (Michael Smart) – After this segment I’m left with two clear desires. The first is to know what ridiculous plan Daniel is cooking up this time, and how it involves Sarcastic Intern, Token Girl Intern, Shy Intern and Q-Spal (...wtf?!). The second is that I want more Daniel Smart. This character truly is pure entertainment, I don’t know how you do it but keep on doing it and I’ll keep on being entertained!
“Mysterious Note!” (Robert Garland) – So THIS is who TK’s little note was too?! Oh, now I’m interested. The rest of the segment was very impressive, the flashback scene I thought was done very well, and although it was a tad confusing the semi-introduction to “Red” (who I assume is a badger?) was well done.
“A message to the Entertainment Champ” (Criminal) – I really liked the premise of this segment, and the way it started. Crashing his car into someone else’s then robbing him to pay the person off, brilliant. However, it did tail off big time at the end for me. I really didn’t like the way Criminal turned to the camera and just said “Oh, by the way, that was your car in case you didn’t notice.” Actually, thinking about it, the dialogue from Criminal in this segment was quite poor and stilted for the most part. Anyway, back to the reveal. I thought a better way to do it would be something like this – Wheeler is in his locker room when there’s a knock at the door, it happens to be the police, they take him to his car which is a huge shock for him, then to top it off he’s asked to pay a fine which he can’t because his wallet’s empty. In the end Trent has to write them a cheque and upon inspecting the car he finds Criminal’s calling card (whatever that might be) in the windscreen wiper. I just think maybe that would work better than Criminal just saying it to the camera, what kind of Criminal is he? That’s blatantly a taped confession!
“Not contracted?” (Mr. Red / BK London) – I’ve always thought Red could do well in ACW if he just found his consistency (the exact same thing people were saying about me last year). This is another example of the solid work Red is capable of. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not great by any stretch of the imagination and I know Red is capable of, and I’ve seen from him, much better. Some parts were quite random, specifically the line (from BK) “I will tell you who you are. You are a man that is no longer in my office. You will have to try again at another time and then, do it right.” That seemed completely and utterly out of place as there was no line preceding it. Then again the random appearance of Jonny Spade was genius so at least it ended on a good note.
“Pep Talk” (Robert Garland) – As your bog standard pre-match segments go, this was pretty well executed. Garland managed to not only introduce himself to a new audience that may be unaware of his previous work (such as myself) but he also established his finishers as well as the fact he and TJ have history, albeit very minor history. It’s very hard to truly blow someone away with a simple interview but this one did its job, and made me look forward to reading of what Garland has to offer.
“Moving On” (VorteX) – I’m sorry, but I really didn’t like how this segment was done; the reasons are three-fold. Firstly, it seems far too shoot with the mentioning of “new blood” in the Entertainment division and having a title for too long making it feel stagnant, something which is not necessarily true. Secondly, you just made our new champ look very weak by basically telling him you can take the title back any time you want. Thirdly, and finally, you just effectively ruined everything you’d achieved by building the title back up by declaring you didn’t want it. To be honest, the best way to end this scenario would be to have Trent get mad about this interview and challenge VorteX one-on-one with Trent successfully defeating VorteX. Something tells me that isn’t going to happen, however.
“Tease” (Ringleader / TK) – This was a really well written segment, especially the opening couple of paragraphs but one thing ruined all enjoyment for me. To put it simply, it’s just not believable that Rena would be so civil with TK after the rape angle. It just wouldn’t happen. If it turns out that Rena is simply keeping her friends close and her enemies closer then that is fair enough, but otherwise their sudden friendship is bizarre to say the least.
“Small Time Capital” (Senator) – It’s great to see that even these hard times have affected even the mighty Senator. A fun little segment with the back and forth between Kalb and Fitsharris. It also had a positive message – when times are hard and there is nothing to entertain you, there’s always hot girls.
“In too deep already?” (Freddy Maddox / Sgt. Pilko / BK London) – I liked the nervous side of Maddox being shown here, it really gave him the feeling of someone looking to break into the business. Having him have to face off against Pilko is a nice touch, even though I’d like to have seen more of an intro for Pilko. I am interested to see how the Maddox character develops though.
“Evaluation” (Freddy Maddox / Sgt. Pilko / BK London) – A really entertaining segment and I’m glad we got to see a little more of the Pilko character, who is a really interesting one. I love the fact seemingly anything can set him off, making him a live grenade pretty much everywhere he goes. Also, I thought this was a different and interesting way to kick off a feud, and I await Maddox’s response to getting attacked with baited breath.
“Wikipedia” (Freeman) – Fair play Freeman, this segment did make me chuckle and whilst I didn’t see any point to it other than “Trace is stupid...lolz” it was better than most of your other Trace Birmingham stuff.
“Step In A New Direction” (Chris Phenomenal / Senator / Thunderkiss) – This was a brilliant confrontation segment, although the position in the show seems very odd as they’re all entering the building...midway through the show? I enjoyed the fact that Phenomenal is speaking more for himself, while Senator hangs back and lets him get on with it. It wouldn’t work any other way. I honestly don’t know what to make of TK using the SLA belt at this point. It would’ve made more sense, and – in my opinion – impact, if he’d won the world title before bringing it in.
“Back by popular demand” (Michael Smart) – Oh how I love Daniel Smart, he’s just far too incompetent not to be entertaining. The best parts of this were Daniel singing to Emo Hair Intern, Q-Spal channelling Eric Cartman, and Daniel actually singing his own theme music. Fuck Leno and Conan, this is what a talk show should be like!
“The Chase” (Criminal) – So Criminal has stolen Trent's car resulting in a chase and assaulting a police officer just so they can tell Trent he’s coming for him? This segment is entirely crazy. For one, we’re not even on ACW Island anymore so what’s Criminal doing there? Oh, and since when was the island connected to Cuba?! When Criminal next shows up on TV surely the police will just come and arrest him? This guy is highly incompetent at being a criminal.
“Victory!” (Freeman) – I’ve always been very critical about the Trace Birmingham character (as I’m sure Freeman will attest to) but honestly, I didn’t hate this segment. It made sense by showing Trace’s excitement about his inclusion in the main event, despite him being oblivious that he was simply an easy defence for our new World Champ. I get the fact that Trace is supposed to simply be a jokey jobber character but I still think it could be done better. Sorry Freeman >_>.
“Empire State of Mind” (Chris Phenomenal / BK London) – Standard “I want a title shot” “Well you’re not getting it” fare here but I did enjoy the fact that Phenomenal went off on a rant about BK keeping talent held down, that was something that made it entertaining. Now don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy the segment and it was well written I was just adding extra emphasis to my favourite part. Phenomenal punching through the door in anger was a nice touch, I’m not sure whether that was to put over Phenomenal’s punching power, highlight ACW’s brand spanking new shoddy production values, or both. I hope it’s both because that’s what it implied to me.
“The First Interview Seg With The Champ” (Dave Shadow) – I don’t know how he does it but Dave Shadow is the master of the interview segment, he always seems to pull them off and make them interesting. Also, I like the fact Dave is truly acting like a fighting champion by effectively putting a bull’s-eye on his back, maybe it’s a good thing he created his new stable after all. After this I hope that someone new is set to burst into the World Title scene, so I can send them packing...erm...because new competition is always a plus! I’m looking forward to seeing Dave’s title reign. I was thoroughly disappointed with my “reign” so I hope he can step up and make up for my lacklustre effort.
“The Arrival” (Criminal) – I know Criminal stated at the end that this wasn’t his best work and it got the point across. I hate to be over critical...but how? This segment said nothing additional to what the others did, and the only thing it did tell us was that Criminal can somehow afford an amazing penthouse apartment with the money he makes from being a two-bit crook. As for his landlord randomly demolishing his home? I hope that goes somewhere because it really doesn’t make sense unless there’s going to be some kind of storyline spawned from it.
“The Night He Came Home” (Flamingo) – Ah it’s great to see Flamingo back in ACW, I can’t stress enough how much I enjoy his work and this was no exception. I absolutely love the violent psycho persona Flamingo has adopted and his promo about how he came to love violence was utterly brilliant. That poor cameraman...you gotta feel bad for the fella having to deal with a cuckoo Flamingo!
“HOT TOPIC” (Thunderkiss) – This segment is comprised of win if only for the term “twat pockets”. Seriously though, I really did enjoy this segment even though I didn’t get quite how abruptly it ended. Is TK gonna go hunt down that gay vampire or not? Oh, and here was me thinking it was only teenage bints who creamed over whatshisface...how wrong I was.
“School Yard Tactics” (Chris Phenomenal / Freddy Maddox) – Poor Freddy Maddox, he’s really not having the best of starts here in ACW is he? Like I said earlier, I’m enjoying the character and the premise behind it. This just goes to further enforce the character and his nervousness about breaking into the business. It’ll be interesting to see how Maddox grows and changes over time as he eventually is accepted into the ACW fold.
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TJ
Experienced Member
I LOVE DAN WHITE
Good, you're working out Freeman....you're gonna need to
Posts: 848
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Post by TJ on Jan 19, 2010 23:20:38 GMT -5
“A New Era in ACW” (Dave Shadow / TJ / Chris Williams) – This is definitely a group to watch and one I can guarantee I’ll have my eye on. Shadow’s already proven what he can do but I believe that both TJ and Chris have the potential to be at the very top of ACW. The segment itself was really good although I don’t think the pyros, lights, etc were toned down enough considering we were supposed to be in a modest venue, but I guess that all comes down to personal interpretation. Shadow’s stuff was, as always, brilliant but I was also impressed by the stuff of TJ and Chris. I like that Chris laid out straight away what he’s here to do in ACW and the end of his mini-promo is certainly something I could see a crowd getting hyped up by. TJ maybe hyped himself up a tad too much in my opinion. Dave was building them both up as “future stars” and he came out claiming he’d done everything there is to do in this industry, like a veteran would. He reigned it in nicely though by saying he’s never won a world title, so I’ll let him off I'm guessing that the last sentence went with me?
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Jason Freeman
Competition Judge
Long Island Iced Free
Posts: 3,271
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Post by Jason Freeman on Jan 19, 2010 23:21:12 GMT -5
Yeah and Jefferson! ME and Jefferson! THE ONE TWO FEEDBACK PUNCH.
BTW you're going to hate my segments on the next show because they were rushed and only made because I wanted to put something there and didnt really have time. So like <_<...I dont mind being slammed for regular ones but these I didnt even like much (Though Senator said he liked them)...so like...if you read them and find yourself ready to say really insulting things just skip them >_> If you for some reason liked it though feel free to mention it <_<
GOOD FEEDBACK THOUGH JJ
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VorteX
Experienced Member
Stay a while...and listen.
Posts: 723
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Post by VorteX on Jan 19, 2010 23:42:52 GMT -5
“Moving On” (VorteX) – I’m sorry, but I really didn’t like how this segment was done; the reasons are three-fold. Firstly, it seems far too shoot with the mentioning of “new blood” in the Entertainment division and having a title for too long making it feel stagnant, something which is not necessarily true. Secondly, you just made our new champ look very weak by basically telling him you can take the title back any time you want. Thirdly, and finally, you just effectively ruined everything you’d achieved by building the title back up by declaring you didn’t want it. To be honest, the best way to end this scenario would be to have Trent get mad about this interview and challenge VorteX one-on-one with Trent successfully defeating VorteX. Something tells me that isn’t going to happen, however. I don't see how this was a shoot at all. The in-character reasons for making the match are the same as the out-of-character ones. I didn't have to make that match at all, however since the division at the time was near dead and all those in it were either developing or didn't want to challenge yet, I felt I had to do something. I made the match, Trent won fair and square, and all is fine and dandy. As far as making Trent look weak, I put that I would 'inevitably win it back' as an in-character statement to 'send a message' so to speak. It wasn't meant to beat Trent out of ACW, it was meant to inspire a counter promo of him explaining that he could beat me any time he wants...etc, and basically get himself off to a good start (it could have been joint, etc.). Finally, I don't see where I said I didn't want the ET title in the first place. I said I didn't want another shot at it, because I don't right now (and the in-character reason for that was foreshadowing that I was going after Dave). Not that I'll never challenge for it again, as I see the two belts equal. I don't see how your end scenario would effect things though, Trent already showed that he could win the belt, and I feel doing something like that would weaken me more than strengthen him. A one-on-one confrontation such as that would take a lot of feuding not just 'I'm mad about what you said!' and then win (I put this here so you don't misconstrue that I would never voluntarily lose, however I'm not about to lose at the drop of the hat as you mentioned). Anyway, maybe I'm carrying things a little too far here, however I don't want Trent to thing ill of me after reading this feedback, so I felt the need to explain myself further.
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